The Dark Inside Me
by AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf
Summary: FORMERLY YOU DON'T SEE ME! Edward is the new kid at school, whos whole life is shattered. Can new love and new hope save him? Not as cliche' as it seems! WARNING: Lemons and some suicidal themes, NO CUTTING. All-Human LEMONS NOW UP!
1. Chapter 1: Animal I Have Become

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself_

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal

**Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace**

I never would have thought that my life would become dumb cliché; new kid in town falls in 'love' with the most popular girl in school. I don't know how it happened really. I wish that I could say I had a justifiable reason for what happened, that is was destiny or fate, or some kind shit like that. But I have never believed in fate before, and I don't see why I should change the way I feel now, even though so much has changed.

They say that when you find your soul mate the whole world just stops, that everything around you freezes and all you can see is the other person as if they were surrounded by some amazing light. I never really believed in soul mates, or in love for that matter. In the words of Peter Pan "even the sound of it offends me."

I used to think that after everything that I have seen and experienced how can love possibly exist, when everything that loves stands for is a lie.

My mother always used to tell me she loved me, but after miscarrying her latest child she took her 'love' and jumped off a cliff, leaving me to fend for myself.

I don't blame her though. Anyone could have seen that that's what was going to happen; it was just the last straw that broke the camels back, and it did break her back as well as my heart.

Being a young child at the time, I could never see why she would do that to her family. I couldn't understand why the one person in the world that I loved, would leave me.

Since then I had become a hermit with my emotions. Therapists that I have had over the years have said that I use the 'jam jar' effect on my feelings, bottling them all up so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain that comes with feeling.

In some ways they are right. If I had actually experienced my real feelings over my mothers untimely death, I probably would have become self destructive myself. I have come to see over the years what emotions are like by watching and psychoanalysing other people.

To say that I was numb in all meanings of the word would have been pretty accurate of how I used to be. I lived a bubble-like existence, cutting myself off from the rest of the world, and only coming up for air when I really needed it.

I guess I could say that falling in 'love' changed me but it didn't happen all at once. You can't instantly fix something that was almost broken beyond repair.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal I have become)  
_

**Authors Note: I have no idea if you guys will like this story or not, but in any case. I write for my bestie TeenCinderella and her love for this story is all that really matters, though I would also appreciate your love for it too. Reviews are not always needed, but greatly appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2: Life Ain't Always Beautiful

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Please be aware that this story will have some suicidal themes in realtion to Edward's mother. If this bothers you don't read this chapter... next one won't be as heavy!

_Life ain't always beautiful  
Sometimes it's just plain hard  
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart_

Life ain't always beautiful  
You think you're on your way  
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger  
And the changes make you wise  
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

**Life Ain't Always Beautiful - Gary Allan**

~*~

My life has never been particularly easy; with my mother's untimely death and my dad's failure to stick around during her second pregnancy I have been pretty much parentless for the last 10 years of my life.

When I was a child my father was never around very much, and so I had to make do with my mother. To me she was my best friend and my confidant. She would always tell me how strong and brave I was when the kids at school would pick on me. I could always rely on her to tell me what I wanted to hear and in turn she could always tell me her secrets and know that I would keep them to myself.

When I was 7 she told me that she was going to give me a little sister or brother for Christmas, I could tell she was excited about this revelation and so I was happy for her.

A few weeks after she told me her exciting news I overheard an argument between her and my dad. This fight was unlike any other fight that they had previously had, they were screaming really loudly and I could hear objects being thrown at the walls from the other room.

Now I want to tell you that my parents were never violent people and hearing them throw objects at each other scared me as this circumstance was uncharacteristic for them. Eventually the fight seemed to die down until I heard the front door slam and my dad's car drive away while my mother sat in the lounge room crying, I never saw my father again and frankly I never really wanted to.

I found out about many years later that he passed away soon after my mother. A priest that once spoke to me told me that it was just my father's time to go, and that he was with my mother now, where ever she was.

One day I came home from school early to find that my mother was not at home. I wasn't worried at first because occasionally she would go shopping before I got home from school and would lose track of time in the shopping centre causing her to come home later than she had expected to. It wasn't until I received a visit from my mother's friend that I started to worry, and I had a good reason to.

She never really came out and told me what exactly happened to my mother, only that she was with the angels now and that I was going to go away and live with a different family, and that they would love me.

2 years ago I got sick of being lied to, I needed answers about my mother, about what had really happened to her and after finding out the truth I now wished that I had stayed in the dark.

I hired a private detective with the little money that I had saved over the years. He uncovered my mother's personal records, such as her social security number as well as date of birth. The PI also discovered that she had created an account with my childhood bank, that contained over 3 million dollars and had a safety deposit box attached to it.

After telling my foster parents that I was staying at a non-existent friend's house for the weekend, I went on an overnight trip to my place of birth and opened the safety deposit box.

The contents of the deposit box were some of my mother's family heirlooms – a love heart shaped diamond necklace, her mother's engagement ring – and a letter, which I pocketed… I left the back having transferred the money into my own personal bank account, deciding not to tell my foster parents about that particular discovery.

Later that night in my $50 a night hotel room I opened the letter from the deposit box, hoping to god that I could read it all without having some kind of emotional breakdown.

The letter read:

_My Dearest Edward,_

_If you are reading this letter than it means that I am not with you anymore, and that you have found what I have left for you._

_I have no idea where to begin. I guess the first thing I have to say is 'I'm sorry'. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's true. I never meant to hurt you; I just didn't have any other choice._

_When I was a little girl my mother always told me that when I grew up, that I would see the world for what it really is... hard. _

_They never tell you when you're growing up what to realistically expect. They told me that if you have the perfect job, the perfect marriage and the perfect house that everything will work out in the end and I believed them... they were wrong Edward._

_Life doesn't always work out that way. Having the 'perfect' life doesn't make you happy, it's something that either happens or it doesn't. And the truth is that when I got my seemingly 'perfect' life, it wasn't what I thought it would be._

_It was hard, and I had to fight everyday just to keep my head above water and stop myself from drowning in misery, but I guess in the end I wasn't strong enough and I just couldn't be saved. _

_I know that I have put you through so much by doing this, but you have to understand, I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to live on this earth anymore, how could I after what I did to your sister. As I sit here writing this I can imagine you reading this, probably still angry at me for leaving you but I love you and I hope that you can someday forgive me for leaving you._

_I want you to know that none of this is your fault, and that I love you more than words could possibly describe. My love for you is as expansive as the earth and all its natural beauty. You have no idea how much it hurts me to know that I am not there with you now, to see the man that you have become. _

_Just because my life didn't work out the way that I wanted it to, doesn't mean that you should give up. You deserve your happy ending, so don't spend all of your time dwelling on the fact that you weren't able to save me… because it is **not** your fault. _

_After reading this letter I need you to move on. You can't spend your whole life being miserable just because I was. I want you to be happy, I want you to be normal and most of all I want you to fall in love._

_I know that right now you probably believe that love does not exist, but that's not true Edward. Love exists, and just because I didn't find that love doesn't mean that you should give up. My mistakes are not yours Edward and you can be free._

_Life isn't like this Edward. It can be better, just not for me. I'm not strong enough to fight anymore… I'm sorry._

_I don't have much time left, you will be home soon and I have go to the bank to seal this letter in its safety deposit box before you see it. _

_I want you to always remember that I love you, and no matter what people tell you about me the fact that I love you will always be true._

_Do not let your fire go out. You are stronger than you realise, and I wish I had been good enough for you._

_All my love with all my heart,_

_Mum_

I couldn't breathe. I felt as though all the air in the room had been sucked out. I ran into the bathroom to deposit the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl beneath me. I had no feelings, no words to describe how that letter made me feel.

I don't know how long I spent lying beside the toilet, probably hours. Around 2am I got up from the cold tiled floor and began to pace the room.

My mother loved me, but felt as though she wasn't good enough. I could relate to that, but I don't understand why she decided to end her life, and leave this hole in my heart.

She wanted me to live, if not for her than for myself.

Sitting in that hotel room I had no idea what was awaiting me back home in Forks, but I knew that I had to try. I had to push through all the pain that I was feeling and try and go on with my life, because in a way she was right… I did have to live for both of us now.

But how was I going to do that, with such a huge pain in my heart?

~*~

_Life ain't always beautiful  
Some days I miss your smile  
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles_

And I wish for just one minute  
I could see your pretty face  
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger  
And the changes make me wise  
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

**Authors Note:** Suicide is not to be taken lightly. And I am definitely not one to undermine the reality and hopelessness you feel when someone you love takes their own life, but I am trying to show people that eventually the pain fades but it does not go out. When I was 10 my best friend took his own life – I know that he was WAY too young but at the time people made fun of me for losing him. So please, suicide is a big deal and it affects everyone around you. If you are feeling down and depressed, talk to someone. Because let me tell you, it sucks to even think that I could have done something to prevent what happened, but know that I was too late!


	3. Chapter 3: Fall

**Authors Note: **Yay, I'm back!! I'm sorry it's been so long between posts and that the chapters have been so short. Life has been getting in my way, and recently my computer committed suicide something fierce... Let's just say that from now on, no one goes anywhere near my computer with any form of liquid!! From now on chapters will be longer and I hope to be updating every week...

I would like to dedicate this chapter to Daddy's Little Cannibal... You were a fantastic author and a great person and we will all miss you. RIP :(

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Now it might sound crazy,_

_After all I've been through,_

_But I think I'm ready_

_To take my chances with you_

_What else can I do?_

_Because you cut to the place where I hide away_

_And You're breaking the stones in my wall._

_Never thought I'd ever be caught by surprise,_

_But look at me fall._

**Fall – Kepano Green**

I first met _her_ on my first day of school, at the only High School in the smallest of small towns, Forks. To say that I didn't want to be there would be a gross understatement. I loathed and deplored that place, almost as much as I hated my adoptive parents for dragging me there.

To an outsider we looked like the perfect family, two parents and their loving child who lived in a beautiful home with enough money to never have to work another day in their lives but chose to work anyway. Carlisle and Esme Cullen were the nicest foster parents I had ever up until this point, but to be completely honest I hated them for it. They adopted me shortly after I returned back from my visit to the bank.

I don't believe that they harboured any ill will towards my already dead mother, but in some ways they blamed her for the loss of my emotions and two days after my adoption I was sent to a psychiatrist to sort out my emotions or lack thereof.

I spent 2 years bouncing between Quacks who all came out with the same response... that I was blocking my emotions to prevent myself from feeling any pain from my mother's death.

Nothing changed though; as soon as the newest Quack would come out with that conclusion I was taken away from that office just to have my foster parents put me into another shrinks office.

After we officially ran out of 'doctors' in the Seattle, they finally took a hint and just gave up... assuming that I would be ok with time.

Carlisle got offered a job in the town of Forks... whose entire population was smaller than the previous school I attended.

God how I hated small towns. Everyone knew everyone else's business, and the relationships in small towns were almost like a family friendly incest fest, where everyone's fuck buddy, had fucked everyone else.

Being the new guy in town was no picnic either. Us new guys were a dime a dozen and considered 'new meat' by the population, which means that everyone wanted a piece of your junk... including some of the guys.

~*~

I spend my entire first week of school fending off sexual offers from both girls and guys. I took to hiding in the school's miniscule library, pretending that this was my first time reading Pride and Prejudice even though I had read it hundreds of times.

In my life I had two vices... books and music. I loved escaping into the characters and their unrealistic lives. My favourite book was Pride and Prejudice simply because it was the only book that I remember my mother reading to me when I was a child.

Every night we would escape into the world of Jane Austen, laughing at the outdated references and pretending that the world we actually lived in, didn't exist. That falling in love was as easy as dancing with someone and that even though two people are completely different they can still find love and familiarity in each other's arms.

So during every break and lunch time I grabbed a copy of my favourite book and hid in the very back shelves of this library, hoping in vain that no one would find my hiding place. For almost two weeks no one found me, and I loved it. That was until I was discovered.

I don't think that she was trying to find me. In fact she was probably trying to hide too, but that didn't make me any less apprehensive about what her goal was. That was until I saw her sit down comfortably on the floor and open up a book to begin reading, and I bet you could guess what that book was... yep, it was P&P. Cliché' reading material, isle 4!

Over the course of the next week she came to the library every day, and every day I studied her. Watching her every move, like the creepy stalker I had become. And when I wasn't in the library watching her I was trying in vain to find out who she was.

I learned that her name was Bella and that she had transferred to this hell hole just 2 weeks before I arrived. Apparently she was the town police chief's daughter, who had come to endure her last two years of school in this pathetic town.

Part of me felt bad for her. From afar it seemed as though she was entirely happy about the fact that she had also moved to the wettest place in the continental US. The way she fluffed her hair with her hands and tried to shake of the rain was almost humorous. She would huff and make faces at her reflection and how wet she had become. She almost looked like a drowned kitten trying to dry its damp fur.

Each day she spent in the library I studied her more and more and started to learn her ticks. I loved the way she would react to certain things in the books that she read.

If she read something particularly interesting she would bite her lower lip and suck it into her mouth. If she was reading something she didn't like her nose would scrunch up as if she had smelt something unappealing.

I know that to some people, this would seem like normal human reactions to reading or watching a movie. But to me, Bella was fascinating and I couldn't help but watch every little move that she made... yes I know I'm still a stalker. Sue me!

I have no idea how many hours I spent watching this girl in the library. I have never been this attracted to anyone before, and I never really wanted to. Up until this point I had spend the majority of my life avoiding my emotions but for some reason this girl was making me curious, and that was something that I had never felt before.

I didn't want to talk to her. It would have been so easy just to walk up to her hiding spot and introduce myself, but I didn't want to.

As much as I believed that I wanted to get to know this girl, I couldn't stand the possibility that if I got to know her, that I would like her.

For years I had thought of myself a numb in all meanings of the word. I lived a bubble-like existence, cutting myself off from the rest of the world, only coming up for air when I really needed it. I guess you could say that this girl was changing me. Not all at once, because you can't instantly fix something that was almost broken beyond repair, but this girl was do something different... and it scared the absolute shit out of me.

_So lead me on now._

_Because I don't remember this road_

_But the place we're going,_

_It feels a lot like coming home._

_And we'll be there before long._

_Because you cut to the place where I hide away_

_And You're breaking the stones in my wall._

_Never thought I'd ever be caught by surprise,_

_But look at me fall._

_I was so sure I'd never be here again._

_I thought I had tasted it all._

_Never thought I'd ever be caught by surprise,_

_But look at me fall._

_Look at me fall._

**Authors Note:** I just wanted to show a bit of a brighter side of Edward in this chapter. It can't all be dark and scary. But trust me when I say that this story is not moving too fast. We are having a brief look into Edward's actual feelings. Remember though her may physically be a teenage boy, emotionally he is a lot younger than that because of everything that he has been through. Trust me when I say that he is only attracted to her by what he is viewing... Edward is NOT going to fall in love this fast!!

Also, this story will be nothing like Library Rendezvous... I met one of my first boyfriends in a library and that's where I got the idea from. _He was so pretty :P_


	4. Heyy Sports Fans

Heyy Sports Fans, (sorry lame beginning)

Sorry for the fake out... as you can tell I am not updating this story right now, but IT WILL BE CONTINUED... If I love you enough there might even be some citrus in the next chapter!!

It appears that earlier in the week my computer committed suicide and now I have no computer... I am posting this from a computer at work and I don't think they would like me using their computers for this purpose, but they can deal.

I am so sorry that I won't be able to update for at least 2 weeks, but after that I will try to go back to my old schedule of once a fortnight...

Trust me the death of my computer is hurting me WAY more than it's hurting you...

ALSO... I want to change the title of this story...

Within a few days I hope to change this stories title

From: You Don't See Me

To: The Dark Inside Me

So don't freak out if the title changes... hopefully I will borrow my best friends computer quickly to change the title and play with my MySpace account :P

I will still be available on my email so if you wanna chat just PM or email me...

If you are bored in my absence read the story that I mainly beta for: Collide by MartiniBaby1

She is the sweetest author I have ever had and I love her...

Also, my bestie has started her own story her username is: TellxMexSweetxLies

Other than that please know I love you and have not given up on any of my stories!!

Love always,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf


	5. Chapter 4: Addicted

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** **Warning Lemon Ahead**

_I'm so addicted to  
All the things you do  
When you're going down on me  
In between the sheets  
Or the sound you make  
With every breath you take  
It's unlike anything  
When you're loving me__  
_

**Addicted – Saving Abel**

~*~

I woke to the morning sunshine, shining so brightly through my window that for a second I thought that my body had been transported to a different location, because here in Forks the weather is never like this. My adoptive family and I had been living in this town for months and I had yet to see the sun come out.

I my feet were cocooned in my sheets and my mattress felt soft underneath my finger tips. I realized that I wasn't alone in my bed –that someone else was here with me- and I could feel that other person's presence as if they were part of my own body.

Slowly, as if reacting to my thoughts, the other person started moving behind me. Their body was wrapped tightly to my back, obviously using my body to block out the sun's rays.

I felt a hand start moving around the bed and slowly it roamed over my back, up my shoulder and onto the front of my chest, giving me a better look at the hand in question.

The hand was small and delicate, and was also a slightly paler colour than mine –which I thought was impossible, since my skin has always been un-naturally pale. The fingernails were clear of any polish and there was no jewellery visible on what little of the person I could see. The fact that the hand was so delicate led me to believe that the visitor in my bed could be a girl; or a very delicate male (which was unlikely).

"Hmm," the voice behind me moaned.

I still felt too startled to turn around, but I knew that I probably should at some point as it was useless to try and figure out a person's identity by their hand since I had no fingerprinting device or DNA tester located within reach.

As slowly as I could I started to untangle myself from my bed sheet so that I would be able to turn around. I was going slowly so as not to startle my visitor, even though they were probably aware of the fact that I am awake by my change in breathing.

I finally released myself from the sheets and turned my body in the direction of the stranger. The first thing I noticed was that from the size and shape of the body, it was obviously female. She had long mattered hair that was sticking out around the pillow. Her face was shielded from me by the pillow and her haystack like hair.

Her body was clearly soft and fragile. She was dressed in some lacy blue underwear and a tight, form-fitting blue singlet. I was definitely correct in my assumption that my mystery girl was slightly paler than me, and from what I could see her back was slightly scattered with a few freckles. To me, this mystery girl was beautiful and I had no idea who she was.

As if she could read my thoughts, she slowly began to move as she was waking up. She stretched her body out so that her body was completely flat against the bed. She began turning her body around so that she would be face up, her arm that was still resting lightly on my chest was creating a tingling sensation on my skin and it warmed the area around it. I couldn't wait to find out what her whole body would feel like if this was how good her hand could be; and it was only touching my chest.

Finally she sat up in my bed and flinched away from the bright light of the sun, and I got a good look at her face. It was Bella! The girl that I had been watching for practically a month in the school library. I honestly had no idea what she was doing in my house, let alone my bed!!

"Bella," I exclaimed, startling her. "What are you doing here?" I was completely confused, I didn't even know that she knew I existed, let alone knew where I lived.

"Silly Edward, I'm here to see you of course," she purred at me as she gave me a 'come here' look. She closed the distance between our bodies and began lightly kissing my chest.

"I... I don't understand what is happening, what are you doing here Bella?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly near the end. She was still kissing her way up my chest getting closer to my neck.

"Shh, sit back and just feel Edward. It will be so much better that way." She whispered against my skin, causing my skin to break out in goose bumps when her breath touched.

She slowly began kissing around my neck, pressing her lips against my jugular before sucking lightly on my Adam's apple. The sensations she was causing were amazing, I had never felt this good and happy... ever! And all she was doing was kissing me.

Her hand started to drag itself down my chest, her fingernails scrapped lightly over my nipples causing them to pucker in arousal; I could feel her smirk in satisfaction when I moaned out loud from her actions. Her hand continued its descent down my chest, following the trail of fine hair that was gathered in that area.

I was going crazy from all the different arousing sensations that were attacking my body at the same time. I was also losing my mind because even though she was doing a really good job with her lips all over my neck and chest –and don't even get me started on what she was still doing to my Adam's apple- she still had not reached my face.

As I felt one of her hands ghost over the top of my highly aroused dick making it twitch in anticipation, I felt the overwhelming need for her to kiss me. So I grabbed he shoulders pulled her body closer to mine, with her lips within an inch of mine.

Slowly I stretched my neck up so that my lips were closer to hers and lightly I pressed a soft kiss to her lips, barely even brushing my lips against hers. I discovered that the tingly sensation that her hand was still causing was 100 times more powerful when her lips came in contact with mine.

I couldn't help myself after a kiss like that, so I grabbed onto the back of her neck with both my hands so that this time I could press harder onto her lips and she wouldn't be able to get away. I pressed my lips to hers again, but with a bit more force this time.

This kiss was even better than the first, her lips were so soft and moist against mine and it felt amazing. The kiss started off slowly but became more passionate and soon I felt her beautiful tongue lightly sliding across my lips; begging entrance into my mouth, which I willingly gave into.

I opened my mouth and her tongue entered almost instantly. Her taste was amazing, almost as amazing as the way she smelt -like strawberries and a hint of freesias. Our tongues battle against each other for dominance, with me finally giving in and letting her run the show.

My hands began to move from their position on her neck; one crept down her back until it finally decided to rest on her hip just above her ass. The other slid its way around her neck to lightly cup her cheek and with it I began brushing my thumb across her cheek bone.

We both moaned loudly as she instinctively started to rock her body back and forward on top of mine, causing her lace covered heat to lightly come in contact with the fabric of my boxers. The feeling itself was amazing, but not as amazing as how wet she was for me, which I could feel through the very thin layers that were covering our aroused sexes.

"Mm, Edward you are so hard for me baby," she moaned as she broke away from our kiss to breathe.

"God, Bella I can feel how wet you are through the fabric of my boxers, you feel amazing," I replied as I feathered kisses down her neck.

"I can do better than that," She giggled as she began to lower her hand from where it was resting on my cheek and began to drag her hand down my body to rest over the elastic of my boxers. She lowered her eyes to mine, asking permission to remove my dick from its silk restraints. I nodded my head hesitantly, while still splaying kisses over her neck and collar bone.

She removed herself off my chest, signally to me to raise my hips so that she could pull my boxers off my hips and drag them down my legs before she tugged them away from my feet and threw them across the room.

She then crawled back on top of me, straddling my legs, and she lowered her lips back to mine continuing to kiss me passionately while her hand once again made the decent down my chest to grab my cock with her hand.

"Bella, please don't stop. That feels amazing," I groaned as she again broke the kiss to breathe.

Instead of me kissing down her neck and chest, it was her turn. She moved her hand slowly up and down my aching cock before her thumb reached the tip and spread the pre-cum that was gathered there around my cocks head. Her lips began making a trail down my jaw, lightly smattering kisses over my throat and down the top of my chest. As she was kissing and working me with her hand, her body slowly began moving down my chest and abdomen, her sex ghosting over mine, her arousal leaking out of her panties and coated my dick in its juices making it easier for her to continue her hand job.

Finally she had moved so far down my body that her knees locked my legs underneath her body and her face was hovering right above my aching cock, which she was still stroking. She raised her head and looked into my eyes, again asking approval for whatever she was about to do. I could feel her warm breath fanning out over my crotch and I couldn't wait for what she was about to do, so I slightly lifted my hips so that my cock nudged her chin, giving my approval.

Slowly, almost too slowly, she lowered her face onto my dick. Her tongue flicked out and licked the tip; it took all my strength not to come in her face right then.

"God, Bella. Please baby, I need it. I need you." I muttered to her, losing myself to the sensations she was causing. Smirking at me, she lowered her mouth onto my cock and took one big lick from base to tip, while still maintaining eye contact. She then covered the top of my dick with her mouth, her tongue swirling around its head. My body couldn't help itself and my hips moved up begging her to take more of me into her mouth.

Amazingly she lowered her mouth further down my cock almost containing it all in her hot little mouth as I felt the tip hit the back of her throat, her hand was working the parts her mouth could not. After a little while she started to reach a pattern stroking and sucking simultaneously.

I didn't want to come this quickly, so I was using revulsion tactics for trying to hold off my orgasm. _Old lady's feet, dead puppies, giving an old lady a foot rub..._

Nothing seemed to be working because all I could think was... _Bella is sucking on my cock and I like it!!_

My hands that had fisted themselves in her hair, tugged lightly, trying to warn her about what was about to happen. She wouldn't move.

"Bella... Baby... You gotta move..." My voice broke off, but this just seemed to make her work that much harder, sucking harder on my cock while her other hand, that had been grasping my hip trying to hold me still, came up and cupped my balls while simultaneously humming around my cock.

I couldn't take it anymore, my body needed release. I could feel my muscles tightening, and my hips were lunging up into her mouth of their own volition. It felt amazing; my hand had never felt as good as this...

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Goddamn alarm. I woke up suddenly, my body was covered in sweat and my feet were tangled in my sheets.

The part of the sheets that was covering my private parts was sticky and disgusting. I looked around the bed trying to find Bella, when I realized that she was gone. She was never even here to begin with. It had all been a dream and my cum was all over my sheets instead of inside a beautiful girls mouth.

I got up, and groaned disgustedly at my messy bed sheets and the sticky liquid that was all over my stomach and my now flaccid dick.

I decided to take a nice long shower before finding a way to wash my disgusting sheets before my adoptive parents found them. I discovered that my dream weather was not far off the actual weather today in Forks, as the sun was shining brightly through my window.

After a 10 minute shower and a good 15 minutes of picking what I was going to wear today; I settled on dark wash jeans and a tight fitting black shirt. I decided that I would just sneak my sheets into the wash and hope that my foster mother wouldn't ask why my new sheets needed a bath.

On my drive to school in my new Volvo that my adoptive parents bought for me, all I could think was that it was going to be an interesting day at school when I see my fantasy girl in the library at lunch time.

~*~

_How can I make it through  
All the things you do  
There's just got to be more to you and me_

I'm so addicted to  
All the things you do  
When you're going down on me  
In between the sheets  
Or the sound you make  
With every breath you take  
It's unlike anything  
When you're loving me

**Authors Note:** I promised a lemon, and you got one... I hope you didn't honestly think that I would _actually_ let them have sex this early... Hehe, please don't hate me, and show me your love in reviews. I don't usually mind about reviews, but they always make me feel better when I'm down, and as I just lost my computer I need a pick-me-up. I don't know how often I will do lemons like this one –THERE WILL BE LEMONS IN THE FUTURE- I'm just not sure if this one worked, so you gotta tell me if you want more like it!

Also, I would just like to say that when I was writing the part where Edward has an orgasm, just as I was about to write _Beep. Beep_. My dad called my mobile phone and scared the crap out of me. I thought it was kind of ironic.

Now, show me you love me...

Love,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf

Xx


	6. Chapter 5: My World

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Okay so I hoped you enjoyed the lemon in the last chapter. This chapter is a bit more practical, and has more of the back story in it. We will get to the heavier angst soon; I just want to tell more of Edward's story.

_Welcome to my world  
Where everyone I ever need_

_Always ends up leaving me alone.  
I know that yes it burns  
And I'm drowning in the ashes  
Kicking  
Screaming  
Welcome to my world_

**My World – Saving Abel**_**  
**_

**~*~**

School was just as I expected it to be. Boring. I got to the school parking lot, and the only thing that had changed was the clothes that people were wearing. Because of the sunshine, most people had tight fitting shirts that were meant to accentuate curves and help them get a tan all at the same time.

The parking lot was still filled with the same people as it was every other day, though there were a few more outside because of the heat the sun was creating. I don't think the schools air conditioners had ever been turned on to create cold air instead of hot, and I didn't want to think about why that was; I hated the gloomy weather but I guess the weather reflected my personality when it was gloomy. Cold, icy and rain down problems on anyone it comes in contact with.

There were many reasons why I still hadn't talked to my adoptive parents much. I didn't want to involve them in my internal chaos. They didn't need to know my problems and my horrible history; they got enough of that information from the foster agency. They were the first people to actually adopt me, permanently, all the others had just temporarily fostered me; taking me in for a few weeks until I became too much of a problem for them to handle so they would have to give me back.

When I was a foster child the agency was aware of my history and what happened to my mother and so each new set of foster parents were made aware of my situation and they were given an extra allowance to pay for some pretty pricy therapy sessions that never worked. And after a few weeks the new therapist would tell them that there was really nothing he could do because I never spoke to any of them. They would get sick of my silence and so they would send me back to the foster agency so that I could be handed along to another family and the routine would begin all over again.

I didn't really want to like any of the families that took me in. Because I knew that if I did grow to like them that they would only be taken away again and I would be back to square one.

I think that's why the Cullen's decided to adopt me outright; they knew my history, knew what I have been through –not all of it of course, but enough to know that I would be handful. They told me that they wanted to help me and that they would do whatever it takes to make me better again, however long that would take.

I still hadn't told anyone about the discovery I had made a few years before, I never informed the foster agency that I had come by quite a large amount of money that my deceased mother had left for me. I kept her note in a treasure box that that I had hidden inside the floor-boards under my bed. Inside the box was also a lot of personal stuff and the contents of the safety box from my mother's bank. There was also a list of all the foster parents I had previously lived with and their contact details, not that I was planning on visiting them.

When I was first adopted by the Cullen's they sat me down for an hour long discussion on why they had adopted me, and what they planned to do in the future. They told me that Carlisle –my adoptive father- had been asked to move to a small town by the name of Forks in Washington and join the hospital staff as their chief of surgery. His wife Esme had thought that this small town would be a great place for them to start their new lives with me; giving us a fresh start in a brand new place.

They told me that they had tried numerous times to get pregnant, but had been unsuccessful every time, they also discovered that this problem stemmed for the fact that Esme turned out to be infertile. I have to admit that I felt bad for them; I remembered what my mother went through when she lost her baby so I knew what they were going through.

They told me all about their history, and finally they got to why they chose me out of all the children at the agency. I was the oldest foster child at the home where they got me from and I wasn't the only one who was surprised by the fact that someone had adopted me even though I was quite old; I was very close to being 18, and being able to leave the foster system completely and go off on my own. The Cullen's told me that they adopted me because even though I was wounded I wasn't irreparable and that they didn't want me to miss out simply because people thought I was too old to be given a permanent home.

Dr and Mrs. Cullen were very young for foster parents; they were in their early thirties. And they informed me that they knew that they might get criticized because they were so young and were adopting a mature foster child.

They told me that Forks was a very small town with a population of three thousand one hundred and twenty people, and that some of the people in this town would have personalities to match the size of the town -small. They would be closed off in their opinions and some wouldn't change just to accommodate new people.

Obviously I found the school to be exactly what they said it would be like. That is why I spent the first few weeks of my school life in Forks, in the school's library staring at the new girl. Because I simply did not want to associate with so many new people, I wanted to be left alone. So far I had been doing a good job of hiding, I did catch people staring at me during class and in the hallways between classes, but I knew that if I didn't acknowledge that they were there, they would probably leave it alone and focus on something else.

My plan had been working perfectly, until now...

Just as I got out of my car, I turned around smacking right into a small jittery person who was blocking my path into the school. She had short pixie like hair and was wearing a hot pink singlet top that had "bite me" written across the chest and a bright yellow skirt that looked more like a belt. Her shoes were very high and I worried for her that she would trip and break her ankle on something. She looked like someone had gone crazy with a highlighter and had drawn all over her clothes. I wondered how anyone could look at her without using high UV protecting sunglasses.

"Hi. My name is Alice. You're Edward, right?" Her voice was light and a little high pitched. Her eyes sparkled knowingly at me.

"Uh... Yeah, that's me. What do you want?" I asked her roughly, I really didn't feel any need for friends or whatever her bullshit was.

"You've been here for a month Edward and you still haven't talked to anyone. I'm here to be your guide, and help you socialize silly," she smiled at me. She was almost as bright as the sunshine, and I think she knew it too.

"I don't need any friend's tiny person, so just run away," I told her, while trying to make her move out of my way with my hand gestures.

All of a sudden a tall blonde boy came up beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, soothing her.

"Listen, I know you think you don't need any friends and that's fine. But could you at least give us a try. We really are not as bad as you seem to think we are," Her voice was soft, and as she spoke she stared unabashedly into my eyes, as if that would encourage me to join her.

"We really aren't that bad, I promise I will even stop her from talking about shoes," the blonde boy said to me, as he ran his hands up and down her arms.

I'd never been in this type of situation before. Usually in the past when I have ignored people and kept to myself, people just left me alone, they knew better than to talk to me, and I was happy that way. This was different, these people actually wanted to talk and interact with me, even after I had been a complete asshole. I wasn't sure how to react so I just nodded my head slowly; hoping not to startle them with my actions, for I knew that at any second I could make a sudden move and I would be attacked by highlighted colors and blonde hair.

"That's great. Like I said, my name is Alice Brandon and this is my boyfriend Jasper Whitlock. You should sit with us at lunch, you will get to meet Rosalie and Emmett and they are some of the nicest people in Forks, apart from Jasper and me of course. Oh and when you come sit with us..."

It seemed like she wouldn't stop talking. It was like she was the energizer bunny from hell. She just kept going and going and going. For a moment I almost felt sorry for her boyfriend since he had to put up with this shit all the time. I don't know how he did it; she would drive me crazy after a while. Somewhere in the background I could hear the bell signaling 5 minutes before class, it was slightly muffled by the sound of Alice's voice.

"Well, I guess we better go to class. We will meet you at lunch time, in the cafeteria. And trust me, if you don't show up we will come get you," she smiled, before she took Jasper's hand and walked off, without even waiting for my response.

I spent the remainder of my morning only half paying attention to my classes, thinking about what had occurred this morning with my new "friends." I still honestly had no idea what to think about the situation. I know my mother would want me to have a happy life with friends and a social life and all that high school crap, but I never thought that I need all that shit. I had survived my entire life up until that point, without worrying about having friends, and wanting people to like me. I kept to myself and that was enough for me. I didn't need friends to make me happy, granted I hadn't been too happy in the past but that didn't mean that I would need these new people to make me happy.

In the end I just decided to give it a go. It wasn't like I had much of a choice; it seemed as though they would stalk me until I finally gave up and decided to hang out with them. So I resigned myself to spending my lunch hour with these new people, and I would spend the whole time hoping I would not get the sudden urge to kill any of them.

When the bell finally rang for lunch, it suddenly occurred to me that since I was spending my lunch time with these new people I would miss out on seeing Bella in the library. I wasn't sure if I was happy because I wouldn't have to see her and remember my dream from last night and probably spend the rest of the day with an uncomfortable situation in my pants or if I was sad because I would miss out on staring at the one perfect thing in my life, and the one thing I refuse to have.

My walk to the cafeteria was spent with my thoughts –a common place for me to hang out- while I thought over my feelings on this Bella situation. I knew that I must feel something for her, as I had spent the past month staring at her in the school library and considering my dream last night I knew she could get me hot. But in the past I have found out that dreams are so much better than the reality. Reality sucks, and when people reveal themselves for who they truly were it just resulted in a big letdown of emotions because they aren't the person you wish them to be. My visions and dreams of her were perfect, why would I want to destroy that perfection with the harsh reality that she probably wasn't perfect, far from it, she was human and therefore she would eventually find a way to let me down and hurt me.

I was brought from my thoughts by bright colors flashing in front of my face, while I could hear ringing in my ears. Pixie girl was once again standing in front of me, this time she was calling my name while trying to get my attention by flashing her hands in front of my face. The ringing sound was coming from her many bracelets that covered almost half way between her wrists and her elbows. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen them before; they were hard to miss as they were bright green. Man someone really did go nuts on her with a highlighter, someone really needed to tell this girl to stick to one color not to try and use the entire brighter side of the rainbow.

"Jeeze Tinkerbelle you have my attention, what do you want?" I snapped at her, obviously all the colors on her body were having an adverse reaction on my brain, causing me to react without thinking it through.

"I wouldn't get snippy with her if I was you Eddie. She may seem small but she has tiny fists of fury and can sure as hell do some damage." I cringed at the nickname as a tall burly man came up from behind her and rested his massive hands on her shoulders. She looked over her shoulders and smiled at him. _Ha, I knew that everyone was having sex with everyone else in this school!!_

"Edward this is my brother Emmett." _Oh_ "Emmett this is _Edward_, he really hates the nickname Eddie. Don't you Edward?"

I nodded my head at her slowly. It seemed to me that I didn't even need to speak to be a part of this conversation. Part of me wondered if she could somehow read my thoughts, either that or she was very intuitive.

"Yes, I can't stand that nickname. Or any nicknames really." I said to her, but I had a feeling she already knew that.

"I know. Come on Edward, you have to meet everyone." She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me with incredible strength over towards a table where the blonde boy from this morning Jasper was sitting, with a skinny blonde girl who looked remarkably similar to him.

"Edward, you have already met my boyfriend Jasper. This is Rosalie," she gestured towards the blonde girl, "She is Emmett's girlfriend."

"She's my baby," Emmett said as he moved around the table to wrap Rosalie in his arms. _Protective much?_

"Have a seat, Edward," Alice told me as she moved to sit down beside Jasper. It seemed that they had all paired up perfectly, and I had no idea why they would want to disrupt that balance by bringing in the new guy as a fifth wheel.

I stood above the table awkwardly for a few seconds before I hesitantly took a seat at the table but not before taking a look and figuring out where my emergency exits were, so I would be able to escape as quickly as possible if the urge became too great.

The lunch was awkward and weird for me. I had never had to interact in a social setting like this one and it just felt weird to have to do so. Mind you it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be; each person at the table was interesting in their own way. They tried to include me in their conversations as much as possible and I found out a lot of information about them.

Jasper was from the south, though his accent had slightly faded over the years it still came out slightly when he pronounced certain words. He was apparently a very good guitar player and supposedly had a good set of pipes to match.

Rosalie was also from the south being Jaspers sister and all. Her accent was nowhere near as thick as Jasper's but occasionally she would say something and you could hear her accent coming through. She was a beauty pageant queen, but if you made a connection between the color of her hair and having a ditzy personality, I was informed that she could give you the best looking black eye you could ever have and she would do it all with a smile on her face; award winning.

Rosalie's boyfriend Emmett, though huge in size turned out to be a giant teddy bear. Her sister's nickname for him was Emmy Bear which from the grimace on his face, I could tell he hated. Emmett was a football player; quarterback and he could run faster than anyone else on the team. He informed me that he had never taken steroids but could imitate a good case of roid-rage if you got on his bad side.

Alice wanted to be a fashion designer and created most of the clothes she wore. She had a big personality for someone of her size, and I'm guessing she had a heart to match.

I also learned that my adoptive family was the richest at the table, though money never mattered much to these people. They told me that love was all they needed, and they loved each other. I guess it must be a nice thing to feel like that, and part of me hoped that one day I would feel that happy too.

They talked about themselves all through the lunch hour, pausing at certain occasions for dramatic effect. I began to realize that these people weren't so bad once you spent some time with them.

Though I can't say I wasn't a little relieved when the bell rang. I looked forward to the silence advanced biology would bring. I said a quick goodbye to my new "friends" and began making my way out the cafeteria door towards the direction of the biology labs.

I took my usual seat 2 rows from the back and thanked the biology gods that I was still sitting alone at my desk.

Just as the teacher was about to begin his lecture a movement caught my attention, there at the doorway to the classroom stood Bella. Library girl Bella was standing in the doorway trying to get Mr. Banners attention.

_What the fuck??_

~*~

_I don't care what you think I'm not seeing a shrink.  
I'm not doing this again.  
I'm not another student or a mother to take your shit out on  
So let's see what you got, let's see what you're not  
And whatever else you pretend  
You defended my intention long ago_

Welcome to my world  
Where everyone I ever need 

_Always ends up leaving me alone.  
I know that yes it burns  
And I'm drowning in the ashes  
Kicking  
Screaming  
Welcome to my world_

**Authors Note:** So thoughts? Suggestions? Do you like me, yes or no?

Love,

AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf

Xx


	7. Chapter 6: Drowning Face Down

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Yay! I'm back!! Apparently some a**hole is stealing peoples idea's and stories on FF. I know that I can trust you all, but seriously… copying people's work is NOT ON!!!!!

_I've gone too far to turn around  
It's hard to reach for you  
When I'm lying face down  
I can't relieve my soul  
I'm lost in a moment  
Lying face down_

**Drowning (Face Down) – Saving Abel**

~*~

Finally she was able to catch Mr. Banners attention, and once she did she explained her story; apparently she had been in the remedial biology class but it had been too easy for her, so her old teacher had gotten her transferred into this class to challenge her a bit more, apparently she had been doing AP courses at her old school but they didn't know if she wanted to be in the same classes here. Stupid teachers.

I was wondering if the karma gods really did hate me. I mean, I got that she had to move into this class because her old class was below her, but why get assigned to the class on my schedule.

It was at this time that I realized that the only available seat in the room was the one beside me. After my earlier decision that I didn't want to meet Bella, I couldn't believe that I would have to sit next to her for the rest of the semester. She would be sitting next to me, breathing and existing in my general vicinity. She would be within reaching distance of my body and I wasn't sure that was a good thing.

I didn't know if I could handle it. I didn't want her near me, showing me her imperfections and the fact that she is just like everyone else. I could feel myself silently hyperventilating in my seat. Maybe if I passed out from lack of oxygen I would be able to skip the rest of this period. But then I would come back tomorrow and she would be here again, still within reaching distance; I just couldn't win.

I was so busy with my own thoughts and feelings that I did not see her approach my table, and because the sound of my breathing was filling my ears I didn't hear her clear her throat to get my attention.

"Um, excuse me. This is the only available seat left in the room, is it ok that I sit here?" Her soft voice asked. Her voice was a lot sweeter in reality, but I guess dreams aren't always true.

I turned my head slowly in her direction glaring at her, before slightly nodding my head and returning my attention to Banners lecture. She must have thought that I was some serial killer from the way I was acting. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, as far away from her as I could get hoping that little bit of space would be enough to save me from her.

I could smell her perfume or deodorant from where I was sitting; that's how close she was. She smelt of strawberries and freesias, it was a beautiful combination of smells but to me it smelt like acid. The smell flooded my sinuses and I could practically taste her in my mouth.

I spent the remainder of the class still on the edge of my seat, watching the clock hoping I could make my escape soon; this day was turning into a nightmare.

Occasionally I could see her looking at me, out of the corner of my eye, and every time I caught her I glared briefly at her before once again focusing my stare at the clock, willing time to go faster.

Once I caught her lifting her hair to smell herself, as if she thought that she smelt really bad and that's why I was being an ass. As she lifted her hair with her fingers she disturbed the air around her, and her powerful scent hit me all over again my making my mouth water and my knees quiver; the dream of her and me together now fresh again in my mind.

She probably thought that I hated her from the way I was acting and I was glad about it. I didn't want to like her. I didn't want to know her. Her very presence in this room was killing me and the idea of her that I had created in my mind.

2 seconds before the bell rang I jumped out of my seat and ran out of the room as fast as I could, leaving a classroom of confused people in my wake.

I didn't know how to make this right. I needed to figure out a way to get her or me out of the class, I couldn't sit next to her every day and feel like that. I wasn't able to focus when she was around.

In my dreams and fantasies she was perfect and I didn't want the reality of her destroying that. I wouldn't let her.

I walked into the office area and walked over towards the secretary's desk so that I was towering above the fragile woman who was sitting there. Hoping that my size would intimidate her, I asked her if it was possible to swap biology classes, explaining I had already covered this curriculum at my old school –which was a flat out lie. Unfortunately she informed me that it was simply not possible as every other class that was run at the same time was full. 5 minutes and 20 seconds later I still had not get any further in my mission, as she kept blocking me. Eventually I just gave up; I thanked the cow for her lack of assistance and promptly left the room.

I decided to skip the rest of the day as I was already late to my last class. I stormed into my car, revved the engine and speedily raced out of the schools parking lot at speeds that were defiantly illegal.

On my way home I turned up the radio to try and drown out the sound of my own thoughts. Instead of thinking about what had occurred in that classroom I focused all my attention on the road ahead and the lyrics that were currently blaring through the speakers of my car.

"_Vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right, I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along  
And I am  
Flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now  
The things you swore you saw yourself"_

_  
_The music calmed me and temporarily soothed the thoughts emotions that were swirling though my body.

When I arrived home I made my way up to my room as quickly as I could, not even saying hello to Esme. My thoughts were taking over my head, rationalizing the reasons for why I was being such an ass in biology today. The only reason I could come up with was the fact that I didn't want to make myself feel.

I didn't want to be vulnerable. In the past I always kept my walls up, so that no one would get to see the real me. But for some reason this girl was getting to me, and we have barely spoke to each other. I thought to myself that it would probably be better if we didn't speak or ever become friends, because if you did talk to each other she would probably let me down, and I'm sure that I wouldn't live up to her expectations either.

I decided then and there that I would continue my resolve in not speaking to her. That in biology I would keep to myself, only interacting with her when I had to. I was unsure of what to do about my other "friends" at school. I guess I would just have to leave it up to them.

For the rest of the week things remained the same. Each night I would dream about being with Bella and each morning I would wake up, tangled in my sheets with my cum sticking all over my chest and the bad sheets. I still woke up mourning the loss of Bella's presence, as much as it pained me to admit.

The sun had not made it presence known again since Monday, because apparently it was a rarity for it to ever come out at all, it was like a girl on prom night. The funniest thing about the change in weather was that Alice's clothing choices stayed relatively the same. All the bright colors she wore were giving me a headache; I was surprised that I have never noticed her walking the halls before, which is shocking since she was like a human traffic cone, attracting attention wherever she went.

Every morning as I got to school Alice would be the first to come over and say "hi" and usually the rest of the group followed. I still spent my lunch times with them in the cafeteria, part of me was sad that I didn't get to see Bella during the day where I was able to look at her without her knowledge, because yes, I was quite the stalker. But the other part was happy that I would still get to see her ever night in my dreams and she was perfect.

A majority of my lunch hour was spent listening to stories and histories of my new "friends." Some of the things that shared with me were funny in their own way. Like the fact that when they were 5 Emmett told his parents that he wanted to marry Jasper and Rosalie's mum; he gave her a ring and everything. I also learned that they paired up when they all started high school. They took one look at the rest of the people in their school and saw how much people in this town had not changed and they just figured that they had known each other for long enough that it was about time for them to realize that they didn't need anyone else, because they loved each other.

Biology was still the same as it was the first day Bella had joined my class, except now I was watching her out of the corner of my eye the whole way through the lesson. I watched her every move; studying her if you will, just like I used to do in the library, except in this setting I could feel her eyes on me too.

While watching her movements, I started to discover that she was almost perfect. Her skin was still very pale, but now there were dark circles underneath her eyes, from lack of sleep. I felt a pang in my heart when I realized that I might be the reason she was having trouble sleeping at night. I felt drawn to her in some way; it was like my body was torn into 2 pieces. One half wanted me to stop being an ass and try my hardest to talk to her no matter how different she is in reality. The bigger part of me told me to keep going the way I was going, to continue to protect myself, to keep her at arm's length so that she couldn't hurt me.

Subconsciously my body was craving her more and more as every night my dreams became more vivid and progressed further in sexy land, making it harder to be around her in school.

I learned that she was pretty smart, and that Pride and Prejudice wasn't the only book she was reading. Sometimes when she came into class and placed her books on the desk I could see the spines of the books she was taking with her everywhere she went.

I learned that she didn't just read the classics; she read books from every genre, from James Joyce's Ulysses to Cassandra Clare's 'Mortal Instrument' series.

Nothing about her ceased to amaze me, and my spank bank was now full of images of her nibbling softly on the end of her pencil. It was almost erotic seeing her do that in the middle of class.

Every time she flicked her hair and disturbed the air around her, I got a fresh dose of her scent causing my jeans to tighten uncomfortably.

I don't think there was one class during that week where I didn't have to adjust myself. I still sped out of the room like my pants were on fire when the lesson ended and the bell rang.

I could see that it was agitating her that I was still not really responding to anything that she said to me. Even when we were to told to do a project together, I kept my sentences to a minimum, saying only "yes" and "no" when required.

My short answers caused her to let out a small huff, before she turned back to the work that was in front of us with a pouty expression on her face.

Each time I saw her make that face I smiled a little on the inside. To me her responses were fascinating. Whenever she walked into the room the first thing she did was look in my direction as if checking to see if I was in class today. I strange expression came across her face each time she saw that I had in fact come to class that day.

I saw her breathing quicken each time she approached the desk, I was unsure if her breathing quickened due to her feelings of nervousness from seeing me but I let my ego inflate anyway.

Friday afternoon is when everything changed. The class started off the same way that it had every other day, with her nervously sitting beside me while I stared anxiously at the clock while pretending I was unaware of her presence, when Banner informed the class that we would be doing a lab assignment with our desk partners. The whole groaned in protest as he began giving out bacteria slides and informing us that we were to arrange the slides into the phases of mitosis. Banner told us that we would need to communicate with our partners as this was a "team building" exercise.

Being the respectful gentleman that I am I pushed the microscope in her direction wordlessly signaling for her to go first. She barely took one look at the slide before she hesitantly pushed it back in my direction while whispering "Prophase."

I wasn't sure that I should believe her because she had made the diagnosis pretty quickly from the small glance she made into the microscope. I quickly pulled the microscope to me and re-checked her diagnosis; it took 2 seconds for me to focus the lens before I realized that she was correct.

"Prophase," I muttered, before writing the data down on the worksheet we had been given.

She took one look at what I had written and she rolled her eyes at me. "I got it right the first time you know. I do know what I was doing," she said softly with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"I was just checking, Bella," I replied, and smiled smugly to myself when I heard her breath catch at the sound of her name coming from my lips.

"H- How do you know my name?" she asked curiously.

"Everyone knows your name. You're the chief's daughter; did you really expect that people would not know who you are?" I asked; feeling annoyed that I had to explain my knowledge of her name to her.

Her face flushed a beautiful pink color in embarrassment before she whispered "Um, no... I guess not," in response.

For the rest of the experiment I basically ignored her, refusing to make eye contact or even talk to her, all I did was push the microscope in her direction when I was finished with it, and write down her answers as she said them out loud.

Each time I ignored her, I saw her hands clench in anger. Clearly I was getting on her nerves. Good, because maybe then she will just give up trying to have a conversation with me.

We were the first group to finish the assignment, and I watched with victory as I saw how far behind the others were. After spending a few moments enjoying my success I again focused my attention on the clock, blocking out all sounds that were going on around me. All I could smell was her scent that was still flooding my senses.

When the bell rang, I tried to get up and leave the class room as quickly as I did everyone other day, but this time was different. This time, Bella followed me out of the class room running to catch up to me in the hall way.

With surprising force she grabbed my arm and dragged me into a deserted hallway. Her hair was slightly messy, and her breathing was labored either from running to catch up with me or because of nerves, I wasn't sure.

Her face was flushed read in anger and she glared into my eyes. Before raising herself onto her toes to try and extend her height so that I wasn't cowering above her as much as I currently was. The top of her head was level with my chin so she had to raise her neck up even further to make eye contact with me.

She let go of my arm, and leaned against the lockers behind her, while still glaring at me.

"What the hell is your problem? Do I smell? Am I offending you in some way? We are lab partners and you are treating me as if I'm a disease we should be studying. You're acting like I poked you in the eye with my pencil, so please... tell me what the hell I'm doing wrong!" She asked me furiously.

And the truth was that I couldn't tell her. I wasn't going to tell her the reasons why I had been being an ass hole to her.

Her face was still flushed, and everything around me slowed. All there was, was were her me. I could hear her ragged breathing and all I could think of was the fact that she had looked almost the same last night as she did now, the only difference being today she was angry, last night she was _extremely_ happy. I kept shifting my gaze from her angry eyes to her lush pink lips.

I couldn't help myself; it was all I could think about. So I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. At first she didn't respond, her body was stiff in shock so for a few moments I was alone in my task. All of a sudden her hands made their way into my hair and she was _kissing me back._

I pushed her backwards so that my entire body was pressed against hers creating a delicious tingling sensation to take over my body. The tingly sensation that I felt when I touched her in my dreams was multiplied by 100 in reality. I was only thinking with one part of my anatomy and trust me, it wasn't thinking rationally.

Her body was so soft against my own, and I could feel the cool texture of the lockers behind her when I raised my hands to cup her cheek.

"Mmm, Edward," she moaned as she broke away to breathe. That's when I realized what I was doing and how stupid I was being; how could I let this happen?

"Edward?" she asked, confused. Her breathing was still heavy and her chest was brushing against mine with each breath she took.

Oh God, what have I done? I asked myself, and the only answer that I came up with was I was a teenage boy and my hormones took control of my body and its reactions.

I opened my eyes to see her staring at me with a confused expression on her face. I could see that she was about to say something, and I couldn't let her. I wanted the moment to stay perfect, and not be ruined by words and my insecurities of letting her in.

"Please, don't ruin this for me." I begged her, before I took off down the empty hallway, leaving her still standing against the lockers.

_What the hell am I doing??_

~*~

_I think I'm drowning  
Can someone lend a hand?  
Can someone save me?  
Cause I don't think I can  
_

_I've gone too far to turn around  
It's hard to reach for you  
When I'm lying face down  
I can't relieve my soul  
I'm lost in a moment  
Lying face down  
_

**Authors Note**: Please don't hate me for making them kiss this early. All will be explained I promise. Trust me, this is planned. I know what I am doing. Also, I am thinking of doing the next chapter in Bella's POV, would that be ok??

Also, I have been thinking that maybe you guys would like it if I gave you a sneak peek of the next chapter if you review. Do you like that idea??

**Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	8. Chapter 7: Anthem for the Underdog BPOV

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Ok so this chapter is in Bella's point-of-view. I just wanted to give you a look into Bella's head and what she is thinking and feeling. I just want to tell you that this story will mostly be in Edward's point of view, I'm not sure how often I will post in Bella's.

How many people saw the New Moon teaser trailer? I'm hoping that everyone has seen it… if you haven't, go do it now.

_And I'm here now feeling the pain  
Of a thousand hearts  
Been to hell and back again  
I won't take this  
_

**Anthem for the Underdog – 12 Stones**

**~*~**

_**Bella**_

Forks, Washington, the wettest place in the continental US; I wonder if they have that marked on a sign somewhere. I don't understand why anyone would actually want to live in a place where you barely ever see the sun. You skin in constantly puckered, as if you have been underwater too long. Your hair is constantly in a mess because of the damp atmosphere and the constant cover of clouds and rain.

Apparently my dad has lived here all his life; and I have no idea why he would want to stay. I wish that I didn't have to move; that I didn't have to leave all my friends behind in Arizona. My mother told me that moving to Forks would give me an opportunity to start over; to be a new person in a brand new place. Fuck that!

I didn't want to start over. I was completely happy with the way I was, and what I was going to do with my life. But my mother decided that she was in _love_ with her B grade baseball playing ass-hat of a boyfriend. I decided right then that I would rather live anywhere else on the planet than live in the same house where my bedroom was right down to hall and I could hear my parent having sex with her partner. I just didn't realize that my sarcastic comment to the universe would be taken so seriously.

When I told Renee about my desire to live elsewhere I assumed that she would jump at the chance for me to live with one of my friends, but apparently she took my comments as a desire to live with my father. I hadn't really had much contact with the man who helped my mother create me. My mother used to tell me that they had been in love, but that sometimes love fades and you just can't help wanting to move on. So she did. She took me and all of her possessions and she moved on to a different state, and absolutely nowhere near my father.

When I was little I used to love the rain and the cold, I guess it reminded me of where I was born. Renee and I always used to joke that we loved winter more than summer, because when it's cold you can just put more layers of clothing on but when it hot there are only so many items of clothing you can take off before you get arrested for public nudity. But when I hit puberty and actually started to worry about how I looked, I discovered that rain was the devil's advocate. Not only did it ruin every outfit you own, but it also destroys the crap out of books.

I know that I didn't really want to leave home. I did have great friends and a wonderful lifestyle back in Arizona but in some ways I guess my mum was right, it was time for a change. I just wasn't sure what kind of a change Forks would bring.

When I finally got to Forks I realized that the change couldn't possibly be a good one. Everything was wet and green and disgusting. I missed the heat from the second I stepped off the plane. And when I saw my dad in the "arrivals" section wearing his uniform, I turned as red as a tomato. I have to admit that it was very embarrassing having my dad pick me up from the airport wearing his police chief uniform, but it was nowhere near as embarrassing as it was to have my dad drive us home in his special issue cop car.

I didn't know whether to cry in embarrassment or laugh at the fact that he was clearly proud to be driving his daughter home in the back of a cop car, knowing that I couldn't attack him from behind the bars. I think he might have been a bit smug at the fact that anyone who saw us together would think that I was either I convicted criminal, or someone who's dad wanted to show the whole town that the chiefs daughter was not to be messed with. I was relieved when he told me that I would be riding shotgun beside him and not behind the mesh bars.

The drive back to his house was not as awkward as it thought it would be. We made small talk on what we had been doing since we last saw each other at Christmas. He commented on how my hair had grown, I wasn't sure if I should inform him that human's hair usually does grow fast and that I had recently had a haircut.

Charlie doesn't usually like to fuss with uncomfortable situations so as soon as the small talk between us died, he turned on the radio and let the sounds of AC/DC fill the unwanted space.

When we arrived at his house he showed me around the small building, thankfully I didn't have to share a bathroom as my bedroom had a bathroom attached. The rooms were small but they were comfy. Everything thing in the house looked like it had been there forever, apart from the flat screen television in the lounge room.

I already knew of Charlie's inability to cook, he had informed me before I moved here that he ate at the diner every night. I was pleased to tell him that I apparently had all the cooking genes in the family, and that I cooked for Renee all the time back home.

I took a look around the kitchen and discovered that the only thing in the entire kitchen was a six pack of beer and about 3 years worth of fish in the freezer. I decided that I would let Charlie take me to dinner, vowing that tomorrow I would go shopping after school for food supplies, because I don't think that I could stand having take out every night.

I went to sleep that first night, tossing and turning hoping to God that I would be able to calm my nerves enough so that I wouldn't pass out on my first day at my new school.

I woke up the next morning still exhausted, as I had very little sleep the night before. I was also very nervous over what the first day at my new school would bring. I had so much nervous energy coursing through my body that I couldn't focus on my morning tasks. When it came to clothes that I was going to wear, I wasn't too worried. I decided to settle on the clothes that made me feel the most relaxed; jeans and a soft blue sweater, all of which hugged my frame perfectly.

The drive over to the school was nerve wrecking; I drove in Charlie's old red Chevy which had been living in the front of his house - unused. The drive over wasn't so bad, I knew where I was going, in a town this size it's hard to miss its biggest feature, I was just nervous still about meeting new people. I hated that fact that I would be the "new girl" and I knew that because of this town's size, everyone would know who I was.

When I got into the school it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Apparently there had been another new student that had joined the school only days before me, but as he had hidden himself somewhere in the school grounds when not in class, people didn't have much to say about him.

My morning went fine, luckily I didn't get as much attention from the students that I thought I would. Some guy named Mick, or Mitch came up to me and offered to show me around, an offer which I politely refused.

I finally found safety in library during the lunch hour. I took solace in the fact that there was barely anyone in there except for the librarian and she looked a little too into her "stories" to acknowledge my presence. I took a seat near the shelves and opened my weathered copy of Pride and Prejudice. I got a weird vibe that someone was watching me, but eventually I got so lost in my favorite book that the world around me melted away and all there was was me and Mr. Darcy.

My afternoon classes were very boring, as it seemed they put me in the remedial biology class. I decided to stick with it for a while, as I didn't want to cause a scene on my first day simply because they had put me in the easy class.

On my way to Charlie's house I stopped at the only grocery store in Forks and picked up the groceries that I would need to make dinner over the next few nights with the money that Charlie had given for me.

That night, after Charlie had eaten all the dinner I had cooked for him he passed out watching sports. I went up to my room and fell into a peaceful sleep in my new bed.

For about a month things went pretty much the same way they did on my first day. I would get to school, dodge Mike's offers, spend my lunch hour in the library reading my favorite books, bludging in biology class because everything they did was so easy and then I would go home and cook Charlie dinner before going to my room and staying in there for the rest of the night.

To some people this schedule would seem repetitive and boring but to me it was relaxed. I was comfortable in my pattern and I wasn't too happy when one day, out of the blue I was called to the principal's office to discuss my work in class.

I was slightly nervous as to what they wanted to talk about. All my classes were going fine, with biology as the only exception, but even then to the outsider I was doing really well in that class. I sat nervously waiting outside the principal's office, biting lightly on my nails to ease the tension.

Turns out that all he wanted to talk to me about was if I wanted to change into a slightly harder biology class that was run at the same time as my old class. Apparently there was one seat left, and I was free to take it.

After 5 minutes of deliberation I decided I would take the available spot in the other biology class. I was told that I would start my new class on Monday and was given some catch up work to complete over the weekend.

I was absolutely over the moon that I would be moving classes and that it wouldn't disrupt the stable rhythm I had developed at this school.

I spent the entire weekend going over the work that the students in my new biology class had already completed. It wasn't hard, since I had already covered many of these topics at school in Arizona.

By Sunday night I was feeling very secure on my school work and just with life in general until Charlie began trying to convince me to call him "dad". It wasn't going to happen, so I made him the dinner instead, hoping that dinner would help him forget about my inability to call my parents by their title (Mom and Dad).

By Monday morning I was itching to get started in my new class, but I was also very nervous. I didn't want to fail, and biology always just came naturally to me. I didn't want to ruin my future just because I was nervous about my new class.

By lunch time I was so nervous that it felt good that I would be able to just sit in the library's book shelves and read my book, while feeling eerily safe by the feeling of someone possible watching me.

I knew that it was weird for me to like the feeling of some random person watching me. But for some reason it made me feel safe. That someone out there actually cared about me and that they took the time every weekday to watch over me. It made me feel… nice.

When I got to the library and set myself up I was finally started to feel a bit more relaxed, but I didn't feel _it._ The tingly feeling that made me feel like someone was watching me. It just wasn't there, like whoever it was wasn't there today.

In some ways it made me feel sad, that my random stalker wasn't protecting me today. I had grown so used to the feeling of someone watching me, that I found it hard to concentrate on reading when the feeling wasn't there.

I spent my lunch trying to get into my book while not thinking about the fact that part of me felt like it was missing. Not my brightest moment let me tell you. So by the time the bell rang I was more than eager to get out of the empty library and to my new class.

But I was still nervous; in my other classes the teachers knew who I was and how I was faring in their classes. I doubt the teacher even knew my name in this class.

As I got to the door way I saw that the teacher was busying himself with some papers on his desk. I took a quick look around the room to see where the available seats were, and was slightly disappointed that there was only one available seat left in the class. And the person that it was beside looked like he couldn't care enough to pay attention to whatever was going on in the class around him.

I don't know why but I got a weird feeling when I was looking at him, and as I saw his head start to move in my direction I quickly turned away and resumed my task of getting the teachers attention.

It took a little while but eventually I caught the teacher's attention and I explained to him my situation on why I was in his class. Having to explain the whole story made me a bit annoyed, I guess teachers in a small town don't tell each other everything. Stupid teachers.

I could feel the eyes of most of the students on me, and the weird thing was that I could also feel a tingly sensation. The same tingly feeling that I felt in the library when I thought someone was watching me.

Mr. Banner pointed me in the direction and asked if I could stay behind after class so we could talk about my situation.

I walked in the direction of available seat, trying not to think about how attractive my new lab partner was. I could feel my breathing increasing, I was nervous about this person as he looked like he was in physical pain judging by the look on his face.

As I came up right beside the lab bench he still was not acknowledging my presence so I cleared my throat slightly hoping that would get his attention.

"Um, excuse me. This is the only available seat left in the room, is it ok that I sit here?" I asked as politely as I could, hoping that he couldn't hear how nervous I was. I also spoke quietly so as to not interrupt the teacher's class.

The guy that I was supposed to sit next to just slowly turned his head to face me scowling, before nodding slightly then turning his attention back to the front of the class.

I hesitantly sat down beside him, hoping not to startle him with any sudden movement, because he looked hostile enough as it was. He was good looking, in a dark and tortured sort of way. His copper hair was greasy and was pointed in different directions, I guess in a different situation it would look like he had "sex hair" but right now it looked messy and unkempt. From the brief glimpse I got from his eyes I could tell that they were a stunningly green color, but their brightness was dimmed slightly by the dark circles under his eyes that contrasted heavily against his very pale skin.

My sitting down seemed like I offended him by just sitting down. He was acting like he hated me, but how could he, he didn't even know me. It was almost like I had killed his puppy or something and it made me feel like I had done something to offend me. I could see how far away he was sitting; his hands were clenched around the chair, as if trying to stop himself from following his instincts and running out the door.

I could see him watching the clock from the corner of my eyes, every once in a while he would catch me staring and would glare at me before returning his attention to the front of the class, almost rigid in his movements.

I could see his nose turned up at something and I worried that I might smell really bad and that was why he was acting like this, but after smelling my hair briefly I decided that it couldn't possibly be my smell that was offending him. I mean, who doesn't like the smell of strawberries?

Just before the bell rang he sprung out of his seat and ran out of the room at inhuman-like speed. He just couldn't get away from me fast enough, and I was a little worried about what I had done to cause him to run away so fast.

I stayed behind after class to talk to Mr. Banner. I handed him the work that I had completed over the weekend, and was clearly impressed that I was able to finish a month's worth of biology homework in a single weekend.

He informed me that I would be a good addition to his class and not to worry about my temperamental new lab partner. _"Edward will come around, apparently he is standoffish with everyone"_ he'd said, clearly trying to comfort me, but I wasn't so sure.

I went home that night angry and a little confused. This Edward guy had no right to treat me like I was some leper and that I had no right to be seated beside him in biology. The only thing that calmed me at all was the song that came over the radio on my way home. I sat back in my seat and listened to the lyrics, enjoying the music and the break that it was giving me from my problems.

"_Vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right, I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along  
And I am  
Flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now  
The things you swore you saw yourself"_

I decided that night that I would confront him first thing the next day and ask him what his problem was. I went to bed that night feeling secure in my resolve to talk to him about what he was up to.

I was jittery the next morning thinking about what I was going to say to him and how he would react. I spent most of the car ride over hoping that all this wouldn't blow up in my face. I was so nervous that by the time I got to school I wasn't sure if I would be able to go through with everything.

He looked really attractive in his tight fitting shirt and dark wash jeans, I felt underdressed in my big, comfy sweater and some loose jeans. But just as I was about to try and make my way across the parking lot to him, a small girl walk up to him and engaged him in a conversation.

I wasn't surprised that someone was talking to him, what I was surprised by was that fact that he was talking to her. Mr. Banner had told me that he was cold and shutoff with everyone, but from where I was it actually looked like he was relieved to be talking to her. Probably didn't like living solely inside his head, like me.

After watching them for a little while I lost the will to confront him. Yes I am a chicken shit. I just decided that maybe I had caught him on a bad day yesterday and that today he would be fine in class. I would just have to wait and see.

I spent my lunch time in the library as usual, but again I didn't feel the presence of the other person who had been watching me the whole time, and I was beginning to miss their company, they made me feel like I wasn't alone.

By the end of lunch I was actually looking forward to biology, resolved in the fact that Edward seemed to be having a better day from the looks of him this morning. I got into the classroom with a clear head and was happy when I saw Edward sitting at the desk looking relaxed; until I sat down.

During that lesson he treated me exactly the same as he did yesterday, and couldn't believe what he was doing. Almost everything that I said to him he ignored, and the things he did hear he gave a short nod of his head as a response to. He was acting like a jerk and I couldn't understand why. He seemed ok this morning and I wondered what had happened between then and now to make him so angry and upset.

Occasionally I saw him looking at me out of the corner of his eyes but I was too scared to keep looking at him for too long, I didn't want to make him angrier than he already was.

He spent this class like the first; on the edge of his seat and getting into a staring competition with the wall in front of him. And like yesterday, just before the bell to end class rang he bolted off his seat and out the door.

This is how the rest of my week went. I tried to talk myself into confronting him every morning and then chickening out when I saw him talking to the small girl, and once she even had somebody with her. I guess they were his friends, so I guessed that he must be a nice guy outside of biology.

I still spent every lunch hour in the library and my watcher was still missing, making me feel that they had left me for good. Every biology lesson went the same way as the first and it was making me angrier and angrier. Each time he glared at me I could feel the anger boil up inside of me, and I was beginning to like how he ran out of the classroom because it my head it was saving him from my fist that was likely to hit his face if he kept treating me like shit.

Each time I asked him a question and he gave me a short answer I huffed in annoyance, trying my hardest to keep my anger from materializing itself.

Friday was when everything changed. The day started off the same as it did every other day, the only difference being that when I saw him talking to the small girl and her friend I felt angrier than even, because I couldn't understand how he could be nice to them and not to me.

My anger was building and I wasn't sure that I could control it as much anymore. I spent my first few classes not talking to anyone; not even the lanky blonde guy who I had been making small talk with since I started at this school.

I was still sad at lunch when my stalker wasn't in the library, but at that point all I could think of what would happen in biology.

I sat down at our desk knowing that he was still ignoring my presence and I tried to focus on what Banner was saying and not on the annoying ass hole that was sitting beside me. Apparently Banner had made the enlightened decision to make the class do an experiment that involved working without lab partner, I saw Banners gaze shift to me slowly and he gave me an apologetic smile, I could tell that in some twisted way he knew how my lab partner was being and so he had taken it upon himself to try and fix whatever was going on between us.

I could hear the whole class groan when Banner gave out slides of bacteria before telling us that we would be arranging the slabs into the phases of mitosis. I didn't have the heart or the care to tell him that I had done this lab at home in Arizona, so I just accepted the slides grudgingly.

Being the ass hole that he was Edward pushed the microscope over to me, silently telling me to go first. Ass. I took a quick glance into the microscope before pushing it hesitantly back in his direction whispering "Prophase."

In my head I was laughing at his shocked expression and the look of disbelief on his face as he pulled the microscope closer to himself and re-examining my diagnosis.

I smirked to myself as I heard him mutter "Prophase" as he wrote the answer down on the worksheet in front of him. I took a look at what he had written down before visibly rolling my eyes at him, before I told him that I had in fact gotten the right answer and that I knew what I was doing, knowing that he could hear the annoyed tone in my voice.

"I was just checking, Bella" he told me and smiled smugly as he heard my audible intake of breath at fact he knew my name.

"H-How do you know my name?" I asked curiously, I was sure that I had not told him my name before.

"Everyone knows your name. You're the chief's daughter; did you really expect that people would not know who you are?" He said arrogantly, his strong glare focused solely on me.

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment before I whispered "Um, no… I guess not." I was angry at my body's reaction, and hated the fact that blushing was a flaw that I had inherited from my mother.

I don't know if he heard me or not because he just turned back to the lab assignment and refused to look at me for the rest of the lesson, only shoving the microscope at me rudely when it was my turn to observe a slide.

I tried making small talk with him, but he just continued to ignore me as if I wasn't even there to begin with, and each time he didn't respond I had to clench my fists to ensure that I didn't just come out and slap him in the middle of class. That would not be a good way of communicating, but I wasn't sure that it would work.

Our lab was the first to be finished and I felt almost to see the others struggling. I could still see Edward looking at the clock and it was then that I decided that I had to confront him. I didn't want to put up with his horrible personality for the rest of the semester, because I wouldn't be able to handle it.

It was like everything that had happened in the last week was lying heavily on my shoulders, everything from his actions to my missing library stalker was making me furious and it had to stop. Now.

I saw him about to move as the bell went and I got up quickly to follow him out of the room so that I could confront him. And I would do it, even if I had to miss out on my last class of the afternoon gym. I had to almost run to keep up with him, he was that fast. And with all the strength I could muster I grabbed him arm and dragged him into a deserted hallway. My breathing was labored from the marathon I had just run to keep up with him, dodging people and school bags everywhere I went.

I knew that my hair was probably a mess and that my face was flushed, but I just didn't care. I needed to say this quickly before I lost my nerve. I glared into his eyes –out staring him- and raised myself onto my tippy toes to try to get closer to him, which didn't really work since even on my tippy toes the top of my head was only level with his chin, _tall bastard_. I had to raise my neck just to retain eye contact with the prick.

I flung his arm back at him and leaned back against the lockers while still glaring at his annoying ass.

"What the hell is your problem? Do I smell? Am I offending you in some way? We are lab partners and you are treating me as if I'm a disease we should be studying. You're acting like I poked you in the eye with my pencil, so please... tell me what the hell I'm doing wrong!" I asked him venomously, knowing that he could not escape.

I could see his face twist in concentration, probably trying to think of a smart ass answer to my question. My skin was still flushed and due to my anger I was still breathing heavily. I was so angry that he was taking his sweet ass time coming up with an answer. I saw him shifting his glare from my eyes down to my lips, he gaze softening each time he returned my look of frustration.

All of a sudden he leaned forward and kissed me. He pressed his asshole lips to mine, I couldn't believe it. What the hell was he doing? My whole body stiffened and I couldn't think, I couldn't react all I could think about was that the guy that had been causing me grief in biology was now kissing me, and I kind of liked it.

All of a sudden my body took over from my mind and I lifted my hands into his hair and started hiss him back.

It was in instant reaction when he pushed me backwards into the lockers, and it caused the most delicious sensation when his entire body was pressed up against mine. My whole body was on fire, but in a good way. Being pressed against him felt better than the sensation caused by my library stalker; for some reason I felt safe in his arms and that scared me. I could feel little him pressed against my stomach, and trust me there was nothing little about it.

His lips were soft against mine, and when he lifted his hand to cup my cheek I moaned at the sensation his cold hand was causing my hot skin.

"Mmm, Edward," I moaned as I broke away from his kiss to breathe, part of me was hoping that his lips would continue their way down my face and move onto my neck, but he didn't. His whole body was frozen against mine, and terrified expression plastered on his face.

"Edward?" I asked confused. What had happened, it was going so well before and now he was frozen in his place. My breathing was heavy from all our kissing and I could feel his hard chest brushing against my own as he was breathing fairly heavily too.

He opened his eyes and looked at me; I could help but stare back at him confused. I was just about to ask him what was going on and if he was alright when he silenced me.

"Please, don't ruin this for me," he begged before he took off running down the hallway, leaving me standing breathless against the lockers.

_Ok, so now I'm really confused…_

~*~

_You try so hard to bring me down  
You can't break the broken  
You still don't seem to understand  
It's your turn to see just  
How it feels to be me  
How it feels to be knocked down_

**Authors Note:** Ok so there is was… Still like me? Do you like her?

**Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	9. Chapter 8: Stay

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Yay, I'm back!! This is kind of a sad one guys, please forgive me!! I promise this is the last chapter that is this heavy; though this is not the end of the anger/angst/passion/sadness and other emotions that we can all relate to. Have your tissues ready people!!

_If this world is wearing thin  
And you're thinking of escape  
I'll go anywhere with you  
Just wrap me up in chains  
But if you try to go alone  
Don't think I'll understand  
Stay with me  
Stay with me_

**Stay – Shakespears Sister **

~*~

On the car ride home I still couldn't believe what I had done. The kiss between Bella and I was swimming in my mind making me feel many different emotions at the same time. I felt angry at what I had done, that I had let my guard down and actually let my emotions take over in an idiot way. I also felt almost happy that she had in fact kissed me back, that she had moaned my name out loud, twice.

Every thought and every feeling ran through my head and it was making me feel absolutely exhausted.

As soon as I got home I ran up the stairs and into my room, collapsing onto my bed.

"_Mmm, Edward."_

God, why couldn't she just leave me alone? Why couldn't she just put up with my shitty attitude towards her or just leave the class entirely? And God, why did she have to make me _feel?_

I hated it. I didn't want to feel anything for her, for anyone really and I was annoyed that this one girl could come along and make me feel something that I didn't want to. I knew that if I was a normal teenager that she would be perfect for me and that one day I could really love her. But the problem was that I wasn't a normal teenager, in fact I didn't think that there was anything normal about me at all. I had problems that I refused to acknowledge most of the time and I couldn't feel emotions other than neutral about people, and I liked it that way.

But against my better judgment and all the thoughts in my head I knew that for some messed up reason I liked this girl. The she stirred things in me that I thought were completely dead and gone, and that's what pissed me off.

How dare she come along and start chipping away at the walls that I had carefully erected.

But for some bizarre reason, I also felt bad for thinking about her like that. Because the truth was that I did feel for her, and I didn't know if I could help it.

"_Mmm, Edward."_

All the emotions from the week and the lack of sleep that I had had the past few nights due to my erotic dreams about Bella, and I began to feel my eyes drooping until I closed them completely.

I didn't know how long I had been asleep for but when I woke up the whole room around me was pure white in color and I was lying on the floor instead of my comfy bed.

There was no furniture in the room and it seemed pretty much unoccupied save for me. Everything around me a blinding white in color and it was kind of giving me a headache. It could have been worse I guess; the room could have been filled with Alice's bright wardrobe.

I couldn't understand how I had gotten here; I knew that there was a room like this in the Cullen house as Esme had made sure to decorate them all. There would be no way that she would leave a room this bright completely bear.

Being in this room made me feel like I should be wrapped in a jacket with no arms and the walls should be soft and mushy beneath my fingers. I felt like I should walk up to the nearest person and say, _"Hello. Do you like pillows? Cos I do, they won't let me have anything hard."_ But I was unable to do so as there were no other people around to test my humor on.

Oh God, my fears had been realized. My adoptive parents heard about what happened between me and Bella this afternoon and new that I needed more intensive treatments and they had sent me to a psychiatric hospital, and I would never see her again. I really didn't want to be taken away from her, I may not _want_ to like her but the fact was that I _did_ like her.

A few minutes of hyperventilation and overreaction I realized that I couldn't possibly be in a mental hospital as this room had no doors and no way out -they wouldn't be that dramatic in a mental hospital- and I began to relax slightly.

I was confused as hell as to how I got into this really bright and empty room and what I was here for. You'd think that if this was a dream and not reality that there would at least be a reason for my being here.

"_Mmm, Edward."_

I found it almost funny that in a room this bright and annoying, that thoughts of library girl Bella would still work their way into my head.

"Okay, I'm getting sick of this. Why the hell am I here?" I asked aloud, hoping that someone somewhere would answer me. That's when I saw it. Within 10 meters of where I was standing there was a person who was facing away from me; a woman to be exact. She had wavy chestnut hair, and from what I could see from the back she looked to be in her early thirties and for some reason she seemed oddly familiar.

I gathered up my courage and walked over to her, tapping her on the shoulder to gain her attention.

"Excuse me miss. Do you have any idea why I am here?" I asked the woman.

Slowly, almost cautiously she turned around until she was facing me completely so I could make out she was. When I caught sight of her face I let out a small gasp. _Mommy?_

Clearly she had not aged at all since I last saw her; I guess that's what happens when you die young. She was wearing a long flowing blue dress that looked identical to the one she used to wear when I was a child, it was beautiful while being modest in a "hot mum" sort of way. Her eyes were still soft and kind and she was looking at me with love and devotion.

The hand that I had reached out to tap her shoulder with was frozen in mid air, as rigid as the rest of my body. I was shocked and had no idea what I was supposed to say in this situation. When I was younger I used to dream about my mother mostly memories and pictures of her face, but nothing compared to this.

This dream seemed more real than any of the others, mostly because I was all grown up in this one.

"Hello Edward," her kind voice said to me. But I couldn't respond yet as my body was still frozen in shock.

"Look at you, your all grown up; so handsome." She said to me, probably trying to filling the silence with conversation.

I nodded my head at her nervously, at a loss for what to say. I haven't seen the woman in nearly ten years and I can't even muster up the courage to even talk to her.

"I know that you got my letter and money from my old banks safety deposit box. I know that there is quite a lot there and that you still haven't spent any of it honey. I don't know why you don't just spend some of it. I left it there for you to use. Think of it as my parting gift to you if you will." She told me. She probably didn't understand my motives behind me not spending the money she left for me.

"I know that left it for me to spend, I guess I just wanted to keep the last present you gave me so that in a way you are always there to protect me should I get into trouble," I said slightly after clearing my throat.

"Edward, I will always be here to protect you. You don't need to keep all the money in the bank, not touching it, to know that." She said to me kindly while looking deep into my eyes.

"I know that. I just want to keep it until I need it is all."

"That's ok Edward. I'm sure you will use it when you need it."

"So how have you been Edward?" She asked slowly.

"Fine. But I'm sure you know that already since we both know that you are still watching my every move even though you're not really here anymore," I said to her grudgingly, flinching at how harshly I had answered her.

"Yeah I know that you are _fine._ I guess I just wanted to ask you so that I can listen to your voice more. I really miss you, you know," she said sadly.

"Ok. Let's cut the shit shall we. Why are you here?" I asked, watching her reaction as her face visibly fell at my annoyed tone.

The woman standing in front of me may have been the only person I have loved, but it doesn't change the fact that I hadn't forgotten what she had done. She gave up on me and I guess in many ways she is the reason I don't want to get close to other people, because I didn't want to be hurt again.

"I'm here because you need me Edward. I'm sorry for what I did, it was never my intention to hurt you and wound you this much." She whispered softy, making me feel slightly guilty about the way I was treating her. I hurt me to see her in pain, but it wasn't painful enough to stop. I had been holding on to these emotions for such a long time, I didn't think I would be able to stop even if I wanted to – which I didn't.

"I don't _need_ anything from you, Elizabeth. I don't think you could help me if you tried; you don't exist anymore remember, or have you forgotten already? And I think it's a bit too late to be sorry for hurting me, you left me all alone. How am I supposed to get past that?" I snapped bitterly at her.

"You do need my help Edward; you just don't see it yet. And I am sorry for what I did to you and what you have been through because of me. But I can't change the past and fix my mistakes; all I can do is help you with what I can."

"And what would that be?" I sneered.

"I need to help you feel. You have been repressing your emotions for years and now that an opportunity for freedom and possibly love has come along you are ignoring it because you don't want to make yourself vulnerable by letting another person. But you can't do that to yourself Edward. You could be so happy if only you would just give people the chance and let them in." She said to me, loving shining clearly through the golden color of her eyes.

Her statement softened my anger somewhat. I was still furious with her for what she done to me and that irreparable emotional damage she had caused. But see her speak with so much love and passion made some of my anger dim as I digested what she was really saying; that I should lower some of my walls and let people in.

"But I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to let them see me – the real me. You don't understand. I can't let myself get hurt again and if I let someone in, just to have them use my problems against me if something were to ever go wrong." I told her, pleading with her to understand why I was cutting of my emotions; I was protecting myself from heartache.

"I understand that you do want to get your heart broken, honestly I do. But I have found in the last few years that sometimes love is worth the risk of heartbreak because without suffering there would be no compassion, no love. And you know what they always say, 'they don't write songs about the love stories that come easy' because with love you just have to decide if it's worth fighting for no matter how it ends. And you just have to choose which ones are worth the fight; you shouldn't just close everyone out and not fight at all.

I don't want you to be like I was Edward. I was so bitter and heartbroken after I lost your sister that I couldn't feel anymore and I don't want you to feel that way. It wasn't that I didn't love you; it was that I felt so utterly hopeless and lost that I couldn't think straight. In some messed up way I guess I never thought that I deserved to be your mother. You deserved someone who could actually look after you, and not someone who can't forgive themselves for a mistake they made. I don't want you to feel that way Edward. You need to be strong, live for me… How can you do that when you keep sabotaging yourself and locking everyone else out?"

I was in tears, all my emotions were hitting me full force but the one emotion that stood out above all the others was the love that I had for her, the love that would never fade. I collapsed into her arms hugging her tightly to me, crushing her small body with my large one.

"I promise that I will try mommy. I will do my best to make you proud of me." I whispered into her ear.

She pulled back so that she could stare into my eyes. Running her fingers down my cheek she said, "I am proud of you honey, I always will be."

Tears were flowing freely out of my eyes and she gently wiped them off my cheeks cautiously, before taking a deep breath.

"I have to go now Edward, it's getting late and you should really wake up soon. Maybe you should even talk a walk through the woods; there are some really beautiful things to see in there." She told me.

"No! You can't go. Not now, when I have finally got you back. You can't leave me… Not again!" I told her hysterically.

"Oh Edward, I can't stay. I don't belong here anymore. This is your world now, I can't stay, I'm sorry." She told me gently, while trying to silence my broken cries.

"You adoptive parents are really nice people you know? I couldn't have picked better people to help you. You should talk to them; maybe let them in a little. I love you Edward that will never change. I'm sorry honey." She whispered into my shoulder before vanishing right before my eyes.

I was absolutely heartbroken and woke up with tears still streaming down my cheeks. I didn't want her to leave, but I understood why she had to go. Now all I had to figure out was what I was going to say to Bella at school on Monday…

~*~

_In the silence of your room  
In the darkness of your dreams  
You must only think of me  
There can be no in between  
When your pride is on the floor  
I'll make you beg for more  
Stay with me  
Stay with me_

**Authors Note:** Ok so there you have it. I know it sounds weird his mother coming to him in his dreams but it was necessary for him to grow. And I know some of you are probably thinking _"why is he so angry at his mother?"_ and the truth is I used to dream a lot about my friend and so many times I got really angry with him, asking him why he left me and why I wasn't enough to keep him here. Its how some people feel after that kind of loss.

So tell me, do you hate me? Love me still? Understand what he is going through?? Tell me if you want a preview of the next chapter…

**Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	10. Chapter 9: Your Guardian Angel

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Heyy guys I'm back… did ya miss me?? =P

Okay so this might be the last time I update on a Wednesday, my friend told me I should stick to a schedule, so I was going to update on Saturdays. Tell me if you like this plan, if not, I can change it! I decided to post this chapter early since the last chapter was a bit of a fluke =P

_When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face I can't replace  
And now that I'm strong I have figured out  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one_

**Your Guardian Angel – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

~*~

I don't know how long I lay on my bed for. My sheets, damp with sweat, clung to my sticky body while my dried up tears were still caked to my face. I felt no shame up here alone in my room and saw no reason to wipe them away after they fell.

My mind was telling me that I should get up and have a shower to clean myself off, but my body refused to make its demands and stayed perfectly still cocooned in my disgusting sheets. The only positive thing I could think of was at least I didn't wake up to semen covered sheets, that's always a plus.

I lay there starring at my ceiling for a good 40 minutes before I finally gave up and decided to take a shower. While standing stationary underneath the hot spray of my shower I continued to think about what my mother had said to me in my dream. She had told me that I needed to talk to Bella and sort out everything that was going on between us. I could just imagine how confused Bella would be feeling now, after me ignoring her and acting like she had swine flu for a week before kissing her without permission at the end of it all.

I still wasn't sure that it had really happened. That I had let my guard down long enough for my body to lean forward and kiss her, without her permission. How could I have been so stupid? I mean it would be stupid for me to kiss any girl - with or without their permission - but to kiss the police chiefs daughter. I was just asking to be shot!

You don't anger a man with a gun. And I knew that anger was all he would feel for me when his daughter came home telling him that some emotional freak at school made out with her, against her will.

But in the back of my mind a nagging voice kept telling me; _she kissed you back._

For some reason this voice made my heart sing, because it was true, she _did_ kiss me back and I liked it.

I could feel the water starting to get cold, which it would considering I had spent almost an hour under the hot water, not taking into account the showers that my foster parents have already had. As of late it seems that I have been using up a majority of the houses hot water supply. I shut of the spray and stepped out onto the tiled floor of my bathroom while wrapping one of Esme's fuzzy towels around my waist.

After drying myself off, I pulled out a pair of grey jeans and a white undershirt and threw them on, not really thinking about a jacket as the weather didn't look too bad outside, and I could even see the sun in different spots. I pulled out a worn pair of converse sneakers, not exactly clothes that are really suitable for waking through the woods in, but I really could care less. I ran down stairs, waving slightly at Esme and Carlisle who were both drinking coffee at the kitchen table.

Stepping outside I took a deep breath of the crisp, fresh air. In some ways it was comforting, because when I was a lot younger my mother used to tell me that fresh air was the cure for everything and that she found the freshest air on top of her favorite cliff that overlooked the sea. I later came to hate that cliff, as it was the last place she was seen before she jumped into the ocean.

I walked briskly into the woods that were in fact surrounding the house, trying to dispel the memories of my younger years. I didn't need that shit now. I was here so that I could think more about what to do about my Bella situation.

It seemed like I had been walking for hours, absorbed in my own thoughts of Bella and what I would say to her on Monday. I decided to go with the generic _"it's not you it's me, we can just be friends"_ approach to our no existent relationship. It wasn't until the sun was high above me that I realized that I had been walking for hours and had no idea of how to get back to the house.

I was furious with myself. How could I be so stupid to take a walk in the freaking woods and not figure out a way to get back home? I could have gone all cave man and scratched the crap out of the trees, to mark a trail that would help me get back to where I started, but I doubt that I would even want to touch the trees at all since they were all covered in green crap. _Moss._ The awesome squishy shit that sticks to everything, even the bottom of your shoes, which makes a huge mess all of Esme's carpets, which in some ways servers her right for ordering white carpets. I mean, who does that in Forks _"the shittiest place on earth"_?

I saw a patch of land up ahead that looked relatively clear, almost as if someone had cleared a space of land for their own personal use. I was hoping that somewhere in that empty space that there would be a sign of some sort that would indicate a way back to civilization.

I entered the clearing and marveled at its beauty. The grass was so much greener here than it had been in other places. The ground was also covered in a light smattering of purple flowers, making the colors all blend together perfectly. The scene from the edge of the wood looking into the clearing would have been perfect had it not been for the heavy clouds that were now populating the sky; making everything that much darker. But then again this weather was typical of Forks, the weather may start out perfect but it will no doubt go down the crapper sooner or later. The sun was no completely covered with clouds, which looked as if they were about to burst any second, _great!_

I scowled at the sky in disgust, for I knew that it would soon rain and I wasn't really in the mood for seeing my own pecks clear through my shirt – as my white shirt would most likely go clear in the event of rain.

In all my scowling at the sky I didn't really notice the fact that I wasn't alone in the clearing. Over in the far corner, near the stream, there was the figure of a girl sitting on a large rock. Her hear was bowed either in concentration or in sadness and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react to her.

Almost as if she could feel my gaze her head shot up into the air, while she began to turn her body in my direction. Her body was unmistakable, and as soon as she moved her body I knew exactly who was here with me, Bella.

My heart leaped in my chest. What the hell was she doing here? And what are the odds that I would actually run into her here, of all places. I was frozen in shock, and it seemed as though she was too. She had stopped moving completely, her now rigid body was still facing partly in my direction while her facial features were a mixture of shock, confusion and annoyance. She was probably annoyed that I was interrupting her private time, like I hadn't annoyed her enough this week.

I didn't know what to say to her. I guess part of me was hoping that she would take the first step and that she would be the first to say something, but that was unlikely. I have no idea how long we stared at each other, frozen. My breathing had even faltered when I had first seen her and I had not brought any new air into my lungs, but I didn't want to be the first to speak.

My brain was screaming at me to do something, to take a deep breath and take and step towards her; but I didn't know if I could.

After much deliberation in inhaled a deep breath, effectively ending the silence between us and bringing us both out of our silence. She closed her eyes and shook her head gently. And almost, as if by magic, the skies opened and rain bucketed down heavily on both of us, but we just stood there.

I knew that my shirt was completely soaked, as was hers, and I knew that us both getting pneumonia would not be a good start to our still nonexistent relationship, but for some reason we both just stood there letting the rain try and wash away the problems between us.

Slowly she stood up off the rock that she had been sitting on, her feet stumbling slightly as if she were about to fall, and began to move in my direction, probably to confront me again. She walked right up to me so that there was only about 3 feet of space between us and stared deep into my eyes.

"What are you doing here Edward?" She asked softly, I could barely here her over the thunderous rain.

I nervously ran my hand through my rain soaked hair, which probably made me look like a drowned rat to her.

"I, um… I don't know. I just went for a walk near my house and this is just where I ended up I guess. And now I think that I'm lost." I told her nervously, watching her movements very carefully, hoping that she wouldn't lunge at me and nock me to the ground in yet another fit of anger – not that I wouldn't deserve it if she did.

I would have asked her what she was doing here, but I saw a saturated book clutched in her right hand and just assumed that she was probably here to read in peace and quiet and she didn't need me coming here to wreck all that for her. At least this time I could blame the rain for ruining her day, not me.

"You… You know Ayn Rand was a very experimental author for her time. The ideas that she portrays in her books were really controversial at that time and she was shunned for some of the things that she wrote in her books. Look at how _The Fountainhead_ and _Atlas Shrugged_, they were her most famous works, but by no means were they the only confrontational books that she wrote." I told her nervously, trying to find a reason to talk to her that wasn't about us in any way.

"Yeah, but she wasn't the only author that expressed views and opinions that were influential and controversial at the time that they were first released. I mean, look at James Joyce. He expressed his views and opinions in his most famous book _Ulysses_ and he was shunned too. Not many artists have the courage to stand up for what they believe in. Even in this day and age, people can be excluded from certain things just for their ideas. Things haven't changed as much as we think it has." She said strongly. Obviously I had hit a nerve in my little outburst that touched a little deeper with her.

"Did you read the introduction that Leonard Peikoff wrote in the newest version of Atlas Shrugged? Talk about your idol fantasies. You could really tell that they strongly believe in everything that Ayn had written in her books to begin with."

And that's how it started. Standing out in the pouring rain in the middle of a meadow that was hidden in the middle of a forest, I was talking to the girl that had been stimulating me every night in my dreams. The girl that I had watched in the library every day before she was moved into my biology class where I annoyed the living shit out of her, causing her to yell at me before I kissed her passionately, was now having a civilized conversation with me over objectivism and influential authors who had a large impact on the way people see things.

I'm not sure how long we stood in the rain talking about books, but eventually we found ourselves sitting on the rock that Bella had been residing on earlier. Somehow the subject changed from influential authors, to influential bands and musicians of this day and age.

Bella spoke of the band Rise Against, and proceeded to tell me all about their new album _Appeal to Reason_ in which they express their views on the Government and the war in Iraq. She told me one of her favorite quotes from the album cover; _"That whenever any form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it,"_ which was quoted directly from The Declaration of Independence.

This quote was closely followed by her next favorite quote from the album cover, which was by the artist Pablo Picasso. _"What do you think an artist is? An imbecile who has only eyes, if he is a painter, or ears if he is a musician or a lyre in every chamber of his heart if he is a poet, or even, if he is a boxer, just his muscles? Far from it: at the same time, he is also a political being, constantly aware of the heartbreaking, passionate, or delightful things that happen in the world, shaping himself completely in their image. How could it be possible to feel no interest in other people, and with a cool indifference to detach yourself from the very life which they bring to you so abundantly? No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war."_

She told me more about the songs presented on the album before telling me that her favorite song was "Hero of War" which is a sad song about a man who goes to war knowing that the American flag will guide him through everything in battle, and that he is doing the right thing because that is what he was told. But it soon turns to how soldiers were ripping people from their homes and families and then torturing them in underground cells. The song finally finishes when a woman walks through a battle zone, not stopping when the solder tells her to stop but she just keeps walking so he is forced to shoot her and when he goes to inspect her body he finds that she was carrying a white flag in her hands, about to surrender. The ending lyrics are what hit Bella the hardest, _"A hero of war, is that what they see? Just medals and scars, so damn proud of me, and I brought home that flag, now it gathers dust. But it's a flag that I love; it's the only flag I trust."_

She also spoke lightly of a band called Slip Knot, but I wasn't sure how strongly she felt about it. Apparently one of her friends back home had forced her to watch their interview videos on YouTube in which they spoke about "The Message" and how they always wear masks on stage, masks that conceal their identities while showing people the darkness that lives inside them. That their masks were there to represent their own troubles and darkness, and they served to show people that everyone has darkness inside them, these guys just showed their darkness clearly. She told me a few of her favorite lyrics like, _"__I felt the hate rise up in me, kneed down and clear the stone of leaves, I wander out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed…"_ and I could completely agree with some of the things this band was representing. She told me that even though some of their songs only consisted of screaming the lyrics, that the message was still there and that we should respect that.

Watching her express her views and adoration of these bands so strongly, made me feel deeply for her. Her expressions when she was quoting the lyrics to me, showed how much she loved these bands and the message that they was sending to people. I had never heard someone talk so strongly about bands before. I liked these bands already, and I have never even heard of their work. She was convincing me into feeling as strongly about these bands as she did, and for some reason it seemed that these bands were calling to me.

I laughed to myself at how absurd I was being. I didn't even know this girl, and the first complete conversation we were having was about controversial books and bands. I couldn't help but shake my head slightly to myself, thinking that I was crazy for feeling this way about her.

I don't know how it happened but during the conversation our heads got closer together and I found myself shifting my gaze from her eyes down to her lips and back again. I know that I had vowed to myself that I would not kiss her again, that I would tell her I only wanted to be her friend, if anything at all. But slowly her conversation started to lull and I could see her eyes in turn drift down to my lips. I could feel her breath warm against my face, and it was then that I realized that it had stopped raining. Bella seemed to notice this fact too, and at the same time we both shifted our gazes to the sky in time to see the sun come out from behind the heavy clouds that were now moving away with the wind.

A strong breeze picked up in place of the rain and I saw Bella shiver out of the corner of my eye. She was cold, and I had kept her out in the rain and now cold breeze where we were talking about books and music. How stupid could I have been? Instead of trying to be her friend, I was trying to kill her by making her stay out in the weather. I was furious with myself, going over and over in my head how this was not what I wanted. That I wanted to keep her alive and well, and that weather as cold and shitty as this, was not good for a woman of her small size.

Her gaze was still focused on the diminishing clouds so I cleared my throat softly to gain her attention.

"Listen Bella, I am sorry for my behavior over the last week and for kissing you without your permission on Friday. I know I am being really confusing but I just think that we should try and be friends… If you'd like." I said softly, hoping that she would understand and agree with what I was saying.

She looked up at me and I could see the sadness in her eyes. Was she expecting me to say something else??

"Sure Edward. That sounds… fine. Friends." She said while lightly nodding her head, confirming her statement by sticking out her hand for me to shake.

I smiled nervously at her and took her outstretched hand into my own, feeling the electricity sparking between us. We both jumped at the sensation, which seemed even more powerful this time than it did on Friday.

'Um, so I think it is getting really late and I should get home and cook dinner for my dad. Would you like a lift back to your house, you know, since we are trying to be friends." She said nervously while extracting her hand from mine. I immediately mourned the loss of its warmth and nodded slightly to her, giving her a flash of my lopsided grin.

I stood up and helped her onto her feet, my legs slightly numb from sitting for too long. We walked in silence to her vehicle, which was so old and rusted that I feared it was nearing its end.

I gave her the directions back to my foster parent's house, sitting silently in her car letting the radio make up for the lack of conversation that was flowing between us. The silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable as most of our silences were; it was relaxing just to be sitting in the cabin of her Chevy while enjoying the warmth of the vehicles heater. For the first time in a long time I finally felt comfortable in another person's presence.

I knew that this wasn't the end. It was going to take time for me to be able to have a proper friendship with Bella and that not everything in my life could be magically fixed overnight. It would take time for me to change and establish this new relationship I was building. But I was sure as hell going to try.

~*~

_Use me as you will  
Pull my strings just for a thrill  
And I know I'll be okay  
Though my skies are turning gray_

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

**Authors Note:** So how did we like the reunion? Rise Against is one of my favorite bands and I just really wanted to put them into this story somewhere. I saw them a few weeks ago live and they were amazing, and I nearly got knocked out by some of their other fans =P

If you haven't read The Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged and Ulysses I advise that you, but they can be hard to get into if you don't know what you are expecting. They are a far cry from Twilight and all things supernatural, but they are a good read all the same.

The drama is coming soon people, be ready!!

So… thoughts? Feelings? Want a sneak peek of the next chapter? You gotta tell me these things people!!!

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	11. Chapter 10: You Can Part 1

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Here I am bringing you another wonderful chapter and mixing things up for our favorite "just friends" couple. Enjoy!! =P

I know that I said I would update on Saturday and its only Thursday, but I promised my friend Kristine that I would post early so that she would be able to read it straight away… Here you go honey =D

_Take me where I've never been  
Held me on my feet again  
Show me that good things come to those who wait_

_  
Tell me I'm not on my own  
Tell me I won't be alone  
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake  
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,  
You can_

**You Can – David Archuleta**

~*~

I didn't go hiking in the woods again that weekend, so I didn't mysteriously meet up with Bella in the random clearing I had found.

When we had finally gotten back to my house we had a few moments of awkward silence between us before I muttered a "Well thanks," before exiting from the cab. I waved slightly when she was driving away, so I wasn't sure if she saw my gesture or not.

I spent the rest of my weekend going over everything that had happened between Bella and I. Esme questioned me about where I had disappeared to for almost all of Saturday, but all I told her was that I went for a walk and ran into my "friend" who gave me a lift home. Esme seemed excited at the prospect of my friendship with another human being, but I shot that in the ass by changing the subject to a topic that I would prefer to talk about; like underground bombing in other countries and the prospect of new flowers in her garden. When she tried to convince me to join in on her gardening duties, I decided that I had had enough polite conversation for one day and made up some lame excuse about needing to finish my non-existent homework.

I woke up Monday morning shaking with nerves. Whether those nerves were in anticipation of seeing Bella, or fear that in the last 24 hours she changed her mind about being friends with me, I wasn't sure. What I did know was that I was in no hurry to get to school, I needed to see how she would react to me, but I didn't feel the need to get to school at 8 am in the morning, I mean, besides nerds, who does that?

I relaxed in my warm shower for a little over half an hour before the hot water mysteriously turned off. I got dressed and ran down stairs, pausing on my way through the kitchen to steal a piece of toast Esme's toast, she scowled playfully at me and I gave her smug grin before I continued my way out the front door.

I got to school with plenty of time to spare, and felt my stomach sink a little when I realized that Bella's truck was not at school yet. I kept a valiant watch on the cars that entered the car park, until, 10 minutes before the bell I saw Bella's car enter the parking lot and park not too far away from where I was standing.

I don't think that she could see me from inside her car, because she didn't acknowledge me when I waved at her slightly. It seemed that she was in a rush to park her bag and get out of her car, she wasn't even looking at what was going on around her, instead focusing heavily on the inside of her truck's cab. She reached backwards to open her truck door, not even looking at what she was doing. I could see her body shuffle back to reverse out of the car, not even looking at how wet the ground was.

I saw everything before it was about to happen. In my mind I saw Bella continuing to back out of her car, not realizing that there was quite a fall ahead of her when her feet unsteadily hit the wet and squishy ground. I saw her trip and fall on her ass, getting water all over her, and I saw her hitting her head pretty hard on the trucks open door giving her a concussion while small trickles of blood ran down her face from the cut that she had sustained.

I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let my random horrific daydream become reality. I moved quickly in her direction, I moved calmly so as not to startle her but she didn't see me anyway. I saw her right foot come out of the car and watched in horror when her left foot came out to join her right one land in a patch of extra slimy crap. I saw her body jerk back, in the process of falling, I ran as fast as I could to get to her side and prevent her from falling.

I grabbed her waist and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her body towards mine. We both gasped as my freezing hands brushed up against the soft skin of her back; her tee shirt and jacket had ridded up her back slightly as I had grabbed her, causing a small sliver of her skin to be uncovered.

Her body was so close to mine, completely pressed up against me. Her chocolate colored eyes stared straight into mine, as her breathing became more labored. All thoughts about her safetly left my mind and all I could focus on was how close to me she was. Her warm breath fanned out across my face, smelling like mints with a hint of that Bella smell that I had come to enjoy.

My breathing became heavier as I continued to stare into her eyes. Her gazed drifted for my eyes to my lips and back again. Her lips were within inches of mine, it would take barely any effort to close the gap between her lips and mine. I slowly began moving my face closer to hers, closer to her lips. My body was humming in anticipation for what was about to happen, everything around me just slowed down and there was only her and me. Her eyes slid shut gently, and my gaze was no focused solely on her beautiful pink lips.

"Edward!" an excited chirpy voice exclaimed, preventing any further movement of my head towards Bella's. Quickly I pulled her up into a standing position and quickly she moved her arms, which had come to rest on my shoulders at some point during our encounter, off of me and moved to stand a foot away.

"What do you want, Alice?" I asked her, feeling a mixture of annoyance and gratitude towards her, for preventing me from kissing Bella. The ramifications of that action could ruin our barely-there friendship.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see what you were up to this weekend." She replied cheerily, at least one of us got laid this weekend. From beside me I could see Bella blush slightly, probably thinking about what almost happened between us, both this weekend and just now before we were interrupted.

"Nothing of importance, Alice, my weekend was boring, just like it was last weekend." I told her, sighing to myself as I saw Bella's expression falter a little.

"What about you, Bella? Get up to anything good this weekend?" Alice asked, as she turned her attention to Bella.

Bella muttered something unintelligible, about the boring time that she had had this weekend, before muttering something about getting to class early to see one of her teachers. Both Alice and I watched Bella as she turned around and got her bag out of her car, before she began walking into the school.

As soon as Bella was out of sight, Alice turned to me a slapped my lightly on the shoulder.

"Shit, Alice. What the hell was that for?" I asked angrily, who hits someone for no reason.

She raised her eyebrow angrily at me. "What was that for? How could you do that to the poor girl? I saw her face just now; did you see her on the weekend?" She asked with an impatient expression on her face.

"Umm… well maybe," I stuttered. Yelping slightly when she slapped me again; this time with a little more force, I was going to have a fucking bruise is she kept doing that shit.

"How could you do that to her Edward? If you guys are going to try and be friends you can't just cut her out like that." She told me stubbornly. Maybe she should just record this conversation herself, cos she obviously didn't actually need me to answer the questions since she had all the answers herself.

"How the hell do you know about that?" I whispered in surprise.

"I know a lot more than you think I do, Edward." She told me, smiling with joy as Jasper came over and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in the direction of the school. Psychic little pixie.

"See you at lunch, Edward." She called under Jaspers arm, before wrapping her tiny arms around his waist, without even taking a second look at my shocked expression.

I spent my next few classes trying to figure out why Alice always seemed to know so much about me. I don't believe in psychics or fate or any of that bullshit, but I could help but wonder how she seemed to know things that no one else knows. How she always seemed to find the right time to tell me shit that others didn't even know.

When the bell rang for lunch I stubbornly took my time heading to the lunch room. I wondered to myself how much of an inconvenience it would be if I dropped by the library to see Bella. Before I could even decide what the answer was I was pulled into a storage cupboard by a pair of tiny hands that had quite a bit of strength behind them. I didn't need to open my eyes to know who had pulled me in here; I was just surprised that someone of Alice's size could exert that much strength.

"Mike Newton is having a party Friday night and he plans on asking Bella to go as his date." She told me, staring stubbornly into my eyes.

"Why are you telling me this, Alice?" I asked

"Because you have to go too silly, you can't let her go with _him_. He is such a sleaze." She told me simply, while shrugging her shoulders lightly.

"Bella is free to date whomever she wants, Alice. We are just friends remember?" I told her stubbornly, refusing to acknowledge the piercing sensation in my chest from her news.

"You say that now," she muttered, mostly to herself.

"What was that Alice?"

She shrugged again, "Nothing. I'm just telling you that you will be going to the party weather you like it or not." And with that she opened the door and walked out of the closet, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The irony of me coming out of the closet was not lost on me. I decided that Alice and the rest of them could do without me this lunch hour, and that I wanted to see Bella in a place where she wouldn't see me watching her.

I walked casually into the library, nodding slightly in the direction of the librarian who was still not paying attention to anything other than her new _Harlequin Mills and Boon_ novel. I wondered to myself if she ever actually did her job, but I really could have cared less. I was here to watch Bella, not think about the ignorant librarian who never did anything but read romance novels.

I found Bella at the back of the library, where she used to sit. It turns out that her routine hadn't really changed at all; the only thing that was different about her now was the book that she was reading. I never took Bella as the kind of girl who would enjoy reading books that weren't fiction, but here she was reading _A Child Called It_, the first of a three part series of books about a man named Dave Pelzer who wrote about the horrific life he led while living with his mother until he was taken away and placed in the foster system.

I sat a row behind her with a book in my hand; I didn't plan to read it I just wanted a reason to be here if anybody wondering what I was doing back here. Stalking wasn't something that people praised you about.

10 minutes before the bell rang I saw a nervous and sweaty Mike enter the library, searching the shelves for something, probably Bella. She didn't even notice that he existed until he walked over to her and interrupted her reading. The scowl on her face was comical, but I resisted the urge to laugh and instead paid close attention to the scene in front of me.

His nerves radiated off him in waves, making me feel uncomfortable for him. He looked so nervous and was too scared to even look into her eyes. I watched him closely as he stuttered his way through giving her instructions about the party, and his eyes sparkled when he finally convinced her to go with him; telling her that the Chief was a friend of the family and that they had told him about the party already, and that it was Charlie's idea for Mike to invite Bella.

My face fell slightly when he asked to walk her to class and she nervously let him help her off the floor. After they left I sat there for another 5 minutes trying to figure out why I felt this way. I felt like she had betrayed me, that she should have told Newton to shove it up his ass. In no way was I actually expecting her to say yes to the douche.

I felt someone place their small hand on my shoulder, freaking stalker pixie.

"I told you this would happen, Edward." She said, clearly trying to comfort me by using gentle tones. This only made me feel worse, I knew this was going to happen so why did I feel so shitty about it?

"Yeah," I mumbled to myself as she squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. The bell rang for class and Alice started to stand up, encouraging me to do so too. I had biology with Bella, I didn't want to miss out on that time with her.

I grabbed Alice's hand and squeezed gently before whispering, "Looks like I'm going to the party too." She flashed me a brilliant smile, before heading out of the library.

As I walked into the lab I noticed that Newton was in my seat beside Bella. I gave him a menacing look as I got near to the table and he told Bella in a cheery voice that he would see her after class before bounding away to go and sit in his seat, leaving a blushing Bella sitting at our table.

Before I could say anything to her, the class was called to order. Banner joyfully informed us that we would all be completing an assignment together that would take up every biology class for the next two weeks; apparently it was worth a third of our overall grade and was to be treated with the upmost importance. We were partnered with our _"lab buddy"_ as his playfully called us, and that some of the work should be completed at home, in a study group with one another.

When he was finished giving us instructions on what we had to do, I turned to Bella and asked her what she wanted to do with this assignment. She offered to have me over to her house this afternoon and we could go through everything together, and offered to have me stay for dinner so I could watch her cook. We had decided to do the assignment on the different bacteria that milk had, the bacteria found in fresh milk compared to the bacteria found in the processed store bought variety. I joked with her that I would love to stay for dinner, as long as she wasn't going to use milk in her cooking.

Part of me was elated that she had invited me over to her house for dinner, until I realized that she was only doing so as an obligation to this assignment. We spent the remainder of the lesson talking about our horror milk stories and when the bell rang I came to the conclusion that I never wanted to drink milk again.

Bella gave me the directions to her house, and then informed me that I could probably just follow her home from school. She gave me the number for her cell, and my heart dropped when I realized that I didn't have one of those yet. The Cullen's had taken me into the phone store to purchase one, but I was scared off by the shop assistant when she went on and on about everything to do with phones. In her excited voice she told me about all the special features, "we have these phones where you can take pictures and receive pictures and watch TV and you can surf the internet and even watch entire movies…" my sarcastic response made Esme almost burst into laughter, "how about a phone that actually work? How about a phone that thinks it's a phone?" the salesladies face just dropped and she walked away sullenly. After that trip I had given up on getting myself a phone, but now that I knew Bella had one I made the decision to brave the shop assistant again and get myself a phone, I could even use the money my mum left me, she told me to use it.

Bella shot me a small wave as she made her way to her next class, Mike was not with her and I was happy to realize that he was probably temporarily scared away from her due to my behavior. I decided to ditch the next lesson and sit in my car, listening to music. I have downloaded the Rise Against album that Bella had told me about on Sunday, and as I was listening to the lyrics of their song _The Dirt Whispered_, it dawned on me that I was about to spend the entire afternoon at Bella's house, alone. I didn't know whether to hug or strangle Banner for forcing this assignment on us. Instead of panicking about what would happen between Bella and I when we were alone in her house tonight, I just sat back and tried to relax into the music.

"_On cold night in a prayer for dawn  
but the daylight isn't what she wants._

_The concrete calls my name again  
I'm falling through the cracks I slip"_

Getting into the song and its lyrics I didn't notice all the students that had flowed into the parking lot until I heard a soft tap on my driver side window. I looked up in annoyance at whoever had interrupted the flow of the music, to see the shocked face of Bella looking down at me.

"I see you took my advice and chose to listen to some _good_ music," she smiled at me as I pressed the button to roll the window down.

"Yeah well, I got bored on Sunday." I joked with her. She just laughed and told me to follow her home, calling me funny boy. What an odd nickname.

She lived in a moderate house that looked perfect for Bella. My foster parents' house was too big and you couldn't feel completely comfortable in it, no matter how many windows there were. It was painted blue and white and the homey feel of the inside made me feel calmer about being alone with her. Bella told me that her mother had been the one who had chosen the color scheme of the house, and I believed her completely when I saw that the interior color of the toilet was baby pink, no straight man chooses that color for a toilet.

She set up all our books at her kitchen table, that was the perfect size to fit 4 people and she offered to get me a glass of water. We worked on setting up the project for over an hour when my stomach rudely interrupted our preparation by informing us of its presence. I hadn't eaten anything all day except for the piece of toast I stole from Esme this morning. Much to my pleasure Bella offered to make dinner early, and I nodded joyfully at her when she told me to call my "parents" and tell them where I was while she cooked dinner.

She grinned brightly at me when she put two plates of chicken soup on the table, I enquired as to why she was smiling and she told me that there was absolutely no trace of milk in the soup that she made. I offered to get her a class if she was thirsty, and she just shook her head vehemently at me.

When the chief got home Bella told him that she had made soup for dinner and that his was sitting on the stove. He smiled brightly at her and kissed her on the head, before flashing me a curious look. Bella told him that I was her lab partner and that the assignment we were working on was worth a third of our biology grade. He nodded slightly and told us that he would eat his dinner in front of the TV so as not to disturb our "creativity", flashing me another strange look before leaving the room.

We finally decided that we had had enough "learning" for the day around 8 pm and we stood awkwardly at the door for 10 minutes, not knowing how to say see ya properly. Eventually I just settled for a small wave and told her I would see her tomorrow, before getting into my car and going home.

The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. We talked when we got to school and I walked her to her first class, I watched her in the library at lunch time thankful that Mike did not see the need to come back every day. We made light conversation about other things during biology, and spent a few hours at Bella's house after school working on it further. The assignment was nearly finished and I was proud of what we had accomplished so far.

By the time Friday rolled around I had almost completely forgotten the party that we would both be attending later that night. I would have carried on in ignorant bliss had it not been for Bella apologizing and telling me that we could not study together tonight as she had to get ready for Mike's party. I chose not to tell her that I would be attending that party too, I wanted to make it a surprise; though I didn't know how much of a surprised it would be considering the entire school was probably going.

The day passed as usual, I would have spent another lunch hour stalking her in the library had it not been for Alice pulling me from my class just after the bell rang to tell me that she and Japer would take me to the party. I gave her my address and she told me that they would pick me up around 8, wouldn't want to be too early. Alice told me that she had been looking forward to this party all week and had tried her hardest to make a nice dress for herself. She wasn't too fashion conscious but she did want to look good at one of the biggest parties of the year. I told her that as long as she didn't look like glow stick on drugs she would look great.

I walked into the biology classroom with 30 seconds to spare, to see Mike hanging all over Bella like a leech. He was trying to tell her about a book that he had been reading, I almost snorted when he told her the title, "50 ways to be good in the sack" what a loser.

I walked up to the desk in time to see Bella blush like crazy. I told Newton to fuck off, and he went back to his original seat beside some kid named Tyson, Tyler, I don't care. We spent the class in almost silence, only talking to each other when we needed to ask a question. I was trying to focus solely on my work but every now and then I would glance in Bella's direction to see what she was doing.

We parted ways at the end of the class and Bella told me that would see me Monday before walking away to her next class. I smiled knowingly to myself when I thought about the prospect of seeing her all dressed up tonight, and the look that she would have on her face when she saw me at Mike's party.

I knew that our friendship had grown over the last week, but I was still cautious around her. I didn't want to get too close to her, but I didn't want to lose her either. I was still confused at what I actually wanted from her. I wasn't sure where we were heading, but I was glad that at least she seemed to like this side of me; the nicer side. A side of me that I was hoping she would become familiar with, in time.

~*~

_Set me from myself, you can,  
And it's you, and no one else.  
If I could wish upon tomorrow,  
Tonight would never end.  
If you asked me, I would follow  
If then now I'll just pretend.  
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,  
You can_

**Authors Note:** Sorry that I had to spilt this one guys, this chapter would have been pretty long if I didn't!! This is the first part of this chapter… Part two will be up later!!

Still love me?? Send me a review for another awesome sneak peek.

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	12. Chapter 10: Yours to Hold Part 2

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** I'm back with Part 2 people, enjoy!! =D

Official posting schedule is now WEDNESDAY'S and SATURDAYS!!! This is for you Kristine!!

Also, I have created a new community for Australian authors to share their stories with the rest of the FF people. If you are an Aussie let me know and I will add you, you will also find all my stories there =P www(.)fanfiction(.)net/community/An(_)Aussie(_)Affair/70956/

_Every single day  
I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone.  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold  
I was yours to hold  
_

**Yours to Hold – Skillet**

~*~

I spent the afternoon at home going through my entire wardrobe searching for something to wear. This was the first party that I had ever been invited to, and I didn't know what to wear. I eventually settled for some dark pants and a black leather jacket over navy blue tee shirt, and hoped that I would not look like too much of an emo in this outfit. I tried to do something with my hair, but each time I tried to control it, it just formed back into "sex hair" and I could do nothing with it.

Alice at Jasper arrived promptly at 8 and honked the horn loudly, so that I was aware of their arrival. I told Esme that I would be home late, and she encouraged me to stay out as long as I wanted, she was just happy to see that I was making friends. I ran out the front door, to see Jasper sitting behind the wheel of a beaten up mustang, with Alice practically vibrating with anticipation in the passenger seat.

Mike's house was not as big as the Cullen's, but it wasn't exactly small either. The stench of booze was the first thing that assaulted you at the door, closely followed by the women who had been consuming it. They were so drunk that they just drooped themselves all over the people arriving, I had no idea why people would want to get that blindly drunk. I tried to see if Bella was in the group of drunken girls, but was relieved when I could not see her.

"Loosen up Edward, it's a party," Alice yelled over the music, while nudging me with her shoulder.

Some guy walked up to me and handed me a drink, saying "drink up buddy, Mike got us a keg."

I sniffed the cup and discovered that the contents smelt the same as the stench I could smell as I entered the house. I chose not to drink the contents of the cup, but I kept it in my hand as a sign for other people not to give me a new one.

I scoured the room to find Bella, relaxing slightly when I finally saw her. She was in the corner of the room, talking to Mike, or rather being talked at by Mike. From where I was I could see that she was wearing a short skirt with stockings underneath, and a beautiful blue top that made her skin look radiant. I tried to get her attention until finally she looked up and saw me, her smile was blinding. I raised my glass to her in a silent hello, and she raised hers slightly and took a sip of whatever she was drinking. I in turn took a sip of my glass and struggled to swallow its contents. I tried to signal to Bella to come over and talk to me, but she shook her head slightly, telling me that she was busy. Feeling slightly rejected I lifted my cup to my lips and sculled its remaining contents before looking to the nearest person for a refill. I'll show her.

I had no idea what was causing me to act like such an idiot. I had never had alcohol before, and already my head was swimming slightly with the little bit I had had already. I stared sullenly at Bella while consuming my third helping of the disgusting liquid, I had no idea why people referred to it as liquid courage because the only thing that this drink was giving me courage to do was throw up. Occasionally I could see Bella glance over at me, but I just ignored her and focused on my drink. I knew that the alcohol was affecting me and I didn't give a shit. This was all Bella's fault. If she hadn't moved her I wouldn't care about and I wouldn't feel jealous that someone other than me was talking to her. I wasn't supposed to feel this way; I wasn't even supposed to like her.

All these feelings I was having about her were getting in my way and I needed to get them out, more drinks could help me with that. I grabbed my cup and went off in search to find more of the golden liquid that had filled my drink earlier. I walked into the kitchen to find a keg that had apparently just been tapped, I walked up to it and lifted the handle and began to refill my cup. I was so focused on watching the bubbles make different patterns in the liquid that I didn't realize that someone had come over to stand beside me. From where I was standing I could tell that Bella had extricated herself from Mike to come over and talk to me. _Finally._

"I didn't know that you would be here," she told me happily as she came to stand beside me.

"You don't know a lot of things" I told her arrogantly, as I filled her outstretched cup.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to learn" she told me, trying to hold eye contact.

"What makes you think that I am willing to teach you?"

"Just give me a chance, Edward. It's not what you think." She pleaded at me.

"It's fine, Bella. You are free to date whomever you want. We are _just friends_," I told her, stressing the word friends.

"I know," she whispered. Casting her eyes towards the ground, if I didn't know any better I would think that she was sad about that.

"I'm sorry for being a dick. I didn't mean to make you upset." I sighed. My head was still spinning a bit, but I took a large gulp from my cup anyway.

She took a sip from the cup I had filled up for her, shaking her head slightly. "It's ok, Edward. I only came here because Charlie said it would be a good idea for me to try and socialize with other people, too."

I laughed at her; of course Charlie would want her to have more friends than just me. He probably didn't want his daughter to only be friends just me. For all I know, he probably knows a bit of my history, he probably wouldn't want his daughter to be hanging out with the town charity case. Mind you, I don't think he would much approve of her underage drinking either.

She walked over to the side of the dining room; it looked like she was trying to hide from someone. I walked over to side beside her, while continuing to consume my drink.

We sat there for a while, just talking about everything and anything. I was fascinated by everything she said, and occasionally I saw a beautiful blush come over her face. I tried to encourage her into talking about her life in Arizona, but she just told me that she was a loner there too, only having a few close friends. She looked almost devastated when she told me that none of them had contacted her the whole time she had been in Forks. "I guess I know who my real friends are." She told me, trying to shrug her shoulders to show that she didn't really care either way, but I saw the pain flash behind her eyes and I rubbed her shoulder affectionately.

We consumed quite a few drinks over the course of 2 hours. The alcohol filled my empty stomach and my head continued to spin. I tried really hard to focus on Bella's face, but the people around her were fading, all becoming a blur of colors.

At some point during the night Bella and I ended up sitting I front of each other, in a positing similar to Molly Ringwald in _Sixteen Candles_. My face was so close to hers, getting closer as I struggled to hear her soft voice over the loud sounds of the party and its music.

Our bodies were close together, and the alcohol was making us dizzy so that we were leaning forward with my face just inches from hers. She was staring into my eyes, while I was struggling to focus. She eyes were glassy and were shining brightly at me. I could feel her breath fanning over my face, smelling of a mixture of her drink and a new smell that was entirely her own.

Even like this she was beautiful, and I couldn't get enough of her. Topics that she talked about were fascinating, and I didn't know if it was because they were good topics or because she was the one talking about them. I couldn't get enough of her, and I didn't want to.

Our faces were getting even closer together, until there were just inches separating her face from mine. I wanted to reach out and run my fingers over her lips, but I knew that that would be a really bad idea, and that it would blur the lines of friendship between us.

I didn't want to ruin what I had with her, I knew that I cared for her more than a friend, but I didn't want to let that show. I didn't want to hurt her, and I knew I would if we started something. I didn't want that, and I knew that hurting her would hurt me too.

Her face was getting closer and closer, and her eyes were staring straight into mine. I couldn't break eye contact; I just sat there staring into her chocolate eyes, trying to see what she was thinking.

"I like you shirt," I told her, breathing her in deeply when she sighed in response.

"Thanks," she whispered, staring intently at my lips. I stared at hers in response, trying to will them closer with my eyes. Her lips were so luscious, and from what I could remember, they were just the right size to fit me. I wanted to wrap my lips around hers, and never let her go. In that moment, I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything else in my life.

Our faces got closer and closer, I could almost feel her lips on mine, they were that close. I knew that this was going to happen, that I was going to kiss her again, and I wanted it. I wanted to lean forward and giving her the kiss I had wanted to give her since last Friday. I wanted to lean further forward and press my lips intently to hers, and I was going to.

I closed my eyes and waited for her lips to come to mine. I felt her lips ghost over the top of mine, and just as I was about to apply more pressure, a massive scream reverberated around the room.

"Ahhhh… Oh My God. I love this song!!!" I heard someone yell, causing Bella to leap backwards, removing her lips from mine. Fuck.

My breathing was heavy and I needed to calm my nerves. I tried to take another sip out of my cup but realized that it was empty. Shitty McFuck Fuck!!!

I was so angry at the girl who had interrupted us. I was so close to kissing Bella, and some random girl had to go and ruin that for me. I could not be more annoyed at her!

I look over at Bella and saw her struggling to take control of her breathing, which had gotten heavy during our almost kiss. Her cheeks were flushed a beautiful pink color, and she was trying to avoid my eyes.

I wanted her to look at me even though I knew the moment was over. I wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek, telling her that I would kiss her later and that I was disappointed that we didn't fully kiss too. But I couldn't.

I couldn't will my hands to move over her cheeks, they just stayed limply in my lap. I wanted another drink, something to distract myself from the situation, and the fact that at some point my cock had gotten hard in anticipation. Obviously it didn't get the memo that said we were interrupted. I was glad that I had chosen tight pants, since it made it harder for people to tell what was going on down there.

I tried to focus my thoughts on anything but Bella, dead kittens, sick puppies, anything that would make the pressure go down. Anything that would help ease the suffering my poor cock was under, I needed to stop dreaming about Bella, because if I did my cock probably wouldn't have this response from and almost kiss from her.

Bella cleared her throat lightly, her breathing had evened out somewhat, and she didn't look as flushed as she did before. Her eyes were still blazing, telling me that she still wanted me.

"Um… I think I need a drink of water, I'm feeling dehydrated," _is that what it was?_ "And I think that water might help. Can I get you anything?"

I nodded my head at her slightly. "Yeah, just water for me too. Thanks." I told her.

She nodded before standing up and walking in the direction of the kitchen. I shamelessly watched her ass as she walked away, taking full advantage of her wearing a skirt.

While waiting for her I looked around the room at all the people that were here, trying to see if I could find Alice and Jasper, but they were lost in the sea of teenage bodies. Unfortunately my focused attention at the room around me caught the attention of a blonde girl who was standing 5 meters away from me. I looked at her for about a minute before shifting my gaze away from her.

Clearly she took my look in her direction as a sign that I wanted to talk to her, so she began making her way towards me. Her dress was way too tight, and I wondered how she could possibly think that she looked good in the puke green dress. I almost laughed when she stumbled in her heeled shoes; they were way too big for her.

She came up to stand in front of me, extending a fake manicured hand in my direction. "Hi, my name is Lauren. It's nice to meet you." She said in a nasally voice, before pushing her face closer to mine, in much the same way Bella and I had just done. _This could not be good…_

_**Bella**_

During the week I had noticed a change. I felt the presence come back, and I could feel their eyes on me once more. I had missed the feel of someone watching me in the library, for some reason it comforted me to know that my library stalker had returned and was now looking after me again. Under their watchful gaze I felt safe in my space, knowing that they had come back for me, and that I didn't need to see them to know that they were there.

After working on the biology project all week, I was beginning to feel comfortable around Edward, safe even. Though at times there was a feeling of fear, not fear of Edward himself, but fear that at any moment he could change and turn back into asshole Edward, who had been so nasty to me during my first week of biology; the same Edward that had kissed me and then run away. It had been the nice Edward that had saved me from falling onto the concrete floor of the student parking lot, and I had been thoroughly disappointed when we had been interrupted from another almost kiss. I had prayed to whatever deity was listening that he would tell her to fuck off and then kiss me, but it never happened. The moment passed and we were just left with awkwardness, again.

For I was happy at that he was at least talking to me during school hours, and I wanted to kiss Mr. Banner for our assignment. To me it seemed that everything in my life was falling into place. My "friends" from Arizona hadn't really been in contact with me, and I wasn't as upset about it as I thought I would be. I guess Edward had something to do with that, he distracted me from being miserable.

He was a really nice guy to me; the only negative thing I noticed about him was that he sneered at Mike when he found him sitting in Edwards's seat. I was a little joyful when Mike asked me to go to his party with him, I had given up on Edward asking me out and our "just friends" policy was doing well. But part of me wished that Edward had been the one to ask me.

When I told Charlie that I was going to a party with Mike, he was really happy for me. I guess he just liked the fact that I was making friends in this town. He even gave me $50 to find something nice to wear, but I ended up wearing some clothes that I already owned and decided to save the money.

Mike had picked me up early on Friday night, it was probably a good thing that I didn't take long to get ready. Mike was a nice guy, but after listening to him talk about himself and his accomplishments, I was about ready to poke his eye out. There is only so much a girl can stand.

When I saw Edward arrive at the party I was stunned, I never thought he would show up. But after he took one look at Mike he gave me a look that said _'come hang'_ while raising his glass into the air in a salute, but I knew that it would be rude for me to just ditch Mike so I shook my head at him gently, trying to tell him that I would talk to him later. He just shrugged angrily and took a large gulp of his drink, before looking anywhere but at me.

I tired looking for him at different intervals during the night when Mike was boring me to tears, but I couldn't find him. For all I know, he was probably off in a corner sulking somewhere. I hoped that he wouldn't drink too much, from what he had told me I knew that he had never had alcohol before and I knew that it would affect him heavily because of that.

Later in the night, Mike went off to talk to some other people, leaving me to fend for myself. I went in search of Edward. I found him in the kitchen and we talking a bit while he filled my cup with whatever he was drinking. He was a little bit angry to start with, probably thinking I rejected him or some shit, but after a while we were friends again.

We hid in the corner and talked about everything while drinking way too much alcohol. For some reason the conversation seemed to lull and I noticed that his face had gotten a lot closer to mine. It was almost like he was going to kiss me again, and I was looking forward to it. Internally I was begging him to reach out further and kiss me, like he did the other day, this "just friends" bullshit be damned.

I felt his lips brush up against mine and I wanted so badly for him to increase the pressure and plant another passionate kiss on me but to my distain some random girl had to scream and interrupt a kiss from Edward that I was dying to receive. Edward clearly looked flustered and was annoyed when he went to take a sip of his drink to find his cup empty, so I offered to get us both a drink of water, to let the awkwardness shift.

I was lucky enough to not run into Mike while in the kitchen, and was eagerly looking forward to going back to Edward. I was barely gone 5 minutes and when I entered the room, what I saw shocked me.

There over in our corner, Edward was kissing some other girl, only minutes after he had barely kissed me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing; she was leaning towards him with her mouth firmly planted on his face. His hands were on her hips, and it almost looked like he was enjoying what was going on. I could feel my eyes start to water; I couldn't believe that I was stupid enough to think that he could possibly like me. He had betrayed me, again, and I didn't know if I could forgive him this time…

~*~

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
You should know  
I'm ready when you're ready for me  
And I'm waiting for the right time  
For the day I catch your eye  
To let you know  
That I'm yours to hold_

**Authors Note:** Like it? Please don't be mad at me, it had to happen. And I threw Bella's point of view in there because we needed to see that event through her eyes.

Still love me?? Review for a sneak peek at what comes next!!

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	13. Chapter 11: Fear

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Annnnd, I'm back… Bringing you another awesome chapter, cos that's how much I love you =P

_Wind in time  
Rapes the __flower trembling on the vine  
Nothing yields to shelter it  
From above  
They say temptation will destroy our love  
The never ending hunger  
_

**Fear – Sarah McLachlan**

~*~

I think my heart stopped beating. I couldn't feel anything except the pain and guilt I felt at the look on Bella's face. I had hurt her, possibly beyond repair and I wasn't entirely sure how.

I thought over the events that had led me to now. I was at a party and got piss ass drunk because I was jealous of Mike and Bella, Bella came to me when I was in the kitchen and we spent time together talking about everything and anything; just enjoying each other's presence. We had an awkward moment after we almost kissed but were interrupted but some random girl screaming. Bella had stood up to tell me that she wanted a drink of water to cut down some of the alcohol she had consumed, and offered to get me one too.

While watching Bella walk away a blonde girl came up to talk to me. I tried to act uninterested, but she just kept persisting. I started looking around for Bella, hoping that she would be back soon so that she could get this blonde away from me, and all of a sudden the blondes lips were on mine and something in my mind was telling me that it was Bella so I kissed her back without realizing that I was kissing the wrong person and I wasn't sure if my hands were on her hips to push her away or bring her closer. During the kiss I had closed my eyes, picturing Bella's beautiful face in my mind, and when my eyes opened I looked across the room to see an expression of horror come over Bella's face as the two cups of water slipped from her hands and onto the floor, showering her feet with water.

She stood there for a few moments, frozen, before quickly turning around and bolting up the stairs. I extracted the blonde from around me, I had stopped kissing her when I saw Bella first enter the room but it was too late, Bella had already seen what happened. I could hear the blonde screaming something unintelligible at me, but I ignored her and ran as quickly as I could up the stairs and in the direction Bella had just run to.

I got up the stairs just in time to see one of the bedroom doors slam against the frame, the sound of the lock twisting reverberated around the hallway. I ran to the door and began banging my fists against it, pleading with Bella to open the door and let me in. When I tried the knob again it still wouldn't budge, effectively locking me out of Bella's life and giving me no way of apologizing to her face to face.

I stood for a good 30 minutes in front of the bedroom door, banging loudly and calling out apologies. Eventually my arms grew tired and my voice was getting weaker, I could feel the effects of the alcohol I had consumed, making me dizzy. I dropped to the floor on my knees; my legs didn't have the strength to continue standing. I could feel my eyes lids getting heavier, but I resisted the urge to close them completely.

I knocked on the door again, lightly this time and whispered in a hushed voice, "Please don't give up on me, I have so much to lose!" Hoping and praying that she could hear me through the thick wood of the door. Before succumbing to my bodies desire to close my eyes, and slipping into unconsciousness.

My dreams were filled of nightmarish pictures of Bella's face, distorted in sadness and anger. I kept calling out to her, begging for her to forgive me, but she just turned and ran away from me, and no matter how hard I tried I was not fast enough to reach her.

I jerked awake as I felt bright lights assault my eyelids. Slowly I peeled one open and shut it quickly when I realized that the bright lights were coming from the sun outside, and that it was morning. I shivered when I saw snow in the window, before realizing that I wasn't cold myself. I looked down at my body, to see that someone had placed a warm blanket over me at some point during the night. _Bella._

The floor was hard beneath my body, and I could feel my head start to throb in pain. I resisted the urge to empty the contents of my stomach when I realized that I was sleeping on Newton's floor. I stood up slowly, trying to make sure that I would not move my stomach around too much. I tried once again to open the door, and felt a sense of relief when the knob turned and the door opened.

I glanced around the side, hoping to see Bella asleep on the bed, but she wasn't there. I searched the room for any signs of her, but she was nowhere to be seen. She must have left some time during the night, after coming out of the room to find me sleeping in the doorway. My eyes were tired and my head was still throbbing uncomfortably, I needed some aspirin and a large cup of coffee, but first I needed to get home.

I realized that I had left my car at home, since Alice and Jasper drove me here. I had no idea how I was going to find my way home from here, I wished I had a cell phone to call Esme with but I was such a dick I had felt I didn't need one. Really gotta fix that problem, as soon as I get out of this mess.

Bits of last night flashed behind my eyelids: Bella's face, kissing that skank, almost kissing Bella, Bella talking to Mike instead of me, Mike looking at Bella with rapt attention, drinking my body weight in shit that smelt really bad; I felt like an asshole.

Since I had no car and no phone I decided to hoof it home, hoping that the fresh air would help clear my head and the hangover that was causing my head to feel like it was on fire. My body groaned at me, still stiff from sleeping on the cold floors all night.

I wasn't sure how to get home from here, but I figured that if I walk in the general direction of town that I would eventually be able to find the way home. On the way into town I thought about the mess that I had gotten myself into. In the beginning I didn't even want to know Bella or anyone for that matter, but over the last few weeks I had come to care for Bella but I had now thrown all that away by drinking and being a dick.

I had ruined any chances of being anything more than Bella's friend when I had stupidly kissed another girl right in front of her. Now all I could hope for is that she will let me still be her friend, but I wasn't sure. At least I knew that she still cared for me somewhat, since she had covered me with a blanket so that I wouldn't get cold.

I spent the rest of the weekend going over everything in my head, feeling like a dick head since that seemed to be all I did on weekends lately. I thought about how I would apologize to her; whether I would go with the simple "I'm sorry for how I acted, please forgive me," approach, but I thought that it might be a little too cliché for me to do that considering the amount of times I had apologized to her in the past. Or I could go with the approach of bending down on one knee and begging her to forgive me. I decided that I would go with the simpler approach, but I would bring some of Esme's flowers to soften the blow.

I knew that in reality that we couldn't be together, but I all I had to do was close my eyes and she was right there with me, in my dreams. And to me, that was where she was always perfect, always caring and loving, and my dreams made it so easy for me to love her the way I wanted to.

Monday morning just before school I was ready for her. I had a bunch of Esme's roses in my hand, realizing that it may have been a dumb ass idea in the first place since everyone was looking at me as if I was some mental case. I heard Bella's truck before I saw it; she really needed to get a new one, that thing was freaking loud.

I walked towards her as I saw her getting out of her car, she looked beautiful, but she didn't even acknowledge my presence. I knew that she knew that I was here; she was just ignoring me on purpose.

"Hey Bella, I am really sorry about…" I started, but she cut me off with a wave of her hand.

"Listen Edward, I don't really know what happened Friday night, and to tell you the truth I don't care. You were right, we are _just friends_ and you don't owe me anything Edward, its fine." She stated angrily, staring hard into my eyes, stressing the words just friends.

I stood there flabbergasted, my jaw hanging open as if it was about to respond, but she didn't give me the chance as she walked away leaving me outside in the cold. Vaguely I heard a bell ringing somewhere in the back ground, but all I could think of was the expression on Bella's face which had been a mixture of betrayal and anger, along with the dead flowers that I was now clutching tightly in my hand.

I was tempted to leave the roses on the hood of Bella's car, but they would probably be dead by the time school let out, and giving someone dead flowers doesn't really scream "I'm sorry." More like "Hate me more," which was not what I was going for. So I just flung them away, not caring if they landed on someone else's car or the ground, it didn't matter.

I snapped out of my stupor when the second bell ring, meaning that I was now officially late to my first class, which was all the way across the school, all 200 meters of it. The teacher frowned at me when she saw me walk into the classroom slightly flushed and out of breath, she told me to take my seat and to try not to interrupt the class again, who all looked fascinated by the topic of the renaissance.

I spent the class twitching nervously in my seat. I had decided that I would try and follow Bella to every one of her classes to try and apologize to her if she would give me the chance. When the bell rang to signify the end of class I hopped out of my seat as quickly as I could and tried to hunt down Bella. I found her standing beside her locker, but when I walked towards her she just glared at me before slamming her locker door and running away.

And this is how the rest of the day went, I tried to apologize to her, but she always ran away before I could get to her. I knew that I would see her at lunch in the library, but when I got there she was gone. There were not books on the floor in her spot, and everything looked untouched, like no one had been there at all. She had moved.

My brain started listing reasons of why she had not come to the library this lunch hour, but the only think I could come up with was that she knew that I watched her and she didn't want me to see her. I started hyperventilating, how could she know that I was watching her almost every lunch hour since she started at this school? But I had no idea.

I wanted to talk to her; no I _needed_ to talk to her. I decided to pull a Bella and drag her into a hallway after biology to explain everything to her, and tell her how sorry I was.

Biology was long, too long. Bella sat next to me, not saying one word to me the whole time. She was pointedly ignoring me, just as I had done to her. Oh how the times have changed. I stared at the clock willing it to go faster, I wanted to be able to talk freely to her as soon as possible. I almost jumped for joy when the bell rang; I walked out of the room quickly waiting for her behind the door as she packed up her bag, completely oblivious.

She walked calmly from the room, completely unaware of what I was about to do. I quickly followed her as she walked down the hallway, catching up with her quickly I grabbed hold of her arm dragging her into our abandoned hallway. Does anyone _ever_ come down here?

It almost sounded as if she growled at me when I pushed her up against the lockers, locking her in place with my arms on either side of her body, caging her.

"What the hell do you want Edward?" she huffed angrily, glaring at me with a fiery passion.

"I just wanted to apologize for what happened on Friday night, but you won't listen to me. I'm sorry if I hurt you Bella. I didn't mean to kiss her; I thought that she was…" I stopped before I could tell her the unwanted truth.

"You didn't hurt me, Edward. We are _just friends_!" she reminded me. I began to get annoyed with this infuriating woman, why the hell did she keep bringing up the "just friends" thing. She was really starting to grate on my nerves; I punched the locker in frustration.

"Why do you keep saying that Bella? Why do you pretend that me kissing another girl didn't upset you? I saw you face Bella; you were so hurt, so betrayed. Can you honestly tell me that you only have feelings of friendship for me?" I asked, staring into her sparkling chocolate eyes. Pleading with her to tell me the truth about how she really felt.

She stared up into my eyes, and I noticed that hers were glistening with unshed tears. "Yes, Edward," she whispered. "I only have feelings of friendship towards you."

"I know that's not how you really feel Bella. Just tell me the truth," I told her pleadingly.

I noticed that our faces had once again gotten closer together, our breaths mixing together between us. Her face was flushed a light pink color, from anger or passion I didn't know. She was still staring up at me, looking intently into my eyes, seeing through my soul.

"What do you want me to say, Edward? Because I really don't know anymore," she whispered softly.

Our faces gradually got closer together, and I was elated. She was going to kiss me. I was going to kiss her, finally. This hallway must have some voodoo magic that always makes us want to kiss each other, even in a fit of anger and betrayal.

Bella's eyes fluttered closed and I could hear her labored breathing since it was the loudest sound in the room. Our lips were barely inches apart, and I felt her tongue flick against her lips, moistening them.

"Eddie… There you are! I have been looking for you everywhere, where have you been," a voice squealed from behind me. A voice that I wished I didn't recognize. It was blonde skank; the woman that I had kissed at Newton's party, the woman that had caused all these problems between Bella and me.

I heard Bella audibly growl, before she pushed me away from her with her incredible strength and turned around and ran down the corridor, away from me and the blonde slut who was ruining my life, and the fragile friendship I had with Bella.

Watching Bella walk away from me again I realized something. That I would rather have one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than an eternity without it. I didn't love her, not yet, but I was sure as hell going to try, because something inside me told me that she would be worth it.

I turned to the blonde girl in front of me. Right, time to sort this shit out…

~*~

_But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
Here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in our embrace  
There's nothing I'd like  
Better than to fall  
But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
I have nothing to give  
We have so much to lose_

**Authors Note:** I really hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. More angst and drama to come people, bare with me =D

Also, I know how many of you hated what Edward did last chapter, but hopefully he will redeem himself soon!!!

So… thoughts? Feelings? Want a sneak peek of the next chapter? You gotta tell me these things people!!!

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	14. Chapter 12: Vulnerable

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Yay, I'm Back!! Another fabulous chapter brought to you by me =P

The chapters following this one are my favorites, so please be gentle with them.

_And you're slowly shaking finger tips  
Show that you're scared like me so  
Let's pretend we're alone  
And I know you may be scared  
And I know we're unprepared  
But I don't care_

**Vulnerable – Secondhand Serenade **

~*~

I turned back to blonde skank infuriated. She had interrupted Bella and I again, as well as scare her away. I was about to give this skank a piece of my mind. I could have torn her head off had it not been for the humongous fake smile that was plastered across her face, as she looked up at me expectantly.

"Thank you so much for the flowers Eddie. I didn't think you would even remember me, but when I found the flowers on my windshield this morning I knew that it was you." She said, raising herself onto her toes and placing a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Yuck!

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked her incredulously, before I realized that I had just tossed the roses for Bella this morning, they must have landed on her damn car. Shit!!

"Awww Eddie. We are going to be so happy together, I am _really_ good in bed." She whispered into my ear, clearly trying to be seductive but failing miserably. I didn't have time to fuck around, I needed to get away from this skank and back to Bella.

"Listen Laura, or whatever your name is. I only kissed you because I was drunk, I didn't mean to kiss you and I don't have feeling for you. I'm sorry." I told her, before walking down the hallway in search of Bella.

I needed to talk to Bella, but she would probably never talk to me again, thanks to Laura. I knew that I had to find some way to make her talk to me, without giving her a way out. When I went to the student parking lot I noticed that Bella's truck was missing, she must have cut her last class. I decided that I had to see her. Tonight.

I knew that the chief would be home after 6pm and that he usually falls asleep around 8pm, Bella had told me that her dad was a heavy sleeper and that he rarely wakes up after he falls asleep. I decided that I would park my car around the block and walk to Bella's house. Hopefully she would hear me outside, and come and let me talk to her while the chief stays asleep in another room.

I went home and had dinner with Esme, Carlisle had to work late, we made polite conversation over a plate of her 'famous' pasta. The dinner itself was quite good, I knew that the Cullen's had hired a stay in maid to do all the cooking and cleaning, but Esme was proud to tell me that she had cooked the dinner herself. Apparently her mother used to be a famous chef over in England, but when her mother passed away from a heart defect, she lost the will to cook and so she always hired someone else to do that for her. She informed me that she wanted to start cooking again and that I could help her and she would teach me if I was interested.

She asked me how school was going, and asked about my biology assignment, once again bringing the subject of Bella to my mind. By 7.30pm I was more than ready to go to Bella's house, I was jumping with anticipation but I knew that it would be inappropriate at this time. I spent almost three hours sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to run out the door the minute the clock struck 12am.

I got to her house, and stared up at her window watching the light from inside making patterns. The lights were dimmer than I thought they would be, soft as if the person inside her room was preparing for sleep if not already asleep.

I knelt to the ground and picked up some small pebbles, light in weight so that they would not do any damage to the glass. Gently I threw the pebbles at Bella's window, hoping that she would hear the taps on her window and come out and see me, but she didn't. There was no movement from inside the house, the lights stayed still; the pattern on her window didn't change. I used all the pebbles in my hand until they were all gone, but I was determined not to give up.

In a small way I felt a pang of guilt since Charlie would have to clean out the gutters which could probably get clogged with pebbles. I made a note to offer my gutter cleaning services to Charlie, before the cold front that was coming in over the weekend, since it was my fault that the gutters would get clogged anyway.

For all I knew she was asleep, or she was ignoring the sounds from her window. I decided to check and chose to climb the tree outside her bedroom so that I could see for myself. Scaling the tree was not an easy task, I almost slipped a dozen times and it didn't escape my attention that I could really hurt myself if I fell from this tree.

Finally I got to her windowsill, looking in I saw her lying in her bed with headphones to her mp3 player in her ears. That was why she couldn't hear me; her music must be up too loud. I tapped lightly on the window with my fingers a few times, trying to get her attention.

She looked so relaxed, so beautiful. Her body was covered in a silk camisole that was covering a thin singlet and a pair of boy short underwear, showing off her luscious skin. Her face was slightly off color, more red than usual, and I could tell she has been crying from the red in her eyes.

Finally after knocking louder she looked up startled. It took her a few seconds to realize that I was really sitting outside her window. She glared a few times, breathing deeply, before taking her headphones out of her ears and walked towards the window. Lifting the window open and inviting me in she took a few seconds to figure out what she was going to say, I prepared myself for whatever was coming to me.

"Edward! How nice to see you. Come to try and hook up with another random bimbo? Sorry I don't have any of those here. You should try Port Angeles; there should be some dumb skanks there for you to make out with!" She said angrily, glaring at me.

"You think you know me, but you _don't_." I told her stubbornly, I didn't come here to argue with her but if that was how she was going to start I was going to fight fire with fire.

"That's because you won't let me. You won't let me in enough to help you." She argued exasperatedly.

"I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help." I spat at her. Of course she didn't understand why would she? She hadn't been through the same things as me. She didn't know me at all.

"Then why are you here Edward?" She asked, her eyes glossy from unshed tears. Her expression was pleading, she was begging me to tell her what was going on, and part of me wanted to tell her the truth; consequences be damned. But I wasn't sure if I… if we… were ready for that.

"I... I don't know. I just wanted to see you, I guess." I told her softly, hoping that she could hear me over the heavy pounding on my heart. I could see that I was hurting her; that my hot and cold attitude towards her was causing her some form of pain, and I didn't want that.

She moved onto her tippy toes and brushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes. "You can tell me, you know? Your secrets would be safe with me, I wouldn't tell anybody." She whispered, staring straight into my eyes, not breaking eye contact for even a second.

Slowly her hand moved from my hair down to my cheek. I leant into her warm palm slightly, before turning my head the other way, trying to block out all the thoughts that were running through my head.

I could feel the muscles in her arm begin to pull her hand away, I didn't want the warm feeling that her palm was creating to leave, so I grabbed onto her wrist keeping her hand on my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her flinch at my sudden movement, before finally relaxing into her earlier posture.

"Edward, look at me." She pleaded while trying to force my head in her direction with her unoccupied hand.

I shut my eyes tightly and took in an agonizing breath before turning my head around to face her. Her face looked pained, with dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. I knew that this was my entire fault. That I was the one that was causing her to sleep badly and causing her time here in Forks to be so miserable.

I felt a stabbing sensation in my heart at that thought of hurting her, that wasn't what I was trying to do at all. In some twisted subconscious way I was doing this to protect her; to keep her safe from the demons inside of me. I was angry at myself that I had never given her the chance to choose for herself. I never gave her the freedom to participate in our "friendship."

I slowly pulled her hand away from my face and placed it softly above my heart, letting her feel how fast it was beating beneath her soft fingers and the thin material of my shirt.

The smug part of me wanted to smirk at the thin barriers that separated our bodies, reminding me of my continued nighttime dream escapades with the girl who was currently standing in front of me, wearing nothing but a silk camisole that was covering a thin singlet and boy short underwear. _Please God, don't let me get a hard on in front of the girl I dream about at night._

As if it overrode my brain, my body leaned towards hers bringing her lips closer to mine. I tried to keep eye contact with this beautiful woman, but I was trying very hard not to run out of the room screaming.

I wanted to kiss her, more than anything else at that moment. I tried to will her with my eyes to move forward further and kiss me, but it didn't happen.

Her eyes fluttered closed and I saw the hint of a yawn come over her features. Of course she would be tired, it was 2 o'clock in the fucking morning and she had to get up early for school tomorrow.

"I think that you should probably go to bed now, Bella. It is really late and I don't want to be the reason that you are tired at school." I told her, trying to comfort her with my words.

The hand that had turned my face in her direction was now resting right alongside the hand that was still sitting above my heart.

"No! You can't go already. We only just got started." She said pleadingly as her fingers clutched desperately to the fabric of my shirt.

"It's ok Bella. We will see each other tomorrow; we even have an entire hour in biology to work on our assignment together." I said, cringing at how desperate my voice sounded.

Her eyes which had previously been focused on mine were now looking pointedly at the floor. We stood there silently for a few minutes before she let out a heavy puff of breath and moved her head upwards to face me. Her features were soft but determined as she stared deeply into my eyes.

"Could you… Do you think you could stay the night?" She asked while stroking one of her hands up and down my chest.

"Umm…" I said nervously, searching for something to say in response. Her reactions always confused me; she never did what I expected to do.

"Ah, it's ok. You don't have to. I mean, it was just an idea. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. But I'm not sure that I want you driving in weather like this." She stuttered nervously as a faint blush came over her pale cheeks, making her look radiant.

After a few seconds I realized that she had mentioned something about the weather outside. The weather had been prefect on my drive over here; I could even see the stars without clouds covering them. One glance at Bella's window and I discovered that the clouds had come back again and it was bucketing down with rain. Only in Forks could the weather change this drastically this quickly, there were barely any clouds when I first arrived at Bella's house.

I swore to myself silently and refocused my attention back on Bella and the offer that she had just made. I nodded my head slightly before reaching out my hand and gently running my thumb over the apple of her cheek.

"Thanks for the offer Bella. I would like to take you up on your act of kindness." I smiled weakly at her.

"Thanks," she replied earnestly.

"So, do you have some blankets and a pillow that I could sleep on?" I timidly asked her, giving her a small grin.

"It's fine, Edward. You can just share the bed with me, I trust you." She whispered, crawling into her bed and tapping the empty space beside her, indicating that I should lay there next to her. I grudging slipped off my muddy shoes, crawling into the bed beside her.

My body was absolutely rigid, not moving or intruding into her space. I was shocked into movement when she rolled over and wrapped her hand around my body, resting her small hand on my stomach while laying her head on my chest, just above me heart.

"Is this ok?" she asked tiredly, I could hear the yawn in her voice.

"Sure" I replied nervously, gently moving my arm so that it wrapped around her tiny frame.

I had no idea how I was going to sleep like this with her. She was so close that I could smell her, and I wanted nothing more than to plant my nose into her hair and take a deep breath. I just listened to her breathing as it began to even out; at least one of us was completely comfortable in this position.

I lay there silently; praying to whatever God exists that I would be able to wake up before Charlie got the bright idea to test his shooting abilities when he finds me in his daughter's bed. I also prayed that little Eddie would realize that this scenario wasn't part of one of his sex dreams and it probably wasn't a good idea for him to wake up and poke her.

"_Goodnight, sweet Bella…"_ I whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head not knowing if she could hear me or not. Letting her breathing calm me, I shut my eyes softly, falling into a restless sleep with my arms around the woman from my dreams.

I was ready for what would come for us tomorrow, because tonight I had her in my arms and I wasn't planning on letting her go.

~*~

_Slow down girl -- you're not going anywhere  
Just wait around and see  
Maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead  
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything  
Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed  
I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need_

Tell me tell me  
What makes you think that you are invincible?  
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure  
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable  
Impossible

**Authors Note:** Awww, it looks like these love birds are finally getting together… Or are they??

So… thoughts? Feelings? Want a sneak peek of the next chapter? You gotta tell me these things people!!!

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	15. Chapter 13: Pieces

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Yeah it's me again. I really like this chapter so be gentle with it =P

Like I said before my current posting schedule for this story is WEDNESDAY'S and SATURDAY'S, you guys are so lucky that I love you enough to update twice a week!!

Also, I am currently in love with this song so show it some love. The piano and violin in the beginning are beautiful!!

_I'm here again  
A thousand miles away from you  
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am  
I tried so hard  
Thought I could do this on my own  
I've lost so much along the way  
_

**Pieces - RED**

~*~

I waited nervously in front of the school for Bella, hoping that she would arrive before the bell rings, so that I would be able to talk more about our conversation last night.

Waiting in anticipation for her arrival I went through the events of this morning in my head. I had woken up around 5am, knowing that the 10 minutes of sleep that I had had would do wonders for my complexion. I slowly tried to crawl out from underneath Bella, who was still lying across my chest.

I didn't want to leave her, but I didn't want her to get in trouble with her father. I finally extricated myself from her embrace, holding my breath nervously as her small hand moved across the bed; probably trying to find my body now that I had disappeared from beneath her. Her face contorted into annoyance, before she turned her body around, now facing the wall away from me.

When I got home I decided to take a long hot shower to try and erase the tension the last few days had caused my muscles. I reveled in the warmth of the hot water, while deciding not to have some quality time with my hand. I didn't need that shit this morning, but the second my mind drifted to the feel of having Bella in my arms, and her amazing smell that would now be wrapped around my clothes, my small brain jumped to attention. Demanding that I relieve that tension, while calming any nerves I was having at the thought of seeing Bella at school.

I leaned the left side of my body against the wall for support as I wrapped my hand around my throbbing member. I knew that I wouldn't last long since this was the first release I had given myself in almost a week. I ran my hand up and down my cock, using the warm water act as a lubricant, creating the right amount of friction between my palm and the spray of water coming from my shower nozzle. I closed my eyes and pictured some of the scenarios that my dream Bella had been in, I pictured her in front of me on her knees with her small hands wrapped around my cock with licking her lips mischievously. A few more pumps and my body shook as I released all over my hands, feeling even more satisfied that there was no mess to clean up this time, as the water had done that job for me.

My cock was now soft and limp in my hand, and a feeling of peace washed over me. I wondered to myself if Bella had ever done similar things like this when thinking about me in the shower, but I doubted it. My cock obviously didn't get the message as it began to harden again, but I didn't want to waste more time by jerking off in the shower, I wanted to get to school and see Bella and I didn't have time to play "talk to the hand" with my penis.

I threw on a pair of jeans and a Rolling Stones tee shirt, before running down the stairs and out the door without even a second glance at the shocked faces of my foster parents.

And that's what led me to being at school this early in the morning. It was 8am by the time I arrived at school, but seeing as classes don't start until 9am I was completely alone in the school parking lot. I had no choice but to hope that she institutively knew that I was going to be here early and decided to come to school early too, but it was highly unlikely.

I waited alone for her for over an hour before other cars began filling the student lot. I looked around anxiously before realizing that her car had not come into the lot yet. I could understand that she might have slept in; we had barely had any sleep last night, and if wasn't for the anticipation for seeing Bella, I would probably have fallen asleep on the spot where I was standing. What the hell was keeping her?

Finally my luck changed as I saw – or rather heard – Bella's decrepit truck pull into the parking lot. It seemed like she had parked as far away from my Volvo as she possibly could, but I didn't know if that was a coincidence or she had done it on purpose.

I saw her fumble around for her keys before she practically tripped out of her truck. She began walking in my direction and I tried to convey with a smile how happy I was to see her, but she just completely avoided looking at me at all. She walked to me and when I thought that she was going to stop right in front of me she just kept on walking, knocking into me on her way past. What the hell?

I couldn't understand where all this hostility was coming from. I thought that we were doing ok last night/this morning, but now I wasn't so sure.

I quickly turned around and tried to chase after her, calling out her name loudly so that everyone focused their attention on the scene I was trying to cause between Bella and me. All the students were giving me a strange look, probably surprised that I even had the ability to talk at all. Bella barely even noticed my cries to stop her; she just kept walking ahead of me. I picked up my pace and caught up with her, –long legs have to come in handy sometimes right– before grabbing her arm and physically dragging her into the nearest empty classroom.

Her face was red with fury and her hair was puffed up around her, almost looking the way a kitten did when it was pissed off. But her tiny fists of fury could really pack a punch, I thought to myself as I rubbed the bruise that had formed on my arm due her impressive right hook.

"What the hell do you want Edward?" She snapped angrily

"I wanted to talk to you. Did you not hear me calling your name just now?"

"I heard you; I just chose to ignore you. I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now." She stated firmly as she focused her glare on me.

I exhaled loudly in frustration. "What did I do now? I thought that we were ok after last night."

"I thought so too, until I woke up this morning to find that you had just bailed on me. You didn't even leave me a note or anything. What the hell was I supposed to think about that?" She yelled, taking a step towards my body and flailing her arms around angrily.

"I… I am sorry. I completely forgot. I just figured that we would have seen each other at school anyways." I said, flashing a look between sympathy and regret.

This just seemed to make her angrier as a blazing look of fury flashed through her eyes. She took a deep breath, before attempting to respond in a calm but slightly exasperated tone.

"Listen, Edward. This has been… great, but I don't have time for all of this 'will they won't they' Dawson's Creek shit. You're like a damn Katy Perry song and your moods are giving my whiplash, and I'm sick of it. I can't do this anymore. I understand that this has been hard on you. You probably have a troubled past that still haunts you and I understand that, but I'm tired Edward. This knifes edge that you have me balancing on, is cutting the shit out of my ass. So you need to make a choice. Either, be my friend and let me into your life, if only for small parts of it, or just let me go. Because it hurts for me to see you all the time and not know how you will treat me today. I just need to know the truth, before I go crazy."

I was shocked into silence by her speech. She stood almost a meter in front of me, close enough for me to reach out and touch her. To comfort her by telling her how much I really did care for her, but I couldn't. I couldn't make my hands move from my sides; my whole body was still frozen in shock.

The bell to signal the beginning of the school day rang out loudly around us, filling the silence with its high pitched ring.

Bella exhaled loudly whispering some excuse about having to go to class, before shuffling out the door. Leaving me all alone in the empty classroom, confused as hell about what I should do next.

I'm not sure how long I spent standing in front of the empty classroom door. The only thing that was going through my mind was that I needed to make a choice about Bella, and I had to do it quickly or she would never forgive me.

I was being an arrogant ass hole to her and she didn't deserve this kind of treatment from me. She deserved to know what was going on and I wished with all my heart that I could fix all the shit between us, but I knew that it would be that easy.

I could see that my ever changing moods affected her and I knew that we couldn't keep doing this. She was right; we had to make a choice. And since I was always the one that was screwing around with our relationship, it was up to me to fix it. I knew that we needed to talk properly, in private so that we would be interrupted by anyone.

The library was probably going to be my best bet and all I could do was hope that she would be there today. She wasn't. I had spent my first morning classes in a daze figuring out in my head exactly what I wanted to do and what I wanted to say to her. All my planning and plotting came to nothing when I walked into the library and for the second day in a row Bella wasn't there.

My mind screamed at me, to figure out why she wasn't there again. Did she know that I was watching her? That thought scared me, I knew that in some way she could probably sense that someone was watching her but I wished that she wouldn't know that it was me. I didn't want to come off as a creepy stalker to the girl that I possibly wanted a relationship with, cos that shits just wrong.

Biology was my last chance; I knew that she could not ignore me when we had to work together on our project or at least work as lab partners. Bella was already in her seat when I got there, a new book was opened in front of her and I had the sneaking suspicion that she had spent her lunch hour sitting at this desk.

Her hair was strewn messily across her shoulders and her sweater hugged her curves in the most delicious way. It took a lot of my strength to draw my eyes away from her body and up to her face which was facing directly at the board in front of her, in a similar stance to the way I used to look.

She didn't even acknowledge my presence when I sat down and I knew that she probably wouldn't want to talk to me during this lesson, but she had no choice. Banner started the class and explained what we were going to do this lesson, but I barely paid attention. I spent the first half of the lesson trying to get Bella's attention and failing. I even poked her in the shoulder a few times when Banner wasn't looking but she just glared at me and clenched her hand into a fist.

I knew that I was getting to her, that I was pissing her off, and I just wanted to push her over the edge so that she would at least say something to me. Eventually I seemed to wear her down as I saw a small piece of folded paper slide onto the top of my books by Bella's delicate fingers. I opened it hurriedly anticipating what it said…

_We can talk after class. I promise that I won't run out on you like you used to. Bella._

My heart fluttered and then sagged when I remembered how I used to run out of the classroom to get away from her. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry that she had finally decided to talk to me, I guess my incessant pleading eventually got to her.

My knee bounced up and down the rest of the lesson, anticipating the end of class so Bella and I could finally get shit out in the open. I wondered to myself if either one of us had ever attended out last period class, but the question was ignored when I heard the bell ring.

I quickly jumped off my chair and shoved my Biology shit into my bag almost bouncing with anticipation as I watching Bella calmly pack away her books. Finally she finished and we walked side by side out the door and into our hallway.

"Listen Bella…" I started as I leaned towards her.

"Eddie! There you are. You are always down here; do you live here or something?" Interrupted a really annoying blonde who I was about to kill. She was clearly trying to flirt with me, but I could have cared less.

The look on Bella's face shocked me, she looking genuinely torn, like she was about to break apart. I almost heard her sob, but I couldn't really here her over the sounds of Blonde Sluts annoyingly nasal voice. I took a calming breathe and look up just in time to see Bella turn away and walk down the hall, away from me. Right, I was going to kill a bitch…

"Oh My God! How do you not get it? I didn't mean to kiss you, I'm sorry I ever did. I didn't place those flowers on your car on purpose, they were for someone else. I don't love you. I never have and I never will. Now fuck off and leave me alone!!" I yelled at Lauren, finally remembering her name – not that I cared.

At that I took off down the hallway running as fast as I could to catch up with Bella, completely ignoring the screams and possible sobs of Lauren behind me. I didn't care; I just needed to find Bella. I panicked as I looked around the crowded hallway trying to pick Bella out of the crowd; I saw her just in time to see her run out the doors and into the student parking lot. Shit!

"Bella!" I yelled as I picked up my speed to try and catch up to her. Getting to her just in time before she could open the door to her car and drive away from me; again.

"Bella please don't run away again. I want to talk to you." I begged her as I grabbed hold of her arm, not giving her an option to walk away again.

"Shouldn't you be off with your girlfriend? I'm sure she wouldn't be too happy that you are talking to another girl." She said stubbornly, trying to shake her arm free of my grip.

"It's not like that Bella, and you know it. I don't even like her." I said, pinching the bridge of my nose with my free hand.

"Oh, so you just go around kissing girls you don't like. Now everything makes perfect sense." She yelled dramatically, waving her unrestrained arm in the air.

Luckily the last bell had rung, and we didn't have an audience here in the parking lot and we could talk in private, if she would just keep her damn voice down.

"I'm not like that Bella. I didn't mean to kiss her, you have to believe me. I didn't mean to kiss her. I thought she was…" Now I was the one yelling.

"Listen, Edward. We are _just friends_. You can play tonsil hockey with anyone you want, don't feel any obligation to me. I'm _just_ your friend." She hissed at me. I was really starting to get sick of the word 'friend'.

I released her wrist and slammed my hands against the door of her truck, effectively locking her against me with my arms. "God, Bella. I don't want to _just_ be your friend!" I said exasperated, staring fixedly into her eyes.

I could feel her breath mixing with mine. We were both breathing heavily, and were conducting a miniature staring contest between ourselves. Her eyes were searching mine, for what, I wasn't sure; answers probably; I was searching for the same things in hers. I wanted to stay here in this moment. I didn't want to change.

Anger seemed to be the emotion that seemed to dominate our relationship, we always seemed angry with each other and anger was a powerful emotion. Right now my body was fighting between anger and lust, and the fact the Bella's body was now pressed up against me, was not helping the situation. I also noticed that during our conversation our faces had gotten closer together, until there were barely inches between us.

"What are you saying Edward?" She whispered, her breath fluttering over my face. I could see tears forming in the corner of her eyes, and I felt horrible that I was making her feel this way. My head was swimming and I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her my past, what happened to my mother, what the foster system was like… everything. But I wasn't sure how.

"Edward?" she whispered pleadingly. I was torn between wanting to kiss her and wanted to drop to my knees and beg for her forgiveness. I chose option A.

I moved my right hand from the side of her truck and wrapped it around the back of her neck, closing the distance between us and bringing her lips in contact with mine. Our kisses started soft and sweet, our lips moved gently against each other's and the rest of the world melted away and we were in our own little Bella-Edward world.

Bella's hands moved from her sides and wrapped tightly around my neck, bringing me closer to her. Our kisses started to get more heated and I was quickly running out of air, and I could feel that she was too.

She moaned gently – from lack of oxygen or the passion of our kisses I wasn't sure – and brought me back to the present. Slowly I could feel Bella pull back gently, gasping for air. I rested my forehead against hers as I took some much needed oxygen into my lungs.

Our breath mixed between us perfectly, and I could taste her lip gloss on my parted lips. My eyes were tightly shut and I was afraid that if I opened them that she would disappear and that I would wake up to find out that this had all been a dream. I heard her exhale slowly and I placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Was that enough of an answer for you?" I asked her smugly, looking down to see her staring intently at me. Her face was flushed and her eyes were glassy, if I hadn't know better I would think that she had been crying but I knew that they were glassy due to the cold wind that blew against us cooling our overheated bodies. I shivered at the cold that was piercing through my shirt, and she laughed lightly at me, staring straight into my eyes.

With one last pointed look into my eyes she inhaled deeply and whispered, "Yes." Before she once again grabbed hold of the back of my neck and pulled me in for another kiss, bringing her lips roughly against mine.

I smiled smugly against her mouth as I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, anchoring her to me. I felt her mouth start to relax and her lips parted gently, leaving me no choice but to thrust my tongue past her lips and into her mouth, to be locked in a battle for dominance with hers.

The kiss that we were sharing was even more perfect than our first kiss; and this time I wouldn't be the one to break it.

~*~

_I've come undone  
But you make sense of who I am  
Like puzzle pieces in your eye_

Then I'll see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole

**Authors Note:** Like me now?? Please say that you do…

Night Orchid offered to pack her bags and move to Forks to teach Bella and Edward communication classes for which they would have front seats. I hope this chapter makes you feel a bit better about their communication skills.

So tell me how I went and I will give you a sneak peek for the next chapter!! And to all your lurkers out there I would love to hear your opinion too…

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	16. Chapter 14: With Me

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Heyy guys I'm back… did ya miss me?? =P

I am really glad that you guys responded so well to the last chapter, I hope to live up to your expectations!

Also, my official posting days are Wednesday's and Fridays!

_Thoughts read unspoken  
Forever and now  
And pieces of memories  
Fall to the ground  
I know what I didn't have so  
I won't let this go  
'Cause it's true  
I am nothing without you  
_

**With Me – Sum 41**

~*~

Bella and I had been hanging out with each other more and more for over a week now. The day after our make-up kiss I had introduced Bella to the crazy people that I sit with at lunch. Not surprisingly enough, Bella had fit into to our little "group" quiet well, and she had taken a liking to Alice who felt the same way. I could still see that Bella was cautious around me, as if she expected me to freak out again at any minute.

We hadn't kissed since our kiss in the parking lot last week, I wasn't even sure if we were "official" or not, but I was fine that we were taking our time. I didn't want to rush things with Bella. I had never done anything like this before, and it scared me that I didn't know what to expect.

Bella seemed to be content with our undefined relationship and occasionally I would catch her looking at me out of the corner of her eye, and each time I would flash her I lopsided smile before returning my attention to whoever was talking.

The Biology assignment that Bella and I had done together was finally finished and we both received full makes for our finished product. I vowed that I would never drink fresh cow milk that hasn't been pasteurized. Even though our project was over we still spent our afternoons together trying to do our homework, but we usually ended up distracting each other with our casual glances.

On Friday our Biology lesson consisted of watching a documentary on fungus - which was bound to be fascinating. As soon as Banner turned off the lights and pressed play or I could think of was how close Bella was sitting beside me. Her body was less than a foot from mine and I could feel the tension between us radiating throughout the room.

My hands were clenched at my sides as I tried to restrain myself against the need I felt to touch Bella. She was so close and her smell was so potent that I couldn't focus on the television screen in front of me. I tried to focus and pay attention to what "Mr. Movie-phone" was saying over the speakers but I couldn't. I had to force myself to breathe through my mouth so that her smell could not hit me as hard.

Sure we had been hanging out a lot, but we were usually supervised and not sitting in total darkness. The hour long lesson was agonizing, and when I saw Bella's hands clasped into fists at her sides I took some satisfaction that I was not the only one suffering.

56 minutes and 23 seconds after Banner had hit play on the DVD player, the stop button was pressed and the lights were turned back on. I looked around the class to see that many people were lifting their heads from the lab benches, some even looking like they had been asleep for a decent portion of the lesson; the lucky bastards.

Somewhere in the background I heard Banner tell the class that the movie was not over and that we would continue to watch the end next lesson. The class fell into a random silence as people tried to figure out if this was a good thing or a bad thing; I already knew my answer. The class had been agonizing and I really didn't have the urge to relieve that particular experience.

Banner informed the class that we had less than 5 minutes to pack away our things and talk amongst ourselves until the bell rings.

I turned slowly in my seat to face Bella who was looking shockingly nervous about something. Her hands were twisting nervously in her lap as she twirled one of her rings around her fingers. During one of our longer conversations Bella had explained that her mum had given her the engagement ring that the chief had given her mother. Bella wore the precious keepsake on the ring finger of her right hand. It clearly saddened Bella that her mother cared so little about Charlie that she would just give his engagement ring away. But in a way she knew that he enjoyed the idea that is was still being worn by someone he loved, even though it wasn't the person he had originally given it to.

Bella was still staring awkwardly at me; her eyebrows were furrowed together in concentration. I glanced quickly at the clock discovering that we had barely 3 minutes before the bell would ring. Bella too noticed the time on the clock and her fingers began still in her lap.

Bella took a deep breath before exhaling loudly. Swallowing the frog that was stuck in her throat she fixated her eyes on mine and began talking hurriedly.

"So over the last few weeks I have been slowly cleaning Charlie's, it took me a whole 2 days to clean out the garage to make room for his cruiser. And I was wondering if you would be interested in helping me clean out the basement?" She asked, blushing slightly so that her cheeks were a soft pink color.

I could see her eyes flash an emotion that I couldn't identify, fear maybe? Her hands regained their earlier ministrations of fumbling in her lap while she waited for my answer. I wasn't about to say no to her, as I had been thinking earlier that I wanted to see her over the weekend. Her expression was anxious and her body jumped slightly when I cleared my throat to answer her.

"Sure Bella, that sounds great. What time will you and the chief be expecting me?" Even though he had asked me to call him Charlie I couldn't bring myself to call him that to his face; probably something to do with the way my mother used to tell me how to talk to others.

"Charlie is going fishing with Billy this weekend, so it will just be you and me. I was going to get started early, around 9ish, if that's ok?" She said with a nervous chuckle, while staring intently at the pattern her hands were still making. Just me and her alone together in her empty house for an entire day?

"Uh… Sure Bella. Sounds like a plan." I told her, nodding my head a few times to encourage her. She looked into my eyes, clearly trying to figure out if I was being serious or not.

"Great." She said enthusiastically just as the bell to signal the end of class rang. We both jumped at the intruding noise, and quickly packed our bags and headed out of the classroom. I walked Bella to her next class, gym apparently, and we stood awkwardly at the door for a few moments before we said a nervous goodbye and parted ways, saying how we would see each other tomorrow morning "bright and early" were her exact words.

The rest of the day passed in a blur and soon enough I was setting my alarm for 7.30am the next morning to make sure that I would be ready. My dreams were filled with horrifying images of Bella running away from me down empty hallways that lead to nowhere, and the few times that I was able to catch up to her she turned around and laughed at me when I tried to kiss her. During some of the dreams when I turned Bella around her face morphed into the shape of my mother's face, but with large scratches spread carelessly across her face.

I woke up early the next morning, looking over to my bedside clock to discover that it was 5.30am. I cursed myself for waking up at such an ungodly hour of the morning and my eyes felt as if they were tired and made of lead. Each time I closed my eyes images of my mother's face flashed behind my eye lids.

My whole body was exhausted and even my dick – who loved to wake up early for a hand shake – seemed to look at me and say "seriously dude 5 more minutes."

I knew that I would have rather large bags underneath my eyes, and my hair probably look even messier than usual, but I was still looking forward to going to Bella's house in a few hours and spending some quality time with her; alone.

After getting up and taking a long hot shower I threw on a pair of really old jeans and a grey long sleeve shirt I made my way down stairs and proceeded to make breakfast for myself as well as Esme and Carlisle.

I decided that pancakes were probably the best way to go since it was probably the only breakfast meal I was able to cook; I always seemed to burn French toast for some reason. Just as I finished plating up the pancakes Esme and Carlisle descended the stairs and walked leisurely into the kitchen.

Esme took a bite into one of the pancakes and commented that they were the best pancakes that she had ever tasted, but considering that she was the one who taught me how to make them I found that hard to believe.

At quarter to nine I bounced out the door and rushed to my car, hurrying to get to Bella's house as soon as I could. With my awesome driving skills I made the 15 minute trip last 7, probably not the safest thing for me to do but I could really have cared less.

I smiled to myself when I realized that Charlie's car was not in the drive way and that we would indeed be alone today. I practically ran up to Bella's front door and tapped the frame to announce my presence.

Bella opened the door wearing a worn pair of track pants and an overly large sweater that looked like it belonged to a guy. She invited me in cheerily – obviously she was a morning person – and offered to get me a drink. After a large cup of coffee each we decided that we were ready to get started on the mess that was Charlie's basement.

Upon inspection I discovered that there were year's worth of memorabilia and shit down here. In one corner there was clearly a space that was covered in what looked like female clothing, which either Charlie used to fan his cross-dressing obsession –not likely- or they used to belong to Bella's mother.

In another corner there were unopened boxes that were piled in random stacks that nearly hit the ceiling. Apparently Charlie was a bower-bird in another life, since it would appear that he never throws anything away.

Bella and I got started on the boxes straight away, opening them one at a time sorting through the things that were and weren't needed. After spending over 2 hours working through the boxes we discovered that we were not even a third of the way through and that it would take us a while to sort through everything. We spent most of the time talking about ourselves; clearly skipping over the most important questions like _"how is your mum doing?"_ we didn't need that shit. We mostly just talked about our favorite colors and authors and what kind of music we liked.

Bella told me that she had a love for Alternative music, which I already knew, and explained that her mother was completely different in the fact that her mother's main love was classical music and that she had taught Bella how to play the basics when she was a little girl. However when her mother changed interests Bella was forced to stop playing and now only remembers the songs that she had played the most, including _"My Heart Will Go On"_ by Celine Dion, since that was the last song she had to learn fully.

We took a break for lunch around 1pm, eating the remains of Bella's lasagna from the night before. She was a fantastic cook, but I knew that already too. Maybe I could get Bella to teach me how to cook so that we could spend some more time with each other?

We continued to talk the whole way through lunch, only stopping to chew another mouthful of Bella's delicious Italian meal. After we finished eating Bella put our plates in the dishwasher and we decided to work more on the basement. This time we decided to start over in the corner with all the female clothes. Turns out that I was right about them being Renee's, apparently she had left a few of her belongings in Charlie's house when she left Forks, but didn't care enough to get them back.

All the clothes were put into garbage bags and placed at the bottom of the stairs so that we would remember to take them to Goodwill or a homeless shelter. After clearing most of the space we discovered a table that was covered in a white sheet. Upon lifting the sheet we discovered that it wasn't a table at all; it was a baby piano that used to belong to Renee's parents before they passed away.

It would seem that the piano was another thing that Renee had left behind when she abandoned Forks. I caught Bella eyeing it curiously, focusing on the engravings that were written across the metal plaque that adorned the top of the piano.

"Music never dies. It lives inside us, and shares its love with the world."

"Are you ok, Bella?" I asked softly as she stroked her fingers gently over the markings, as if trying to preserve them in her memory just by tracing them.

"Hmm?" She said raising her head towards me. "Yeah I'm fine. Do you play?" She asked softly as I stroked the keys lightly, not making any real sound.

"My mother used to play the piano too. She would play endless quantities of classical music, while I would just sit right beside her and watch her fingers dance along the keys." She told her nervously, finally opening myself up to her for a bit. I could see the water in her eyes as I told her about my mother, and I reached my hand up to her cheek and ran my thumb over it lightly, trying to calm her. She grabbed my hand in hers and kept it anchored to her face, not letting me go.

"Will you play for me?" She asked gently, looking deeply into my eyes searching for the answer.

"Sure." I told her calmly pulling me hand away from her cheek and feeling the loss of her warmth as I sat down on the piano bench and patted the space beside me. She sat down calmly and patiently waited for me to begin. I cracked my knuckles in preparation before pressing my hands onto the keys and start playing what I think is chopsticks, my own remixed version.

Not even thirty seconds after I begin playing Bella's hands reach out and grab my wrists, stopping my fingers from touching the keys.

I look at her with a puzzled expression on my face, wondering why she stopped me so early, to find that her mouth was curled up into a large grin. I could see that she was trying really hard to resist the urge to laugh, and when I pointedly glared at her she couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. At me!

I couldn't believe it. I had just poured my heart of for her on the piano, playing this damn thing to the best of my abilities and here she is, laughing at my masterpiece! What the fuck?!

I pulled my wrists from her grasp, which had loosened during her fits of laughter, and got up about to storm out of the basement. I glared at her harshly and her laughter died down somewhat as she looked at me seriously.

"Dude, you suck!" She said as she giggled to herself, making me angrier.

"Well my mum was the pianist not me. I didn't have much time to learn as a kid, I really only know how to play one song." I exclaimed angrily. I couldn't believe that she had the audacity to sit here laughing at me!

"I really hope that that wasn't it, because that was not very good at all." She said honestly, her body still rocking slightly from all the laughter that she had directed my way.

My eyes flashed with fury and all I saw was red, until I took another look at her face. Her skin was flushed from all the laughing, but her eyes looked scared as though she thought I was about to hit her.

"I'm sorry that I laughed at you Edward." She said quietly, her eyes trained directly on the floor. I walked over to her and sat next to her again, wrapping my arm around her shoulder for comfort.

"It's ok. I guess I'm not as good as I thought I was," I chuckled nervously. I knew that it wasn't her fault that I was a shit piano play and made an ass out of myself for it. She looked up at me and I saw something in her eyes that I could not identify; the same look from the other day.

Once again our faces were close together and our lips were barely centimeters apart. Her warm breath fanned out over my face and I wanted to drink it in, collecting as much of it as I could; she was quickly becoming my favorite smell in the world.

"I could teach you… if you'd like?" She asked softly, her lips moving closer to mine.

"That sounds perfect," I told her, my lips brushing up lightly against hers. I had been looking for a way for us to spend more time together and here she was giving me an opportunity to do just that, as well as brush up on my piano skills.

Her eyes fluttered closed and I took one last look at her peaceful face and I pressed my hand against her cheek, my eyes closing of their own volition. I moved my face forward so that my lips were pressed against hers, moaning slightly at the smell of her vanilla flavored lip-gloss.

"Bells… I'm home!" Charlie's voice boomed from upstairs and the front door slammed behind him.

"Shit," I whispered as we quickly broke apart, covering the piano before walking up stairs to meet Charlie.

"Hey Dad, catch a lot of fish today?" Bella asked her father, as he glanced back and forth between us, clearly trying to figure out what was going on.

"Yeah sure, I put it all out in the freezer. What were you keeps doing down there in the basement?" Charlie asked suspiciously, glancing curiously at his daughter.

"We were just cleaning up down there. There is a lot of shit… stuff that you should probably get rid of." Bella told her father calmly, as she stopped herself before she swore in front of him. Apparently my potty mouth was contagious.

"O-K… But why were you down there this time of night?" He asked suspiciously.

Glancing out the window I noticed that it was dark outside, according to the clock it was 8pm. Shit! Esme will be pissed that I haven't called her and told her why I'm not home already. I glanced at Bella, silently telling her that I would have to go soon, but before I could make up an excuse to tell the chief he solved my problem for me.

"Bells, I think that it is a little late for Edward to still be here. I'm sure he needs to get home to his parents, you guys should say goodnight. You will see each other Monday." He told her, smiling at her gently.

"Sure Chief. Thanks for having me over today Bella. I will call you about those lessons ok?" I said to her as I began my way towards the door. Bella walked me to the door and we stood there awkwardly there for a few minutes wondering what the proper way to say good bye now was, especially after another almost kiss.

"Bells… where is the lasagna from last night? I'm hungry." Charlie yelled from the kitchen. Oops!

Bella waved slightly at me, and I gave her a motion pointing upwards, hoping that she would understand what I was trying to say. She closed the door and turned around, walking in the direction of her kitchen. I could vaguely hear them talking about satay chicken, before I quickly turned around and sprinted towards the tree outside Bella's bedroom.

I slowly scaled that tree, making sure that I was climbing safely since the last thing that I would want would to explain to the chief was how I broke my arm climbing into his teenage daughters bedroom.

By the time I got to Bella's window I was just in time to see Bella run into her room and close the door behind her. Her face was slightly red from running up the stairs and breathing was slightly labored.

I looked at her nervously, as I took in our situation. I knew that we would have to be quiet since her father was just down stairs and I didn't think that food would keep him satisfied for long. Quickly I climbed through the window and landed lightly onto her bedroom floor. She made her way over to me slowly until she came to a halt right in front of me.

I reached my hands out and grabbed a hold of her hips, pulling her towards me. Our faces were only inches apart and I moved closer so that her lips were lightly touching mine, "Goodnight Bella" I whispered before I closed the gap and pressed my lips against hers.

The kiss started off slow and sweet but after a few seconds it became more heated, more passionate. I felt her mouth open and I followed her lead. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and our tongues came together in harmony. There was no fight for control this time; I wanted us both to be winners.

Slowly our kiss lost momentum as we both broke away from air, resting our foreheads against each other. Hugging her to me I placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"See you Monday Bella." I said softly as I released her from my arms, settling for another kiss of the forehead before running my index finger along her cheek.

Her eyes were closed gently as she whispered, "Night Edward."

With that I turned around and climbed out her window, giving her one last wave from the inside of my car before I pulled out of her driveway and drove home.

Thinking about the events of today I was proud of myself and the relationship that I was developing with Bella. Monday could not come soon enough…

~*~

_Through it all  
I've made my mistakes  
I'll stumble and fall  
But I mean these words_

I want you to know  
With everything, I won't let this go  
These words are my heart and soul  
I'll hold on to this moment, you know  
As I bleed my heart out to show  
And I won't let go  


**Authors Note:** So I really hope that you guys liked this chapter. Please don't be mad at me for making Edward bad a playing the piano, it's all part of the story…

And for all you Lauren haters out there, I promise that she was just in this story as a way to make them express their feelings for each other… NOT a love interest!!

I have recently created a Community that is for Aussie stories and if there are any Aussie authors reading this story make a mention of it in your review and I will add your stories too…

So what do you guys think?? Want a sneak peek for the next chapter??

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	17. Chapter 15: I Will Remember You

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Heyy guys, here I am brining you another awesome chapter!!

My very own author/friend Krissy is going away for 2 weeks so I hope that this chapter is good enough for her going away chapter.

I am kind of sad at the response I got to the last chapter, apparently people only like reviewing when I leave them hanging… its Buffy all over again =P

I do realize that technically the song that I am using in this chapter is about a breakup not a death, but it still fits so ignore the romantic side of it for the first part.

_We're a picture in my mind  
And when I wanna find you  
I just close my eyes  
You'll never be that far from me  
So don't say goodbye cause  
You'll never be that far from me  
I'm telling myself that  
_

**I Will Remember You – Ryan Cabrera**

~*~

July. I hated this month with a fiery passion. It always brought back memories of my childhood that I wanted to keep hidden. I didn't want to remember, I wanted to forget. This was the month that my mother had passed away barely even half way through it -I don't remember the exact date-, and every year I would try to ignore this day and continue on with my routine, but not this time.

This time I was persuaded by Esme and Carlisle that it would be a good idea to come here and see her, make peace with my demons or some bullshit. I hadn't told Bella much about my mother, only telling her that she had passed away during this month 10 years ago because she had caught onto my shitty mood. I had hoped to keep that secret to myself for a while longer, but life doesn't always work that way I guess. Besides, she was bound to find out sooner or later, I would have just preferred the latter option.

Talking to a head stone had never been a desire of mine. I didn't believe that you could talk to people when they were already gone, when there was nothing left but their body buried forever inside a wooden box that would eventually rot away. But Bella had spent the better part of her day trying to convince me that it would be cathartic for me to talk to my mother, even though she wasn't alive to hear it, her spirit still would.

So here I am. It is 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and I am standing inside a frozen cemetery staring solemnly at my mother's head stone, reading and rereading the words that were carved into it:

_Elizabeth Masen_

_1964 – 1999_

"_Do not stand by my grave_

_And cry. I am not there,_

_I did not die."_

She had loved that poem; she would read it to me continuously when I was a kid. She told me that the greatest poems in the world were written about loss, and that you just had to look past the overwhelming sadness of some of them, to see the everlasting beauty that was behind the mask.

In her will she had specifically asked to be buried near Forks, in the same cemetery her parents were buried in. As a child I had always found that strange, as she had never once mentioned this town, or her deceased parents. Apparently they had died in a car accident before I was born.

I tried to close off my apprehensions about all of this, I decided that I would try and talk to her resting place. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to begin. I decided to start with the basics.

"So things have been going really well between Bella and me, I think that I may finally be able to relax around another human being." I whispered, watching the icy air leave my lungs, making it look like I was smoking.

"She is teaching me to play the piano too. You would be so proud. I can now play chopsticks without any mistakes," I chuckled to myself, scratching nervously on the back of my neck.

"I don't know what to say, to be honest with you. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I want to let you know that I wanted you to stay. I never wanted you to leave, and I miss you more than words can express. All the birthdays you missed, all the Christmases and Easters that you weren't here for, I missed you. There wasn't one year that went by when I wished that you were still here with me, that you would come walking through the door at any minute explaining that it had all been a horrible misunderstanding. I wish you had been there, I wanted you to be there and it emotionally killed me to know that you weren't coming back for me. But I just thought you should know that even though you really hurt me, I can't stop loving you. I guess that's the downfall of unconditional love." Tears were falling softly down my cheeks, but I wiped them away with the sleeves of my jacket before they could freeze in the icy air.

I pressed a gentle kiss to my fingertips, and ran them over the top of her headstone. I knelt to the ground and placed the fake lilies I had bought for her in the empty vase. I never really liked fake flowers, but the real ones would last very long in this weather. White lilies were her favorite, and I distinctly remembered that she had a collection of dresses that had lilies printed on them in a variety of different styles and how beautiful she looked in them. That's all I had left of her now. Memories and some money stored in an independent bank account and it saddened me to know that someday those memories might fade, and I would have nothing left.

Staring at her grave I thought about everything that was going on in my life; my growing relationship with my foster parents, my developing friendship with my new friends and my budding relationship with Bella.

Each time I thought of Bella I could immediately feel my body being pulled in different directions. One part of me was elated that we were developing such a relationship but the other part of me was worried that she would run away screaming when she found out how truly messed up I was.

I wondered what kind of memories Bella and I would create together. I knew that her leaving me was inevitable but I knew that I wanted memories that I would remember, even when she was no longer with me.

Memories effect who we really are; without memories we are just empty and have nothing to help us develop into the people that we would become because of those memories. And after all the shit that I have been through in the past and all the horrible memories that fill the spaces in my mind I knew that I wanted some happy ones too. I wanted those good memories to be of Bella. Memoires that would fill the spaces in my mind that so far were only filled with the few good memoires that I had left of my mother.

As if it was having an epiphany with me the air around me shifted changing the direction and temperature of the air around me. I knew that I needed to get back to ensure that I would not be joining my mother's body in the dirt from hypothermia. The thought of once again leaving my mother saddened me and it wasn't until I was back in the warm interior of my car that I realized that I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

I tried to get a hold of my emotions as best I could, but since I bottle a lot of my emotions once they began to leak out there is nothing I can really do to stop them. I drove to Bella's house as safely as I could, blinking constantly to clear my eyes of the tears to no avail.

I could feel the wetness on my cheeks as I walked up to Bella's front door, I swiped at my cheeks feebly but I knew that it wouldn't do much good since my eyes probably looked like shit from all the crying, but I knew that Bella wouldn't care.

I knocked lightly on Bella's door hoping that she would be home; her truck parked beside mine in her driveway was an indicator that she was probably home. After waiting as patiently as I could for a little over a minute I knocked again, louder this time. I could feel a new set of tears invade my eyes at the thought that she may not be home, but my fears and insecurities melted away slightly as she opened the door.

My jaw dropped to the floor when I took at look at the flimsy set of pajamas that adorned her body; clearly she hadn't changed clothes when she walked up this morning. She had a puzzled look on her face, curious to know what I was doing here. She tried to catch my eyes, but I shifted my gaze to the floor where I could see her ugly pink bunny slippers.

"I didn't know where else to go," I whispered as I looked up from the floor, taking a shuddering breath.

Still in shock she moved to the side and invited me into the warmth of her house. As I stepped into the foyer I heard the door shut behind me and the lock click into place. I felt warm hands hesitantly wrap around my waist, clearly trying to comfort me in some way.

I turned my body around, not breaking contact with her arms, and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. I leaned in and rested my face into her neck, taking a deep breath of her comforting scent and almost smiling at the way her hair tickled my face; but it probably came out more like a grimace.

I knew that tears were still flowing lightly down my cheeks, making her hair damp. I'm not sure how long we stood there in the middle of her foyer hugging each other and after a while but eventually my tears dried up and all that we were doing was comforting each other. I heard her tummy rumble softly and looked up to see that it was 6pm and that Charlie would probably be home soon.

"Dinner time for the human," I said gently, trying to break the silence with a little off color joke.

She pulled back slowly and looked up into my eyes. I tried to give her a reassuring look, but I'm not sure how convincing it was. Her hand gently reached up and cupped my cheek, wiping the left over tears that had not absorbed into her hair.

"Charlie is away for the weekend. He is going fishing with some of his buddies from La Push and won't be back until tomorrow night. You could stay for dinner… if you'd like." She said hesitantly, clearly walking on egg shells to make sure that she didn't set me off again. But since my body was now dehydrated that wasn't likely to happen.

"Sure. Dinner sounds great," I told her as enthusiastically as I could, hoping that my smile now looked less like a grimace.

We settled on left over spaghetti and sauce that Bella had made the night before. We ate in silence, every now and then I saw Bella look up from her plate to glance nervously at me but she didn't try to say much.

"So, how was your day?" I asked, trying to break the tension between us.

"It was ok. I was just catching up on homework basically; how about you?" She asked before gasping suddenly as she realized what she had said.

"Fantastic." I told her shortly, trying not to sound harsh. I wasn't angry at her question; on the contrary I was angry at myself for letting her see me that way.

"Oh God Edward, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to say that it just sort of came out… I'm so sorry." She said quickly, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Bella calm down, I know that it's not your fault I'm sorry that you had to see me like that," trying to get my message through with a small smile. She exhaled heavily, seemingly holding in her breath as she waited for my answer.

I glanced at the empty plates in front of us and as if reading my mind Bella looked up and said, "I think I am going to wash the dishes, you could watch some TV if you'd like.

"Would you like some help with those? You wash and I dry or something?" I asked, wanting to keep busy so I wouldn't keep thinking over my epiphany from the cemetery.

"That sounds great, thanks," she said brightly as she stood up and brought her dirty dishes into the kitchen.

We worked perfectly side by side. There were piles of dishes to clean as Bella had made cookies that morning, we laughed when I asked her if she had a "kiss the chef" apron. But I was nearly on the floor with laughed when she told me that even though she didn't own that particular item of kitchen clothing, Charlie did.

Sometime during the process of washing and drying the dishes together, we got closer. Her arm was right up against mine, and it was like a game of cat and mouse the way she would brush up against me softly when she placed a clean dish in the rack. A new kind of tension filled the room as I realized that I wasn't the only one who was breathing fairly heavily. But when I walked past her to put a dish away I accidentally brushed the front of my pants against her perfect flannel clad buttocks. In a normal circumstance I would have been horrified buy what had happened, and I would have apologized immediately had in not been for the small gasp/moan that she let out upon contact.

I don't know what came over me. Suddenly I grabbed onto her arms and turned her around swiftly, smirking when I heard her let out another small gasp. I thrust my face forward and crushed my lips to hers, grabbing onto the back of her neck and entwining my fingers in her hair.

Spurred on by my enthusiasm she reached her arms around me and wrapped her fingers in my hair, tugging lightly. I soon pressed my tongue gently at her lips asking for permission into her mouth, which she willingly granted. Our tongues came together in perfect sync as I battled her tongue for dominance.

After claiming victory of her mouth I wanted to claim her body too; make some more happy memories. I pushed myself forward and crushed her to the sink, pressing my denim clad erection into her soft stomach.

Her soft moan made my body alight with a warming sensation, and I wanted nothing more than to continue. My left hand which had been pressed up against the sink moved downwards to make contact with the shirt that was covering her top half. I ran my fingers lightly around the edge of her shirt before pressing them into a tight grip, causing her to arch her back slightly.

Her shirt rode p slightly and it was my turn to moan when her soft skin came in contact with my fingers. Our kisses were getting heavier and I wrapped my hand around her back underneath her shirt and pressed my hand into her back, bringing her even closer to me. One of her hands untangled itself from my hair and she scraped her nails down my back, causing me to arch into her.

The combination of her delicious scent invading my nostrils, my tongue tasting inside her delicious mouth and our bodies pressed so tightly against each other was making me extremely aroused, to the point of pain.

I grabbed tightly to the back of her shirt, bunching up the material in my hand with the desire to pull the shirt over her head to give me access to her glorious chest, but I felt her hesitate. I closed my eyes, hoping that she wasn't pulling back now; but she was. Slowly she stopped responding to my kisses and though her hand still remained in my hair I knew that this make-out session was over.

"I can't do this Edward. Not when you are so emotional like this…" She said sadly, resting her forehead against mine.

"I know. I understand." I told her, unwrapping my hand from her hair to wrap both my arms around her and resting my head on her shoulder once again, resuming our positions during our earlier hug.

Standing in the kitchen together we lost track of time, not breaking apart until we had regained control of our breathing. We broke apart slowly and stood face to face with each other, not knowing what to do next. My breathing had gone back to normal but I could still feel my erection trying to pitch a tent through my jeans, but thanking whatever god exists that it wasn't really noticeable through the tight fabric.

"Want to watch a movie?" Bella asked awkwardly, completely oblivious to my inner struggle of wanting to rub one out in front of her or at least having her do that for me. _I'm a teenager, we get horny… sue me!_

"Sure," I said nodding my head gently, hoping that a movie could ease some of the tension between us.

She smiled reassuringly at me and made her way into the lounge room with me following her at a respectable distance. She asked me what I wanted to watch and I told her to pick, I really didn't care what we were going to watch.

She fiddled around with the TV and DVD player, before finally the opening credits of some movie called _"Never Back Down"_ flashed across the screen with the names of the actors and production staff that were involved in the movie.

Bella moved back over to sit down on the longer couch, patting the space beside her as a gesture for me to do the same. I couldn't sit still and spend the first 15 minutes of the movie trying to get comfortable.

"You could lie down and rest you head in my lap if you'd like. It might make you feel more comfortable." Bella suggested gently, not trying to pressure me.

I took her advice and laid across the couch, finally figuring out why Charlie enjoyed sleeping here. I rested my head gently in Bella's lap and closed my eyes softly. Suddenly I felt Bella's hands start to rake through my hair in a comforting gesture.

"Is this ok?" She asked softly, as if I was a small deer fearing for its life.

"Mmm, you have no idea how good that feels…" I told her moaning happily.

"My mum used to do this to me when I was a little girl and had any problems or was feeling down in any way. I always found it soothing and comforting for someone to rake through your hair like this. I thought it might help you," she told me honestly, making my heart flutter at her compassion. "Plus I have always wanted to run my fingers through your hair like this," she added cheekily.

It was so relaxing lying on this couch together with her running her fingers through my hair like this. It had been a really long day with everything, and crying over my mother had taken a lot out of me and left me feeling exhausted. The ministrations her hands were making over m scalp and soon I felt my eyes closing and refusing to open.

I wasn't sad that I was missing the movie that was still flashing across the screen; I hadn't really been watching it anyway. I decided to let the darkness in the back of my eyes take me and that I would drive home after the movie finishes.

The last thing I thought of before I drifted into unconsciousness was that at least today I had made some happy memories with Bella; this moment right now being the happiest. And I couldn't wait to make more with her in the near future, so that I could replay our time together after this all ended. Whenever that will be…

~*~

_I, I will remember you  
And all of the things that we've gone through  
There is so much I could say  
But words get in the way so  
We're not together  
I will remember you  
_

**Authors Note:** I really hope that you guys liked this chapter. We are getting up to that stage where physicality might come up so I hope that you guys are ready. I'm not saying that it will happen right away, I'm just saying that it is coming up.

So… Thoughts? Feelings? How do you like our Bella and Edward now? As always I will send sneak peeks to those of you who review, and for all you lurkers out there I would love to hear your thoughts.

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	18. Chapter 16: Cold

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Yay, I'm Back!! Another fabulous chapter brought to you by me =P

I am really happy with the response last chapter. It's good to know that you guys are still reading and that you like it!!

_I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known  
I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold_

**Cold – Crossfade**

~*~

I woke up the next morning to the uncomfortable feeling of hard wood pressing into my back. I opened one eye wearily and noticed that I wasn't in my room and that there was a fluffy pink blanket covering me. Opening my other eye I surveyed my surroundings trying to figure out where I was until I remembered that I had not gone home from Bella's house last night. I must have fallen asleep quickly as I couldn't remember what I was watching.

I lifted the ugly blanket in pulled it up to my nose, taking a deep breath. It smelled slightly of moth balls, it was probably one of the blankets that Bella and I had brought up from her basement. I could also catch a whiff of a softer scent, a scent that I had grown accustomed to; Bella.

I suddenly remembered that I had fallen asleep with my head on Bella's lap as she comforted me last night, but when I took a look around the room she was nowhere to be found. Turning my head around I noticed that there was a pillow where Bella's leg should be.

I couldn't believe it. She left me alone in her house and fucked off somewhere without even leaving me a note. I couldn't let her do this again; I would not let her keep walking away from me.

I sprang up from my position on the couch, stretching out my tired limbs which were stiff from the position I had been sleeping in all night. After stretching my arms I practically ran to the door, hoping that I would see Bella's car still outside; it was.

I heart hammered in my chest at the thought that she had left on foot to get away from me. I ran my hands through my hair anxiously, tugging on the ends in frustration. Bella had left me because of last night. I knew I was an idiot for showing up at her doorway balling like a 3 month old baby; I felt helpless and weak.

I couldn't believe that the first time I showed my emotions to someone they just ditched me _in their own fucking house!!_

I was stupid for kissing her in my emotional state and felt anger rise up inside me when the thought occurred to me that our steamy kiss might be the reason she had left me.

I stood in the doorway for a good 10 minutes trying to figure out what I should do now. Part of me wanted to stay and confront her when she comes back, but the other part was begging me to leave. Praying on hands and knees that I would just get into my car and drive away, saving myself the hurt and humiliation I would feel when she returned and we had _that_ awkward conversation.

As if some comical light bulb turned on above my head I realized that there was a slight possibility that Bella could have moved into her bedroom to sleep. Hastily I bolted up the stairs and pushed the door open with so much strength that if the hinges weren't so solid I would have ripped that son of a bitch of its frame.

I almost jumped for joy when the door swung open to reveal Bella's small frame being attacked by bed sheets with the ends of it wrapped around her legs. She looked so peaceful like this. Her face was framed by her matted bed hair, and her body was cuddled up into itself as if she was an unborn baby in her mother's womb.

The expression on her face was relaxed and the corners of her mouth were turned up in an almost smile. Her presence in this small room radiated beauty and a sense of stability and loyalty, just like Bella.

Frozen in my spot by the door I stood there for a good 10 minutes like the stalker I am, just looking at her and seeing how at ease she looked like this. I felt my heart clench at the thought that I may be the cause of the frown lines that formed around her face when she was awake. I wasn't sure exactly what I was supposed to do now; not knowing to stay or leave until she made up my mind for me.

"_Edward,"_ I heard her softly whisper, had my breathing been any louder I probably would have missed it.

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of her soft voice whispering my name contently. She was dreaming about me.

Suddenly my legs unfroze and I felt myself moving towards her before sitting softly on the bed beside her. She looked even more dazzling up close, but I already knew that. I ran my fingers gently over her cheek, hoping that the coolness of my touch would not disturb her dreams. My fingertips froze in place slightly when she let out a soft breath, but her breathing immediately returned to normal.

"Hmm… Stay, Edward." She said softly, all the while still breathing heavily. It was almost like she knew that I was here and that I was the one sliding my creepy fingers over her perfect cheek.

I lay down softly beside her, trying not to disturb her, which wasn't an easy task on such a squeaky bed. She seemed to sense my presence beside her and she immediately turned and threw her hand over my stomach and snuggled her face into my side.

I shut my eyes gently, trying to capture this moment to keep it with me forever. I barely realized how tired my eyes were and that they felt too heavy to open. I just focused on Bella and her steady breathing allowing me to succumb to its power and I felt asleep in the warmth and comfort of her arms.

When I next woke the sun was higher in the sky, and it was shining brightly throw Bella's window; her neglected curtains lying balled up on the floor. I could feel the sun shining brightly against my eye lids and I couldn't really do anything to help darken in bright light, but that wasn't what woke me up. Ever so gently I could feel Bella's small, warm fingers lightly stroking my face as I had done to her earlier.

The tingly sensation that her ministrations were causing felt wonderful, making my whole body feel warmer than the inside of my eye lids. Taking a chance I slowly opened one tired eye lids, checking to see if my suspicions would be confirmed… they were.

Looking up I could see Bella staring down at me with an emotion in her eyes that could only be described as affection. Even though she knew that I was awake she still continued stroking my face, looking deep into my eyes while her glittered back at me. I could see many things in her eyes; nervousness, passion, excitement, and a touch of fear. Like for some reason she too feared that we would ruin this and that we would have nothing left.

"Morning," I croaked at her, my voice strained from all the tension I had put it through last night.

"Morning," she replied somewhat hesitantly.

I brought my hand up from its position under my head and placed it gently on her cheek, rubbing my thumb lightly over her cheek bone. She leant her head into my hand and I saw her eyes softly close. Almost content in this moment I leaned forward and brushed my lips lightly against hers; possible morning breath be damned.

I felt her hesitate slightly before adding more pressure to my lips, separating hers so that my bottom lip was between her top and bottom lip. I felt an imaginary pressure telling me to deepen the kiss and that I should take this opportunity while I still have it, but I didn't. I felt perfectly content to just lay here and kiss her; but I wasn't sure she wanted it to.

I knew that soon we should have a talk and get everything out in the open, but I was scared. I had never been in a relationship before, shit I had never even kissed anybody before! I was nervous about how she would react to this news, but I was more nervous about that fact that I might not be her first anything. I didn't want to think about that fact that she may have kissed other guys before, that she may have done a bit more that just kissing before.

"Mmm Edward," she whispered as she broke away to breathe. However I continued laying kisses lightly over her face before I came to rest my head on her shoulder, facing my nose into the junction between her neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

I was so happy to just sit here with her, but I knew that she wanted more and that I had to give it to her. She wrapped one of her small hands in my head and tugged back lightly, as if trying to get my attention.

Hesitantly I pull my head away from her shoulder to look her in the eyes. Our bodies were still angled together, and I rested my forehead against hers while not breaking eye contact.

"So… I think we should talk," she told me gently, still running her fingers through my hair in a comforting gesture.

"Listen Bella, I have never done this before so I don't know how it goes," I told her, pleading for her to understand what I was trying to say without me having to explain it to her. Apparently she didn't get the subliminal message.

"What do you mean, Edward?" She asked curiously, giving me a small smile.

I exhaled heavily, pulling back so that I could see her completely. I closed my eyes to try and shut her out so I could collect my thoughts without worrying about what she was thinking.

"I have never done anything like this before. I grew up in… I never had an opportunity to date or anything," I told her quickly, cringing internally when I realized how close I came to telling her the truth about my past.

I knew that not telling her about my past was just putting it off and that one day I probably might have to tell her the truth, but not now.

"I haven't really done much of this before either Edward." She told me, swooping her head so that she could look into my eyes.

"At least we are on an even playing field I guess," I said, more to myself than her, cringing slightly when I heard the almost relieved tone in my voice.

From there our conversation went well. We talked about almost everything, skipping over the most traumatic experiences of my past. Most of our conversations were focused on her and what she had been through.

We talked on end for what felt like hours, only halting our conversation when we went down stairs to eat.

Eventually we ended up back on her bed, both of us resting our heads on our hands while our bodies faced each other. Our hands were clasped between us and we were comfortable.

"Tell me three things about you that nobody else really knows," she said excitedly, gently squeezing our clasped hands.

Like many times today I paused, not sure what kind of secrets or information she wanted from me. The excitement in her eyes was plain to see and I wanted to keep it there. I wanted to keep her happy. So I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what to tell her.

"Well… I'm allergic to some fabric softeners, I hate most types of fish," I told her while watching her eyes sparkle in anticipation of what my third face might be.

"… And I think that I would miss you, even if we had never met."

Her eyes flashed with emotion and I could almost see tears forming in her eyes. I was just telling her the truth and in my stupidity I had hurt her.

"Please don't cry Bella. I didn't mean to make you upset." I begged as I cupped her cheek in my palm.

I felt wetness fall into my palm and just as I was about to open my mouth to apologize to her again she stopped me, pressing her lips to mine.

I could feel the kiss throughout my whole body, even down to the tips of my toes. I brought my other hand up to her face and cupped her face in both my hands. I moved my body over so that I was covering the left half of her body with mine.

Her neck rose of the bed and she pressed her lips more firmly to mine. I opened my mouth and slid my tongue against her lips, smiling to myself when I felt her immediately invite my tongue into her mouth.

Our tongues brushed up together and she tasted as amazing as she always did. My taste buds alighted in response to her taste, and I heard myself moan as she pushed her tongue into my mouth and entwined it with mine.

I could feel my body responding to her, and was only slightly embarrassed when I realized that she could probably feel his arousal from his position on top of her. Her body squirmed underneath mine as I pressed even closer to her, my growing length pressed into her soft stomach.

Just as I was about to readjust myself over her again she broke away from my mouth, taking deep breaths into her lungs. Apparently neither of us felt the need to breathe when we kissed each other.

I pressed my lips into her neck laying small kisses on all the skin I could reach before I rested my lips on her jugular and sucked her skin into my mouth, making me territory on her neck and leaving what would probably be a decent hickey.

I felt her hands come up to my shoulders and push gently against me, signaling for me to get off her. I groaned in frustration and smiled slightly when I saw the bruise that was already forming on her neck.

As I pulled away I saw that her eyes were closed and that she was still breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling as her breaths remained shallow. Taking my chances I lowered my face against her neck and resumed my earlier motion of pressing kisses to her sensitive skin. I heard her gasp as I pressed a tender kiss to the spot right underneath her ear.

"Edward, we have to stop." She whispered as she again pressed her palm into my shoulders and pushed my back slightly.

"Why, Bella? Do you really want me to stop now?" I told her jokingly as I pressed my lips to her throat again; pressing kisses over that previously undiscovered area. I heard her breathing quiver as her body shook slightly underneath me.

"Because… Well because I have never done this before Edward." She whispered in a hushed tone as she faced her head in the opposite direction, covering her face with her hands.

I maneuvered my body so that I was now sitting beside her as I gently tried to pull her hands away from her face. Slowly I was able to drag her hands backwards and look deeply into her eyes.

"I told you this morning that I have never done this before either, Bella. I am sorry if I hurt you by pushing too far." I told her gently, trying to find the answers to all my questions that were hidden in her eyes.

"No I'm sorry Edward. I should have told you everything." She said sheepishly, looking towards the floor. I gazed at her questioningly, wondering what the hell she was talking about.

Her eyes stayed trained on the floor as she told me about a boyfriend that she had had in Arizona, he always tried to go further than a light kiss on the cheek but she never allowed it. She explained that she had never really felt anything for this other boy and that she had only dated him because her friends had told her to.

As she told me her story I couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of this other guy. He got to kiss her first and even though she didn't really like him, she had still kissed him and that was more than I had done. She had been my first and I liked it that way.

After she finished talking we just laid there on her bed, a comfortable silence enveloping us both. I thought over everything that we had gone through today, and everything that we had talked about over the last few days and I knew what I needed to do.

"Bella?" I asked as I turned to face her. She shifted her gaze to look into my eyes while murmuring, "Mmm" as her response. I sat up straighter so that I was now sitting beside her, while she was still lying down.

"Do you think that maybe you might want to… um… make this official or you know whatever that means? Because… I mean we have been kissing for a while and it was just a question. I don't even know if you would be interested in something like that, I mean…" I was stunned into silence by the passionate kiss that she had placed on my lips.

I opened my eyes to see that she was now sitting beside me. Her hands were twisting in my lap and her cheeks flashed red in embarrassment for what she had just done.

"Is that a yes?" I asked nervously, my feelings of doubt trying to get the better of me.

"That's a…" she started, but was interrupted by a loud "Bella!" coming from downstairs.

I looked out the window and noticed that it was dark outside. The clock on Bella's bedside table was telling me that it was 7.30pm, Charlie was home… shit!

"I'll be right down dad." She called back as she gave me an apologetic smile.

I smiled weakly in return before getting up off her bed and standing above her, reaching out my hand to help her get up. She took my hand gently and walked out of her room and down the stairs, pulled me behind her.

When we got down stairs Charlie gave us a suspicious look while glaring at our clasped hands. I tried to pull my hand away but Bella just tightened her grip and flashed Charlie and dazzling smile that would have made me slightly weak in the knees if it had been aimed at me.

Charlie made his way into the lounge room as Bella offered to make all of us some dinner, glancing at me nervously when Charlie told her that he would love some grilled fish and veggies for dinner. I flashed her a dazzling smile of my own, telling her that it was ok if she cooked fish, and that I would probably just eat the veggies.

She unclasped our hands and made her way into the kitchen, I was just about to follow her when she turned around quickly and gave me a look that said "go wait in the lounge room with Charlie," to which I responded by just glaring at her as I made my way into the lounge after Charlie. I sat on the small sofa across from him as we watched each other in silence, not paying any attention to the sports program that was flashing across the TV.

Dinner was an awkward affair, I spent most of it devouring my veggies in silence while staring intently at my plate as I felt Bella her shift her gaze back and forth between me and her father. A few times she tried to start a conversation, but my silence and her father's apparent fascination with the pictures on the TV prevented such interaction.

After dinner was finished and the dishes from today had been washed Bella once again walked me to the door, and we froze in the same spot as last time, not knowing what to do or say.

Bella made the decision and stretched her body upwards and gave me a tight hug, while whispering in my ear "I would love to go out with you, Edward Cullen."

I wrapped my arms tightly around her and gave her a gentle squeeze. My heart fluttered at her words and I tried to come up with something to say to her in return.

As we broke away from our hug I bent over in front of her so that our faces were right in front of each other. I took in a deep breath and asked, "Would you like to go out with me tomorrow afternoon, after school?"

She gave me a bright smile as she nodded her head eagerly.

"That would be great Edward." She said encouragingly, as she continued to smile brightly at me. I moved my head forward and pressed my lips quickly to hers before pressing another quick kiss to her forehead.

"See you tomorrow Bella." I told her, my whole body almost bouncing with joy as I made the journey to my car, not caring that it was now pouring with rain and that I was getting pretty wet. All I cared about was that Bella wanted to go out with me and that nothing could stop these feelings of joy and happiness that came with knowing she wanted to go out on a date with me.

~*~

_What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold to you_

And I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again  
Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high  
I never meant to be so cold  


**Authors Note:** So I hope that this chapter lived up to your expectations and that you liked the morning after.

So what are you thinking now? Did you like it? Review for a sneak peek at what comes next…

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	19. Chapter 17: Breakeven

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** I know all of you are looking forward to the date, but you are just going to have to wait and see. Also, it may be in your best interest to know that there is a small lemon in this chapter… just giving you a heads up!

I am really happy with the response I got last chapter, your comments mean the world to me =P

_Her best days will be some of my worst  
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first  
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no  
_

**Breakeven – The Script**

~*~

I once heard the phrase "without suffering there can be no compassion," well they should try telling that to those who suffer!

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I was normal. I wish that I could just find a girl, fall in love with her and eventually marry and have normal children with her. But I knew that my life would never be like that. I could never have the "perfect" life that everyone dreams about. How could I when you look at my family history; my mother couldn't stand living anymore so she deserted me here and shifted off onto another plane of existence, and my so called father cared so much about my mother and I that he felt the need to leave and never look back.

But the truth is that my life _is_ screwed up. I am never going to have normal. I am never going to be normal. And my screwed up past is what has brought me here; sitting alone in my bedroom wondering what my so called girlfriend was doing with another guy. How did I get here you ask? Well, it all started first thing Monday morning...

I didn't need my alarm to wake me since I had already been awake for hours. Sometime between the hours of 5 and 6 am I awoke refreshed and bored shitless. After taking a long hot shower and dressing to suit the dreary weather outside I spent the next hour and a half staring fixedly at my ceiling after figuring out the morning TV was total shit.

I thought over what had happened between Bella and I over the weekend and how we had progressed in our relationship and my heart still sang at the realization that she had accepted my offer to date. All I had to do know was figure out where the fuck to take her.

Having no previous experience in dating at all I was frustrated that I had no idea where to take her. I didn't want to go with the television cliché of dinner and a movie; I think Bella would probably hit me if I went with that approach. I chuckled to myself at the thought of Bella doing anything with her kitten fury other than just huffing at me and shoving me against lockers, she didn't really strike me as the kind of person who could ever hit anyone.

I decided that I would probably fare a lot better if I tried to talk to Esme about this. She was a girl once and had to know what kind of things girls like. Also coming to her with this problem might also help our budding friendship.

The second my clock ticked over to 8am I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs. My stomach had lost the will to eat when I began thinking over possible date plans but never the less I grabbed an apple from the bowl on the kitchen bench while flashing Esme one of my crooked smiles before running straight out the door and into my waiting car.

I fiddled with the heat to make the inside of my vehicle as comfy as possible, that thing was freaking freezing early in the morning. After finding the right temperature I leaned forward to decide on my music for the day, settling with the new best of CD by the band SUM 41 called "All the good shit" which had the label conveniently ripped off over the part that would say shit.

I pulled into the student parking lot with plenty of time to spare and decided that it would probably be in my best interests to wait for Bella's arrival in the comfort of my now perfectly warm car. I had gotten to school at the bright and early time of 8.15am realizing that school would not begin until 9.

I watched the minutes tick over on my dashboard clock because I like watching kettles boil, almost giving myself whiplash at the speed my neck spun around each time I heard a noisy car enter the parking lot, and feeling a squirm of disappointment when it was revealed that the noisy car was not Bella's.

As the school bell rang a minute early I became more worried about when Bella was going to appear. I could see all the students from the parking lot flood into the school, dragging their feet on their way to class. As the second bell tolled at 9.05am I grudgingly got out of the warmth of my car and trudged my way into the school, still nervously looking over my shoulder to see if Bella had arrived yet, to no avail.

I spent the majority of my morning classes staring out the window, my ears pricked up into the air listening for any sign of a noisy truck pulling into the school. I mentally cursed myself for still not getting a phone, writing a note to myself in permanent marker on my hand to do so and my nearest convenience, using my mother's money if I had to.

As the lunch bell rang I sprinted my way to the front of the school and scoured the parking lot for any sign of Bella's beast of a car, sighing in disappointment when it was not there. Suddenly I felt a small pair of warm arms wrap around my stomach, female curves pushing into me from behind. If this was Laura or whatever her name is again I was about to choke her.

I turned swiftly around causing the person behind me to lose their grip. Gazing down I found myself almost jumping for joy when I realized that the person standing in front of me was Bella.

"Bella… Oh my God. Where have you been? I was waiting for you in the parking lot this morning but you didn't come," I asked her, torn between feelings of worry at what had kept her this morning and joy that she was finally here.

"My stupid car broke down this morning. I had to get a lift from Charlie. I'm sorry that you worried about me. I would have called you if you had a phone." She said as heat flushed her cheeks. Taking a closer look at her I noticed that there were small smudges of grease across her cheeks and neck; she must have tried to fix her car herself and accidentally brushed her hands against her cheeks and neck. Looking down I noticed that her hands were clean, and I smiled to myself that she obviously didn't realize that she had black grease on her face.

I brought one of my hands up and brushed against her cheek, using the pads of my fingers to attempt to remove the stubborn substance. I heard her breathing quicken at my motions and I bent slightly as brushed my lips against hers softly.

"Would you like a lift home, or has your dad got that covered too?" I asked teasing her slightly. She responded by sticking her tongue out at me, showing just how mature she really was.

"Nah, he told me to take the bus. I would love to go home with you… I mean, I would love for you to take me home." She said, flustered by her response. I laughed gently and nodded at her, reaching down and giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Biology was frustrating; a simple lab experiment would normally be a boring process but each time Bella's fingers brushed up against my skin I came very close to throwing everything off the lab table and kissing her passionately.

She was teasing me and she knew it. Pay back was definitely going to be a bitch and I couldn't wait to get her into my car so that I could do some teasing of my own, deciding that it might be fun for me to get her back.

The car ride how was enjoyable, and as I walked Bella to her door I leant down to press a very soft kiss to her lips, almost laughing out loud when I heard her let out a frustrated breathe when I turned quickly around and getting back into my car, yelling to her that I would see her 8.30am Tuesday morning.

As I pulled away from her driveway I saw her puff out her cheeks as she spun around and entered her house, slamming the door loudly behind her.

I smiled all the way to the only large shopping mall in Forks, probably scaring the crap out of the shop assistant who sold me my brand new cell phone.

Apparently I hadn't won the teasing contest as I tossed and turned in my bed that night, regretting the decision to give Bella such a soft kiss. My body wanted more, and so did I.

As I pulled up in front of Bella's house the next morning I waited impatiently at her door, wishing that she would hurry up and answer it so that I could kiss her the way I should have yesterday.

The door was violently pulled open and Bella's tiny arms flung themselves around my neck as she crushed her mouth roughly to mine. I guess I wasn't the only one who had been up late last night thinking about this. I wrapped my arms around her small body and pushed to backwards to press her into the wall behind her, almost knocking her into the hanging mirror.

After a few minutes of passionate kisses we broke apart and I rested my forehead against hers as we both tried to regain control of our breathing.

We shared the same passionate kiss when I dropped her home that afternoon. This time Bella invited me in and we spend a good deal of time making out on her father's couch like the horny teenagers we were, not taking it any further than just laying sloppy kisses over each other's lips and necks.

I left before Charlie was scheduled to come home, I don't think that seeing me pressed up against his daughter while sticking my tongue into her mouth. Telling Bella that I would message her when I got home safely made her feel more at ease when we looked out the window to discover the torrential rain that was bucketing down outside, I gave her one final kiss and told her that I would see her tomorrow.

I was very tempted to spend our Wednesday lunch hour making out in a seedy janitors closet but we decided that I would probably be a better idea for us to spend some time with our friends. We sat down at the table enjoying the friendly comments our friends made about us being "so cute together" –their words not mine.

As our conversations broke off near the end of lunch I heard or rather felt Bella's phone receive a text message. The expression on Bella's face as she read the message was one of total joy and I couldn't help but wonder who had been the one to cause her to look this way.

"Who was that Bells?" Emmett asked loudly from across the table, clearly not as into his conversation with Rosalie that I thought he was.

"Just a friend from Arizona," she shrugged slightly, her smile growing impossibly larger as she typed her reply.

On our way to class Bella pulled me into our hallway, almost bouncing with anticipation. I rested my back against the lockers and quirked my eye brow at her, waiting as patiently as possible for her response.

"So I got a message from my friend Ryan today. We were pretty close in Arizona and he sent me a message to tell me that he is coming to visit and that is it ok for him to come and stay for a few days." She said quickly while bouncing on the tips of her toes, anybody would think that she had turned into Alice.

"Sounds like fun, Bella…" I said in the most enthusiastic tone I could manage.

"Yeah, it is. You can meet him this afternoon if you want." She said happily, visibly relieved at my lack of anger or apparent jealousness.

The second bell for class rang throughout the halls, effectively ending our conversation. Bella pressed a quick kiss to my lips before grabbing onto my hand and dragging me to biology.

I spent the rest of the day wondering what this friend of Bella's will be like. All I knew about him was his name, since Bella had never really mentioned her friends from back home.

The drive back to Bella's that afternoon was spent mostly in silence on my part; Bella just regaled me with stories about the fun times she had back in Arizona with Ryan. I wasn't sure how this encounter would go down, but I didn't have any good feelings about it.

As soon as we pulled up in front of her house she bolted out of the car before it had come to a complete stop. I took my time getting out of my car and ensuring that the doors were all locked, even though there was really no point in locking it as Forks' history of vehicle robbery was slim.

I noticed a black motorbike parked beside the garage. It was shiny and looked fairly knew but as I know shit about motorbikes I wasn't too impressed by it. Finally I trudged my way up to Bella's opened door and made my way into the lounge room.

The sight in front of my made me flare with an emotion almost like jealously; I had only felt this emotion once before and it was when I saw Bella talking to Mike at his party. Standing in front of me was Bella in the arms of this Ryan character. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck and he had lifted her at least a foot off the floor as her swung her slightly in her embrace. I saw Bella pull backwards slightly as she placed a soft kiss to his lips before he set her down on the carpet in front of him.

I looked back a forth between the two, frozen in my spot by the door. I cleared my throat gently, trying to alert them of my presence. Bella gasped softly as spun around to face me, gripping Ryan's hand and dragging him in my direction.

Ryan was not an unattractive guy I suppose. He had short scraggy brown hair with deep brown eyes, and was lean enough to make him look almost like a swimmer. He was dressed in tight jeans and a t-shirt that read _"My attitude problem is none of your f&^#%$ business."_

"Edward, this is Ryan. Ryan, this is Edward," Bella said excitedly as Ryan reached out to shake my hand.

I still had no idea what to do in this situation, so I just gave him a small nod before dropping my gaze to the floor.

"Nice to meet you, Ed. I would say that Bella has told me so much about you, but that would be a massive lie." He said arrogantly as he looked me up and down, taking in my appearance, arching an eyebrow at how wet my shirt was. It's your fault you idiot I was just looking at your freaking motorcycle!

"Uh… It's just Edward. And I could say the same for you." I said as I gave him the same antagonizing look.

"Why do you both just whip them out and measure already?" Bella said exasperatedly, clearly annoyed by our somewhat hostile exchange.

"Listen Bella, I probably should get going… Pick you up tomorrow?" I told her, any excuse to get out of here as fast as possible.

"It's all good Ed; I think that I can handle that. Right Bell?" He said arrogantly, shifting his gaze to Bella.

"I'll just see you tomorrow Edward. Here let me walk you to the door." She said as she looked pleadingly into my eyes, trying to tell me that it was all ok.

Bella retracted her hand from Ryan's and walked with me to the door, not touching me. As we got to the door way she gave me a quick hug, not even waiting for me to get in my car before closing the door behind me.

I was feeling very confused and irritated and had no idea what I was supposed to do now. Did she just give me the brush off?

I couldn't sleep at all that night; I tossed and turned wondering what Bella and Ryan were doing. Spending another few hours staring at my ceiling I was broken out of my thoughts as my alarm went off noisily from beside my bed.

My shower was short and I could barely feel the heat against my tired muscles. I was not looking forward to going to school so I took my daily routine slowly, shoveling my soggy cereal into my mouth without really tasting it.

I waited for Bella before school and felt surging feelings of jealousy when I saw her ride into the school grounds with her arms wrapped around Ryan's waist for support. I can't believe that the idiot would think it was a good idea to give the clumsiest person in the world a ride on a motor cycle.

Bella pulled off her helmet and gave Ryan a soft kiss on his cheek before she began walking in my direction. Ryan shot me an antagonizing look as he pulled on the helmet that Bella had previously been using and riding away from the school.

"Did you have fun last night?" I asked Bella, genuinely curious about what happened between them last night.

"Yeah it was good. I had no idea how much I have missed him." Bella said happily before beginning her walk towards the school.

"I guess you are going to miss him when he goes home tomorrow then huh?" I asked as we entered the busy hallway.

"I guess… But he said that he might be staying for awhile."

She didn't talk much after that, we went our separate way to classes and I was left alone with my feelings of jealousy and anger. I was frustrated that I was feeling this way about the simple act of Bella hanging out with another guy.

The rest of the week went off in much the same fashion. I spent each night tossing a turning, nightmares of Bella running away from me and kissing this Ryan guy passionately invading my thoughts causing me to wake up in a cold sweat.

I couldn't get much sleep and it was hard to relax. My thoughts and feelings were getting the best of me and I worried constantly that I had lost her. I didn't really deserve her in the first place so I guess all is fair.

Friday night around midnight I still couldn't sleep so I decided to take a drive to Bella's house, deciding that I had to talk to her about what was going on. I wanted to tell her what I was feeling and that I wanted her to pick me over Ryan, even though they clearly did have a history together.

It was pitch black outside Bella's house with only the soft glow of the street lamp making the features of her house visible. Half way up the tree outside Bella's window I realized that I really hadn't thought this through, but since I was already half the way of this fucking mammoth tree there was no point in stopping now.

Finally I made it to the first story roof outside Bella's house, cheering internally that I had made it up here alive. I pulled myself up to Bella's windowsill taking a quick look into her room to see if she was there. Almost smashing my fist into the window at what I saw.

There on Bella's small bed was Ryan the douche with Bella lying across his chest, her hand clutching the side of his shirt in her small hand. My whole body froze and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I'm not sure how long I sat on the tiled roof outside Bella's room, looking into one of my nightmares. I pinched myself roughly trying to wake myself from this apparent nightmare but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and saw that everything was exactly the same as it was before, giving myself an impressive bruise on my arm.

I drove home cold, completely void of emotions. I couldn't feel anything and only drove on instinct on how to get back home from Bella's house. The first person I had ever opened up to was shacking up with some other guy, and I was left out in the dark; literally.

I spent the weekend locked up in my room. Occasionally I heard a soft tap at the door, but I wasn't in the mood for talking to people so I just ignored it, only opening the door when footsteps walked away. Esme clearly realized that I was upset about something, so she just brought me food, knocking on my door telling me that she was here for me if I needed it.

I heard my cell go off several times over the weekend, ignoring Bella's calls and messages; I didn't want to speak to her just yet. I spent my solitude just listening to music; drowning my sorrows in the sounds of Radiohead, almost smirking when I listened to the lyrics of Creep.

I barely acknowledged Bella's presence Monday morning, still wallowing in my misery. At lunch Alice approached me and asked me to go for a walk with her. She dragged me down the hallways by the sleeve of my jacket before shoving me into an empty classroom.

"What the hell is going on with you Edward?" She asked as softly as possible, small amounts of anger flashing across her eyes. Looking up at her I saw that she looked very flustered and was clearly in no mood to play games.

"Nothing." I told her stubbornly, flinching back slightly when she shot me a deadly glare.

"I know that you are jealous of Bella's friend from Arizona Edward, I'm not stupid!" She practically yelled.

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are and you know it. Listen Edward, I know what it's like to be jealous of someone, but you have to talk to Bella about this. You can't just keep all your emotions bottled up, it's not healthy."

I gave her a shocked look. For some reason this was all making sense, who knew that Alice knew so much?

"It will work itself out Edward; you just have to trust her! I promise that it will be worth it." She sighed as she sat down on the desk beside me.

"Besides… If things don't work out with Bella, Lauren would always like to have you as her next boy toy." She snorted.

"So that's what her name is… I am so not doing _that_ Alice!" I said, giving her a small smile.

"I know… I was just teasing!" She said as she nudged my shoulder with hers.

"You sure as hell are one weird fortune cookie, Alice." I laughed as the bell rang for class.

I spent my biology lesson sneaking glances at Bella and trying to figure out a way to get her alone to talk to her. I decided that I would follow her home and confront her there. Besides, there is no place like home.

I could see Bella sneaking nervous glances at me. I wonder what she was thinking. Before I continue that train of thought a small piece of paper was thrown in front of my face.

_Meet me at my place after school. We need to talk!!_

_B xx_

Apparently I wasn't the only one who knew that we needed to talk. I quickly shoved the note into my bag and swiftly left the classroom as the bell rang, nodding quickly at Bella to tell her that I would be there.

I got to Bella's house a little after 4pm. Ryan's bike was not in the driveway so I just presumed that he was no longer here, or had gone out for a while. I reached forward and knocked tentatively on the door, waiting for my impending doom.

The door swung open eagerly and a wide eyed slightly frustrated Bella was standing on the other side. She motioned for me to come inside with one of her hands, shutting the door behind me. I took a seat on Charlie's couch and waited for her to begin.

"What the hell is wrong with you Edward?" There she goes, there is feisty Bella.

"I have no idea what you mean." I told her stubbornly, clenching my jaw.

"Bullshit you don't. You have been acting like a massive dick head since last week. What the hell is going on with you?" She yelled, running her hands through her hair in frustration.

"I'm sorry if I have been a bit quiet lately, catching your girlfriend in bed with another guy will do that to a person." I growled.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I came to talk to you the other night and all I saw was you sleeping on Ryan's chest. Don't try and pretend with me. If you didn't want to go out with me you could have just said so." I said stubbornly, raising my chin into the air.

"I don't have feelings like that for Ryan, Edward. I am only interested in you, but you are making it impossible for me to talk to you. I tried calling all weekend and all I got was your voicemail. If I have to hear "You've reached Edward Cullen, congratulations. Leave a message after the beep," one more time I think I might implode." She said, shifting backwards to sit on the coffee table in front of me.

"Then why have you been with another guy. You guys keep kissing and you sleep together. How am I supposed to think that you have feelings for me when you're clearly throwing yourself at another guy?" I yelled angrily, slamming my hands onto the cushions as I felt hot tears forming in my eyes.

"I trusted you Bella and now look at what you are doing!" I said, shifting my gaze to the floor and covered my face with my hands.

In my periphery vision I saw her stand up and all of sudden she moved to stand in front on me. Prying my hands away from my face she raised my chin with her fingers looking deeply into my eyes as she bend down to rest her knees on the cushions of the couch while straddling my body, sitting just above my knees.

"Edward you can be so silly some times," she said softly as she wiped away my tears with her hand. Man I'm such a girl.

"Ryan is gay Edward!" _What? _"He is more interested in you than he is in me." She whispered as she pressed a gentle kiss to my salty cheek.

"Really?" I asked, my head shooting up in surprise.

"Really!" She said, before lowering her face to mine so that she was just inches from my lips, obviously waiting for the sign that this was all ok.

I bent forward and pressed my lips to hers. They were softer than I remembered and I nearly moaned at the contact. The kiss started off slowly, taking our time we pressed several gentle kisses to each other's lips. Her tongue flicked out against my lips and I opened my mouth willingly, allowing hers to intertwine with mine.

Slowly the passion and intensity of our kisses grew and our lips became more frenzied and rushed. She moaned against my mouth as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her body to me tightly.

Her body rocked against mine and I knew that she could feel my growing arousal. I expected her to stop, to shy away from my manhood like before, but she didn't. Instead she just rocked her hips forward again gently, catching my moan in her mouth as my eyes rolled back from the feeling.

I grabbed her hips tightly in my hands and slowly began setting a pace as she continued to rock against me. I broke away from the kiss to look into her eyes, but all I saw was lust. Neither of us were thinking clearly and I knew that we should probably stop soon, but I didn't want to be the one to break away first.

I pulled her against me harder and it was her turn to moan and the friction. I began sucking on her neck, scraping my lips lightly against the soft skin of her neck. Her breathing was ragged and I could feel her breasts brush up against my chest. I hesitantly lifted one hand and brushed the tips of my fingers lightly over her chest, grinning stupidly when she arched her back to press into my hand.

Not needed any more guidance she continued to rock her hips against me, while I discovered her clothed breasts with my fingers, trying not to let myself get too worked up. Her moans spurred me on and I trailed kisses down to her chest, sucking lightly on the skin that was not covered by her shirt.

She moaned again, louder this time and I looked up to see her bit her bottom lip between her lips, she was enjoying this too. I gripped her waist tighter in my hand and pulled her down against me, both of us moaning at the feelings it caused us.

I continued that action a few more times, smiling in delight when Bella's breathing increased further and her moans became more prominent. Not having touched myself in over a week I knew I could not last much longer – I had already surprised myself with how long I had lasted so far as it was.

I pulled her lips back down to mine as she pressed down against me one more time before throwing her head back and moaning my name out loud.

I rocked her against me one last time before I too flung my head backwards and moaned her name loudly. Her shaking body collapsed against mine as we both come down from our highs. I could feel her body getting heavier against mine, and her breathing began to stabilize. I could feel that she was falling asleep, so was I to tell you the truth.

I picked her up bridal style and carried her to her room and laying her on the bed. I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before making a move to leave the room.

"Please stay, Edward." I heard Bella murmur sleepily.

"I'll be right back love. I just have to clean up." I told her before walking into her bathroom to assess the damage.

Looking down I saw no obvious indication of what Bella and I had just done. My lips were slightly swollen from all the kisses and my hair was messier than normal thanks to Bella's fingers running through it.

The sticky cum that covered the inside of my boxers felt disgusting and it would be a bitch once it dried. I quickly raced down to my car to see if I had possibly left any clothes hidden in there, sighing in relief when I found an old pair of running trackies.

I quickly ran back up to Bella's bathroom and cleaned myself up with a wash cloth, shoving my disgusting pants and boxers into a plastic bag. I pulled my trackies over my lips before splashing cold water on my face and washing my hands.

I walked back into Bella's room, she was in exactly the same position I had left her in. I wished slightly that I could make her more comfortable, but I knew that we definitely weren't ready for that part of our relationship yet. I wasn't even sure if we were really ready for what we had just done, rather than seeing each other in our birthday suits.

I moved across the room and crawled in beside her, wrapping us both in her blankets. I pulled her into my arms so that her back was pressed into my chest. Slowly letting my eyes close, the only thing that went through my mind was a quote that I had once heard.

_The hardest thing in the world is loving someone and to have the courage to let them love you back…_

~*~

_What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces  
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)  
I'm falling to pieces  
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)_

**Authors Note:** So I hoped you liked this chapter and the small lemon that was involved!

The next chapter is going to be a fluff chapter mostly; I think these characters need a bit of a break from all the drama for at least a chapter.

Also, I am now on twitter and that is a barrel of laughs. My name is just AnUnbrokenHorse, so look me up if you want to read my tweets =P

So tell me what you think… And I will give you a wonderful sneak peek at the next chapter.

Until then!!

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	20. Chapter 18: Dancing

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** So like I said last time this is more of a fluff chapter. I'm not saying that the drama is over, I'm just saying that our characters need a bit of a break for once =P

Also, I am sad at the response for the last chapter… did you guys not like it?? I am also considering the possibility of only updating once a week… If I do lessen my posting schedule which day would you prefer??

_No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes  
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath  
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble  
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle_

**Dancing – Elisa**

~*~

Sunny in Forks. Who knew that the weather could EVER be sunny in Forks? I was woken rudely the next morning by unexpected mass forms of sunlight. I leant over to my bedside table to grab my phone to check the time, but it wasn't there.

Peeling open one eye lids I looked to my side to see where I had put the stupid thing when I realized that I wasn't in my room and that the hard object that was poking into my side was probably the phone I had been searching for, though how it got out of my pocket I will never know.

Hesitantly opening my other eye I looked around the room to try and figure out where the fuck I was. A warm arm was draped across my torso and I heard the owner softly breathing beside me. I looked over at the person beside me only to get annoyed when I saw mattered brown hair covering their identity.

The lower half of my body was covered in an ugly purple blanked that was surprisingly warm. Looking around the room I saw photos covering the walls, mostly of a little brown haired girl growing up.

Suddenly the memories of last night came back to me; talking to Alice, fighting with Bella over her apparent gay friend, passionately kissing Bella on the couch which led to something that would probably be referred to as "dry sex."

I almost leapt out of Bella's bed when I realized that I had stayed the night, and that there was a very possible chance that Bella's dad was going to kill me for sleeping with his daughter. I knew that I should probably move Bella's hand off my chest and quickly depart from her room, but after what happened last time I had that bright idea I wasn't so sure.

Being in Bella's arms was heavenly. She smelled so soft and sweet beside me that I couldn't help but take in deep breaths of her scent, and since she wasn't awake I wouldn't look as creepy and weird.

Unsure of how to properly wake her I settled with pressing light kisses into her hair, waiting as patiently as possible for her to wake up too. The clock on the desk beside the door told me that it was almost 8 and that if we didn't hurry we would be late for school.

Running my fingers over her back to rouse her I continued to try and wake her, trying to stop myself from just grabbing onto her arms and shaking the shit out of her. I knew that I would need to stop by home and get some fresh clothes if I was going to look at least half presentable at school. Even though the school didn't really have a dress code I didn't think it would be too appropriate for me to show up in a pair of trackies and the same shirt that I had worn yesterday.

"Bella… You gotta get up; it's nearly time for school." I said, shaking her gently.

"5 more minutes," she mumbled into the pillow, pulling the blankets over her head.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower Bella, and when I get back you should have one too." I said as I pried her warm hand off my chest and lowering it to the bed between us.

"Mmm…" she murmured, probably not hearing or understanding a single thing I was telling her.

I walked over to the window to check that Charlie's car was not in the drive – it wasn't – before making my way to Bella's bathroom. The warm water soothed my sore muscles and gave me the extra push to wake up completely. Once I had toweled myself off I dressed myself in the clothes from last night, still going commando. It was slightly disgusting that I had a nice hot shower to clean myself and then decided to put dirty clothes back on, that's just defeating the purpose of having a shower to begin with.

Walking back into Bella's room I noticed that she was still asleep in bed, with the covers still pulled over her head. I bit back a laugh at the sight before me, before walking over to the side of the bed closer to Bella, completely prepared to shake her if I had to.

I stretched my hands up and clutched the top of the blanket in my hands before trying to pull in down over her heard. As I revealed her face to me I leant forward to press a gentle kiss to her cheek when her whole head moved and instead of kissing her cheek I ended up kissing her lips.

I broke away stunned as she giggled at me. Little minx was tricking me.

"Awww you're pretty sexy when you get all confused," she giggled happily, looking up at me from beneath her eye lashes, biting her lip to keep from full out laughing.

"Yeah real cute there faker… Get in the shower," I nudged her gently, flashing her a smile.

"You gotta make it quick I need to go home and change before school. You want anything special for breakfast?" I asked, not telling her about the time I burnt cereal.

"Toast would be good… if you can manage that," she said jokingly, setting off another round of giggles as she sat up on the bed.

"Ha ha, funny girl," I said sarcastically. "Get in the shower you grub," slapping her lightly on her ass as she got up. She squealed jokingly as she walked into her bathroom poking her tongue out at me before closing the door.

Going down the stairs I noticed that there was someone on the couch, my stomach flipped at the possibility that I was about to be caught by Charlie. I froze near the bottom of the stairs, contemplating playing dead and wondering how good Charlie is with his gun.

I swallowed my fear and walked closer to the couch breathing a small sigh of relief when I saw a tuff of brown hair sticking out from under the blanket. Ryan.

Not bothering to wake him I strolled into the kitchen and went in search of the bread; it was in the microwave. Who the hell puts bread in a microwave, has Charlie never heard of a bread box? I heard footsteps coming from behind me and I quickly put the bread in the toaster.

"See no problem. I can make toast," I said somewhat arrogantly, not turning around to face her but instead rummaging through the fridge for some butter and toppings for our breakfast.

"I love a man who cooks," came the reply from a deep voice behind me. Shit, Ryan!

"All you need now is one of those 'kiss the cook' aprons and I'd ask you to marry me right now." He said, laughing loudly.

"Sorry I thought you were Bella… Did you want me to make you some toast?" I said, spinning around to face him. This wasn't awkward at all (!)

"Looks like you're doing a great job by yourself, and I prefer my toast cooked not burnt to a char.

I turned around quickly just in time to hear the fucking fire alarm start to go off. Shit! With my special cooking talent I had somehow found a way to light the toaster on fire, burning the hell out of our breakfast.

Luckily Ryan grabbed a cloth and patted out the flames from the toaster. Even though I knew he was no threat to me in the war over Bella I still resented the guy, and I felt like a dumbass just standing back and watching him play the hero as he fanned out the smoke into an open window.

That second Bella came running down the stairs and into the kitchen. She looked like she had gotten dressed quickly, and a few of the buttons on her shirt were in the wrong holes.

"What the heck happened in here?" She asked, gasping at the damage I had somehow caused.

"Lover boy over there apparently likes to kill cooking implements. Don't let him use your microwave!" Ryan said jokingly, still fanning the smoke out of the room with his table cloth.

"Ha ha," I said, my voice laced with sarcasm.

"Awww Eddie, it's not so bad. You can just be the one to tell Charlie what you did to the toaster he has been using since I was a baby." She said patting my shoulder. I glared as Ryan burst out laughing behind us.

"So Ed, you gonna be the one to give Bella the bad news?" He said in between chuckles. I glared at him menacingly, to no avail.

"What are you talking about Ryan?" Bella asked, looking at me curiously.

"Eddie boy over here is going to run away with me. We are going to get married and set up a café that only sells burnt meals," he joked as he threw his arm around my shoulder.

"Really?" Bella asked, looking between the two of us, smiling brightly as I tried to shrug his arm off me.

"Sure is Bells. Sorry to bring you such bad news," he said joyfully as I growled.

"Right… For the last time my name is Edward NOT Ed or Eddie. Secondly I wouldn't marry you if we were the last two people on Earth. And finally, Bella I will be in the car when you are ready to go," I growled as I walked angrily out of the kitchen, slamming the front door behind me as I as I walked out the door.

I stalked over to my car and with a frustrated sigh I rested my head against the room. I opened the door to my car and turned the heat up, not wanting to freeze on the drive between here and home.

Not five minutes later I heard the door to Bella's house close as her soft knuckles tapped lightly on the passenger side window. I nodded to her with my head, silently telling her that the door was unlocked and that she could get in, but she seemed hesitant.

I leant over the centre console and opened her door for her, really enjoying the pressure that the hand-break was causing my stomach. I pushed the door open as far as I could, before again motioning her into the car with a nod of my head, cos yes I am too cool to use actual words.

Once she was finally in the car and had her seatbelt (road safety and all that shit) I revved the car loudly and reversed out of her driveway. The silence between us on the way to my house was excruciating. It was a mix between frustration, anxiety and familiar sense of loss and it was making me feel like I was dangling over a tall cliff, I freaking hated it!

When we finally got to the house I unbuckled my seatbelt and murmured "5 minutes" to her. I wasn't angry at her, not really. More angry with Ryan and the tension that he continues to cause between us.

Stepping into the foyer I ran quickly up to my room to change before school, settling with some comfy jeans and a plain navy blue shirt. I took my time walking back downstairs, in no real hurry to get back to the awkwardness that blossomed between us.

I slipped back into the car, shooting a quick glance at Bella, whose eyes were closed and her head was resting back on the seat. She looked so peaceful and at that moment I didn't want to start the car, in fear of disturbing her.

Looking at the clock on the dash I realized that we had about 5 minutes to get to school or we would be late. I startled the engine as gently as I could, smirking when Bella didn't flinch at all.

"So what's wrong Edward?" I heard her ask softly from beside me.

"Nothing… I just think that guy is a bit of a dick that's all." I replied stubbornly, sneaking a quick glance at her to discover that she was talking while still looking like she was asleep. She had dark patches under her eyes, making it look like she hadn't slept in days, like me.

"That's just part of his… charm," she sighed. "You'll get used to it!" Not fucking likely.

I heard her breathing even out and I knew she was asleep. The responsible part of my brain was telling me to keep driving to school and to try and wake her gently when we got there. The other part of my brain was telling me that she was way too tired to concentrate in school and that it would a nice offer if I took her home to my place and let her sleep, blowing off school completely. And being the gentleman I am, I chose the latter.

At my nearest convenience I turned the car around and headed back in the direction we had just come from. I knew that Carlisle would be at work all day and that Esme was currently in Seattle for a business conference, which means that I had the house all to myself.

When I got home I carried Bella's sleeping body upstairs to my room and placed her gently in my bed. After making sure she was comfortable I turned to my computer and wrote an email to the school informing them of mine and Bella's absences. I turned around in my chair and looked at Bella's sleeping form on my bed. I couldn't believe that she was here, finally.

I wasn't expecting something from her when I brought her here; I was only trying to avoid another confrontation with the asshole Ryan. And besides, in some ways I felt safer on my own turf.

Eventually I went over to the bed and joined her, not able to fall asleep because I was too wired from the night before. After watching her and occasionally stroking her face gently I got out of bed and walked down stairs, not willing to let this day become a total waste.

I entered the kitchen and began making sandwiches for lunch, preparing to take Bella out on our date when she woke up. After all the thought I had put into a location last week it occurred to me that I knew the perfect place for the two of us to go. I just hoped that she would still want to be with me after my shitty attitude this morning.

Half way through chopping carrots for the salad I heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs. In the corner of my eye I saw her pause in the doorway, taking a few seconds to just look curiously at me.

After standing under her watchful gaze for over a minute I turned around waving the knife in my hand slightly.

"Hey," she whispered, smiling hesitantly at me.

"Hey yourself… Have a nice nap?" I asked softly, smiling at her in reassurance.

"Thanks. I needed that," she said nodding her head gently.

I nodded in return and made a move to go back to my previous task. I heard her gasp as she looked at the clock, realizing just how late it was.

"Shit Edward, its 12 o'clock. We are _really_ late for school!" She practically yelled at me.

"It's ok Bella. I covered for us. We both have very believable colds." I said jokingly as I turned around. Her eyes were blazing, a worried expression clearly coming over her face, only calming slightly at my words.

"Oh… Okay," clearly still worried about the repercussions from missing school.

"So… what are you doing over there anyway?" she asked curiously, nodding at the pile of chopped veggies that were in a plastic container in front of me.

"I was hoping that you were still up for going on a date with me…" I said nervously, trying to channel my nervous energy into the task in front of me.

"Well sure; since we don't have to go to school today. What did you have in mind?" She said excitedly, only somewhat calming my fears of her rejection.

"That, my dear, is for me to know and you to find out," I said as jokingly as possible, not sure if my words came out that way or not, since I was still really nervous.

"Okay… Do you need any help?" she asked, watching me closely.

"Nah, it's okay, I didn't need to cook anything." I said, smirking at her.

"That doesn't mean it won't burn," she muttered, before smiling teasingly at me.

"Yuck it up funny girl, just remember I have a knife." I said, waving it at her.

"Yeah, I'm terrified." She said evenly, her voice flat. I looked at her curiously, my eyebrow arched.

"I'm not afraid of you," she said gently, shaking her head while flashing a brilliant smile at me.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that." I said, turning to her quickly.

I moved towards her slowly and calculatingly, the knife abandoned on the kitchen bench behind me. She slowly took a step backwards as I got closer to her. I took steps forward as she continued to back away from me, eventually ending up out the door and into the lounge room, a meter away from the couch.

I watched her as a hunter watches its prey. The way a lion watches the frightened lamb who knows that it is about to be eaten, but knows it's inevitable. Her eyes watched me, trying to figure out my next move, waiting for me to attack. She didn't show any fear, just like she said she wouldn't.

I got closer and she gasped, feeling the cushions of the couch against the back of her legs. I smirked, and pressed the weight of my body to the front of my feet. I lingering look into her eyes told me exactly what I wanted to know. I growled lowly in my throat and lunged forward, pushing her into the cushions of the couch and trapping her body there with my own. Her small body caged between the couch and my arms that were keeping her there, making sure to not put too much pressure from my body on her.

She squeaked and giggled, showing me how very unafraid she was. I chuckled at her reaction before quickly leaning my head down and pressing my lips tenderly to hers. She responded quickly, as if she was expecting me to kiss her. Her arms reached under my own and wrapped around my back, nightly scratching her nails along the muscles she found there.

I opened my mouth to her at the same time she did and our tongues met together in the middle before I pushed the back into her mouth, letting them fight for dominance in the warmth of her mouth. My rigid arms moved to wrap around her small shoulders and she moaned against me.

We broke apart out of breath, panting to get air into my lungs as I rested my head on her shoulder. Wrapping my arms around her I shifted our positions so that I was the one sitting on the couch and she was resting on my lap, her head on my shoulder. My breathing steadied and I kissed her head gently, which was now resting on my chest.

"Still wanna go on our date, Bella?" I asked softly, looking down at her hidden face.

"Mmm," she mumbled into my chest.

"Well we should go before it gets much later," I said softly, not really wanting to release her from my arms.

Her soft body moved against mine, and if she kept moving we definitely wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. I moaned slightly in protest as she got up off me, stretching her hands above her head, revealing her soft stomach to me.

Her hand appeared in front of my eyes, offering to help me get up off the couch. I readjusted my jeans and took her hand, letting her help me to my feet. I pulled her into the kitchen, where I packed the rest of our lunch into one of Esme's cane baskets. Once everything was ready and I had grabbed a soft blanket from the linen cupboard we walked to the door. When we got to the car I turned to Bella before she could get in and looked at her softly.

"Bella, do you trust me?" I asked nervously, having no idea what her answer would be.

"Yes, of course." She said without hesitating, looking into my eyes.

"Ok, because I am going to blindfold you if that's ok. I just don't want you to figure out where we are going until we get there…" I said, waiting as patiently as possible for her answer.

"Umm, ok?" she said, not as confidently as before.

"It's ok, Bella. I am not going to kill you and chuck you into the creek," I said jokingly, trying to reassure her.

"Ok then," she said smiling at me, as I wrapped one of Carlisle's tie's over her eyes.

Once I was completely sure that she could not see I helped her into the car before heading off towards our destination. I knew how to get there pretty well, but I tried to go a different way so that Bella couldn't guess where we were going.

Once we arrived I grabbed everything in one hand while helping Bella out of the car with the other. The place I had chosen was a lot more personal than taking her to some fancy restaurant, and I secretly knew that she would appreciate this more.

I helped her along the path, making sure not to drop any hints of our destination. I tried to protect her as much as possible from sticks that crossed her path but her naturally clumsy nature made that task harder than normal. But eventually we did get there, without a scratch. The wind was blowing gently around us and I could smell the wild flowers that were scattered around the area. The sun was shining warmly around us and it looked perfect, almost as perfect as she was.

I set up the blanket and food and get her to kneel down beside me. I pulled gently at the bow on the back of the tie, letting it fall to the ground as her eyes were uncovered. She gasped as she took in her surroundings, looking at everything from the trees and flowers to the blanket and cane basket beside us, before finally settling her gaze on me.

I looked up nervously, worried about how she was feeling about all this, and tried to gouge her reaction. She smiled brightly at me, dazzling me in her own way, before lunging at me, pressing her lips to mine. I guess this means that she liked it.

"I love it, Edward. It's so perfect!" She squealed happily, answering my unspoken question.

I opened the basket and I handed her the sandwich I made for her, as she made more jokes about not burning food; smart ass. We talked about my overreaction this morning and she told me that Ryan was leaving tomorrow during school. I knew that she would miss her friend, after having him around for so long I expected her to miss him once he was gone. Her sad smile was my evidence as she told me a story about when they were in Arizona and she had thought that he was straight and asked him out, later they laughed about it as they picked out guys for each other. Apparently he wasn't the ponce that I thought he was, but it didn't mean that I had to like him.

We finished our sandwiches were now lying back on the blanket looking up at the clouds as Bella nibbled noncommittally on a carrot stick. Occasionally she would point out particular clouds and tell me what she thought they looked like, but in general we were just relaxing and enjoying each other's presence.

Her head eventually found its way onto my chest and my arm was wrapped around her shoulders as the wind got cooler. We had probably been out for a few hours and the other side of the meadow was starting to get darker as the sun was going down. I looked down at Bella's hand and noted that her watch was telling me that it was almost 4.30pm and that we should probably be heading home soon.

Her head and arm were keeping my chest warm and I was perfectly content to just lay here with her until the sun goes down completely, but I knew that her father would worry if she was not at home when he got there. I didn't want to move her; she looked so happy, fucking parents.

It got darker and I knew we had to go; gently I nudged her and told her that we probably had to get going soon. She just nodded her head sadly at me - apparently she didn't want to go either, and helped me back everything away - before taking my hand and leading me back to where my car was parked.

I kissed her lovingly at her front door and told her that I would see her tomorrow. I drove home with a large smile spreading over my face; I knew that after today we would be okay and that we had made more beautiful happy memories. I received a text from her just as I pulled into my driveway.

_Miss you already _=(

_Sleepover? _

_Bella_

I quickly responded, telling her that I would love to and that she should text me when Charlie goes to bed and I would head over. I noticed that only Esme's car was in the garage, Carlisle wasn't home yet.

I found her cooking in the kitchen, it smelt really good. She took one look at my smile and told me how happy I looked. I offered to help, but warned her about my cooking abilities, or lack thereof, and she happily accepted, a bright smile crossing her features too.

We stood side by side as she helped my cook for the first time without burning anything, acting the way a real mother and son would act, and it felt… nice. She was warm and comforting, the way a mother should be, and she never treated me as if I wasn't her biological son.

Carlisle came home shortly after we finished, and laughed heartily as he took in our appearances. Apparently Esme was an enthusiastic cook and we ended up with quite a few ingredients on our previously food-free clothes. Our dinner was enjoyable, and I really enjoyed our "family" dinner. But as I washed up I couldn't help the uneasy feel in my gut. Like for some reason trouble was coming, and it worried me.

That night with Bella sleeping softly in my arms, I felt nervous about what was coming. What the hell would the gods throw at me now?!?

~*~

_So I put my arms around you around you  
And I hope that I will do no wrong  
My eyes are on you they're on you  
And I hope that you won't hurt me_

**Authors Note:** Sadly this will be the last time we see Ryan for a while. The character is loosely based off one of my friends in high school, but he wasn't gay. I hope you liked Edward's interaction with him in the beginning; I wanted this chapter to be funny. The calm before the storm I'm afraid, but at least you got to see their first date!!

The next few chapters coming up will be a new journey for our characters, so hold on for the ride. There will be some heavy waters ahead, but all will be good.

Also, sorry that these chapters are starting to get longer… I hope you all are ok with that!!

Another thing… Does anyone know anything about Seattle?? I have never even left the country so I have no idea what it is like and I need help finding interesting things about it!!

This was my fluffy chapter people, and I would really love to know how I did. Just give me your opinion and I will give you a fabulous look at the next chapter. You know the deal…

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	21. Chapter 19: Save Me

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Back and ready for some drama. I just want to make sure that you all know that the drama that is coming WILL NOT impact badly on their new relationship, if anything it will make it stronger. So please don't hunt me down and threaten to kill me at the mention of drama, I not so mean that I would break them up so soon after getting them together, have some faith in me people.

Also, I have posted a new one-shot called "My Rules" which is a funny slash story that involves two of our favorite characters that are never put together. It has no relation to this story but is a good read if you are interested in something different.

Now… on with the chapter!

_How did I get here  
And what went wrong  
Couldn't handle forgiveness  
Now I'm far beyond gone  
And I can hardly remember  
The look of my own eyes  
How could I love this  
A life so dishonest  
It made me compromise_

**Save Me – Shinedown**

~*~

A vibrating pocket that is pretty close to your semi-hard cock that your girlfriend was pressed up against was not the way I liked to wake up in the morning. My alarm was set to 5am, to ensure that I would wake up before Charlie, but keeping the phone in my pocket while it tried to wake me up with vibrations was not really the best idea I have ever had. Usually I just dump in on Bella's nightstand, but I was too tired to remember last night and I left the little bugger in my pocket like an idiot.

I peeled open my eyes and was about to reach down and shut my phone off when I felt Bella's warm hand clench around my now fully hard dick and squeezing gently. The poor girl must have thought it was my phone, but it sure as hell was not.

I could barely contain my groan when she squeezed again, the alarm still vibrating against her. She was one squeeze away from getting a _very_ rude awakening, because at the moment I was not against thrusting in her hand further, but that wouldn't be appropriate since she was still half asleep.

Our relationship over the last week had been building steadily but we definitely weren't at the stage yet where sex and nakedness would be entirely appropriate. I reached down and pressed the stop button on my phone while at the same time moving backwards so that I was now out of her hand.

Ryan had left last week and I had held Bella as she shed a few tears, while telling her friend to keep in touch, while secretly hoping that he would fall off his motorbike on his way home; dickhead!

That night I had invited Bella over to my house for dinner where she had met Esme and Carlisle, who both laughed along when she told them about me sending her father's toaster into a blaze of glory and the expression on my face when I had admitted my wrong doing and asking him not to kill me.

After dinner Esme pulled me aside and told me that she though Bella was a really good girl, and that she was glad that I was finally happy. Apparently Carlisle felt the same and decided that it would be a good idea to remind me of Charlie's affiliation with guns and how if he needed target practice the police chief would not hesitated to use teenage boys who hurt his daughter as moving targets. Thanks for the support Carlisle!

I had been over to her house for dinner twice since last week, bringing with me desserts that Esme and I made together on our afternoons off. Our relationship was getting stronger, but it still wasn't perfect. To me she would _always_ be my foster mother, no matter how close we got.

Bella was still teaching me to play the piano when we weren't too busy making out like teenagers on her couch. When I played a sense of peace came over me and according to Bella I had a cheesy smile on my face. By now playing the piano was almost like second nature to me and I rarely made mistakes. But when I did I would hear Bella giggle at me, apparently it made her flash back to the day I showed her my nonexistent talents, and she couldn't help but find it amusing, the silly girl.

I heard Charlie's snoring falter from his room, and I quickly sat up and made the move to find my shoes which I had flipped off somewhere around Bella's room. Finally I found them in the door to her bathroom – seriously?!? – and quickly pulled them on. Giving Bella a quick kiss on her forehead I slipped silently out the window and ran to my car, which I had parked around the corner, and headed home. We had gotten to the stage in our relationship that Bella was no longer worried that I had run away from her, she knew that I would be back in a few hours.

As far as I knew Carlisle and Esme had no idea that I snuck out of their house every night, and I planned on keeping it that way. I had found the best way to sneak back into my bedroom was to slip in the back door as it made less noise when it was opened at this ungodly hour of the morning. I slipped silently into my room and went straight back to bed, intent on getting at least another hour of sleep before I had to get up for school.

My dreams at home were always filled with horrid images from my childhood. Pictures of my father leaving and my mother in tears on the floor filled my vision, and all I could feel was the hurt and pain that came from those memories. When I was asleep in Bella's arms nothing else mattered, when I closed my eyes all I saw were pictures of her face and fluffy clouds from our date in the meadow.

At home the images were haunting and Bella's beautiful face twisted into the shape of my mother broken on the floor. Occasionally I would dream of looking into a mirror except the face that was staring back at me looked at least 25 years older than me, and when I would reach forward to touch the mirror it would always fall backwards and shatter on the ground. Bigger pieces of the shattered glass now changed my appearance to look as I did now, almost 18 years old.

I continuously wondered what the fuck these dreams are supposed to mean and why exactly where they coming back now; now that I am finally happy for the first time in over 10 years. Some people say that dreams are supposed to mean something, that there are certain facts behind some dreams, but I really did give a shit about what psychics thought about me and I wasn't really planning on seeing one anytime soon.

I would always wake up from these nightmares 10 minutes before my second alarm was set to go off, and I would take a 15 minute shower just to try and calm down before getting dressed and heading off to Bella's house to pick her up for school. Today was the same as every other day.

"Hey, baaaby," I said cheekily as I pulled up in front of her house, unlocking the door so she could get in. Getting into the passenger seat she smacked me on the shoulder lightly before leaning over the hand break to give me a quick kiss on the lips. Everything was normal between us; clearly she didn't remember that she had groped me in bed this morning. Either that or she had no idea what had happened, and I wasn't about to remind her, even though her blush was really cute.

"Thanks Bunny," she smiled.

"Yeah, that's not going to work Bella. Next!" I laughed at her expression.

"That's so not fair. You call me baby pretty much every day. Why don't I get to give you a nickname?" She said pouting; it still wasn't going to work.

"You _can_ give me a nickname Bella; it just has to be a good one." I said smugly.

"Well that's hard. Eddie and Ed's are apparently out of the question. I have also tried honey, sweetie, cookie, darling, hot stuff, sweet cheeks and now bunny, but apparently none of those are good enough for you!" she said, her pout still going strong.

"Bella, I am a man. I need a manly nickname, not one that you would give to a pet. Since I don't have fur I refuse to be called 'bunny'. And I hate Eddie and Ed's, they are not my names!" I said, shooting her a fake horrified look at the thought of being called Eddie again, yuck!

"That's ok, I'll just think of something else… white whale." She said poking her tongue at me as if it was a joke, I didn't understand the punch line so I shot her a curious look.

"Scrubs, Edward. Don't you ever watch TV?" She said glowering at me, as if I had offended her, but she was the one that called me a white whale.

"No I don't get much time to watch TV, I'm too busy hanging out with my beautiful girlfriend to have enough time to spend watching a comedic hospital drama." I said, sucking up to her. I had heard of Scrubs already, but I was just trying to shock her with my tendency to remember useless random facts that she had told me over the past few weeks.

I heard her huff beside me, but I chose not to react to it just to spite her for her 'bunny' comment. The rest of the school day passed easily, the only change was Bella's new failed nickname for me which she announced to the group causing Emmett to roar with laughter as he proceeded to call me bunny for the rest of lunch. I planned on making her pay for that later.

The drive back to my house was quiet as we sat back in our seats listening to the soothing sounds of some band Bella had picked out. Today was her turn to come to my house to do our homework together. Spending time together seemed to make the Cullen's happy and her father was getting used to my presence so he didn't mind much either.

Esme greeted us on our way through the door, giving Bella a warm hug as she entered the kitchen behind me. Bella seemed to enjoy Esme's hugs, probably missing her own mother's hugs, and I wasn't at the stage yet where I was comfortable receiving hugs from her. I was learning, but I wasn't quite there yet.

"Edward, some mail came for you today. It's on the kitchen bench waiting for you." Esme told me, while offering Bella a container of cookies.

"Thanks Esme," I nodded to her.

"That's alright dear. Bella, take these cookies home to your father, I am sure he would enjoy them," she said still smiling at Bella. She was acting like Bella was her own daughter, but it was sweet that she cared I guess.

"Thanks Esme, he will eat them all I promise," Bella said, taking the cookies and putting them in her bag.

"And where are my cookies woman, don't I deserve some chocolaty goodness too?" Carlisle said jokingly as her entered the room; apparently he was home early today. I inwardly cringed at his question and almost gagged when Esme practically ran over to him as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Eww!

"I'm gonna go now. Before I throw up," I said, not waiting for an answer as I pulled Bella out of the room and up stairs to my room.

"Are you sure you are going to be able to concentrate Edward, while your parents are probably doing the dirty in your kitchen?" She laughed at me. Thanks for the blunt reminder there "bunny."

I growled at her and pushed the thoughts of Esme and Carlisle naked out of my mind. I lunged forward and knocked her to the bed, I enjoyed doing that. She squealed in mock surprise, she was used to it by now. I smirked as she pushed her face upwards to meet my lips in battle.

This is how most of our study sessions before we would break apart out of breath and decide that the mounting amounts of homework we both had were probably more important than doing something we would eventually get to later when I climbed into her window later that night anyway.

When it began getting darker outside we decided to finish the study session early. Bella packed up all her books and we held hands as we walked downstairs, thankfully Esme and Carlisle were nowhere in sight. We kissed passionately as we got outside, better to do it now than to get busted by Bella's dad and having _that_ fun argument.

Our tongues came together perfectly and I absorbed as much of her sweet taste as I could. I would miss her tonight and I wanted her to know that. Bella had decided that she wanted some alone time with Charlie, and I agreed with her at the time. But right now I was wishing that she didn't have to go alone. Eventually we broke apart and I detached my hands from their position just above her butt, gently nudging her in the direction of my car. The quicker she got home, the quicker we would see each other again.

I dropped Bella off at her house, giving her a chaste kiss before letting her get out of the car. I waited until she got inside her front door before speeding back home; not needing to get back so quickly, just enjoying the speed.

My letter was still sitting on the kitchen bench when I got home, and I walked over to the couch flipping on some random TV show before opening the top of the letter with my finger. I usually got mail from the government, continuously informing me of my foster situation, as if I needed reminding. But this letter didn't look like any of those, the writing on the front was not printed but handwritten, telling me that the letter was clearly not from the government but from someone else. Who the hell could it be from? I never got normal mail, occasionally I would get mail from the bank my mother's money was in, telling me how much interest I was earning by not touching the money invested there.

Two sheets of plain white paper were residing in the envelope. I folded out the letter, trying to find any particular clues to who the letter was from. I gripped the letter tightly in my hands, reading over the letter that I eventually wished I hadn't looked at. The letter read:

_Dear Edward Cullen,_

_I know how strange this seems, reading a letter from a person that you probably don't remember. But I have been looking for you for a long time now, but I have finally tracked you down._

_I am your father Edward. I know that that sounds weird; you probably thought that you would never hear from me again considering all the articles that came out telling of my death by car crash. But I'm not dead Edward. _

_I know this is probably selfish of me. To barge back into your life for completely selfish reasons, but I want you to know that I have been trying to find you for a few years now and after hiring a private investigator I finally discovered your location._

_I have found out everything I can about you, but details aren't able to tell me anything real. I want to get to know you, my son. I want a chance to get to know that man you have become._

_I now live in Seattle, which is not too far from where you live, and I would love for you to come and visit me for about a week if the school can let you off. It would mean the world to my wife and I if you would consider my offer. I will pay for everything - your flights and hotel room - and all I ask is for a chance to get to know the man I helped create._

_My phone number is: 555-091-7624_

_Give me a call if you decide to take me up on my offer. I would love to hear from you, and I look forward to seeing you soon._

_Kind Regards,_

_Tony Masen_

I read and reread the letter over and over as I tried to get the words to sink in. I wasn't doing too well. I was still in shock after the 10th time, and now the letter was a crumpled ball in my hands. I heard noises coming from behind me, but that's all it was, noise. The world around me fuzzed out of focus and all I saw was a mix or colors and shapes, and darkness.

Sounds were muted and on the rare occasion that I could hear something it all just came out muffled and unclear. I had a vague feeling that someone was shaking me, but I still wasn't able to move. The only thing I recognize was smells, and the person shaking me smelt like Carlisle. I knew that he and Esme were probably worried about me, but I couldn't help it.

I was confused and totally numb. I had no idea what was going on, and nothing made sense. My biological father had died over 7 years ago, how the hell was he coming back now? Did he find some magical cure in the afterlife that made him come back to life? Was he reincarnated and was really a much younger version of himself, and his "wife" was really just his nanny?

I had no recognition of time; it didn't matter to me anyway. I felt warmth flow down my cheeks, realizing that I was crying; I didn't have the strength or care to wipe them away. I felt someone else put their hand on my shoulder, Esme this time, but again I ignored it.

I felt something hard and cold poke into my arm, but it was a numbing pain. I had no idea what they were doing but I could feel my head start to swim until everything went black and I lost consciousness.

There were no nightmares that night, nothing unusual or scary that made me wake up in a cold sweat. All there was was darkness and it comforted me. I woke up to the gentle sounds of rain falling onto the roof outside, and I couldn't help but notice how appropriate the sad weather was for my current situation. My mind and body were still numb, but now I could see and hear everything again, and I wasn't too impressed about that. I vaguely remembered that I had been down in the lounge room last night, but now I was in my bed. Apparently Carlisle had some serious muscles to drag my limp form up the starts.

I dragged myself unwillingly out of bed and into a nice warm shower, barely paying any attention to the clock on my bedside table that was telling me that it was 12 o'clock in the afternoon, I wasn't in the mood to go to school right now anyway.

The shower barely relaxed me and I felt tears streak down my cheeks, before being washed away by the scalding hot water from the shower. I tried to figure out what my next plan of action was, god I wish that I could talk to my mom about this, but I knew that was impossible.

I eventually decided that I had to get out of the hat and since I couldn't speak to my mother face to face I decided that I would make another trip to her grave site and talk to her there, even if it was just to rant to her about how I was feeling about everything.

I grabbed the first items of clothing that I could find in my closet and pulled them on roughly, hissing slightly at my red raw skin. My hair was as messy as always and I didn't give a fuck. I didn't want to suffer a confrontation with Esme on my way out, even though I knew it was inevitable. I ran out of the house quickly, not giving her time to stop me as I flew out the door and into my car.

My wallet was in my pocket, but other than that I had nothing else with me other than my keys. I didn't want any distractions as I made my way to the graveyard where my mother was buried. I knew that Bella would probably be worried about me, but I just assumed someone else had given her a lift to school; but I didn't want to think about that right now.

I got to the gloomy cemetery and noticed that it looked as dark and tortured as I felt. I quickly made my way over to my mother's headstone, just staring at it for a few minutes thinking over what I had wanted to talk about.

"So apparently my drop kick father isn't dead after all. I thought he fucking died in a car crash. It didn't cross my mind for a minute that he was gone; he was dead to me anyway. He just left us mum, you guys got into a fight and he just walked out, not looking back. He didn't just leave you and me; he also left his unborn baby. What a fucking ass hole!

"I can't believe that he would have the audacity to try and contact me after the hell he put us both through. I don't want to see him. I don't even want to talk to him again. I am so fucking pissed off all the time and I just want to get it out. I want to be happy. I want to be the right person for Bella. She deserves so much more than me, but I am holding her back with my insecurities and my past. I want to get rid of all this anger that I keep bottled up.

"So what the fuck am I supposed to do? Maybe if I talk to him, maybe if I yell at him and let him know how I really feel maybe he will feel guilty for all the shit he put us through… put _me_ through. I know that I have to make a decision, but I don't want to do it alone. You have to help me! Tell me what am I supposed to do?" I yelled, silent tears falling to my cheeks.

"You have to help me, mummy. I need your guidance, please… help me!" I cried as I clutched my hands into the grass, getting dirt and crap under my fingernails but I didn't give a shit.

I was full on sobbing on the ground in front of her, waiting for answers I knew would never come. I hated everything, _him_ especially. Haven't I already suffered enough for one life time, why the hell do I have to keep going through this shit?!

I spent what felt like hours in that position, sobbing loudly until all my tears dried up. The rain had come back full force, and I was absolutely saturated from head to toe. I knew that I was going to get water all over the seats of my baby, but I couldn't move.

Eventually I calmed down somewhat, my emotions hardening until I was numb again. I got up off the grass, not worrying about the mud and grass that covered my clothed body. I didn't take much notice of anything on my way back home, everything was bland and boring and nothing was really making sense.

I went straight to my room when I got home; pulling off my dirty wet clothes I changed so that I was only in my boxers and some sweatpants nothing bothering with a shirt.

I sat on my bed, my head resting against the headboard of my bed, as I stared intently at the door in front of me. Slowly I began to slip into darkness, and everything went fuzzy again. Somewhere in the background I heard banging sounds coming from my locked bedroom door, not flinching when the son of a bitch cracked in half. I wasn't paying attention and all sounds were still muffled, making it impossible to know what was doing on.

Again I felt someone shaking me, trying to get me to focus to no avail. The combined smell of Carlisle wafted around the room and I knew they were worried about me, hell, I was worried about me. But there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to talk about my fucking problems; I just wanted to stay here in a place where I don't have to think about anything.

I heard a muffled slam somewhere in the back ground, before I felt a small weight in my lap. This time it was Bella, I would know that smell anywhere. I felt her arms wrapped around me chest, clearly trying to comfort me. I wanted to hug her back but I couldn't lift my arms. Esme probably called her hoping that she could try and help me, but I was beyond that right now.

I could feel her stroking my face lightly, her word still muffled, but the emotion behind them was real. Occasionally I felt her lightly kiss my cheek and run her fingers through my hair.

Slowly everything was coming back into focus, the first thing I saw was Bella's worried face staring down at me. I looked at the window and was shocked to see that it was sunny outside. How long had I been out of it for?

"According to your parents, you have been unreachable for over 12 hours," Bella said gently, tears in her eyes as she continued to stroke my face gently. Apparently I had asked my question out loud.

"What's wrong, Edward? We were all so worried about you," she asked, her breathing faltering half way through her question and I could see that she was fighting to keep back a mountain load of tears.

"Go for a walk with me?" I asked gently, brushing my hand against her cheek to reassure her.

She just nodded softly in response, probably not trusting herself with words. I tried to smile at her, but I knew that it was probably coming out more like a grimace. I let Bella silently help me to my feet, glancing quickly at the shocked faces of Carlisle and Esme as they watched my interaction with Bella.

I smiled nervously and asked Esme if she had anything that I could eat; only now realizing that I had not eaten in over a day. She calmly told me that there was some cold pizza still in the fridge, her face still revealing how shocked she was.

I took a few pieces of the cold food product and walked out the door, with Bella closer behind me. We got into my car and drove to our meadow and I chewed hungrily at the pizza I had taken, surprisingly it still tasted nice when it was cold, not that I would have cared either way.

Bella and I walked side by side through the small patch of forest that led to our meadow. Being the smart one Bella had brought our blanket from the other day and laid it on the grass before we both sat on it. We sat there in silence for a few minutes. Looking around the meadow I noticed that the sun reflecting onto the wet grass made everything shine brightly around it. I knew the sunlight wouldn't last long and that soon it would go behind the clouds, where everything would turn to grey.

"Edward…" Bella started, turning to me. I didn't give her a chance to talk; instead I just lunged at her, knocking her small body onto the blanket as I kissed her passionately.

For a few seconds she was froze and unresponsive beneath me, but as I pressed my tongue to her closed lips she finally moved her hands to clench in my hair. Her mouth opened and allowed my tongue into her safe cavern. We were kissing more passionately than before and we were pressed tightly against each other, but it wasn't enough and I wanted more.

I slipped my hand so that it was resting over her rib cage, her small moan spurring me on as I brushed my thumb against her soft breast. She moaned louder and I moved my hand so that it was directly pressing into her full breast and rubbing my thumb over her nipple. Her body arched into my hand and I pressed harder against her, not too hard, I didn't want to hurt her.

I was encouraged by her actions and the sounds that she was making and so I dragged my hand down her chest and fumbled for the button on her jeans, wanting to get the fucking thing open so I could get closer to her.

I dragged my face from where it was a trailed down to her neck, laying sloppy kisses along the way. Finally I got to the soft skin of her neck and I couldn't help but bury myself there for a while. I felt Bella shaking beneath me slightly and felt warm salty water fall onto her neck; I was crying.

Sobs once again told hold of my body and I was unable to stop. I could feel her rubbing soothing patterns on my back as I felt warm tears flow down my cheeks. Everything I had gone through over the last few days was catching up with me and my emotions were breaking down barriers that had been there for years. I sobbed harder into her neck, completely aware of the fact that I was soaking her shirt and hair with my tears.

"Why couldn't he just stay dead, Bella? Why does he have to come back now, after everything is finally starting to look up for me?" I sobbed, my body shaking with fear.

"Shh, it's ok Edward. Everything will be fine, I promise…" she said, trying to sooth me by running her nails over my scalp.

Finally the crying stopped and my tears dried up. I rolled my body to the side so that I was no longer crushing Bella under my body. She remained pressed up against me, curled into my side.

"I don't know what exactly is wrong Edward; I just know that whatever it is it's you that has to make a decision about what comes next." She said gently, trying to get me to understand.

"My biological father who I thought to be dead these past 10 years wrote to me asking to come and visit him and his new family in San Francisco and I have no idea what to do." I told her honestly, I was past the point of keeping too many secrets from her.

"I guess you just have to decide if you want to meet up with the guy or not. It's almost simple Edward; you just have to make a decision. You will find out eventually if it is the right one or not."

"What if I don't want to be the one who decides what to do? I am so scared that I will make the wrong decision and that everything will change too drastically and that I won't be able to handle it anymore. I'm not really good with emotions, Bella. I don't like thinking about the past too much, and I'm not sure that I can make this decision on my own." I cried, running my hands over my face.

"Listen Edward, I know that this is a hard decision for you to make. But no matter what you decide to do, I will be there to support you 100%" She stated unwaveringly. I smiled at her and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Listen Bella I am sorry if I was pushing you before. I didn't mean to push so far, I guess I was just trying to focus on something else for a while, obviously I failed." I said nervously, chanting _"please don't kill me"_ over and over in my head.

"It's ok Edward. I understand, and I'm fine. No harm, no foul," she said jokingly, poking me in the stomach.

Still lying on her side I lightly ran my fingers over her hip, while her hands were still sliding lightly up and down my back. She made me feel safe and comfortable and I wanted her to know that.

"I feel safe with, Bella." I mumbled into her neck, trying to hide my embarrassment by shielding my face from her.

"I feel safe with you too, especially since we are in our meadow." She said lightly, I smiled when I felt her skin flush.

I raised my head, fully intending to kiss her for her comment, but at that point in time the heavens decided it would be a good time for them to open up and shower us with cold water, effectively ruining the mood. Awesome!

We ran back to my car placing towels over the seats so they wouldn't get too wet. I dropped Bella off at home, promising to come back for her later that night. On my way home I thought over everything that was happening; the Bella situation was handled and just knowing that I had her support made me feel a hundred times better than before. Dealing with Esme and Carlisle would be all too easy if I just explained the situation to them when I get home.

Now all I have to do is make a fucking decision about what to do with the asshole who abandoned my mother and me when I was 7. Great…

~*~

_Jump in the water  
Jump in with me  
Jump on the altar  
Lay down with me  
My hardest question  
To answer is  
WHY!!!_

_Someone save me if you will  
And take away all these pills  
And please just save me, if you can  
From the blasphemy in my wasteland_

**Authors Note:** So I hoped you like this chapter even though it was filled with drama. Trust me there is more to come. But like I said before, it will NOT impact badly on the new Bella/Edward relationship!!

Sorry to anyone who doesn't like longer chapters, looks like they are staying around for a while =P

Also, welcome back Krissy… Hope you enjoyed your holiday!!

So tell me what you guys thought and I will give you a present in the form of a sneak peek, you know you want to!!

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	22. Chapter 20: I Don't Care Part 1

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Quite a few of you picked up on my inconsistency in the last chapter. I initially said that Edward's father lived in Seattle and then when he was telling Bella what was wrong he said San Francisco. I am sorry about that. After much deliberation I have decided that to fit the story, Edward's father lives in San Francisco. Sorry if any of this confused everyone.

Also, if anyone knows anything about San Francisco, it would be helpful for you to share said information with me =P

Here is the decision we have all been waiting for…

_If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care,  
I don't care,  
And all the things you left behind,  
I don't care  
I don't care  
_

**I Don't Care – Apocalyptica**

~*~

The drive home from Bella's house was completely uneventful. There wasn't so much as I pigeon in a tree to distract me, all there was to fill the Bellaless void was music. I listened to it intently telling myself to focus on the lyrics and melody that were floating through the car, only afterwards realizing that I was paying more attention to me telling myself to pay attention than I was to the music.

I head was a jumble of thoughts all flooding through my head making no sense, telling me a hundred different things all at the same time. Part of me was furious that the man I believed was dead wasn't and now wanted to see me after deserting me all these years. The other part of me was screaming that I finally had a living relative and that he may be able to give me the answers that I am lacking. Both of which were valid points, but were still not giving me a definite answer on what I should do.

I flopped on my bed, staring intently at my ceiling. I knew that Esme and Carlisle would probably want to talk to me soon, but right now they were giving me space and I appreciated it. I foraged my memories box out from under the bed and sat it down beside me.

I lifted the somewhat mutilated lid and peeked at the contents inside. I rested all the trinkets and small boxes beside me on the bed, so all that was left were the cut-outs from the local papers regarding to my parents. When I had researched my parents a few years ago I luckily kept all the articles that I found on them.

Looking over the articles of my parent's marriage in 1990 and their deaths a few years later brought back memories that I had been repressing since I was 7 years old. Years of therapy told me that I should be trying to move on from their death, but I never wanted to. Tears rolled freely down my cheeks as I looked at the pictures of my parents at their wedding. They looked so happy and in love, I couldn't remember a time when I was younger that they ever looked at each other like that.

I knew that their marriage had never been completely stable. I guess that's why I was never too upset when my father left. I thought that his leaving would make mum feel better, but I guess I was wrong.

There was an article written about my father's car crash. Photos that accompanied the article were horrific, the car was completely wrapped around a light pole, making it seem as though no one could have possibly survived. There were no articles about my father after the accident, all of the evidence said that the occupant of the car had died on site.

A soft nock on my door startled me, and I quickly shoved everything back in the box, placing it back under the bed. After making sure that everything was packed away I yelled at my door, telling whoever it was to come in.

A blonde head of hair poked out from behind the door, Carlisle's usually bright blue eyes looking slightly duller in the soft light.

"Hey Edward, you wanna talk about it?" He asked as he entered the room, dragging the chair from my desk so that he was sitting across from me.

"Not really. I'm not sure how I feel right now," I said, flashing him a sad smile.

"Can I ask what all this is about?" He said, trying to comfort me into talking to him.

"I'm not sure if I am ready to talk to you about it Carlisle. Sorry," I said, looking intently at the floor. I could see his shadow step forward and his palm rested on my shoulder as he sat down beside me on the bed.

"Edward, you know that Esme and I are always here for you if you need us. I know that you probably think that we don't care about you because you're not our biological son. But we really do care about you, all you have to do is ask." He squeezed my shoulder comfortingly, before telling me that dinner was in 10 minutes, shutting my bedroom door on his way out.

I knew that the Cullen's were really there for me and that they loved me like their son. I guess in some way I felt strongly for them too, but the reality was that they were not my real parents. I had always thought that I would never get the chance to be a part of a real family again, with people who loved me not because they had to but because they wanted to.

Now I had an opportunity to meet my real dad again, and I was chickening out because I had thought that the man was dead. The truth was that he wasn't dead and that he had been looking for me and now wanted to see me again. I knew that I couldn't give up this opportunity to meet him again, even after everything that he had put me through. The truth was that even though I had been through a lot of shit because of him, I needed to see him again, if not for any other reason than finally getting closure.

Dinner with Carlisle and Esme was fairly boring. I could see Esme occasionally sneaking glances at me, but I just ignored it. I didn't want to come off as an asshole, so I did indulge them in some light conversation, but it didn't lead anywhere. The whole way through dinner I was looking forward to getting out of this somewhat awkward situation and talking to Bella about what I should finally do.

I knew that I wanted her there with me, no matter what happens. I didn't want to do it alone, and I trusted her more than anyone else in my life. I didn't know if Charlie would actually let his only daughter go to San Francisco with a teenage boy who snuck into his daughter's room every night, but I was hoping that he would approve.

For any of my plans to work, I knew that I had to get Carlisle and Esme's approval and that maybe Carlisle would be able to help me with my plan. I would need to take at least a week off school, meaning I would miss the school work for that week. I hoped that Carlisle would be able to cover for Bella and I, as well as still receiving the missed school work while we are away so that we don't fall too far behind.

I was hoping that I could maybe talk to my teachers before leaving and asking them for the work that they would be covering during the time that Bella and I would be away. I knew that Bella was focused on her studies I would hate for her to fall behind because of my personal problems that I was involving her in, but I would have to talk to her before anything could happen.

I helped Esme clear the table and wash the dishes. I could see that my silence was hurting her and that she wanted to know what was going on. I hoped that by spending time with her - if only to wash the dishes - would reassure her and that she would be less stressed when I eventually tell her what is going on. Esme seemed reassured by our light conversation over dishes and she happily went to bed with Carlisle a short time later.

By 8.30pm I was dressed in trackies and a comfy jumper waiting to hear the final sounds of Esme and Carlisle getting into bed. Once I saw their light go off and heard the quiet sounds of deep sleep coming from their room I ran down stairs and jumped into my car, hurriedly pulling out of my driveway and making my way to Bella's house.

The light in Charlie's room was off by the time I got to Bella's house, and I could slightly hear the sound of his snores from outside Bella's window. As soon as Bella saw me out the window she hurriedly pulled me into the warmth of her room, to embrace me in a tight hug. I leaned into her warmth, comforted by the fact that she cared about me.

We settled on her bed, our arms wrapped around each other, safe under her warm blanket. We needed to have this conversation before we were both too tired to talk, but at the moment I was happy to just lay her with her in my arms, having missed her embrace the last few nights. She smelled of strawberry shampoo and the soft smell of her soap. Her hair was still damp from her shower and I knew of her aversion to hairdryers, so she must have had her shower a while ago.

"You wanna tell me what's on your mind, Edward?" She asked softly, raising her head from my chest to look me in the eyes.

"I think I want to go see him Bella. He is the only biological family I have left." I said, trying to convey to her my emotions by looking deeply into her eyes.

"I completely understand that Edward. You have to do what you have to do, and I will be waiting for you when you get back." She said, almost sounding sad about my decision.

"I was hoping that you would come with me, Bella. But I mean… if you don't want to, you don't have to." I said, still maintaining eye contact. I was not above begging if she said no.

"Are you sure that's what you want Edward?" She said, I couldn't tell if she was hopeful or not, but I wished she was.

"I don't think I could do it without you Bella." I said, cupping her cheek in my hand. She looking at me in amazement, as a tear softly fell down her cheek.

"Bella, baby please don't cry. Why do I keep doing this?" I said, annoyed at myself that I had made her cry _again_. I wiped her tears away with the palm of my hand, looking deeply into her eyes to tell if she was ok or not.

"These are happy tears Edward. I am so happy that you want to include me in this." She said, brushing her own hand against my cheek.

"You actually think that I would leave my girlfriend behind…" She gasped, interrupting my train of thought.

"You consider me to be your… girlfriend." She said, looking up at me, her eyes glistening brightly.

"Well… I… I guess?" I said, sounding more like I was asking question than making a statement.

"Oh Edward…" she flung herself at me, her arms tightly wrapping around my chest as she peppered my face with kisses.

"Does that mean that you will come with me to see my father?" I asked, as she continued kissing my lips, making it hard to talk.

"Of course, Edward, I will definitely go with you." She said happily as she placed a final kiss gently to my lips.

"That means the world to me, Bella." I said, placing a kiss to her lips catching her top lip between mine.

I don't know how long we sat there, tangled in each other arms, giving each other passionate but gentle kisses. After a while I could feel her beginning to slump in my arms, growing tired myself I reached over and shut off her lamp the room now surrounded by darkness, with only the dim light from the moon casting shadows around the room.

We both slid down into her bed, arms still wrapped around each other with her using my chest as a pillow.

"Bella, do you think you could come with me to tell Esme and Carlisle tomorrow about our plans?" I said, gently stroking her cheeks as her eyes slid shut.

"Mmm, I will be there for you Edward. Always." She mumbled as her breathing leveled out and she fell soundly asleep.

Her arms were still wrapped around me, fairly tightly for such a small person, and I felt safe and warm. Something I had not felt since my mother had passed away.

~*~

The next morning I woke to Bella's alarm clocking giving me nonexistent traffic reports around Forks. I sprang up out of bed, startling Bella in my haste. Not only had I forgotten to set the alarm on my phone and was now waking up later than usual, but from what I could hear Charlie was still home and if I tried to sneak out now I ran the risk of alerting him of my presence, and I didn't want to do that.

I looked to my left and saw Bella rubbing her eyes sleepily while giving me a slightly annoyed look, telling me that she was not impressed with my wake up tactic. She glanced at the clock and suddenly she was sitting upright beside me, worried about the same things I was.

"Shit, Edward. It's 7.30; Charlie doesn't go to work for another 15 minutes." She whisper-yelled, her eyes darting to the door which was currently unlocked; thank god Charlie believed that Bella deserved some privacy.

"I have an idea. You go down stairs and distract Charlie and I will sneak out the window as quietly as possible." Pressing a kiss on the tip of her nose, I pulled my shoes quickly into my feet, not bothering with the laces.

She nodded her head at me and made her way to the door. She held up five fingers, telling me to give her five minutes before I snuck out the window. I blew her one last kiss as she slipped out the door, flashing me a brilliant smile before running down the stairs. I swear that girl really knows how to dazzle me.

I heard her talking with Charlie in the kitchen, something about fried rice for dinner. I heard Bella ask to join Charlie on the couch to watch the highlights from whatever sports game was on last night. I took that as my signal that Charlie was officially too busy to notice anything other than the TV. I quickly climbed down the tree and hopped into my car that was parked around the corner, getting home in time to see Carlisle and Esme eating breakfast in the kitchen.

They asked me what I was doing outside so early in the morning, and I fed them some lame excuse about going for a run; I was sweaty enough for that shit to look real. They seemed to accept my lame excuse and I headed upstairs to shower and get ready for school; arriving at Bella's house promptly at 8.15 cos I shower like a superhero – if that was a superpower.

School was boring and long, apparently the only interesting thing going on was a promise ring that Jasper had bought Alice as an early birthday present. I swear the girl could not sit still for 2 minutes the whole way through lunch.

I held Bella's hand tightly the whole way home, my nerves trying to get the better of me. I knew that Carlisle would be home this afternoon as he had been telling Esme that he would have slightly smaller shifts because they had hired a new guy at work, this morning. Apparently he would be home every day at 4.30 for the next week, to make room for Dr. New Guy (as if I would remember some random guy's name, pfft.)

When we got home Esme and Carlisle were already sitting on the couch watching some daytime soap opera that was as boring as shit with storylines that were so recycled that you could miss the episodes for over a week and still know what happened when you tune back in; but at least I wasn't about to take them away from something that was _actually_ interesting.

"Um… Carlisle and Esme, I kind of have something really important to tell you." I muttered as strongly as possible, gripping Bella's hand for support.

Esme looked up with a slightly apprehensive look on her face, clearly having no idea what we wanted to talk about.

"Sure Edward. You know that you can talk to us about anything." Carlisle said, motioning to the empty chair across from them. I dragged Bella over sitting her beside me so close that she was almost on sitting on my lap.

"Well it's kind of about the letter that I received the other day." Bella gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, silently tell me to continue.

"Well… the thing is. The letter was from my father… my biological father and-" My sentence was cut off by Esme, whose hand was now covering her mouth after she had let out a loud gasp of surprise. Her eyes were slightly watery as she prepared for what was about to come.

"Please continue Edward." Carlisle said, clearly preparing for the worst. He was now clutching his wife's hands in his own, trying to keep her calm.

"He… he wants to meet me." Esme gasped again, louder this time. I flinched back at the sound, taking deep breaths to calm myself down; clearly she was not taking this well.

"Listen Esme, it is not as bad as it seems. All he wants to do is meet me; I'm not going to stay with him or anything." I said, focusing my gaze on her and resisting the urge to comfort her myself.

"I know. I am sorry for being like this. Please continue," her hands were running over her legs, I had learnt that this was the way she tried to calmed herself.

Comforted by her words I continued. "Well he asked for me to come and visit him in San Francisco for a week, just so he could meet and get to know me." I told them, grimacing slightly when I saw her hands shake. She was starting to scare me.

"I can get there and pay for everything myself, if that's what you're worried about. But I think that I need to do this, if only just to get some closure." I said shyly, silently begging for them to understand and accept my decision.

"Of course we understand Edward. And don't worry about paying for it; if this is something that you want to do we can help you. How long do you think this will take?" Carlisle said, clearly trying to take charge of the situation as unemotionally as possible.

"He asked me to come for about a week, but I don't think I want to stay with him. I was hoping to just rent a hotel room or a small apartment or something. But I don't want to fall behind with my school work, so I was hoping you could cover for me and ask them to give me my work in advance so I can complete everything before I leave." I said, now trying to ignore Esme's reactions and focusing on Carlisle.

"I completely understand. I will call your school tomorrow and sort everything out." He said, nodding his head probably making mental notes to do just that.

"There is one more thing…" I trailed off as Bella squeezed my hand gently, indicating that she wanted to be the one to ask.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, we were also hoping that it would be ok if I went too. Edward doesn't really want to do this by himself, and I really want to be there for him." Bella told them determinedly, her eyes blazing with determination and a small bit of fear.

"If it is okay with your father, then I don't see a problem with it either." Carlisle said, looking between Bella and his deadly silent wife, who was not staring intently at the floor in an effort not to cry.

"Esme and I are going out of town next week. I don't see a problem with us all going away at the same time." Pulling his blackberry out of his pocket he punched in some details, clearly making a note of this in his schedule. I had completely forgotten that they were scheduled to leave for Texas in a few days to go to some convention that Carlisle was invited to.

"That would be great Carlisle. Thank you so much for your support in this; you have no idea what it means to me." I gave him an appreciative nod, because we men don't like showing too much emotion.

Apparently this seemed to be the last straw for Esme as she burst into tears in front of us. Carlisle was quick to go to her side and wrap his arms comfortingly around her, soothing her tears by gently rubbing his hands over her back. Being the wonderful person that she is, Bella got up from beside me and made her way over to Esme. She knelt in front of her and tried to calm her down by shushing her and telling her that everything was going to be ok.

In between broken sobs Esme tried to tell us what was wrong, but the hand that was covering her mouth was muffling some of her words.

"I… I'm sorry about this… It's… It's just, that I finally got to you to talk to me and now… now you're leaving!" Her cries echoed through the house and I felt the urge to go to her. I rested one of my hands gently on her back, rubbing soothing circles over her hunched form.

"I'm not going anywhere, Esme. I promise that I will come back!" I told her comfortingly as she moved to grip my hand tightly within hers; for such a small woman she really had some strength to her grip, I think that she wanted to break my fingers as a reminder that I was to come home. Not that I needed broken fingers to tell me that.

Eventually Esme calmed down and Carlisle carried her off to bed, apparently she was whipped out after crying for over an hour. Bella came over and gave me a tight hug, telling me that everything was going to be ok, and even giving me ice to rest on my pained fingers.

Carlisle helped me find last minute flights and hotel bookings online, apparently his name held a lot of pull when it came to making last minute arrangements in high class places. Carlisle had called the school the next day and arranged all our school work for the week that we were going to miss. Bella and I were able to complete all the work over the weekend, while still figuring out a way to inform Charlie about what was going to happen.

He was not too enthusiastic when Bella told him that he really didn't have much of a choice in her leaving with me, but again Carlisle was able to help Charlie calm down and encourage him into believing that Bella would return home safe and sound. Bella also told Charlie that she would prepare all his meals for the week and that all he had to do was put them in the microwave.

Friday morning came around, our bags were packed, our tickets were booked and my entire body was shaking with both anticipation and nervousness. I had no idea what was going to happen with my father and I was really glad that Bella would be with me, because I knew that I would not be able to do this by myself.

I gave Esme a hug when she dropped Bella and I off at the airport, her and Carlisle's flight was not until Saturday morning. Esme had tears in her eyes as she waved us down the boarding gate, and as we rounded the corner I saw her bury her face in Carlisle's chest.

I spent the flight on the edge of my seat, almost wishing that I could change my mind fly back to Forks, no harm no foul. My hand was enclosed in Bella's throughout the whole flight as she tried to encourage me to watch whatever short program they had put on the TV's to entertain the masses, apparently Bella was a closet _Two and a Half Men_ fan.

The airport was crowded with busy people who all seemed to love screaming at their mobile phones, clearly not knowing that the person on the other end could hear them over the phone and didn't need them to try and get them to hear them without a phone. Noisy idiots.

The cab back to the hotel was surprisingly even noisier than the air port and smelled like a rotten mix of body-odor and mass quantities of rotten fruit, I was more than happy to jump out of the cab when we arrived at our destination, only tipping the driver minimally since I didn't want to be black listed by the cab drivers community.

The Hotel was beautiful, that's the only word for it. Everything inside was covered in shades of gold and white, making everything look that much more expensive. The floors were white marble, as well as the receptionist's desk which even had gold chairs to match. The woman at the counter looked like she had just grabbed her makeup bag this morning and just threw it over her face. There were so many layers of foundation caked on that it would take a wire brush to clean off the first layer.

As Bella and I checked in I felt slightly anxious considering the woman's eyes were trained on me the whole time, clearly undressing me with her eyes. I smiled to myself when a look of pure jealousy crossed Bella's face when she saw the way this woman was looking at me, but sent the girl packing her bags when she over exaggerated the word _"honey"_ as we were walking off.

The room that we were to stay in was a combination of dark brown timber and deep blue walls. The bell-boy gave us a tour of the room and even joined in the laughter when Bella made countless jokes about how she could fit her entire bathroom in the spa bath, and that her whole house could fit in the bedroom. Part of me was really glad that Bella was here with me and that for the whole time we were here we could sleep in the same bed without worrying about Charlie catching us.

Room-service was the desired meal of choice for the two of us and we happily consumed the entire tray of food while watching re-runs of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. Apparently Bella has a huge love affair with Spike and Angel, which I found particularly funny since they hate each other. _Is there any TV show that she wasn't in love with?!_

To tell you the truth I didn't actually want to get out of bed the next morning. I tossed and turned in my sleep before eventually waking up completely at the ripe old time of 4am and was completely incapable of going back to sleep. Being the imaginative guy I was, I spent the next few hours studying the parts of Bella's body that I could see – yes I am a stalker.

She must have felt my gaze on her because around 6.30am she slowly woke up, peering up at me nervously through her eye lashes. She looked as nervous as I was feeling, but she had the added bonus of actually having a father who fucked off to Buguck-knows-where.

The drive from the hotel took about 15 minutes, all of which I spent running my sweaty hands over my jeans. I don't think those fuckers needed to be bleached, I am pretty sure I will wear the color after a while. My knee was bouncing up and down but I couldn't control my movements.

The outer suburbs of San Francisco looked like normal suburban areas, almost like _Wisteria Lane_ without the crazy storylines. The cab driver pulled up in front of an overly white 2 story brick house with grass so green that it hurt my eyes to look at it for too long.

The cab driver politely cleared his throat, telling me that the ride was over and that I should pay him now so he could leave. I paid the man the fair plus a little something extra for being so patient with me, and not having a cab that smelt like the ass end of a horse. I clutched Bella's hand tightly in mine as she practically pulled me up the never-ending driveway.

"Here goes nothing." I said, squeezing her hand and raising my arm up, inches away from the door bell. I exhaled a deep breath and pushed the button into the wall, hearing the chimes from all the way out here.

~*~

_I'm changing everything,  
Cause you won't be there for me  
I'm changing everything,  
Cause you won't be there for me  
_

**Authors Note:** Yep I am leaving it there, hate me now =P

Posting is slowing down now and there are only about 10 chapters left. Tell me which day is better for you; Saturday or Wednesday!!

So people you know the drill; tell me what you think and I will give you a sneak peek at the next chapter…

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	23. Chapter 20: Until The End Part 2

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Here we are, the confrontation…

_So let me, it's easy, to fall apart completely  
I feel you creeping up again (In my Head)  
It's over, no longer, I feel it growing colder  
I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin_

**Until the End – Breaking Benjamine**

~*~

"_Here goes nothing." I said, squeezing her hand and raising my arm up, inches away from the door bell. I exhaled a deep breath and pushed the button into the wall, hearing the chimes from all the way out here._

I don't know what I was expecting. Part of me was hoping that once I pressed that button that I would magically be transported back to Forks and none of this shit ever happened, but the other part of me wanted to know. I wanted answers, and this man was the only one left who could give them to me.

After I pressed that button I tried to be patient as I waited for someone to answer the door. I glanced at Bella beside me, and she looked just as nervous as I was. My whole body was shaking with nervous anticipation, and I knew that my hand that was holding onto Bella's was probably very sweaty, but she didn't seem to mind. I tried to wait patiently but I wanted to kick myself for now telling this man that I was coming. Maybe I didn't have the right house, or maybe this was all a joke and he didn't even exist at all.

My eyes flew to the door when a thin woman with platinum blonde hair and piercing blue eyes answered the door. She was wearing an ugly pink floral dress that was cut into a V shape; I guess she was trying to accentuate her fake-looking curves. Pulling the door open she looked from Bella to me and back again, finally settling her gaze on me flashing me a bright smile, her unnaturally white teeth gleaming in the sunlight.

"Can I help you?" She asked, pulling the door wide open giving me a glance at the interior of her house.

"Um… I'm after Tony Masen?" I told her, my sentence coming out more like a question.

"Darling, there are people here to see you." She called behind her, waving her hand and inviting us into her house. I wondered how often she invites random people into her house without asking exactly what they were there for.

She waved us into the kitchen and told us to make ourselves comfortable as she walked through the house; I assume she was going to get Tony, but really I had no clue. Bella and I stood in front of the kitchen bench, my hand still clasped with hers. The house was homey I guess, the walls were baby pink and a cream looking color. Most of the furniture was made of timber, and in front of a flat screen TV there was an ugly floral couch with 2 matching recliners.

In the corner there was a set of stairs which I assumed led to the upstairs bedrooms and such. I noticed that everything in the house was in order. Everything was organized from the fruit that was arranged neatly in a basket on the dining room table, down to the magazines that were stacked neatly under the remotes on the coffee table in front of the couches.

Suddenly the back door opened and the blonde woman was back, followed by a some-what pudgy man who was wearing a pair of black slacks and a hideous floral button up shirt. Suddenly I had a flash back to when I was a lot younger; my father always seemed 10foot tall, had scraggily dark brown hair and always wore expensive business suits. This man looked like the remainder of that man, his hair had thinned out and his once flat stomach was now anything but. Underneath the weight and the ageing of his skin, I could faintly see the man who I once knew, the man that as a young child I used to look up to. Not anymore.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but was interrupted by the blonde woman who was trying to break the tension by offering us all drinks. Bella -noticing my hesitation- answered for the both of us, telling her that lemonade would be fine. I found it very odd that she was offering us drinks when she didn't even know what we were here for, but clearly this was all she wanted to do; be the perfect housewife.

Tony's eyes flashed to me, looking me over as if he was trying to figure out who I was. Admittedly I no longer look like a 7 year old boy, so he would have no idea what I look like.

"You look just like me when I was your age," he said, smiling warmly at me.

My heart lurched forward in my chest; he knew who I was. I was still stunned into silence, so instead I just took a sip of the lemonade Bella offered me. The blonde woman made her way over to Tony with two glasses; he politely took one from her, wrapping his arm around her waist with his unoccupied hand.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? This is my wife Gianna," he squeezed her closer to him. "Gianna, this is Edward and…"

"Bella," she said, stepping forward and reaching out her hand clearly forgetting that everyone's hands were occupied by drinks.

Placing his glass on the table beside him Tony reached out his hand and enclosed Bella's within it. She looked into his eyes as she shook his hand and I heard her swift intake of breath when she noticed that his eyes were exactly the same color as mine, if not slightly faded with age and fatigue.

"Pleasure to meet you Bella," he said, placing a gentle kiss to her knuckles, making me flush with anger as I resisted the urge to growl at him. What right did he have to kiss _my_ girl?

"You guys look terribly uncomfortable from standing on your feet for so long, please have a seat." He gestured to the ugly floral couches, pulling his wife along as he sat with her on the love seat.

Bella pulled me onto one of the remaining couches sitting a respectful distance from me, while still holding tightly to my hand. I didn't like the distance between us and pulled her closer so that she was almost sitting on my lap, smiling to myself when I heard her gasp and her face flush a beautiful pink color in embarrassment.

The awkward silence was back, and I had no idea what I wanted to say. I wanted answers from this man, but I didn't know where to begin. I settled myself with running my fingers over Bella's and my hands, tracing unseen patterns on her smooth skin.

"So… You decided to take me up on my offer." Tony said, smiling in my direction.

"Yeah, I guess." I mumbled in reply.

"Where are you staying?" He asked curiously.

"A hotel, like 15 minutes from here."

"How is school?" I could tell that he was searching for something to talk about. My knee bounced in agitation, I wanted to just cut the bullshit and talk about what I came here to talk about.

"Good."

This was going nowhere. These questions were meaningless, all I wanted was answers, and I wasn't interested in much else.

"What are you foster parents like?"

"Oh my God, will you just cut the bullshit. Just tell me why I am here. Why did you leave my mother and me alone? Why did you never come back for me when you found out she died? Why the fuck, after all these years, did you come back and ruin everything that I had going for me? Just tell me why!" I practically yelled at him. I had somehow extricated myself from Bella and was standing over the table, almost yelling in his face. I was tired of all this crap and I wanted this over. Now.

He sat there in shock for a few minutes, staring blankly up at me. I could feel Bella's gaze on my back, but I didn't have the strength to turn around and comfort her right now. I just needed answers; I wasn't worried about anything else but that.

"Hun, would you like to take Bella on a tour of the house? I need to talk to Edward for a while." Tony told his wife, who just nodded her head eagerly at him; clearly she wanted to leave this awkward situation in any way she could.

She stood up and gestured for Bella to follow her, who just gave me a questioning look, seemingly asking if that was okay. Part of me didn't want her to leave, but if this was the only way I could get Tony to talk to me then I would have to be okay with that. I nodded slightly at her and gave her hand a squeeze as she walked by, following Gianna up the stairs and into the second story of the house, leaving Tony and I alone in the lounge room.

"I used to be impatient too, when I was your age." My head flew around and my gaze settled on the man in front of me.

"I don't care." I growled in response, sick of this shit.

"I suppose you want to get right into it then?" He asked, clearly ignoring my anger as he beamed at me.

"No. I want cookies and tea first. What do you think?" I said sarcastically, almost sneering at him. Yes, I was being hostile. Who the fuck cares?!

"Fair enough then, you might as well get comfortable. This might take a while." I sat down arrogantly, and gave him a blank stare to continue.

"I first met your mother when we were 17 years old. She was with a guy named Jackson at the time, but the minute I saw her I knew that I wanted her more than anything. She was so beautiful back then, and when we were partnered together on an assignment for school I thought the Gods were clearly shining on me.

She didn't seem to like me in the beginning; apparently she thought I was too cocky. Eventually we got closer, and when she broke up with Jackson a few weeks later I decided to make my move. The first time I asked her on a date she burst into tears and told me flat out 'no'. At the time I was heartbroken, but then again I did ask her minutes after she told me about her breakup which was probably not the right thing for me to have done.

A few days later when she had calmed down I asked her again, and she hesitantly said yes. Our first date was very cheesy, we went to see a movie and then I took her to a greasy pizza shop. I know it wasn't the most romantic date, but we were 17 and she seemed okay with it. I kissed her passionately when I dropped her off at her house; her slapping me was her response. Surprisingly enough we dated for a few months, spending almost every day together - we were so infatuated.

We stayed together for almost a year; I was heartbroken when she told me that she was moving away for college. It took me two days to realize that I couldn't let her leave without me and after begging for over 3 hours she forgave me and we got back together.

We blissfully spent our college years together, and when we finally graduated together I asked her to marry me. We didn't find out till months later that she was pregnant, only realizing the state she was in when her previously flat stomach developed an arch. A baby fit into our plan perfectly, and she couldn't wait to be a mother.

I took a job at a local law office, starting out as a mail runner, eventually climbing the job ladder as I got better and better at my job. As soon as I had earned enough money we got married, both of our families were thrilled that we were so in love. After a few months you came into our lives and we were so happy. You were 5 pounds 4 ounces, perfect. Elizabeth used her arts degree and took plenty of photos of our perfect son, which we sent to family and friends."

Tony paused as he raised he lemonade glass to his lips, and took a large gulp of his drink. Apparently talking about the past was making him thirsty; these nothing like taking a sip of the drink your wife made you while talking about your ex. I waited as patiently as possible for him to continue, enthralled in the story that he was telling, I wanted to hear more about my mother.

"After 2 years of what seemed like a perfect marriage we were rocked by the death of Elizabeth's parents, who died in a car crash. That's when the cracks began to show. Elizabeth slipped into a depression after the funeral, and eventually seemed to stop wanting to live. She still looked after you, but that didn't seem to be enough for her. Her heart had broken at the death of her parents, and when my father was hospitalized with heart problems a few years later she fell even deeper as she loved my parents like they were her own.

After battling with his heart condition for over a year my father lost the battle and passed away in his sleep one night. My mother could not handle the death of her partner and seemingly died a few months after. The doctor came up with some medical analogy of why she died, but we all knew it was from a broken heart and that part of her had died when my dad did.

The funeral was even harder on Elizabeth and I could see that everything was getting to her. I begged for her to see a doctor, but she refused. She wanted to be with you. We fought constantly about it, and I could see that it was affecting our marriage, we didn't talk as much as we used to and our sex life was practically nonexistent."

Even though I was controlling my emotions, stealing myself off from the emotions that were trying to flood my system I couldn't help but flinch at this comment. No one really wants to hear about their parent's sex life. Apparently all children like to think of their parents the old fashioned way… separate bedrooms.

"A few months later we found out that Elizabeth was pregnant again. I had never seen her that happy, and when she finally told you that you were going to have a sibling I could see the smile permanently etched to her face. I always felt horrible that I wasn't around very often, but after I was offered by a new job with my company my time at home became less and less.

Sometime after Christmas your mother and I got into an argument. At the time it was very important, but to tell you the truth, I have no idea what I was about now. I never once sit your mother, but after the yelling died down she collapsed, blood oozing from between her legs. Thankfully you were at school at the time, so I was able to take her to the doctors without worrying you too.

I arranged for a sitter to look after you that night, as Elizabeth and I spent the night in the hospital. After waiting for over 5 hours we were finally informed that she had had a miscarriage, and that her body was still under a lot of stress. She was in hysterics for hours and when she was released from the hospital and I brought her home to you, she was somewhat comforted, but not enough.

She blamed me for the miscarriage. She told me that it was my fault, and that I was the one putting all the stress on her. I tried to comfort her, but she just pushed me away, informing me that she wanted us to move, to start again somewhere new. I told her that I couldn't change everything for her, and that my job was very important to me.

We argued for weeks over the move, I was adamant that we were staying. One night we got into the biggest fight we had ever had. We were so angry with each other, and I was so worn down by everything that I had just had enough. Things were thrown at the walls as we screamed at each other, not really realizing that you were just down the hall. Harsh words were spoken and she ended it all by slapping me and telling me that I killed our marriage as well as our baby and that we were over. She practically pushed me out the door and told me that she never wanted to see me again.

I spent months in a $25 a night, dodgy hotel room, living on food from the vending machine outside. A few weeks later on the way home from work I got into a serious car accident with a friend from work. The car was mutilated into a tree and his remains were burnt beyond recognition. The press believed that I had died too, but somehow I was saved by the doctors at the hospital.

I had broken both of my legs in the accident and I knew that there were years of physical therapy ahead of me, and that I would be no good for either you or my wife. Ironically I had been on the way to see you when we got into the accident, but after finding out the extent of my injuries I knew that I couldn't put you guys through the pain that was to come. Elizabeth never came looking for me, so I felt like she had probably never really loved me anyway and I had to move past that.

It took 2 years for me to get back on my feet completely, and when everything was over I came looking for my wife and child. The house that we once lived in was empty, no one lived there anymore and the neighbors told me that it had been that way for quite a while."

Tony paused to blow his nose, taking yet another sip of his drink. On the outside I probably appeared very calm and detached, but inside I was practically screaming. I knew what was coming next; that he would find out about my mother's death. Even though his story made me feel somewhat sympathetic to his situation, I still blamed him for what happened. I knew that it wasn't really his fault, but if they hadn't fought with each other, she might still be alive, and I couldn't help feeling that way.

I chose not to say anything. I didn't want to interrupt the story that he was telling me. I wanted to hear more, I needed to know the truth.

"I did some research to try and find out what happened - that's when I discovered your mother's suicide. I was broken I two. I had never stopped loving your mother in those 2 years, and to hear that I could never see her again almost broke me. The only thing that kept me going was you. I needed to find you, my son. I could never make it right with Elizabeth –I knew that- but I needed to make everything right.

I searched for years, trying to find you. You would be surprised how hard it is to find a foster child that was transferred from home to home. Apparently your paperwork got lost somewhere along the way and there was no way to find you until you settled in one place, which you didn't. After over a year of fruitless searching, part of me gave up. I succumbed to my depressing, realizing that I had lost my family. That I had lost the last part of Elizabeth that still remained.

In my depression I turned to drugs for relief. I know now that it was stupid, but at the time it was all I had. The drugs gave me a relief that nothing else did, and they made me feel better for a little while. I was out of control, completely addicted to my new fix that I didn't care about anything anymore. Nothing made sense and no one could talk me down.

One day someone found me passed out in front of my apartment. I was taken to the nearest hospital and my stomach was pumped. I was advised to go to rehab and get myself some help. After being informed that I really had no choice in the matter I was sent to the nearest and cheapest facility.

Even though I had my parent's money to look after me, I wasn't so arrogant that I needed to go to a high class place to get help. Besides, I had blown through a good part of that inheritance with my addiction.

Rehab was very hard, and I fought like hell to stay normal inside that place. After completing most of the treatments they offered, we were assigned sponsors, who were there to help us over come our addiction when we entered the real world. That is where I met Gianna.

She was assigned to be my sponsor by the centre because we got along so well at the introductions, plus she lived in my area so it was easy for her. We kept in constant contact for months, and eventually our relationship turned into something else. We married after dating for a year and we have since had children together.

I did think of Elizabeth occasionally, she would always be the first love of my life, but I knew that I had to move on and I thought I had, until recently."

Tony paused again, probably for dramatic tension or some shit but I just wanted him to continue. His eyes were focused on me the whole time, gauging my reaction to the things that he was telling me.

"I received a letter in the mail a few weeks ago, telling me that you had finally been placed into a home that had permanently adopted you. They gave me the details and told me that the information was there for the taking, if I still wanted it.

I was finally happy with my life, and now I was overjoyed that I was being given the opportunity to meet my son. To see him again, for the first time in almost 10 years. I wrote to you every day, but ended up throwing the letters in the bin. I was never able to write down what I actually wanted to say. Eventually Gianna found one of the letters that I had left out, she assumed that it was a letter that I was going to send so she did it for me. I wasn't mad at her, how was she to know. I waited for your reply. Every day I ran to get the mail, hoping that one of the letters would be from you and that you had been looking for me too."

He flashed me, what must have been, a dazzling smile that was very similar to mine. His smile made him look younger than his years. I could see how nervous he was about my reaction to everything.

"And now, here you are, sitting across from me in my lounge room. You look so much like your mother right now; I can see her in you. I just want you to know that I never forgot you, I couldn't. To see the man that you have become makes me so happy.

I know that right now you are probably still torn about how you are feeling and I understand that. I just hope that now you can see things from my side, and that you now know that I am not the monster that you might have thought I was."

In the corner of my eye I could see that Bella and Gianna had entered the room, and were looking between us. Bella looked tired and worn out, and it almost looked like she had had enough of touring the house. Looking at the clock I saw that I had been talking to Tony for over 3 hours, and even I had had enough.

Gianna walked over to Tony and handed him a large sterling-silver jewelry box that was covered in beautiful patterns. Clearly it belonged to a woman and as it was not covered in flowers I doubt that it belonged to Gianna. Tony gave his wife an approving nod and took the box into his hands, placing it onto his lips. His eyes slid closed as his fingers ran over the patterns on top, seemingly knowing the pattern from memory, a smile coming over his lips.

I was about to interrupt his alone time, I really needed to go back to the hotel and think about things. My emotions were swirling inside me and I didn't know if I would be able to hold them in for much longer. I glanced over at Bella and she automatically seemed to know what I was feeling, as she walked over to me and clasped my hand in hers, calming me with her sensitive touch.

Tony's eyes flew open and his gaze settled on me. I could see the emotions swirling around in his eyes; clearly revisiting the past did have an effect on him. I could see now that he obviously did care about my mother and one point, but the love that was in his eyes when he looked at his new wife seemed to override all of his other emotions.

"Edward, I want you to have this." He stretched his hands out, handing me the box that he had previously been holding.

I gave him a curious look, I had no idea what was in that thing. He saw my hesitation and continued, "It used to belong to your mother. I thought you might want it." He flashed me another of his smiles as she wife gripped his shoulder gently.

"Thanks," I said, taking the shiny box out of his hands. It was heavier than it looked, but up closer the patterns were more intricate than I had previously thought.

"Edward?" I heard him ask, I was too busy tracing the patterns with my fingers to pay too much attention. I felt Bella nudge me in the ribs gently, bringing me back to the present.

"Hmm…" I murmured in response.

"I know that you have probably had enough of me talking right now, but Gianna and I were hoping that you would join us for dinner tomorrow night?" They were all smiley and happy families, holding hands and way too cheerful, I just couldn't say no.

"Ahhhh sure, what time?" I felt Bella squeeze my hand reassuringly.

"Gianna normally has dinner ready by 7pm, so I guess if you guys showed up around 6pm we could talk some more?" It sounded more like a question than a statement, as if he was unsure about everything.

"Sounds… great? Would you mind calling us a taxi, we should head off soon?" I asked, looking between Tony and Gianna.

"Yeah sure, please call them a cab Hun," Tony said, looking at his wife.

The cab took 15 minutes to get to Tony's house. 15 agonizing minutes that were a mix of awkward silences, and even more awkward questions that led nowhere. The goodbyes were even more awkward than the conversations, the only hug that was exchanged was between Bella and Gianna, but even then, Bella didn't look too comfortable with it.

I flopped onto the couch as soon as we arrived at our hotel room, staring blankly at the black TV screen in front of me. I felt Bella sit down beside me and wrap her arms around my waist; I couldn't find the energy to hug her back.

We ordered room service for dinner, but I mostly just picked at my food, not really eating anything. When Bella went into the bathroom to take a shower I collapsed onto the bed, resisting the urge to let my emotions run me.

I heard Bella enter the room gasping in my direction; apparently I looked like shit. I felt the bed move as she crawled across the mattress to lay beside me, clutching my hand in hers. She was trying to comfort me, and I couldn't hold back anymore. Tears flowed out of my eyes, as my chest was racked with sobs. I felt Bella wrap her arms around me, pulling on my shoulders so I could wrap my body around hers.

My face was buried in her slim neck, and her hands were running up and down my back. I vaguely heard her "shhh-ing" me, but I could barely hear her over my sobs. Everything from today was flooding back to me. Everything that my mum had been through; everything that my father had been through. Everything was so traumatic and new for me, and it was a lot to take in at once.

My body was still shuddering, but my sobs had died down somewhat. Tears still flowed from my eyes, and I felt bad that Bella had just had a shower and now I was making her dirty again.

"You want to talk about it?" I heard Bella ask, I just shook my head in response. I wasn't ready, _she_ wasn't ready. I was so scared that once she knew the truth about my past she wouldn't want me anymore, that she would realize that I was too screwed up for her to be with.

That night I fell asleep in Bella's arms. I had never felt more comfortable and terrified at the same time. I knew that we would develop some issues from this holiday, and that eventually I would have to tell her the truth about my past. But right now I was safe and at home in her arms, and I was happy with that.

~*~

_Why give up? Why give in?  
It's not enough, it never is  
So I will go on until the end  
We've become, desolate  
It's not enough, it never is  
But I will go on until the end_

**Authors Note:** So there it is.

Like I said before, this obstacle is meant to bring them closer together NOT push them apart. So you need not fear them breaking up so soon.

I hope you guys are enjoying the longer chapters, get used to it people!!

Please hurry up and give me a decision would you rather me post on WEDNESDAY or SATURDAY? Cos I really can't keep up with the schedule I set myself, I am busy with work and study, but I still want to keep this story alive.

Anyways, you guys know the drill… Let me know what you think and I will give you an awesome sneak peek =P

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	24. Heyy Guys

**Heyy Guys,**

I know that you will probably hate me for doing this a second time, but I cannot update on Wednesday, but this time my reason is good.

My best friend was in a serious car accident the other day and is still in hospital. Right now I feel nothing, no emotions, no sadness, nothing. So for this week I am putting this story on hold, I don't want to write a story with no emotions; that would suck.

Please forgive me. If I feel better hopefully I will write a chapter and post it on Saturday, but I'm not sure. I did have a chapter saved up but I posted that the other day.

After this week updates will definitely be on Wednesday's as that was the day most of you said would be good.

If you get bored in my absence I advise that you read Tropic of Virgo, if you haven't read it already. It is a great story and brings light to my currently dull life…

I hope you guys understand and don't hate me =)

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	25. Chapter 21: Forever and Always

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Posting day is now Wednesday's, hope that's ok with everyone =P

I know that some of you guys didn't like Edward's dad, and thought that there was something seedy about him; there's not. And he _won't _be stealing Edward away anytime soon!!!

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes about my friend. I am glad that none of you were angry with me for putting this story on hold for a week, I needed it! She is feeling much better and should be getting out of hospital any day now. Car accidents are bad!!

_Woooo ohhh ohhhh  
Forget about the shit that we've been through  
I wanna stay here forever and always  
Woooo ohhh ohhhh  
Standing here in front of all of you  
I wanna stay here forever and always_

**Forever and Always – Bullet for My Valentine**

~*~

The next morning I was gone before Bella woke up, only somewhat looking forward to the time by myself. I needed to get my thoughts and feelings in order before I overwhelmed her with them. I found solace in the lower levels of the hotel sitting alone in a darkened room. I knew that she would find me; she always seemed to do that. The connection between us was strong, I knew that. I only feared that one day she would leave me and I would have nothing.

I was right, she did find me. Her hair looked like a haystack and I could see that she was tired, given the slightly darkened mark underneath her eyes. She gave me a tired smile before sitting down beside me, resting her head on my shoulder as she just listened. Her presence soothed me, somewhat calming my body and mine and allowing me to escape in my task.

I ran my fingers knowingly over the keys, expressing my feelings through the music instead of words. My eyes fluttered closed as I felt Bella slump beside me and it was comfortable. Sitting here with her felt like nothing else, I was home around her. The notes of the music took me to different places, sadness filled some of melodies and Bella rubbed her hand over my shoulder to calm me.

Too soon the music was over and I was empty. All of the emotions that I had been feeling were poured into the notes and I had nothing left, nothing but the pain that was ever present inside me.

"You've been practicing," Bella told me sweetly, turning her head so that her chin was resting on my shoulder and she was looking into my eyes.

"Yeah, I guess." I murmured nervously, hoping that she was ok with my playing without her.

I turned my face towards her; a smile graced her face as she reached her hand up and traced the contours of my face with her fingertips. They rested lightly over my lips and I puckered them, placing a light kiss on them. Her eyes shined up at me, glistening with emotions. I saw adoration and devotion in her chocolate depths, so I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, trying to show her that I was feeling those emotions too.

After a few more passionate kisses we went back up to our room, lounging together in front of the television, not really caring what we were watching as we were too absorbed in each other to notice anything else. Around noon Bella made the informed decision that we had to get out of the room and do something non father related.

Sightseeing was our best choice since we were both interested in looking around the city, as neither of us had been here before. We took a trolleybus to the Bay where we had breakfast at a little 24hour pancake house that Carlisle had told me about. Both Bella and I got a short stack and I discovered that she liked to have her pancakes the same way as me; maple syrup with a small bit of butter on top.

After finishing our delicious meal we took a stroll around the Bay, hand in hand, just enjoying each other's company. After a few hours of looking around at all the small park-side market shops we took another trolleybus into Chinatown where we both enjoyed the best and cheapest Chinese food we had ever eaten.

Before heading back to the hotel for a rest we booked a tour around San Francisco for the next day as Bella wanted to tour the city and have someone show us where to go and I was happy to appease her. More re-runs of slightly older TV shows took up the rest of Bella's afternoon, while I sat beside her staring blankly TV, thinking over what happened yesterday and what this meant for us.

My father's confession wasn't what I had expected it to be. I had spend the last few years of my life blaming him for abandoning our family and ruining my mother's life, but that really wasn't the case at all. I could see fairly clearly that he loved his new wife Gianna, and that confused me. I had always believed that you had one chance at love -my mother had told me that when I was a young child- but seeing the way Tony looked at his wife made me think otherwise.

I looked over at Bella who was happily laughing along with whatever show was playing, occasionally chewing on some candied popcorn that we had bought today. As if sensing my gaze she looked over at me flashing a dazzling smile, before returning her attention to the screen in front of her.

This girl -this woman- made me so happy, even I could see that, but I still wondered how long it would last. I knew that our relationship would not last forever, I was in no way good enough for her and I couldn't bear to see her hurt, but for now just being with her was enough for me. Happy memories.

The cab ride to Tony's house was long, and like last time part of me wasn't looking forward to it. I knew that tonight wouldn't be like yesterday, there was no long story to tell, no be revelations that would be discovered, only dinner.

Gianna answered the door in yet another floral dress, I would hate to see how many of those she had in store. She welcomed us lovingly into her house only glancing slightly at Bella and my joined hands. She called out to Tony and dragged Bella away from me to help with dinner.

Suddenly I was attacked by a 2 foot high blonde object that seemed to fly at an alarming pace into my leg, painfully. Suddenly a small child rounded the corner with a shocked expression on her face, looking sacredly between me and the object attached to my leg. On closer inspection I discovered that the object on my leg was not an object at all, but in fact a small boy.

He looked around 3 years old, had curly blonde hair and was wearing a hell of a lot of green. The blonde girl, who was still standing frozen in place from the doorway, looked slightly older than the boy and the curly blonde hair that was just a fraction longer than his. Her soft face and hazel eyes surveyed the room, probably trying to figure out if she was going to get in trouble from a parent or not. Tony must have invited her family over too.

The blonde boy extracted himself and looked up at me apologetically, and made his was over to the little girl and grabbed hold of her hand. He had a somewhat chubby face, but that probably had more to do with his age than his diet and exercise, and both of them had bright hazel eyes with gold flecks. I smirked when I realized that she was wearing only bright pink clothes, even her shoe laces were pink. Man these children would get along fabulously with Alice "highlighter" Brandon.

"What are you little monsters doing?" Tony called out as he rounded the corner, walking over to them and messing the little boy's already messy hair.

"Pretty eyes," the girl answered, not looking away from me. Tony's head shot up and he grinned brightly as he looked me over. Strangely enough his shirt matched his wife and I felt sorry for him, no man should _ever_ have to wear a shirt that gay.

"Edward, you made it!" Tony exclaimed and made his way over to me, his arms coming up as if to hug me. I flinched back at the gesture and his arms fell to his sides and he stretched his hand out to shake mine; I wasn't ready for that kind of friendly contact with this man. I wished Bella was with me right now because the tension in the room had grown and I was getting nervous.

"Dinners ready, why don't you go clean up kids?" Gianna called out as she entered the room with a few pots of veggies and salad with Bella beside her who looked like she was carrying gravy.

Tony went over to help his wife put the pots on the table and took a seat at the head of the table. Bella came over to me and grabbed my hand and dragging me over to one of the velvet covered chairs, sitting down beside me.

The children came back into the room and sat on the opposite side of the table, the little girl sitting across from me and continued to stare unwaveringly at my face. Did I have something messy on there or something?

"Kelly, it's not polite to stare," Tony told the little girl, giving her a disapproving look when he noticed that she was still staring. Her eyes instantly dropped to the plate in front of her, but I could still feel her looking at me from the corner of her eyes.

"Are their parents joining us?" I asked Tony.

"Sorry that was rude of me. Edward and Bella, this is my daughter Kelly and son Joel. Joel and Kelly I would like you to meet Bella and Edward" Tony said, looking from Bella and me to his son and daughter. I was slightly shocked that he had children, he hadn't told us about them yesterday, but he was probably just trying to save the shock for tonight.

"Ahhhh," I said in response, focusing my gaze on my plate rather than my new siblings.

"Dinner," Gianna sang as she entered the room with a casserole dish in her hands. I smirked; of course the "typical housewife" would cook something so cliché as casserole or pot roast or something.

She placed the dish in the middle of the table and took off the lid and I snorted when I took a look at the contents. The dish she had made looked like a giant runny turd -brown in color and very chunky- and I had to hold back a full blown laugh when she scooped up a spoonful and dished it onto Tony's plate, now making it look like dog crap in front of him. The smell wasn't much better, but I didn't say anything as I heard Bella giggle beside me, apparently she was thinking the same thing.

Tony looked as his wife lovingly and placed a gentle kiss to her cheek in thanks. She went around the table serving everyone a helping of her stew, until she finally took her place at the other end of the table, across from Tony.

Dinner was fairly calm and casual, the only hiccup was when Joel was playing with his food and flicked his spoon in the wrong direction and it landed in his lap, making it look like he soiled the front of his pants; poor kid.

When dinner was over and dessert was eaten –the only edible part of dinner- we all ended up in front of the TV, playing a game called "BUZZ" on the X-Box. Not surprisingly Bella was very good at the game and won almost every round, apparently she had a profound knowledge of movies and music from a few years ago. We Kelly offered that we play sing-star Bella decided to call it a night, telling everyone that if she sung the dogs in the neighborhood would never let them sleep.

At the door Tony asked us to come to dinner again, and we agreed, that was what where we here in San Francisco to begin with. That night I didn't fall asleep crying and was happy for the change. Bella and I still spent the night in each other's arms, the warmth of her embrace helping me fall asleep.

The tour of Alcatraz Island was haunting, and some people in the tour swore that they could still hear the screams of the prisoners that had been brought here. I had come to San Francisco for answers and now I was touring an old maximum security prison, what a great holiday I was having.

We spent the next two nights with Tony and his new family. Each night we would all have dinner together and then we would all participate in some "family" activity, where everyone joined it and worked together, joking and laughing and basically just enjoying the time together.

Bella seemed to enjoy the time spent with Tony's kids, they were very hyper and full of life and she enjoyed chasing them around the house, trying to keep up with them. I could see how much these children loved their mother and father and how they enjoyed being a family. They had small squabbles but after everything was over they would hug and say they were sorry and that they loved each other.

Each time I saw them hug together I felt a prickle of jealousy at their open lives together. I remembered what it was like for me at that age, when I thought that I had the perfect family and that we would be together forever. I wanted them to be happy, they deserved it. Children deserve to be loved by their parents, no matter what the parent's previous life was like.

Watching them I realized that I wanted that. I wanted to have a family. I wanted a group of people that loved me, and that did so unconditionally. The love that Carlisle and Esme had for me was like that. On more than one occasion they had told me that they loved me, and that I was their son.

Tony was the only biological family member that was still alive, but he wasn't my dad. The home and the life that he had built here wasn't mine, I didn't belong here. My home was in Forks and my parents were Carlisle and Esme. Looking at how happy Tony was made me realize that I deserved that too. I knew that in some way he loved me, why else would he have been looking for me all these years, but he didn't need me. Not the way I had needed him. He had given me the answers that I had been looking for, the truth behind my childhood and now I was done.

There was no way my mother was going to come back to life -that was impossible- but at least now I knew who my real family was; the Cullen's. I had had enough of answers, I knew now what I wanted, and it was time for us to go home. To Forks.

That night I told him that we were going home the day after next, and he seemed ok with it. He understood what was going on, but he asked if we could still keep in touch; I was his son after all. I agreed and we swapped email addresses. I thanked him for telling me the truth and giving me the answers that I needed, even if they were the ones I wasn't expecting. I agreed that I would come back for dinner the last night that we were in San Francisco, but that I would book a flight for the following day.

I didn't tell Bella of my plans, I just wanted her to enjoy her time here in the city before I dragged us both back to reality and split bedrooms. She enjoyed all the sightseeing that we did together, especially the Flower Mart. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing Bella completely surrounded by hundreds of different colored flowers, with all different shapes and smells.

Her least favorite place was the Fishermen's Warf since the smell of raw fish made her sick. Our holiday was perfect and she begged me that we come back here sometime soon without the pretense of seeing my biological father, I just smiled at her.

Dinner that night was like the last supper, there was so much food I was worried that someone was dying and this was how they brought up the bad news. During "family time" that night Tony dragged me away from the others and asked me how I was doing. I told him that I was fine and that he didn't have to worry about losing me again, I would definitely keep in touch. I also thanked him for the box of my mother's things that he had given me, I hadn't found the time to look through it yet, but I definitely would when I got home.

When we came back inside Bella rushed up to me and gave me a tight hug, telling me that tonight they _were_ going to play sing-star and that I was her partner. God help me.

Surprisingly enough Bella was actually quite good at sing star. She would probably never win awards for her singing skills but she certainly didn't set off any of the local dogs, unlike Gianna. That woman's singing voice sounded like a cat drowning in porridge, and from the looks on everyone else's faces I wasn't the only one who wanted to run screaming from the room.

Gianna gave Bella a very warm hug at the door when we were about to leave, apparently she had taken a liking to Bella and wanted them to catch up for coffee everyday for the rest of their lives. Yeah right!

This time Tony gave me an awkward hug, not really paying attention to the fact that I wasn't really hugging him back. Hugs between guys are always awkward. When his arms clasped around me I could help but slide my eyes closed, breathing in his unusually familiar scent.

When he had first left my mother and me, I had tried to find his aftershave each time we went shopping, hoping to find the right one so that I could remember him for longer, but I could never find it. Over the years I had taken to trying to find his aftershave in many department stores that I visited, but I was never able to identify which one was his and usually gave up after a while.

I knew that I would never forget my mother's perfume; I had discovered that she wore Channel No. 5, and over the years I kept a small bottle of it with me so that I would never forget the way she smelt. It was currently hidden in a small unseen pocket of my suitcase where no one would find it.

The hug ended and Bella and I got into our taxi and made our way back to the hotel. Once we got back to our room I told Bella of our change in plans and somehow she already knew and told me that she had packed her suitcase yesterday. I was shocked at this revelation, but I knew that I should never doubt Bella's ability to know what was going on with me, without me having to say anything.

Our flight was scheduled for 3.30pm, which meant that we could sleep in, or at least Bella did. Around 9.30 I heard a small knock on the front door to the room. As silently as I could I slipped out from under Bella's grip on my chest, careful not to wake her.

I looked into the peek hole in the door and saw that Tony was the one standing outside the room, not a misguided room service like I had thought. I opened the door, a surprised look on my face.

"Hey Edward, I just wanted to talk to you before you leave." Tony said, smiling nervously at me and shifting his weight from foot to foot.

I clasped the key card in my hand and shut the door to the room, hoping to let Bella sleep through whatever Tony wanted to say to me. He shuffled his way into the hall; his right hand was hidden mysteriously in his pocket.

"What time is your flight today?" Clearly he was trying to make conversation; I might as well indulge him.

"3.30pm this afternoon."

"That was pretty quick notice."

"Yeah, the Cullen name apparently gets a lot of pull around these places. They were just happy to help."

"Well it's nice to know that your new family are willing to help this much."

"Yeah, they are really nice people."

"I'm glad."

Another lull in the conversation as we just looked nervously at each other, his hand still trapped in his pants pocket. His gaze floated around the room as he continued to shift his weight from one foot to the other. Clearly he came here to say something more, but was nervous about saying something.

"Was there something else?" I asked, hoping that he would actually start telling me what he came here to say.

"Yeah."

Again with the silence, part of me was hoping that a maid would come past and give us some entertainment or even do something to break the silence that had engulfed us again.

"So…"

"When I first saw your mother it was like the whole room stopped and everything around her just glowed." He blurted.

"Okay?" My response sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Do you believe in love at first sight Edward?" _What the hell kind of question is that?_

"No." I don't really believe in love at all.

"I didn't either at your age."

"Okay?" Is it just me or is this conversation getting weirder?

"I never thought that I would get a second chance at love. I always believed that I was never good enough for anyone else. That if I couldn't make it work with the love of my life that I didn't deserve to feel that kind of love again."

"Listen, I don't really have time for this."

"You're not listening to me Edward. Love is rare, and you need to hold onto it."

"I… don't understand. What are you trying to say?"

"The first fight that I had with your mother almost broke my heart. Over the years we had our little tiffs, every relationship has those, but after we fought we would always come back to each other. We made sure to tell each other that we loved each other every day, so that no matter what happens that we would never forget how much we meant to each other." I raised my eyebrows at him, was he going crazy? This better not be a genetic thing.

"I never wanted to leave your mother, Edward. When we were arguing that night I thought that when it was done, we would go back to the way we were." His head fell into his hands, and he rubbed them over his face, his eyes were glassy.

"But then I saw something that I had never seen before. She gave up." That got my attention.

"That night while we were fighting I saw it. She just gave up. Her eyes went cold and emotionless. The love that I had seen in her eyes was gone, and it broke me. Her words were spiteful and she knew just what to say to hurt me the most. The love that was once stronger than anything else became as weak as a twig and it was then that I realized… love isn't enough." Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and slipped silently down his cheeks.

"I loved your mother more than anything else in the world, but it wasn't enough to save her, to save us. Love, my love, was killing her Edward. Even more than the loss of our child did. I didn't want to hurt her, I loved her, but I couldn't stop it. I left, to save her. I thought that if I left she would get better, be happier and that she would have a normal life. I knew that my love for her would never leave, it's still there, but I thought I could save her, that leaving her would save her. So I left." Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks and he made no move to remove them.

I wasn't sure how I was feeling about what he was telling me. If anything it made me hate him a little more, but I guess at the time he thought he was doing the right thing and I couldn't fault him for a choice he made in the past, even if it was the wrong one.

"Our fight was horrible, she threw objects at me and I just let her, watching our happy memories shatter to the floor as she did so. I never threw anything back; I didn't want to hurt her. And then she did the one thing I never thought she would do. She threw our marriage at me." He gruffly whipped away his tears on his sleeve and pulled his hand out of his pocket, reaching it out to me.

His hand opened and its contents were revealed to me. Two small golden rings shone up at me, one that had a decent sized jewel in the centre. _Her wedding rings._

"She threw them at me as I was leaving," he said, smiling sheepishly at me.

"I thought that you might want them, I keep mine with me, _always_." He said as he revealed his own ring that hung from a gold chain around his neck, while his current wedding ring took place on his left hand.

I reached out my hand and took the small symbols of love into my hand. On further inspection I saw that there were markings on the inside of the wedding band; _Always and Forever._

"Thanks," I said gruffly, keeping my emotions hidden.

"There is so much of her in you, Edward. I hope you see that." He said, looking meaningfully into my eyes, probably seeing something else reflected in them. All I could do was nod in response.

"I do love you kiddo. That will never change, just like my love for your mother. But you can't spend your life in the past." He said as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly to him. This time I let go somewhat and hugged him back, still only mildly cautious of my actions.

"Call me if you ever need anything." He pulled back and patted me lightly on the back in a manly gesture. I smiled at him as he turned around and walked into the elevator, flashing me a blinding smile as the doors closed behind him.

I turned around and walked back into our hotel room with a smile on my face. As I entered the room I was wrapped in a warm hug from Bella, apparently she was awake.

"You ok?" She asked, looking up at me from under her eyelashes.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Ready to go home?" I asked, rubbing the pad of my thumb over her cheek. She still looked tired, but there would be plenty of time to sleep when we got back to Forks.

By 12 our bags were packed and we had eaten the contents of the entire left half of the breakfast room-service menu. I was wearing a nice pair of dark-wash jeans and a t-shirt by a band that I have never heard of, while Bella looked slightly more presentable in her formfitting blue jeans and white shirt with a caramel colored vest -apparently its incase her chest gets cold in the weather- though I told her that if she did get cold I would be more than happy to warm her up. She responded by punching me in the arm and pushing me out the door.

The flight home was long and boring; Bella spent the first half of the flight going through all the photos that we had taken on our outing into the city, making a squealing sound each time she saw one with me smiling – apparently it was a miracle. Bella fell asleep sometime during the second half of the flight.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as she rested her head on the top half of my chest, near my shoulder. I rested my head on top of her head as my eyes shifted closed, with my hand still wrapped around the tiny golden rings that were taking up space in my pocket.

~*~

_Should it all come crashing down around me  
Would you be there should I stumble or fall?  
To pick up the pieces..._

Woooo ohhh ohhhh  
Forget about the shit that we've been through  
I wanna stay here forever and always  
Woooo ohhh ohhhh  
standing here in front of all of you  
I wanna stay here forever and always  


**Authors Note:** So I hoped that you liked this chapter. The next one is a bit fluffy to make up for the fact that I have been hitting some angsty storylines lately, but there are more to come, but fun first.

So you know the drill, tell me what you think and I will give you an awesome sneak peek at the next chapter. And I have a new offer for you, since this story is winding down you can ask me any questions about the rest of the story and upcoming plot points and I will give you an honest answer =P

**Much love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	26. Important Authors Note Please Read

**Heyy there readers,**

Recently I received an inspiring review for my story "Missing You", asking that I please continue this story soon. Because of this person I have decided to get back into this story, as well as keeping up with my other story "The Dark Inside Me" and possibly continuing my one-shot "Far From Grace" which will be turned into a story of its own and will be called "Falling From Grace."

I understand that this will be a lot for me to take on and I hope that I will be able to keep it up while not falling behind at Tafe.

I do want to make it perfectly clear that I do plan on finishing "The Dark Inside Me" soon, it only has about 9 chapters left (including the epilogue.)

"Missing You" will also soon have a name change as the title isn't really that good. So please give me some ideas as to what it should be. Right now I am thinking of "My Love Lives Forever

This message is just to solidify my posting schedule.

**The Dark Inside Me:** Wednesday's

**Missing You (needs new name):** Saturday's

**Falling From Grace (continuation of Far From Grace):** TBA

I hope that you are all ok with this. If not, please advise me of any changes you wish to make.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	27. Chapter 22: Breathe Into Me

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** This, my readers, is a fluff chapter… I don't want the drama/angst to become all this story is!!

I was considering postponing this chapter because Fanfiction is being annoying. All reviews and alerts received before today are apparently not validated and can't be responded to. Grrrrrr. But all is working now =P

_And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge  
And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground  
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain  
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away_

**Breathe Into Me – RED**

~*~

The car ride home from the airport was uneventful. Bella spent most of the trip staring out the window, and humming quietly to the music that filled the car. The lack of conversation between us wasn't awkward; it felt natural to just enjoy each other's presence and not have to make pointless conversations to fill the silence.

The last few days had hit us hard. For me it was an unstoppable rollercoaster of emotions and inner turmoil, I was seriously considering taking a few more days off school to just recuperate from the trip.

All within the space of a few weeks I had dealt with more drama than some people see in a lifetime and I just wanted a break. A break from drama, a break from the death of loved ones and the reunion of one of those loved ones who wasn't really dead to begin with. My life had become one melodrama after another and I just needed for everything to slow the fuck down so I could relax.

Part of me was worried about how Bella was dealing with all of this, but I knew that if something was bothering her she would tell me. The emotions that she brought out in me were more powerful that I have ever felt for another human being who wasn't related to me before. I knew that in some way I needed her and that she was there for me when I thought I had no one to turn to. She took a week off school and was about to face an impending fight with Charlie for me.

The scenery that passed by my window was incredible and I wished that I was not driving so that I could look at it properly. I knew what exactly was holding Bella's attention out the window, but still I wondered why she hadn't looked at me.

As if hearing my thoughts she turned and looked softly at me. Her eyes were tired and there were still slightly dark circles under her eyes. Maybe it would be a bad idea for me to sleep with her tonight, she must be sick of me already.

"Stay with me tonight? After sleeping in the same bed as you non-stop for almost a week I don't know how well I would sleep without you." Bella asked tiredly, hiding a yawn behind her hand. It was like she was a mind reader or something.

"I don't want to sleep without you either Bella," I said softly, giving her a small smile.

"Thanks," she said, nodding gently.

"Bella?"

'Hmmm…" Her responses were getting slower. She looked like she was about to fall asleep against the window, even though she had slept through most of the flight.

"Have you told Charlie that we are getting back a day early?"

"Mmm… nope. Why?" One eye had fallen shut, and her last one looked like it was about to close too.

"I was thinking. Maybe you would like to stay at my place tonight. Feel how soft and comfy my bed is?" I asked hopefully, praying that she would say yes.

"I would love that Edward," she said, her last eye lid sliding closed and her breathing became deeper.

I was thrilled that she had said yes and was going to be staying the night at my house. I hoped that Carlisle and Esme would be ok with the police chief's daughter staying the night in their 17 year old foster child's bedroom.

Fatigue racked my body and I had to push myself to stay awake, smiling brightly when I saw the turn off to the Cullen's house. The lights were not on inside and no one's car was in the drive way. I dug my keys out of my pocket and jumped out to unlock the door myself. In one hand I grabbed Bella's backpack and slung it over my shoulder before lifting a sleepy Bella into my arms and carrying her into the house and up the stairs into my room.

I laid her gently on the bed, slipping the bed covers over her body so that she would be warm. I ran back down stairs making sure that all the doors to my car and the house were locked –because Forks is such a dangerous place. After everything was secure I carried myself back upstairs and lay down beside Bella. As if sensing me she wriggled over so that she was curled into my side and there we fell into a gentle sleep, feeling safe and comfortable in the arms of my girlfriend.

A twisted mass of images drifted in front of my eye lids, each one more haunting and terrifying than the next. I saw flashes of a steep cliff that was overlooking the sea, and a faceless woman in a white dress who was standing at the tip of it, her dress fluttering around in the strong wind. The dark clouds made everything seem eerie and even more haunting than before.

The woman stood stationary for a few seconds, breathing deeply into the air as if trying to make a decision. No matter how close I got to her I couldn't see her face, her coppery-brown hair blocked her face from mine. I heard the woman exhale loudly, her mind made up, and she sprung from the ground and into the air where there was nowhere for her to land.

"Noooooo" I cried out, reaching my hand towards her, but it was too late, and she was already off the cliff and was now speeding through the air towards the ocean.

Her arms were fanned out beside her, almost like the wing of a dove gliding through the air. I didn't want to watch, but my eyes wouldn't close and all I could see were the waves slamming into the rocks below. There was nothing to stop her fall, no ropes to bring her back with. There was no coming back from this, those rocks would tear her to shreds and all I could do was stand and watch helplessly.

My heart was beating out of my chest and my eyes flooded with tears that would not fall as I saw bloodied shreds of her now destroyed white dress washed up onto the beach. I looked around for something, anything that would keep me from following her; I didn't want to end up that way.

Suddenly, no more than 2 meters away from me, I saw something glint in the light, right where the woman had been standing. I lifted myself from the ground -having fallen to my knees when the woman jumped- and made my way over to the object.

There in the dirt were two golden bands, one encrusted with a diamond in its centre, the other with words engraved along the inside. The words echoed through my head and I fell again to my knees, my fingers digging into the dirt around the rings and the soft earth embedding its self under my nails and I grasped the earth and gold in my palm.

There was only one thing flowing through my mind in that moment, and the words that would stay with me:

_Always and Forever_

I woke up clutching my chest in fear, the sheets around me were soaked with perspiration and I reached out my hands in search of Bella, who was no longer wrapped around me. My hands grasped nothing but damp sheets and thin air, Bella was nowhere to be found.

I sprang up into a sitting position as my eyes frightenly scanned the room in search of Bella, but all I saw were the darkened contents of my room and nothing more. She had left me.

I quickly reached to the floor beside me and picked up an old shirt, pulling it over my head and making my way to the door. My hand gripped tightly around the door knob, I almost pictured crushing it in my hand, but all I could think of was to find Bella, my body reaching out to the door even though my feet were frozen on the floor.

I knew that this day had always been coming. That eventually she would see that I cannot be saved and that there is nothing good left in me. She would see what I have always seen, emptiness, and that would be enough for her to metaphorically pack her bags and walk out of my life forever. But I didn't want that day to be now.

Finally I gathered the courage and pulled the door open forcefully, my haggard breathing echoed through the previously silent hallway as I rushed for the stairs. I was half way down the stairs when I heard noises coming from the kitchen, the smell of bacon and fresh cooked eggs wafted through the door and up the stairs.

My body froze again in shock, Esme and Carlisle weren't supposed to be back until late tomorrow… or I guess today, whichever way you look at it, since it is around 5am. I rounded the corner into the kitchen to see Bella swaying her hips while flipping food around in a pan, the headphones in her ears was a clear indication that she probably didn't hear me enter. I breathed a sigh of relief; she didn't leave me after all.

It only took me a few steps around the kitchen to get over to her. I stood behind her for a few seconds wondering how I was going to inform her of my presence, but like always she must have felt I was there. She turned around and blushed as she removed her headphones from her ears, her hips stopping their previous movement.

"I was hungry," she blurted, her eyes now focused on the floor.

"It smells delicious. Did you make some for me?" I smirked at her, gripping her chin so that I could see her eyes.

"Of course," she exclaimed, her eyes brightening considerably as she handed me a plate filled with eggs, bacon and buttered toast.

"Thanks," I said, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek, taking the plate from her.

I brought my plate over to the table where Bella had also made coffee and brought out a fresh carton of juice. I poured myself a glass of the citrus drink, gulping most of it down like a man dying of thirst. Bella came over to the table and sat down opposite me, pouring herself a mug of the coffee she had made.

"I couldn't sleep," she told me as I speared a piece of egg with my fork.

"Are you ok?" I said in between bites, she was a really good cook.

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep. Well, that, and you kicked me out of bed with your movements," she said jokingly, it was my turn to blush.

"Sorry," I cringed.

"It's alright. Were you having a bad dream?"

"You could say that yeah," I said nodding my head.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I could see that she was nervous as she was pushing her food around her plate, not really eating it.

"I think I will keep it to myself for a while," I said, stealing a piece of bacon off her plane. She joking slapped my hand away when I tried to steal a second piece.

"I did make extra you know," now covering her plate with her arms to stop me from stealing more of her food.

"Nah, it tastes better when I don't have it given to me," I replied poking my tongue out at her.

We both shared the rest of Bella's food even though she continued her feeble attempts to stop me. After finished her meal and the extras she had made, we cleaned up our mess and Bella headed up stairs to have a shower.

I made my way into the living room and attempted to re-start the fire in the fireplace. After 15 minutes of failed attempts and cursing at the horrible thing I almost gave up. Bella walked into the room, now smelling of soap from her shower.

She knelt down beside me and made a joke about how pathetic my attempts were, before kneeling closer and blowing on the barely smoldering newspaper and bits of light wood that I had tried to get started. Suddenly flames sprang up from the bottom of the pile and began to make the rest of it catch fire. I sat back dumbstruck, my mouth opened in shock as Bella flashed me a smug grin.

"That is bullshit!" I exclaimed.

"What?" she asked smugly, making me glare at her.

"I sit here for 10 freaking minutes trying to get this piece of shit fire started and you come along and blow on the fucking thing and the fire springs up. That's just crap!" I said continuing to glare at her as she burst into laughter at my little rant.

"Awww honey, it's not my fault you are hopeless at starting fires," she said lightly pushing my shoulder causing me to glare harder at her.

"At least there is no chance of me becoming an arsonist." This caused her to laugh harder and she was almost in tears from laughing so hard.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, don't light anything else on fire, I know how clumsy you are," I glared at her as I rose to my feet.

I wasn't really mad, I was just joking with her and she knew it as she flashed me one of her dazzling smiles as I left the room and headed up the stairs. I stood under the warm spray of the water as I thought about what Bella and I would do today. It saddened me to know that today was our last whole day together and that tomorrow we would have to go back to the real world; the one where we had to go to school and appear to sleep separately in two different houses.

Today would be our last day together and I wanted to make it special. Going over these thoughts in my head I came up with the perfect idea of what we were going to do. I knew that when we got home from our outing I would have to talk to Carlisle and Esme, but they wouldn't be back until after lunch and we would be gone by then.

I came down stairs freshly showered and clothed in a comfortable pair of dark wash jeans and a button-down navy shirt. I entered the lounge room where Bella was still sitting, reading one of the magazines that Esme had lain out on the table. As I entered the room she looked up at me, a bright smile coming over her features.

"What?" I asked nervously, glancing down at myself trying to figure out why I had caused this reaction.

"We match," she told me, her eyes trailing their way down my body.

I realized that I hadn't looked at what she was wearing, I hardly ever do –I'm a guy, us men don't do shit like that. She was wearing a similar pair of dark wash jeans that held onto her frame a little more than mine did. Her shirt was almost the same color as mine but the sleeves were slightly shorter.

"We do," I smiled, my insides leaping for joy as a gentle blush covered her cheeks.

"So… what's the plan for the day?" She asked, twisting her fingers nervously in her lap.

"I was hoping that you would like to go on another little adventure with me," coming over to sit beside her on the couch.

"Sure. Where are we going?" She asked as she looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"You are just going to have to wait and see," I told her stubbornly.

"Everything is such a surprise with you," she said, nudging my shoulder with hers.

"You love it," I remarked, nudging her right back.

"Mmm," she murmured in response as I grabbed the remote and switched on the TV, flicking over to a channel that was playing nonstop cartoons.

We spent the next few hours just relaxing in front of the couch, watching cartoons that I hadn't really seen before. Apparently Bella was a big fan of SpongeBob Square Pants, and I had to admit that the characters and their situations were pretty funny.

Around 10am we got up off the couch and made lunch together. Well Bella made lunch; I just flicked pickles at her. We packed away the sandwiches and fruit into containers and put them in a cane basket along with a blanket and a few bottles of water. I think that Bella probably knew where we were going, but if she did she kept it to herself.

The weather outside was warm and sunny, the perfect day to go hiking. We were both wearing sneakers and Bella had on a large pair of sunglasses that made her look like a bug. I offered to carry the bag as we trailed through the woods that eventually would lead to our meadow. Since the day that I had gotten lost I had trailed this path many times, memorizing the way back to our spot.

Bella pretended to be surprised when we got to our destination, jumping on my back as I carried her through the clearing. We settled into the middle of the meadow, surrounded by flowers and the sweet smell of fresh grass. The sun was shining brightly in the sky, warming our bodies and making Bella's skin glow in its rays.

We spread out the lunch we had prepared onto the blanket and happily tucked into the meal as we laughed and chatted playfully.

"It's a good thing that you decided to come out here in the sun, you need a tan." Bella said jokingly while smiling at me.

"Yeah, cos I'm the only one here who is pale," I replied coyly nudging her shoulder.

Eventually we had finished off the food and were now lying down on the blanket, just soaking up the sun as we found humorous shapes in the clouds. The sun was high in the sky and I could feel my eyelids straining to stay open. I was so warm from the sun and felt comforted as Bella's form was wrapped around me. I looked down at her and chuckled softly as I saw her chest rising and falling gently with her deep breathing. Bella had fallen asleep in my arms.

Finally I gave into temptation and let my eyes slide closed, falling asleep under the warmth of the sun. My dreams were filled of calm and happy images of Bella and the meadow, so different from my earlier dreams. I have no idea how long I was asleep for but was awakened shockingly but something cold and slippery running over my face while a weight pressed down on my hips.

I tried to knock away the slippery sensation but I wasn't successful. My hands reached out and grasped the object that was pressing into my hips, a startled gasp came from the object and my eyes fluttered open at the sound.

A somewhat shocked Bella was the object sitting on my hips, as I grasped her hips in my hands. I looked her over and noticed a cold white substance in the palm of her hands and the tips of her fingers.

"What are you doing?" I croaked out, my voice still raw from sleep.

"When I said that you needed to get a tan I didn't mean that you should get sun burnt to prove a point," she said jokingly as she placed more of the cold white stuff on my face.

"Sun burnt?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, we have been out in the sun too long and you didn't put sunscreen on, so your cheeks are all red from the sun. You're so silly sometimes."

I brought my hands up to touch my cheeks, now realizing how tender and hot they were. She was right, I was sun burnt. Oops.

"I didn't mean to get sun burnt." I said defensively, brining my hands back to her hips.

"Well you did, now stop fiddling so I can put this after sun stuff on you." She said as she readjusted herself on my hips as I resisted the urge to moan at her motions.

"Well aren't you… handy." I told her playfully as she put the remainder of the cream on my face.

"You're lucky you have me you know," she replied, poking her tongue out at me.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep," she flashed me a bright smile.

Slowly I moved my hands up her waist, brushing the tips of my fingers against her clothed frame. Her breathing deepened and her eyes clouded with something that looked a heck of a lot like lust. She leaned forward slightly bringing her face closer to mine, not even ten centimeters away from my lips. I brought my face up closer to hers, smiling to myself as her eyes fluttered closed.

Just as our lips were about to come in contact with each other I started moving my fingers, using them to tickle her rib cage. Her eyes flew open and she started squirming above me, trying to get out of reach of my hands but I wouldn't let her. She burst out laughing as she tried to escape my fingers, moaning and slapping lightly at my chest.

"Ed-Edward, stop… that tickles… STOP… Ahhhh!" she squealed as she tried unsuccessfully to roll away from me.

I rolled her over so that I was now on top of her. Her hands rested on my shoulders as my hands were still on her hips. I wasn't tickling her anymore, and we both tried to regulate our breathing. All of a sudden I realized how close our bodies really were, our chests and hips pressed together tightly.

Our chests were pressed tightly together and I could feel her breath fan my face. She smelled like a mix between her usual floral smell and a hint of the apples we had eaten at lunch. I looked down into her eyes and saw that she was looking up at me with the same look as lust as before. I lowered my head and pressed my lips softly to hers.

I felt her chest rise and fall deeply and I rested my weight on my arms that were on both sides of her head. Her arms reached around me as her fingers ran up the muscles in my back. I felt her nails scrape their way up my back and her fingers gripped my hair. My lips parted of their own will as her tongue pushed its way into my mouth.

Our tongues came together as I battled hers for dominance. Winning the battle I pushed her tongue back and into her mouth, our tongues playfully rolling around together. I caught her moan in my mouth and I pressed my hips further into her. Her legs were parted on either side of my body, making room for me and I could feel myself pressing into her soft stomach.

Any other time I would be shocked by my behavior, but in this moment it just felt right. I moved one of my hands from beside her and ran in down her body, brushing against her ribs and the corner of her luscious breasts.

I could feel my arousal growing as our kiss became more heated. We broke away to breathe and I continued to press kisses down her neck and to the top of her shirt, returning to her mouth as her fingers pulled me back up gently by my hair. She moaned my name as I pressed my lips to hers once more and shifted my body above her.

_So tell me now if this ain't love then how do we get out? _

_Because I don't know. _

_That's when she said I don't hate you boy, _

_I just want to save while there's still something left to save. _

_That's when I told her I love you girl, _

_But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have._

I groaned in frustration as my cell phone rang out around us, causing a delicious sensation between us as the small piece of plastic vibrated between us. Reluctantly I broke the kiss growling in annoyance as I pulled the phone of out my pocket.

"Hello," I growled into the phone.

"Edward, we noticed your car in the driveway. Why are you home early?" Esme soft voice asked curiously through the phone.

"Yeah, we got home late yesterday Esme." I responded, rolling my body off of Bella's and onto the blanket beside me as she tried to rearrange her now messy clothing.

"It's getting late, will you be home soon? Carlisle and I would like to talk to you, if that's ok." She said hesitantly.

"Yeah sure, we will be home soon and we can talk after I take Bella home." I said, running my hand through my messy hair.

"Bella's with you?" she asked brightly.

"Yes."

"Well you can tell her that she is welcome to join us for dinner, we can always talk after." Esme was very fond of Bella; of course she wanted her to stay for dinner.

I looked over at Bella who was now redoing her hair since I had pulled most of it out of her ponytail during our passionate kisses.

"We'll see." I told her, shutting the phone and crawling over to Bella.

"You ok?" I asked Bella, brushing my hand against her cheek which was now a nice shade of pink, in her embarrassment.

"Yeah, I am fine. Sort of embarrassed that we were kind of busted by Esme while making out, but I'll be fine." She smiled nervously at me.

"I don't think she knew what we were doing, so you're safe. She wanted to know if you would like to come to dinner tonight."

"I think I should probably get home, I might be a good idea for me to cook my dad dinner since I haven't seen him in awhile." She said, somewhat sadly.

"That's ok."

"But you could still come over tonight and sleep with me, I like sleeping beside you. It makes me feel…"

"Safe." I answered for her, she nodded her head emphatically.

"I would love to come over, Bella." I told her pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

We packed away our empty containers and the blanket and began the walk home, hand in hand. The sun was going down and everything was starting to get cooler so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders to keep her warm. It was nice. The perfect ending to a traumatic week, but at least we were still together. For now.

~*~

_Breathe your life into me  
I can feel you  
I'm falling, falling faster  
Breathe your life into me  
I still need you  
I'm falling, falling  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me  
_

**Authors Note:** Like I said, this chapter is a fluff chapter. Nothing much of consequences, now the fun stuff begins and you won't want to miss a moment of it.

Also, how did I do with the dream sequence? I wanted it to have an effect and I hope I accomplished that.

Now, you know the drill. Tell me what you think and I will give you a sneak peek at the next chapter. Hopefully it's going to be great =P

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	28. Chapter 23: Stray

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** This chapter is not as fluffy as the last chapter, but still has a bit of sweetness in it =P

I know that I am updating a little early, but I love you guys so much that I just can't keep this from you. Please be nice!!

_****Lemon Warning****_

_Left alone with empty hands  
Losing you is more than I can stand, I can't mend  
Close my eyes, and made a wish  
To lose myself so I'll forget about you it's no use_

Swore to never ever leave you  
To never let you out of my hands  
Nothing here could ever change this  
A promise till the living end  
I swore I'd never stray from you

**Stray – The Exies**

~*~

The next morning I woke up revitalized and deciding how to makes steps in my plans to move on from my family dramas to begin a life of my own. I had never been good at looking into the future, since up until recently I never thought that I had one. But now I was filled with hope and I couldn't wait to get started.

My talk with Esme and Carlisle had been fairly uneventful. I mostly just skimmed over the most important parts of the trip and told them what I thought that needed or deserved to know. I told them that I had realized that I wanted a family; similar to the new family that my biological father now had. I told them that I hoped that they would be my new family and that I would like to start afresh if possible.

I skimmed over the long talk that I had had with him and the events that he had filled me in on, they really didn't need to know all the gory details. We talked about Tony's wife and children and how Tony had asked that I stay in touch and that I agreed.

I made sure to assure Esme in particular that there was no reason for me to leave and for my life to change here. I told her that being in Forks was the happiest I had been in a long while and that I wanted to make it work here.

After revealing all this new information I skipped the part about my mother's rings and the metal box that Tony had given me. I most definitely didn't tell them about the dreams I had been having about my mother's death and I lied my ass off when I told the Cullen's that Bella and I had slept in separate bed's, I didn't think that they needed to know about our sleeping habits.

The days since our return had been somewhat dull and boring. I guess I was just used to my life being one rollercoaster ride after the next it felt strange and different for my life to be so flat. Bella and I had returned to school on the Monday and our friends were happy at how close Bella and I had become during our absence.

Of course our friends were interested in what we had been doing over the last week, but they seemed to sense our hesitation and didn't push too much. Alice was her usual happy and bubbly self; I gained a whole new respect for Jasper as he was the one that had to put up with her exuberance continuously. Poor guy.

Rosalie and Emmett had apparently developed a whole new side of their sexual relationship and most of the time didn't make it to their classes, instead opting for a quick tryst in the nearest empty closet. Not that they would mind making a public spectacle of their love, apparently they had even spent several hours in detention due to their open PDA's. Horny bastards.

Everything was back to normal in my life. Bella and I split dinners between our houses, and I spent every night with my arms wrapped tightly around her, and waking up each morning at the butt crack of dawn so that Charlie wouldn't shoot me.

I enjoyed spending each night with Bella, holding her in my arms and kissing her before we fell asleep. Since that day in the meadow we hadn't tried to be that intimate again, settling for passionate kisses that always seemed to end with one of us yawning involuntarily. I didn't want to push our physical relationship too far, since I could never be too emotionally involved, but still I wanted more happy memories and I could see that my hesitancy with our physical relationship was frustrating Bella.

I loved the way that she would huff in annoyance just when we were getting really passionate with our kisses, and how her nose would screw up when my hands glided above her, not coming in contact with her soft skin.

This week had been a long one and I was looking forward to spending more time with Bella today. Esme had offered to teach me to cook more, but I turned her down, I wanted to spend this glorious Saturday with Bella.

It was around 10am when I got to her house. I assumed she would be home, since her rusty red truck minus Charlie's cruiser was parked in the driveway, but after knocking for over 15 minutes Bella was nowhere to be found. I pulled out my cell and typed a quick message:

_Bell,  
Where are you?  
I thought that we  
were hanging  
out today.  
Edward _

But there was no response. After waiting for another 15 minutes I gave up and reluctantly headed home. I told Esme that I didn't feel like cooking and spent the remainder of the day sulking in my room. I tried texting her a few more times, but I never got a response.

Where the hell was Bella? And why didn't she respond to my texts?

I tried calling her cell but it just went straight to voicemail, adding to my frustration and making me want to throw my phone at the wall. I didn't go to Bella's house that night. I thought that if she wanted me to come over she would call, but she never did.

I didn't hear from her all day Sunday, and entertained myself with the garbage that was on TV and finishing off the school work that I hadn't finished during the week. I didn't go over to her house that night either, which was hurting me probably more that it was hurting her. But I knew that if I went over to her house and found that she was not there I wouldn't be able to stop my feelings of anger from taking over my thoughts and feelings.

Monday morning I drove straight to school, not even waiting for Bella in front of the school as I usually would. My morning classes droned on and I just wanted them to be over so I could find Bella and discover what the hell was going on.

At lunch she was waiting for my in front of the entrance to the cafeteria, with a large smile on her face. She looked happy, almost bouncing for joy and when she saw me she quickly ran to me and embraced me in her arms. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair. I was angry with her, but no matter how annoyed with her I was, I still missed her. Stupid teenage emotions.

"Hey," she whispered softly in my ear.

"Where have you been all weekend?" I asked her curiously, my feelings of anger and annoyance creeping into my voice. She stood there shocked in front of me for a few seconds, a flash of worry crossing her face at the tone of my voice.

"Charlie and I went down to La Push to visit Jacob and his dad. Charlie decided to take another day off work and stay with them tonight too." She told me happily, but still looking at me worriedly.

"And you didn't think that I deserved to know that before I spent the day trying to contact you with no response." I asked angrily.

"My phone has been playing up for a few days, you know that. Besides we barely got any reception down there anyway." She told me, crossing her arms in front of her chest stubbornly.

"And they don't have phone lines down there?" I asked incredulously.

"Look I am sorry that I worried you. Next time I will tell you first. Happy?" she asked, still being quite stubborn. I glared at her as she turned around and headed into the cafeteria, not waiting for me to follow her.

After waiting for a few moments, collecting myself, I followed her into the lunchroom sitting down at our normal table with Alice and Jasper -Rose and Emmett were off fucking in the janitor's closet. I spent the remainder of the lunch hour keeping to myself and not really talking to anyone. I saw Bella glance over and me every now and then, but when I caught her eye she would just glare at me and return to the conversation.

When the bell rang for class I felt Jasper grasp my shoulder comfortingly before following Alice to their class. Bella walked beside me to Biology, but we didn't speak or touch. We didn't talk during Biology either. I spent the lesson running over everything in my mind. I was still so angry with her for not finding a way of telling me that she would not be home all weekend.

Half way through the lesson the teacher had to step out of the classroom to fetch something, leaving the class without supervision. I glanced over at Bella, wanting to talk to her, but then I noticed something dark on her hand.

"What is that on your hand, Bell?" I asked, pulling her hand to me and lifting up the sleeve of her shirt to inspect her hand.

There on her hand and wrist was what looked like black tribal markings that twisted their way from the veins on top of her hand, around her skin to her wrist. And there on her wrist underneath the tribal patterns was a small J, you wouldn't even notice it if you weren't looking closely.

"Henna, Jake gave it to me. It will wash off in a few days." Bella said blushing as I ran over the markings with my fingers.

"You let someone mark you?" I asked, now furious that another man had marked her beautiful skin.

"It's not real Edward. It will fade." She told me, pulling her wrist out of my grip.

"Why would you let him do that to you, even if it is fake?" My voice was rising and we were beginning to gain attention from some of the other students in the class, I just ignored them while a faint blush covered Bella's cheeks. She never liked attention.

"Look…" I could see that she was probably about to yell at me but we were interrupted by Mr. Banner reentering the classroom dragging along an overhead projector.

"We will talk about this after school," she hissed at me.

"We sure as hell will," I replied tersely, now staring angrily at the screen in front of us.

We spent the rest of the class in an angry silence, not even looking at each other. How could she be so stupid? How could she let another man mark her? How the hell could she think that I would be ok with her spending the weekend with this other guy? And who the fuck was this Jacob character anyway?

After school I followed Bella's truck back to her house, my feelings of anger and jealousy we completely overcoming my actions and all I could think about was this Jacob person and Bella's feelings for him.

I wondered if she looked at him the way that she looked at me. And more importantly what his feelings for her were like. She was sleeping with me, not him. I wanted to meet this person so I could tell him face to face, to fuck off. That she was my girl and that I wouldn't have him marking her, because that shit pissed me off.

And why the hell does she need to be friends with him anyway. Was I not enough for her?

I knew that this day had been coming. That one day she would realize that I wasn't good enough for her and that she wanted someone more normal, without so much emotional baggage. I had thought that when the time came that I would be the one to walk away, I had never thought that she would be the one to be the one who ends our relationship.

We finally arrived at Bella's house and she stormed out of her car and into her house, leaving the door wide open for me. I practically ran into the house after her, my anger getting the best of me as I slammed her front door behind me. It was a good thing that her father was still gone or he would kick my ass for trying to destroy his front door.

I quickly scanned the foyer for Bella, but apparently she wasn't there. I tried to figure out where she was but eventually I found her, slamming pans and dishes around in the kitchen. I entered the room slowly and dropped my bag to the floor behind me.

"What the hell is your problem Edward?" She asked angrily as she turned quickly towards me, her hands on her hips.

"Well let's see. My girlfriend spent the weekend with another guy who fucking _marked_ her skin, and she didn't tell me!" I yelled in reply.

"Why is it that all a guy has to do is just look at me and you're instantly jealous? Do you seriously trust me so little that no other guys can be around me?"

"Of course not Bella. I just worry about you. I don't understand why you need to have other friends. Aren't our friends at school enough for you?"

"Jesus Edward. Can you even hear yourself, or is your ego in the way? I like Jacob; we used to make mud pies together when we were younger…"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"Well right now I would love one to smash into your face!"

"Well that's excellent Bella. Why don't you go make one with _Jacob_?!" I spat his name at her as if it was poison.

"Well since you are acting like a child I might do just that."

"Fine, go right ahead." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from her.

"Edward. I don't want to fight with you. It seems that that's all we ever do and I'm sick of it. Jacob is _just_ a friend. Where is all this coming from? Just tell me what is wrong and I can fix it!"

I didn't respond since I didn't know what to say, so we just stood there for a few minutes face to face but not moving any closer. Our breathing was heavy and I could see the anger flashing in her eyes.

"Fine," she muttered angrily as she turned from me and began to walk out of the kitchen

"Bella wait!" I yelled, reaching out my hand to touch her, but came up short.

At the sound of my voice she turned and faced me once again. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she looked up and me anxiously, her eyebrows raised high, challenging me to say something.

"What is it Edward?" She sounded tired and defeated as she just stared at me.

I could see the bags under her eyes; apparently she hadn't been sleeping either. Maybe she had as hard a time of sleeping without me as I did. I breathed deeply, trying to gather the courage for what I was about to say.

"Bella you saw what the remainder of my family is like. A self absorbed man who looks remarkably like me, who just left me and my depressed mother without even saying goodbye -unconditional love my ass. You went to fucking San Francisco with me, you saw it for yourself! I just… I want to be good enough for you, but I know I'm not! Eventually you will leave me, and then what will I do?

"I really like you Bella, and that's a lot for me. I just… I don't know what to do. I am just so angry all the time, preparing for you to run away to be with someone else. But I don't want you to Bella and I am torn between what I _should_ do and what I _want _to do. Just… please don't leave Bella. I don't want you to go. Please" I couldn't take it anymore, finally my emotions had once again broken through their carefully constructed barriers and tears filled my eyes and began falling down my cheeks.

My head fell down and I closed my eyes tightly, trying unsuccessfully to stop the tears. I felt Bella's warm form come up to me and embrace me tightly in her arms, trying to comfort me with a hug.

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I really, really like you too. And I won't leave you, I promise." She whispered in my ear as she began placing gentle kisses all over my face and neck.

"Really?" I asked feelings of hope and disbelief flooded my voice as she kissed the tears off my cheeks.

"Yes really. I'm staying right here… with you!" She said as she looked up into my eyes, smiling gently at me.

"Ok," I whispered before I leant down and pressed my lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

Like most of our other kisses it started off slowly with soft gentle kissing against each other's lips, but soon enough that changed. Our kisses became more heated and passionate as our mouths opened and our tongues twirled together.

I felt myself walking forward and pushing Bella into a wall behind her, pressing her deeply into the wall, the whole of my body pressed up against hers. She moaned into my mouth as I brought my hands up from her hips to grasp her breasts firmly in my hands.

She began kissing me furiously as my hands stayed in their current position on her soft breasts. Her hands clasped together behind my hair and she grasped tightly onto my hair, pulling it between her fingers as I pushed her further into the wall.

I felt one of her hands leave my hair and make its way down my back to grasp my ass and rest her hand in the back pocket of my jeans. I broke the kiss so she could breathe and began sucking and nipping on the skin on her neck, sucking on the soft skin beneath her ear, marking her like he did.

I wasn't angry with her anymore; I just wanted to show her that I was the only one that could make her feel like this. I felt myself harden against her leg and she moaned when I pressed it harder against her.

I growled against her neck and pushed my knee between her legs, giving her something to move against. I knew that she was aroused from out motions, she could feel me. I wished that she was wearing a shirt so that I could feel her arousal too.

I have never felt anything like this before, hell I had never done anything like this before. The feeling of her soft body pressed so tightly against me was wonderful and it made me harden further in my pants.

We couldn't keep going like this, we had to do something. I wanted to, more than anything else in the world right now, but I wanted her to be the one to instigate it or stop it. It was up to her where this went; it was always up to her.

I felt her small hands grasp my shoulders and push me back slightly, I groaned and pulled back from my spot on her neck. I gave her a curious look as I tried to regulate my breathing. If anyone walked into the house right now we would be a sight to behold. Her back was pressed to the wall and her hands were grasping my shoulders, one of my hands was cupping her full breast and the other was grasping her hip while my leg was pressed between her legs rubbing against her as my enclosed length was pressing into her soft stomach.

I pressed my forehead to hers and continued to breathe deeply, inhaling her floral scent which was arousing me further. I looked into her eyes as she stared up at me curiously. I leaned in and pressed another gentle kiss to her lips which quickly became heavier as our earlier motions resumed.

She moaned into my mouth as one of her hands slid its way into my chest, her fingernails now running over the muscles of my stomach and trailing further downwards. I hissed as the tips of her fingers brushed against the top of my pants.

"Bella," I growled as she slid her hands back and forth over the hem of my jeans.

She smirked against my lips at my reaction, and pressed her mouth closer to mine as her fingers trailed down the zipper of my jeans and brushed against my arousal. I moaned as her hand purposefully cupped my denim clad length, my neck straining backwards as she began rubbing against me.

"Bell, if you don't stop right now I may not be responsible for what I do to you," I growled at her as she pushed her hand further into me while sucking and biting on my neck.

"Oh really?" She moaned as her hands came down to unbutton my pants.

"Bella," I said as a warning as she tugged the zipper down, all she did was giggle in response.

I could feel how warm her hands were through the silky fabric of my boxers as she brushed her fingers gently against me once more. I growled again, and lunged at her kissing her mouth furiously. Our kiss was just teeth and tongue, it was rough and hard and I had never been more thankful for Charlie's absence.

Her hand grasped around me as I sucked her tongue with my lips. Her grasp tightened as I moved my lips from hers to her neck as she giggled once more at my reaction. I sucked roughly on her neck as she began moving her hand slowly up and down my length.

It had been awhile since I had touched myself and so her movements were so much more arousing than my own. I gasped for air against her neck as she continued her ministrations. My hands dragged down her chest, where they had previously been resting on her breasts, and continued their way down her body to rest between her legs.

It was her turn to moan now, as I rubbing my fingers over the top of her denim clad arousal, I could feel some of the moisture soaking through. I reach my fingers up and undid her pants, before dragging them down her legs so that only her thin panties were covering her sweet spot.

I bent my neck and took one of her cloth covered nipples into my mouth as I pressed my fingers into her warmth, sliding them around as part of her arousal dripped through the silk and onto my fingers.

"Oh god, Edward." She cried as I slid my fingers around her nub, her hand tightening around me further at my motions.

I continued my ministrations as she continued hers. I could feel my body tightening and I could feel liquid escape my still clothed length as I felt her leg brush up against it. I brought my fingers into her underwear, and began sliding my fingers back and forth over her lips. Her face was buried in my neck and I was still pressing kisses into the skin of her neck.

Her hand continued to stroke me and began swirling as they got to the tip. My fingers pressed firmly into her as she gasped against me neck. I felt her body tense in front of me as she pressed her face further into my neck, she was close and I wanted to help her so as fast as I could I inserted two of my fingers into her, causing her to gasp as her inner walls grasped my fingers tightly between their muscles. Her body shook and I felt her hand grasp me tighter, brining me to release too.

I moved my face from her neck and brought her lips to mine, kissing her passionately as we both rode out our orgasms, falling to the floor as our bodies shook. As we came down I pressed softer kisses over her neck and jaw, admiring my handiwork as I observed the bruise that was now forming on her neck.

"Mmm," she murmured as I kissed her lips softly.

Nothing could beat the feelings of happiness I felt as I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but admiration and something else that I couldn't place reflected back at me.

I slowly rose to my feet and pulled up my pants, not bothering to change from my semen covered boxers. I pulled her small frame into my arms and carried her bridal style to her room, placing her gently on the bed after removing her jeans and replacing them with a pair of yoga pants she had lying around.

I quickly rushed downstairs and grabbed a spare pair of track pants from my car; I had always kept a spare pair just in case after our last sexual encounter.

After changing from my boxers and jeans I pulled out my phone, quickly sending Esme a message telling her that I wouldn't be home and that I was studying, before placing the phone on Bella's bedside table and crawled into bed with her. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and wrapped my body around hers, falling asleep with my nose buried deeply in her hair, and breathing in her floral scent.

~*~

_Broken bones, broken in half  
I've come too far to start again  
But I'm trying, I am trying  
I'm sick of this , I'm sick of hurt  
Shame is such a dirty word  
I'm trying, I'm still trying_

Swore to never leave you  
To never let you out of my hands  
Nothing here could ever change this  
A promise till the living end  
I never meant to be a liar  
The shame is cutting into my skin  
I'd rather die on my feet  
Than live here on my knees again  
I swore I'd never stray from you  


**Authors Note:** I hoped you guys liked the lemon in this chapter. I'm not very confident in my lemon writing skills so it would be nice if you tell me how you feel about it.

Now, the deal is the same as always. Tell me what you think of the chapter and I will send you an awesome sneak peek at what comes next. I promise that you will want to stick around for this one =P

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	29. Chapter 24: Elsewhere

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** This chapter is mostly fluff; the harder parts come at the end. I usually hate writing fluff chapters but I feel that you deserve it.

_****Lemon Warning****_

_I believe  
This is heaven to no one else but me  
And I__'ll defend it as long as I can be  
Left here to linger in silence  
If I choose to  
Would you try to understand  
_

**Elsewhere – Sarah McLachlan**

~*~

The sounds of birds chirping woke me the next morning. I could hear their cries through Bella's opened window. I don't know why she had opened her window, it sounded like the rain was pouring heavily outside as thunder crackled through the window, occasionally drowning out the sounds of the birds.

I felt something soft and warm brush up against my face, stroking from my temple down my neck to rest amongst the smatterings of hair on the top of my chest. I heard giggling coming from beside me and I realized that Bella was running her fingers down my cheek again, as if memorizing the contours of my face and neck.

"What do you think you're doing?" I mumbled tiredly, catching her fingers in my hand and placing them over my chest.

She just giggled in response and pressed a light kiss to my lips. Slowly I peeled open one eye to look at her, she was radiant. Her face was glowing even with the stormy weather outside and she had a bright smile over her lips, flashing her sparkling white teeth at me.

"What is so funny young lady?" I growled at her playfully.

Her giggles continued as she pulled her hand from my grasp and dragged it further down my chest. I jumped in surprise as she brushed up against my arousal. I wasn't sure if she did it purposefully or not, but when her hand stayed over the bulge in my track pants and her fingers trailed back and forth over it, I realized that she knew exactly what she was doing to me.

I sat straight in her small bed, now completely awake. I pulled away from her in embarrassment, she had found out my dirty little secret. Usually I would wake up before her and I would leave her before she even knew that anything had even happened.

The only time she had ever discovered the secret was when she mistook my dick for my phone, but she was asleep then and didn't even realize what she had done. Shit. Fuck. Shit. What the hell was I going to do now? My radiant girlfriend now knew that each morning I wake up hard, beside her.

There is no coming back from this. She is going to think that I am immature and stupid and that I don't deserve to be with her since I obviously can't control my own body. I was internally reaming myself, so angry at the situation and having no idea what she was thinking.

Another giggle escaped her and it brought her back to my attention. What the fuck?

"Did you seriously just _giggle_ at me?" I asked incredulously.

"Is that what I grabbed hold of the other week, thinking it was your phone?" She said, her giggling never stopping as I flushed in embarrassment.

"Um… what?" I stuttered, I couldn't think of anything else to say still in shock from her question.

"Did. I. Grab. Hold. Of. Your. Dick. While. I. Was. Sleeping. The. Other. Week?" Her question was simple, but the answer was not. I flushed even further in embarrassment, as she punctuated each word, making sure that I knew exactly what she was asking.

"I… I plead the fifth." I told her as calmly as possible, trying very hard to stop my heart from beating itself out of my chest.

The little minx burst out laughing at me, before leaning towards me and placing another soft kiss on my lips. The kiss started off much the same way as our other kisses, soft and slowly, but soon became more heated and passionate as she slowly pushed me back onto the bed so that she was laying over me.

She used her tongue to part my lips as my tongue came out to meet hers. Our tongues came together in harmony; there was no battle for dominance not testing of each other's limits, just us. When we kissed it was perfect, and I never wanted it to end. Every kiss has to end at some point -no kiss can go on forever- but when she pulled away from my lips I still struggled to keep from groaning out loud.

A few more soft kisses and she pulled away from my lips completely, laying her head on my chest over my heart. We lay there together for a long time, her with her ear over my heart and me running my fingers through her knotted hair.

Every so often she would let out a soft moan and run her fingers over my abdomen, making my body tingle at the sensations. The moment was perfect, the lightening outside had settled and now there were only small smatterings of rain falling outside giving the air and warm and homey feel.

"Edward?" Her voice called out, muffled by my shirt.

"Mmm," I responded, not stopping my motions of running my fingers through her hair.

"I was thinking…"

"Why does the not surprise me?" I joked, poking her back teasingly.

"How do you feel about last night?"

"Well, you yell at me a lot so I am getting used to it." I responded, knowingly skipping over what she was really asking.

"That's not what I am talking about and you know it." Her head lifted off my chest as she stared into my eyes.

"Bell I don't regret _anything_ we did last night. I wish we didn't fight so much, but I'm used to it by now." I told her honestly, bringing my hand up to cup her chin, running my thumb over her cheek.

"Are you sure, because we…" I silenced her with my lips, not allowing her sentence to continue. A few more gentle kisses and I pulled away again now resting my forehead against hers.

"I want to show you something," I told her, taking her hand in mine and pulling her off her tiny bed. I quickly led her downstairs, taking her to the basement where I sat her down on some of the unopened boxes.

I pulled the small plastic stool to me and sat down on the now dust free piano, resting my fingers on the keys. I closed my eyes tightly as my fingers ghosted over the keys bringing forth the notes and melody that I had memorized weeks earlier to mind. Slowly I let the music flow over me, playing for her the song that my mother had once taught me to play, this time doing so without killing her eardrums.

At some point I noticed that she had moved to sit beside me on the small bench, but my mind was focused on the music, hoping and praying that I was playing it correctly. The melody flowed through me and onto the keys, bringing forth the song my mother had played me each night before I fell asleep.

Soon the song ended but my fingers still rested over the keys. I turned to Bella to see her reaction and was shocked at the tears that were flowing freely from her eyes. I moved my hands from the piano and clutched her face in my palms, rubbing the pads of my thumbs over her cheeks. I slowly bent my head down and pressed my lips to her tears, kissing away the salty liquid from her cheeks.

"Did I play it wrong?" I asked her curiously, wondering what had caused this reaction from her.

Her lips fastened to mine again as her body pressed into my side. Her curves rubbed up against me as she brought her body onto my lap, straddling me. I broke the kiss and looked up at her, shocked. Who knew that she was such a tease?

"Don't stop playing, no matter what." She told me forcefully, staring directly into my eyes. I nodded my head at her as I rested my fingers once again over the piano keys.

My fingers began playing "chopsticks" as it was the easiest piece of music that I knew by heart. I hit the C note and Bella once again began kissing me, and pressing her lips lightly over my neck. Slowing I felt her body start to move against mine and I struggled to keep from clutching her hips and pressing her tighter to the growing bulge in my pants. She body moves against mine again and I felt my fingers skip a few notes on the piano. Her hands clawed their way down my chest causing me to groan out loud, she just smirked at me.

Her hands found their way to the top of my pants and lightly brushed over me, my pants were now tightening uncomfortably. I brought my fingers from the keys to tangle their way into her hair, but she simply stopped touching me all together, getting back up off my lap.

"What the fuck?" I asked, frustrated by her leaving me in my current state.

"I told you to keep playing no matter what," she growled, glaring at me.

I slammed my fingers back on the keys arrogantly, sneering at her. Yes I was frustrated, leave me alone. Slowing she walked towards me once more, but instead to taking her previous position on my lap she sank to her knees in front of me, looking up at me from under her eye lashes. My song choice skipped to another warm up song as I felt her hands begin to pull the cords of my track pants, loosening them quite a bit.

She paused before me, her eyes clouding over in concentration. After a few seconds of thought she brought her hand to the elastic of my pants and pulled them down as far as they would go, I assisted her by sitting up half way so that they could get past my ass.

I was now completely revealed to her, and I hoped to god that Charlie wouldn't come home anytime soon. I could feel her warm breathe against my arousal as I hardened further, making me worry that I would poke her in the eye before she could do anything.

Her face gets closer to me and I squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation. I feel something warm flick the tip of my hardness and I groan loudly. I open my eyes suddenly as I feel the warmth engulf the whole tip.

Looking down I wished that I had a camera. Bella was kneeling before me, slowly bringing my length further into her mouth while looking up at me, her eyes swirling with lust and another emotion that I couldn't place.

I slid further into her mouth and she began bobbing her head up and down, each time going further down my length. I knew that I was once again missing keys on the piano and I couldn't give a fuck. Somewhat hesitantly she brought her hand up to me, running her nails softly over my thighs.

My stomach was tightening and I had to fight off the urge to knot my fingers in her hair. She was still looking up at me, and I at her, but as she brought her hand up to clutch my balls in her hand I couldn't help but throw my head back and cry out loud. I was so close to achieving release that I was desperate for it.

Suddenly I felt my tip touch her tonsils and I couldn't believe that she was deep throating me without puking, so much for an innocent virgin. I slammed my hands down on the keys and a cried out her name. I was expecting her to move away from my dick as I was coming, but she just seemed to suck harder.

My breathing was still heavy as I came down from my high. I almost hardened again when I saw her licking her lips in front of me. I reached down and clutched her waist, bringing her up to me and resting her on the seat beside me. I leant over and softly pressed my lips to hers; a thank you for what she had just done for me. We sat there for a few moments in silence, my lips pressed gently to her forehead and her hands resting over the piano keys.

"Play something for me," I whispered as seductively as I could in her ear.

"Wanna see my talents, huh pretty boy?" She replied jokingly, giggling at her own joke.

"Something like that," My nose buried in her hair as my lips brushing against the shell of her ear as I spoke.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she ghosted her hands over the keys, clearly trying to bring a song to her mind. All of a sudden her hands hesitantly started playing gently, almost as if she was holding a baby not a piano. The notes started off slowly, and the music sounded sad but after a while the music seemed to pick up and the notes became happy and joyful. I felt an incredible urge to shut my eyes and take it all in, but I couldn't take my eyes off Bella and the expression of pure serenity on her face as she played.

Her body rocked slightly as the song picked up its tempo and started going faster. In a few separate intervals in the song, it seemed to get quieter again and the notes slowed, but soon picked up again. The song was unlike anything I was expecting her to play. She made my novice "warm up" songs seem like songs that she had played when she was 5.

Too soon the music ended and I wanted her to keep playing, but the look on her face stopped me. Her eye lids were pressed tightly together and her hands were now clenched at her side. I could see her breathing was labored, as if she had been holding her breathe the entire way through the piece.

"Are you ok?" I whispered, not wanting to startle her.

Her eyes fluttered open and I could see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. She smiled reassuringly at me, but I could see that it wasn't completely genuine. She was sad, and I didn't know why.

"Bella, baby what's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and bringing her onto my lap. Her head immediately rested on my chest, over my heart. I could feel her softly sobbing into my naked chest but I just wrapped my arms around her and let her get it all out.

After a while her tears seemed to dry up and now all we were doing was holding each other, and it felt nice. It felt good to have to comfort her for once, I felt like I had been selfish for all the time I have known her. I occurred to me that maybe she had more issues than she was letting on. So I did what she did for me, held her and gently ran my fingers through her knotted hair.

Suddenly I felt something wet press against my chest and I squirmed at the sensation. I looked down to see Bella pressing her lips to my chest. She went to do it again but I grabbed hold of her chin just before her lips touched my skin.

"Bell, I can't read your thoughts. You have to tell me what's wrong?" I whispered to her, looking deep into her watery eyes.

"Ryan taught me to play that song," she whispered, her eyes flitting around the room to avoid contact with my eyes.

"You miss him?" I replied softly, no longer feeling threatened by their relationship.

"Yeah," she murmured.

"It's ok to miss your friends Bell," I told her, brushing my thumb over her cheek reassuringly.

"I know."

"Want me to make you some breakfast?" I asked, trying to put a smile back on her face.

"In a minute," her eyes were swirling with emotions as she leant forward and pressed her lips softly to mine. I loved these kisses the most, since to me they seemed more emotional that our heated kisses.

Our light kiss became deeper as she opened her mouth to me, our tongues flicking together teasingly. She moaned as my fingers brushed up against her breasts on their way to tangle in her hair as I pulled her closer. I could feel her body begin to rock against mine once more, and it was my turn to moan.

I could feel myself hardening again, but it was her turn right now. Growling I picked her up and placed her atop the piano. She looked up at me in surprise, before resuming our passionate kisses.

I dragged my hand down from her hair to brush up against her breasts, on purpose this time. There was no other sound in the room apart from the sounds of her heavy breathing and her feet occasionally slamming against the piano keys.

In the most unladylike way she growled at me as my hands stayed resting over the top of her shirt. Her fingers made their way down to the bottom of her shirt and she pulled it hastily over her head revealing her lace bra to my hungry eyes. She looked up at me and grinned sheepishly, as if asking for my approval. When I didn't respond she started to bring her arms around herself.

I grabbed them quickly to stop her. "You're perfect Bella." I told her kissing the skin above her bra softly.

Slowly I began laying kisses over all her revealed skin that I could find. She giggled as I sucked and nibbled on the skin of her breasts that weren't covered by her bra. I trailed my fingers to her back and rested my fingers on top of the clasp of her bra.

I looked into her eyes, searching for a confirmation. She nodded her approval as I unclasped the lacy material. My breathing faltered as I looked at her bare chest. She _was_ perfect. I had not seen many naked women in my life, but if they all looked like Bella I would be a happy man.

I leant forward and brushed my lips against her left nipple as it hardened under the cold air. "Breathe Bella." I whispered to her as I wrapped my lips around the hardened peak.

"Yes daddy," she replied cheekily, squealing at I bit down softly on her.

As I began licking and nipping gently on her chest I slowly began dragging my hands down her chest to clutch on to her legs. After paying lavish attention to her left breast I turned my attention to her right one, spending the same amount of time pleasing that one.

Slowly I began to pull away from her chest, laughing slightly when she growled at me. I lowered myself back onto the seat, resting my body between her legs. I picked up her left leg and placed her foot on my shoulder as I kissed her ankle.

She giggled as my tongue came in contact with her skin, and I smirked at her. Setting my own pace I began kissing and licking my way up her leg, paying special attention to the soft skin under her knee. I noticed that there were tiny scars and marks over her legs, probably from all the falls she had taken over the years.

Finally I ended up between her legs, my face now directly in front of her crotch. Her breathing was more frantic and I could see that her hands were clutched at her side. Slowly I reached up and started to pull her pants down, looking into her eyes in confirmation that everything was ok. She nodded her head as her pants hit the floor, her eyes sparkling at me as her matching black lace underwear were revealed. I leant my head forward and pressed my lips to her panties.

"God Bella you taste amazing," I murmured to her, allowing my lips to vibrate against her with my moan.

I flicked my tongue out and dragged it up her underwear, licking away some of the liquid that had seeped onto the fabric. I hooked my fingers into the elastic and quickly pulled them down and off, her body now completely bare in front of me.

Her pussy intrigued me. There was barely any hair covering her and I wondered if she waxed or if her body was naturally like that. Hesitantly I flicked my tongue out to her, tasting her. I had never tasted anything like her before; she was sweet and salty all in one.

I began pressing my tongue down harder to her, sliding my tongue around her and flicking her nub. I continued my ministrations, moaning in response each time she cried out against me. I was definitely not perfect and fumbled a bit, but she didn't seem to have a problem with that.

Her breathing quickened as I brought my hand up to her, using my fingers to flick against her in time with my tongue. By the way she was rocking towards my mouth I could tell that she was getting closer to achieving a release. I brought my eyes up to stare directly into hers as I thrust my fingers deeply into her. She cried out as her feet slammed harder against the piano keys, probably breaking some of the cords, but she didn't seem to keep. I kept my face to her and lapped up all the arousal that flowed from her.

After a few moments her body sagged and her eyes closed. I brought my hands around her waist and pulled her down to me, resting her body on my lap as I pressed gentle kisses to her forehead. I looked around the room in search of a clean piece of material I could use to clean us both up. Finding a fresh set of towels she had brought down I wrapped her legs around my waist and carried her over to them. After grabbing a towel I brought us both back over to the piano, I cleaned her up as best as I could.

After I finished cleaning her and re-clothing her –sans underwear and bra- I began playing another song for her, the one that I had played when we were in San Francisco. Her head was resting atop my shoulder, her hand lying over my heart as I ran my fingers lazily over the keys. It was perfect.

~*~

_I know this love is passing time  
Passing through like liquid  
I am drunk in my desire...  
But I love the way you smile at me  
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near...  
I believe...  
_

**Authors Note:** The song that Edward played for Bella was Fur Elise by Beethoven. And the song that she played for him was River Flows Through You by Yiruma, which is one of my favorite songs even before it was suggested to the "Bella's Lullaby" in Twilight.

I really hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter and the lemon involved. I hope this chapter was fluffy enough for you guys. I can't wait for the next one =P

I know that this is weird but I would love it if you guys could go and read my other story My Love Lives Forever. I work really hard on it and I want to know what you guys think. It is very different than this story, I think the lemon in the second chapter shows that =D

Anyway, you guys know the drill. Leave me an awesome review and tell me how I did and I will give you a sneak peek at the next chapter. You don't want to miss out.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	30. Chapter 25: Already Gone

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** This one is a long one guys. Here it comes… Please don't kill me!!!

****Warning Lemons****

_Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye_

Even with our fists held high  
It never would've worked out right  
We were never meant for do or die  


**Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson**

~*~

It has been two weeks since our time on the piano. We had gone back to that room another few times, to continue our exploration of each other's bodies and our musical talents. It had cost $192 for the piano repair company to fix the damage that Bella had caused to the keys during our first "session". Since then we had always covered the keys with their wooden lid, protecting them from the weight of Bella's feet.

My relationship was Esme was getting better. Last Wednesday she had sat me down at the kitchen table while our cookies were in the over, and asked me what it was really like seeing my father in San Francisco. I told her the truth, about everything, but still left out the part about my mother's ring and the nightmares that I was still having about her. Esme didn't need to know.

Slowly my kitchen skills began to develop and since our afternoon lessons I had only accidentally mix salt instead of sugar in one of Esme's family cake recipes, which was definitely an improvement.

I had also kept in good contact with Tony, though I was still not completely comfortable with him, he was still my biological father and the only family I had left and I didn't really want to lose that.

Charlie and Bella had come over for dinner a few times, finally giving Carlisle someone to talk football with since I don't possess an interest in that particular hobby. The weather had been getting uncharacteristically warmer over the last few days and Bella and I had decided to head over to La Push beach to go for a swim, apparently _Jacob_ had given Bella the location of a great swimming spot that not many people knew about. I still wasn't too sure of their burgeoning friendship, but I did trust Bella and didn't particularly want to fight with her again.

On Saturday morning we had our bags packed and in my car along with a picnic basket that Esme had helped me prepare the night before. We headed off around 10am, wanting to get there early. Charlie had given Bella a liter bottle of sunscreen, joking to me that he didn't want his daughter coming back home looking like a tomato. I agreed.

I let Bella choose the music for our half hour trip over and she filled the car with the somewhat enthusiastic singing of a small band called Short Stack, making me laugh and call her a fan girl. My arm would probably bruise from the punch she gave me.

"Edward," she called, dragging my name out to sound like a small child instead of the adult she was becoming.

"Yes," I smirked in response, laughing at my own joke.

"Charlie is fishing with Billy this weekend."

"I am already aware of that fact, thank you." I smirked, looking at her out of the corner of my eye.

"Wanna sleep over?" She asked giddily, bouncing up and down in her seat with enthusiasm that could almost top Alice.

"We would have to go home first to pick up a change of clothes if I did." I told her, watching for her reaction.

"Who says I will let you wear clothes to bed?" She smirked as my hands fumbled at the wheel.

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed, surprised by her boldness.

"It's not like I haven't seen you naked before," she giggled, rubbing her hand teasingly over my leg.

"I did bring an extra pair of trackies; I think I might just wear those."

"Why? Don't you want to sleep in the nude with me?" She looked confused and a little hurt as she pulled her hand away.

"I just don't want you to think that I am expecting _that_ of you. I'm not like that Bella." I told her, reaching over and taking her warm hand in mine and squeezing reassuringly.

"Don't you want me Edward?" Her voice was quiet and I couldn't see her face through her hair.

"I do want you. I just want things to happen on their own. I don't want to pressure you."

"How very 1900's of you. Are you going to start opening my door for me too? Drop you jacket into mud puddles so that my feet don't get wet??" She growled trying to pull her hand from mine.

"I'm sorry okay? I have never done anything like this before, Bella. You have to be gentle with me." I begged her, not letting go of her hand.

"Okay." Her voice was perky again and she was gripping my hand tightly and running her fingers over the veins in that arm.

"Okay." I responded, turning my full attention back to the road and trying hard to resist the urges her fingers were making me feel.

We got to the La Push beach in fairly good time, only having to pull over to consult a map once. I felt very proud and manly, even though Bella joked that I had the same sense of direction as other males. I responded by poking my tongue at her playfully, to show my true age.

The spot that Jacob had given us was perfect. The water wasn't exactly crystal blue but the sand was warm and soft beneath our feet. The forecast on the radio had said that the morning would be perfect, but in a typical Forks weather forecast there were showers coming late afternoon. Awesome.

I laid down the blanket and brought the picnic basket over and set up everything perfectly while Bella went for a wander down the beach. Apparently rocks were fascinating to her. I wanted everything to be perfect for her; I was hoping that this day would be great for her and that it would be a nice change from chaos.

Bella came back with a brilliant smile on her face, showing me a piece of glass that she had found that had obviously been at the beach for quite some time as the glass was smooth and the edges were worn down to nothing. It was a brilliant green color and Bella exclaimed that it was the same color as my eyes and that she would keep the glass as a souvenir of today.

She had taken off her normal clothes as we got out of the car, now only dressed in a blue bikini with a white sarong wrapped around her waist; she was beautiful. Jasper had shown me where I could get a decent pair of board shorts in one of the shops in La Push as Forks didn't stock any swim wear due to the weather.

"Hey, what was that for?" I exclaimed in surprise as a piece of cucumber landed flat on my bare chest making me shiver.

"So I could do this," she replied cheekily as she pushed me onto the sand and straddled my hips, leaning down to retrieve the cucumber with her mouth.

"Your lips are sticky woman," I cried as she consumed the vegetable and continued placing kisses softly over my chest. She had been eating strawberries and the juice was still over her lips.

"You love it," she responded, looking up at me with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Not as much as I love doing this," raising my hands up I finished my sentence by tickling her sides making her laugh uncontrollably as she tried to get away.

"Stop!" She giggled, getting up and running into the water.

I didn't let her get away as I quickly jumped to my feet and followed her into the surf, picking her up around her waist and carrying her further into the waves. The water was cold as it splashed against our bodies, and she squealed at the temperature.

It only took her 10 minutes to get so cold that we had to get out before she turned blue, poor girl. She was shivering as I wrapped both our towels around her, trying to warm her up. I would have pulled her to me to warm her body with mine, but my skin was cool too and I didn't want to make her colder.

Deciding that our beach day was over as the clouds rolled in I placed Bella gently in my car before going back to pack up our eaten lunch. Bella treasured piece of glass had fallen into the sand when I had started tickling her, so I picked it up and put it in my pocket.

She shivered all the way home even though I had turned the heat up as far as I could, but at least her skin didn't look as blue anymore. We got to her house and she looked at me expectantly as I carried her out of the car and into her warm home. The clouds now polluted the sky and I could tell that it was about to start raining fairly soon.

Bella went upstairs to have a hot shower as I went outside to take the rest of her stuff out of my car before the rain made that job impossible. Everything had been brought into the house as Bella descended the stairs dressed in a comfy pain of jeans and a woolen jumper that she had stolen from me when we were in San Francisco. I would have stolen it back weeks ago but she was happy wearing it and it looked better on her than it did on me, so I just let her keep it.

"Wanna watch a movie?" She asked as she pulled up next to me, wrapping her arms around my chest and resting her head over my heart; her favorite place to rest her head.

"Why don't you pick one, I need to have a quick shower." I told her as I placed a kiss to her forehead.

"Sure, but you will have to suffer through whatever I pick." She giggled as I growled at her and made my way upstairs.

My shower was quick and all I did was wash the seawater from my body. I dressed in casual track pants and a black form fitting shirt that I had found on the floor of my car. I practically ran back downstairs but paused when I heard the opening credits of The Breakfast Club. Personally I have no beef against Molly Ringwald and her batch of 'breakfast club friends', it's just that Bella has been re-watching that movie a lot recently when she heard that the director had passed away.

I came over to Bella and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and sat beside her on the couch. Almost as soon as my butt hit the cushions she moved around and placed her head in my lap, her eyes looking up at me, blazing with emotions I could not understand.

The beginning of the movie was comfortable, her gaze had been redirected to the screen as soon as Judd Nelson appeared, I should have been jealous but she showed me a picture of what they all look like now and I couldn't help but smile.

My focus moved from the movie screen to Bella, and I smirked at her current position. My gaze was focused solely on her and I knew that she could sense me looking at her as her breathing deepened.

Suddenly moved her head from my lap and straddled me, kissing me softly on the lips. I brought my arms around her and brought her face even closer to mine, kissing her harder than before. Her hands knotted in my hair as I ran my fingers down her spine and clutched her waist, bringing her hips closer to me.

The movie was long forgotten as I dragged my tongue across her bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth and nibbling at it lightly. She moaned as our tongues came together sighing softly as the end credits rolled, she didn't seem too torn up about missing her movie.

"Mmmm Edward, take me to my room." She moaned as she rocked her hips against me.

"Are you sure?" _Please say yes, please say yes._

"God yes!"

"Ok," I groaned, wrapping my arms under her legs and lifting us both from the couch.

Our kisses continued as I made my way up the stairs, only once knocking into the wall, but the just made me push her up against it and thrust my hips against hers. We finally made it to her room and I tossed her onto the bed. She automatically crawled into the centre and reached over to grasp the top of my shirt, pulling me to her.

My body floated above her as I made sure not to press down to hard, I didn't want to hurt her. Her hands reached behind me and clasped me ass and pulled my hips closer to hers. My hands brushed down her chest, paying special attention to her jumper clad breasts. I pushed her jumper up and over her head, marveling at her bare chest, flicking my tongue against her nipples as a thank you for not wearing a bra.

Her nails scratched down my back and tugged my shirt over my head, revealing my chest to the cold air of the room. Her fingers continued their torturous journey down my back as my mouth found her hardened nipple. I brought my hand up her body and pleasured her other breast with my fingers as I sucked and nibbled at the soft flesh of her breast.

I could feel Bella's hand move to the front of my body, her nails lightly dragging down my chest. Her hand slipped under the elastic of my trackies and boldly captured my hardened length in her palm, curling around me possessively.

My head jerked away from her breast as I looked down at her in surprise, my body calling out to her. "God!" I exclaimed as she pulled her hand up and down my hardness, smirking at me as I moaned loudly.

"Is this really what you want?" I asked, my eyes looking straight into hers, making sure that this was really what she wanted.

"Yes," she answered breathlessly, gripping my tighter in her hand.

"Okay," I said, slipping my hand down to the front of her jeans and pulling them off her legs, leaving her only in the thin fabric of her underwear which shielded the most intimate part of her.

I trailed my fingers over the silk above her arousal, toying with the seams that ran across her crotch. My hands parted her legs as I rested between her, my body still towering over hers. "Tell me," I begged, "tell me what you want, Bella."

Her hips lifted in an impatient plea. I knew exactly what she wanted, but she had to tell me first. "You know what I want," she cried, trying to pull his hips closer to hers.

"You want me to make love to you, right here in your bed." I told her, knowing that it was exactly what I wanted too.

"Yes!" She cried, her hips still moving against my hand.

I heard her moan from the back of her throat as I peeled my trackies down my legs, kicking them away. Now I was once again completely naked in front of her, her body bare in front of me also.

"You are so beautiful," I told her huskily, smirking as she giggled beneath me.

Her scent engulfed me as I pressed myself against her, watching in wonder as she closed her eyes in preparation. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her nails dug themselves into my shoulders; we had talked shortly after our piano encounter where she had informed me that she was on the pill and that there was no real need for me to wear a condom, should we ever make love.

Slowly I pushed into her, watching intently for any sign of how uncomfortable she was. She was so tight around me I had to pause within her both to give her time to adjust and to make sure that I didn't come inside her immediately like a 15 year old. Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly as I felt her barrier against me.

"Bell, you gotta open your eyes," I whispered to her, pressing another gentle kiss to her lips.

Her eyes fluttered open as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and brought my lips to hers once more. Our kiss continued as she wiggled her body under me, encouraging me to continue.

As I pushed my tongue into her mouth my lower half pushed into her as she cried out in pain. Her eyes filled up with tears and even she didn't have such a strong hold on my shoulders I would have pulled out of her completely.

I brought my lips to her face and kissed away her tears, not moving any other part of my body and staying completely still within her. I continued pressing gentle kisses to her cheeks as she began to wiggle against me once more. Her eyes opened and I could still see the tears shining in her eyes as she looked up at me.

She nodded and I pulled back, thrusting forward gently so as not to hurt her. Slowly I began to move my hips back and forth sliding into her further each time. I was making love to her and I could feel her body tightening further around me. Her body pulsed and quivered against mine and she moaned into my mouth, pressing her nails into my ass.

It was no longer slow and gentle, but full of fire and passion. Her hips rose up to meet mine as I thrust into her, mesmerizing me at how her body was a brilliant combination of hard and soft at the same time. Her body sang against mine and everything in the world fell away, and she was all that I could see.

The first sign of thunder cracked outside as I pressed further into her as she cried out against me. It was better than my dreams, sex with dream Bella was nowhere near as good as reality Bella was, dream Bella was never this tight.

She whispered my name into my neck as her body shuddered underneath mine, tightening around me. A few more thrusts of my hips and my body exploded within her, stars flashing behind my closed eyelids.

Breathless, we clung together, sinking together as exhaustion took over our sated bodies. Her warm mouth was nuzzling my neck, her lips pressing into the sensitive spot beneath my ear.

"That was perfect," I murmured into her ear as I rolled us both over, so that her body was sprawled out above mine, I didn't want to crush her.

"Mmmm," she whispered back, her body melting into mine as I covered our naked bodies with her sheets.

I could hear her breathing deepen and I knew that she was falling asleep. I pressed another gentle kiss to her temple as her ear rested over my heart.

"I love you Edward." She whispered against my skin, my heartbeat lulling her into a state of sleep.

My body stiffened beneath hers but she didn't notice as she was already unconscious. She _loved_ me? How could she love me? My head filled with thoughts and images of love that I had seen over the last few years. My mother's death. The ring that my father had given me, showing me that love wasn't always enough to save someone.

The box filled with memories that I had hidden under my bed at Esme and Carlisle's house. To me love was not what they made it look like in fairytales. It wasn't a happily ever after with a pumpkin carriage and a prince with tons of money and a large palace. Love was death and heartbreak. Love was something that hurts people and causes more harm than good.

Love _isn't_ safe. Love _isn't_ happiness and forever, its pain and hurt and it kills you in one way or another. Whether you jump off a bridge or get shot in the heart, love kills.

Looking down at Bella's sleeping form tears prickled my eyes as I thought of what my love would do to her. She was so soft, so innocent. I didn't deserve someone like her. She was perfect and I would kill her, like I killed my mother. I refuse to do anything like that to her. I couldn't let this happen.

I could never love anyone; I had always known that. But now someone thought that they loved me, and I couldn't do it. I had constructed this façade of normalcy but now it was building itself higher and I would not let her tear it down. Love killed my mother and I would not let love kill Bella too.

I didn't sleep at all that night, thinking over everything that had happened over the last few months. The relationship that I had formed with Carlisle and Esme; the friendship I had built with Alice and all her friends. I knew exactly what I had to do, but just not how.

Through the night Bella mumbled words into my chest, mostly calling out my name followed by the word 'love' sealing my decision even more than before. Our relationship was never supposed to go this far, all I had wanted was happy memories and she had to ruin it all by 'loving' me. I closed my eyes and wished that none of this had even happened, that I had stayed an unwanted child in an overcrowded foster home, filled with kids just like me. Kids who would never be normal and never have to deal with 'love' and the results that comes from that.

Bella deserved someone who was whole, who wasn't broken as I was. She needed to find someone better for her, not me. I wanted to save her the heartache and make her move on, even if it would hurt me to do so.

Her bedside clock clicked over to 5am as I remember that Charlie had said that he would be home around 7. As gently as I could I crawled out from under her embrace and went in search for my clothes. She made a squeaking sound as her hand searched for me, coming up with air. Giving up, her body turned and faced away from me as I pulled my shirt over my head.

I grabbed a note pad and pen that was lying on her desk and quickly wrote her a note, telling her that I would see her later and that I didn't want to stick around and be shot by Charlie and that I wanted to talk to her later today. I hoped that my note would not encourage her feeling of love; because that was the last thing I wanted at this time.

Pulling my usual move I snuck out her window, for old times' sake, and jumped into my car, gunning the engine as I drove home. I needed to talk to Esme about everything, I knew that she wouldn't understand but that she had no other choice but accept it.

I took a detour around the town, hoping to put off my confrontation with Esme for a little while longer, giving me more time to think. I sent Tony a text message, telling him of my situation and asking him what I should do. His answer solidified my plans and I made my way back to the Cullen's house.

Esme was the first person I saw as I walked through the door. She was standing in the kitchen, flitting over the coffee maker waiting for her morning coffee to boil. I could smell her toast cooking it the toaster and I smiled sadly at her routine, part of me would miss that.

"Edward!" She exclaimed as she turned around to see me, embracing me quickly in her arms.

"Is Carlisle still here?" I watched her flinch at the coldness of my voice as she called to Carlisle, telling him to come downstairs.

"Edward, I thought that you were sleeping at Bella's house tonight," he remarked as he came to stand beside his wife.

"I need to talk to you guys," I said gruffly, watching as they looked at each other with a hint of fear in their eyes.

"Okay, come into my study, we can talk there."

~*~

Bella called my cell around lunch time asking that I come over. I told her I would be there shortly, leaving a sobbing Esme and a visibly shaken Carlisle alone in their big house. A suitcase and my two memory boxes were stashed in the boot of my car as I drove away from the house I had called home for the last few months.

Bella was happy to see me as I knocked on her front door, apparently she had been baking cookies all morning and Charlie had just gone down to the grocery store to restock the fridge with milk and eggs, as Bella had cleaned out the fridge with her cooking.

As soon as I stepped foot in her house she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into a kiss. Her tongue probed at my lips but I remained responsive in front of her. She didn't need any more hints and pulled back from me to look into my eyes.

"Are you okay, Edward?" She asked, a concerned look coming over her features.

"Isabella, we need to talk." I told her, my voice completely void of emotion.

The happiness dropped from her face as she looked me over curiously, clearly wondering why I would be using her full name for the first time. She gasped hold of my cold hand and pulled me into her lounge room, a plate of fresh cookies on the table were the first thing that I noticed as I entered the room.

She continued to hold my hand as she sat down beside me, still looking at me differently. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, bringing forth the speech I had prepared earlier.

"Edward, what's wrong?" She asked softly, raising her hand to stroke my face. I caught it before it could touch my cheek, bringing both of her hands down to rest in her lap before I pulled away from her completely, despite her efforts to keep me near.

"I'm leaving Forks." I told her flatly, waiting for her to absorb the information I was about to give her.

"Okay, give me like 10 minutes and I will pack a bag and come with you." She said, her hands pushing her up as if to stand.

"No." I told her firmly.

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"You can't come with me!" Her eyes dropped as she took in my words.

"When… When will you be back?" She asked her voice fumbling.

"I'm not coming back."

"I… I don't understand. Did Carlisle get transferred?" She asked, searching for a reason.

"No. I'm going by myself, they aren't coming with me." I stared hard into her eyes, trying to get my message across.

"Can't I come with you?" Her voice was quiet and I could see that she was becoming distressed.

"No. This… What we have here is over, Bella. Sorry."

"But… But what about last night? We made love and you told me you loved me." Her voice was pleading, but my emotions were gone.

"No, Bella. _You_ told _me_, that _you_ loved _me_. I never said it back."

"You don't love me?" She whispered, her hands rubbing back and forth nervously over her pants.

"Listen Bella, I have to go. I have a long trip ahead of me and I wanted to be gone by now."

"You're… You're leaving?" Silent tears formed in the corner of her eyes.

"Yes. I already told you that. I'm not coming back Bella. This… This was fun. Thanks" I stood before her and made my way to the door, not looking back to see her.

"You can't mean that." She called as she raced up to me and pressed her lips against mine, locking her hands around my neck.

Her kiss was desperate, pleading and I feel the salty tears flowing down her cheeks. Her body pressed into mine and I could see a bruise that had formed on her neck, probably from our kissing last night. My eyes began to slide shut but my brain would let them. My hands reached behind me and I pulled her arms from around my neck, pushing her away from me. It was harder than I thought it would be and part of me wished that I could stay and hold her forever, but not the stronger part.

"I am no good for you Bella." I whispered as I pulled her front door open, the heavy rain blowing against me, as if the weather was trying to keep me in her house, but I wouldn't let it. Nothing would stop me now.

"Please," she whispered, "Please don't leave me." My body froze as her voice broke, and I could hear that she was crying against the rain.

My heart was screaming at me, wanting me to stay and look after her, but my head knew better. I was hurting her now to save her from more pain in the future. I had to do this; there was no other option in my mind. I ignored her pleas and tears and made my way away from her and to my car.

And just like that I drove away. In my rear vision mirror I saw her crumple to her knees, her hands clutching her stomach like she was in agony. Tears streamed down her face, and I turned up my radio so that I couldn't hear her cries, but they stayed with me anyway, ingrained into my memory.

The song playing on the radio was just noise; I couldn't understand what they were singing about even if I tried. I guess in a way our relationship was like a song. Pretty while it lasted, but eventually every song has to end, and so did we. I just hoped that she could understand that too.

~*~

_I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop_

I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone  


**Authors Note:** PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!! It had to be done, trust me.

I really hope that you guys don't give up on me now. Would I really kill this story with only 5 chapters left?? I could have killed this story ages ago, but I didn't. This has been my plan all along, so just trust me a little more and let me do my magic.

Please review and tell me what you thought, even if you want to spend the whole time trying to stab Edward through your computer monitors, and I will send you a sneak peek at the next chapter.

Bring it on. I can take it… I think =P

Thanks to those of you who are also reading my new story Never Say Never. Please go and give it a read, I would love it if you could read that story too. Please!

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	31. Chapter 26: Suppose

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** And the scariest reviewer of the week goes to… Elphabella1122. Second place goes to bouncy 72 =P

I am so sorry that I am posting this chapter late. I am also a beta for 8 authors, most of which have more than one story. I also have a life, and my world is currently crashing down around me. We all have real problems too and mine are trying to get the best of me right now **sad**

_Suppose we were happy,  
Suppose it was true.  
And suppose there were cold nights,  
But we somehow made it through  
And suppose that I'm nothing without you.___

And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you  
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through  
And I can't hold on to you.  
So I guess I feel lonely, too.

**Suppose – Secondhand Serenade**

~*~

One week. It had been one whole week since I left Bella on her driveway and I still couldn't sleep. My dreams were filled with horrible images of the woman on the cliff, except this time it was Bella who jumped.

Every night the dream was the same. She would stand over the cliff looking down at the water. Her face was a picture of pure serenity, unlike mine, and all of a sudden she would spring on her toes and jump to her death. A few times I had come close to catching her, come close to clutching her fingers in mine, but I was still too late.

Once I had even gotten close enough to feel her ice cold fingers slip through mine, but her landing was more horrific than other days and I realized that it was my fault. Her body had been even more mangled by the rocks due to my inability to save her and catch her before she fell.

Most times I wanted to jump off after her, knowing that I didn't want to live if she was not alive, but I was never able to take the plunge. My feet couldn't move past the cliff's edge.

I had been staying at Tony's house since I had cowardly left Forks, and a broken Bella, but I did it to save her and myself and my head was okay with that. A few times Tony had tried to talk to me about why I was here and why I had run away but I never told him the truth, just that I needed a break and he seemed to understand and didn't question me further about it, probably thinking that I would explain myself fully later on.

I wasn't sure how long I was going to stay with him, I wasn't entirely sure I was ever going to go back. I had half heartedly begun to plan the rest of my life, should I not return to Forks. In a few months I would be officially 18 and would be able to make my own legal decisions, if the Cullen's didn't try to protest the court. If they did I knew that I would have to take legal action against them and file for emancipation.

After gaining custody of myself I planned to use my mother's money and purchase a fairly simple apartment and find a way to support myself, as my mother's money wouldn't last forever and I preferred to make my own living. I wouldn't need much furniture and I could get most of it from half price stores. I would need to buy a new bed, since I have never been entirely comfortable sleeping on the same bed as some mysterious stranger who -for all I know- could be fat and sweaty. No thanks.

None of these plans were permanent, just idea's of what I could do should I not want to return to Forks. I wanted to make sure that no matter what I would have an idea of what I want to do, rather than just go with the flow and probably fail and end up in a ditch somewhere.

I had received several missed calls, texts and emails from Esme and Carlisle, all of which had gone unanswered. I didn't feel like talking to them just yet, they wouldn't understand.

Emotionally I had been pretty flat the entire time I have been here. I saw Gianna looking at me a few times out of the corner of her eye, a worried look coming over her face, but she always turned away just as fast, not wanting to be caught. She once jokingly asked if I wanted to help her cook dinner one night, but my glare shut her up. That was a task that would be kept between Esme and me; I wasn't completely prepared to replace her just yet.

Friday night Gianna and Tony invited friends of theirs over, the house soon filled with over a dozen people who could audition for "Desperate Housewives" and automatically get the part. They were all people barely over the age of thirty with perfect hair, with pictures of their perfect children hanging on their car keys and hidden in their wallets.

After the fifth viewing of a staged "family photo" from another overly confident middle aged woman I was prepared to fillet the next person who even looked in my direction. I excused myself as politely as I could and bolted out the door under the guise of 'needing air' because the overly used air conditioner was not completing that task correctly.

I was now completely familiar with the streets of this suburban development and knew exactly how to get back to Tony's house so there was no possibility of getting lost. Walking almost always gave me too much time to think, it was a time where all my "happy memories" came to the forefront of my mind, making me miss Forks and some of the people in it.

When I was alone like this one persons face came to mind I my entire body tensed, missing her. In times like these I wished that I had somehow found away to record her voice and take photos of her, so that I would have a constant way to see her even though I was the one that had split us up to begin with.

Something bright flashed in the corner of my eye, drawing my attention away from my regrets and to the blue light that was only 100 meters of where I was currently standing. I picked up my pace, now wanting to know what the light belonged to. Getting closer I discovered that the blue light was coming from a telephone booth, the light illuminating the ancient phone whose keys were almost completely worn off.

I nearly jumped for joy, remembering from a few years ago that if you called a cell phone from a phone booth it wasn't easy to track down the location unless you wanted to waste money finding out which phone booth the call came from. Most people wouldn't care to do that unless something traumatic had happened, such as their kids being stolen.

After some hesitation I picked up the worn phone and dialed the number that I had memorized long ago. The dial picked up and the phone was ringing in my ear. My breathing had picked up considerably as I had slid my coins into the slot and I covered the speaker, not wanting to appear creepy by breathing heavily into the phone. I wasn't _that_ much of a stalker.

My body tensed further as the phone kept ringing and I feared that the person on the other end would never pick up their phone. I was willing to stick to my task; no matter how fruitless it was, even if I had to call again.

"_Hello,"_ a voice answered down the phone.

"_Who is this?"_ They asked again when I did not respond, my voice had caught in my throat at the first sound of their voice and I currently didn't possess the skill to clear my throat and speak.

"_Is anyone there?"_ Listening closer I could hear voices in the back ground and the blare of a TV.

My eyes slid closed and I just listened to the sound of her voice and her soft breaths through the phone. I wanted so badly to talk to her, to try to explain why I had left her, but I couldn't. My throat wouldn't open, I couldn't talk. My eyes clenched together in fury at my own reaction and I slammed down the phone, ending my phone call with her.

_Bella._ Her voice was even better than I remembered. It sounded soft and croaky in some places, but otherwise perfect. I wanted so badly to pick up the phone and call her again, needing to hear her voice once more, but I had used all my change the first time and I didn't want to seem like even more of a creepy stalker than I already was.

I was furious with myself for not being able to talk to her, to explain, when that's what I wanted more than anything else in the world. But I guess my body made the decision for me, telling me that I was not allowed to talk to her after the pain that I had caused her. Both of us need a clean break from each other; I had no right to call her just to hear her voice, especially when she hasn't tried to contact me in any way.

The party was almost over by the time I got back to Tony's house. Half the happy couples had gone home to their houses and children and I couldn't be more relieved. Gianna was still rushing around the house, trying to find everyone's belongings, which was probably a difficult task considering everyone had the same brands of cookware and their keys looked the same, I wouldn't be surprised if they sometimes picked up the wrong children since they all looked so alike.

I made sure not to smile as I helped everyone carry their stuff out to their cars; it wasn't a job that I enjoyed, just one that I did to help Tony and Gianna out. As soon as the last of her visitors were gone and her kitchen was cleaned, Gianna made her way upstairs claiming that she was tired and couldn't wait to go to sleep. It was already past her bedtime; 10pm was late for her.

"Did you enjoy your walk?" Tony's voice echoed through the hallway.

"I didn't get wet, if that's what you asking. Enjoyment factor? Marginally better than staying inside with your friends." I was hoping that my half hearted response would throw him off.

"Listen Edward, you and I need to talk." Ok, now it was serious parent time.

"Can I take a rain check? I'm kind of tired." I asked, faking a yawn for emphasis.

"Sure. But we _will_ talk, Edward. Goodnight." And then he was gone, following his wife's footsteps straight into his own bedroom.

That night I spent hours staring at my ceiling, thinking about my phone call. Why hadn't she called me since we broke up? Who did the voices in the background belong to? My body ached to hear her voice again. I wanted to call her back, even if it was just to listen to her voice. No words spoken on my end.

What would I say to her? _"I'm sorry for breaking up with you mere hours after we consummated our relationship and you confessed your love for me?" _Something tells me that she probably wouldn't want to hear that.

The early morning sunshine found its way directly into my eyes, forcing me to roll away from the blinding light. I could hear birds chirping happily outside my window, I envied them. I wish that I could be happy. Happy enough to whistle into the warm San Francisco morning breeze, but I wasn't.

The smell of freshly made pancakes and maple syrup wafted its way up the stairs and through the closed door to Tony and Gianna's guest room that I was currently occupying. Gianna always made sure to make something new for breakfast each morning, yesterday she cook enough bacon and eggs to feed another 2 families, this morning pancakes were apparently on the breakfast menu, a small part of me wondered if she made her own maple syrup. I wouldn't be surprised.

I crawled my way from the now too warm bed sheets and into my jeans from last night, knowing that it would irk Gianna to see me wearing the same clothes two days in a row. When I got down stairs the entire dining room table was covered in an assortment of pancakes, fresh strawberries, cinnamon, icing sugar shakers and tiny jugs filled with maple syrup and honey. Like I said, Gianna likes to have enough food to feed more than just her own family, myself included.

"Oh honey, those jeans look terribly dirty. Let me wash them for you." Gianna called as I stood beside her overcrowded table, her pointed gaze focused solely on my 2 day old pants.

"It's ok Gianna, they're fine." I told her briskly, no way in hell was I going to change just because she thought my jeans were 'dirty', just put down a drop towel and let's eat.

"Honey, you know I don't like wearing the same clothes two days in a row." She scolded, still giving me a pointed look.

"Trust me, its fine." My reply was short, I was getting sick of her calling me 'honey' as if I was her child too. I wasn't.

"Breakfast?" She offered, changing the subject to avoid a confrontation.

"Sure." The chair was stiff behind me as I sat down, listening to her adoring call as she asked for the rest of her family to join us for breakfast. Eating breakfast together as a family was a must for Gianna. This whole 'happy families' routine was getting old. Fast.

The pancakes were slightly mushy as I stuffed my face with the buttery products, but I wasn't going to tell her that. Gianna and Tony made polite chit chat with their children about what they were going to do today. Like I gave a shit. I was only sitting down for breakfast with them because I was hungry and didn't want to anger Tony and have him kick me out.

By exactly 7:34am breakfast was finished, the dishes were washed and Gianna had hoped into her perfect $250,000 car to take her charming children to the local shopping mall to purchase a gift for their father, whose birthday was coming up soon.

My attention span was completely consumed -falsely- by Tony's 68cm flat screen TV as I pretended to be absorbed in reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My body may have been focused towards the television screen, but my heart and mind were running over my time with Bella. She had so often told me that Buffy was her favorite TV show a few years ago, closely followed by Buffy's spin off series, Angel.

My eyes slid shut and all I wanted was for Bella to be with me right now, enjoying this mindless TV show with me. Suddenly I felt something warm trail up my arm. It was soft and smooth, and smelled remarkably like strawberries. My eyes flew open as I looked beside me in shock. Sitting next to me on Tony's couch was Bella, my Bella. When the hell did she get here?

"Bella?" I croaked in surprise, looking at her with what I assumed was a confused expression on my face.

"Shh," she hushed, leaning forward and pressing her lips to my neck.

"Bella, how did you-- What are you doing here?" I asked as she began trailing soft kissing up my neck and along my jaw.

Her hands -that had been sitting in her own lap- were now making their way up my denim clad legs, getting closer and closer to my ever growing erection. Just because I was surprised, doesn't mean that I wanted her any less.

I quickly reached my hands out and clutched her hips, bringing her body over to mine to sit on top of my lap. She squealed and giggled in surprise, her hands pressing into my shoulders as her kissing made their way up to my lips. I couldn't wait any longer; I clutched the back of her head in my hand and brought her face impossibly closer to mine before pressing my lips passionately against hers.

My tongue flicked out against her lips and she opened her mouth willingly. Our kiss was passionate, very much so. I had missed her so much and she wasn't close enough to me. My hand was still clutching her hip and I brought her closer, now there was barely 1cm between us. I groaned into her mouth as her hips started rhythmically rocking against mine without any help from me.

I brought my hand up to her should and began tugging down the thin strip of material that was hanging loosely over her shoulder. Her hands tugged my hair roughly, causing me to groan loudly against her. She pulled away for air her eyes staring lovingly into mine, her lips were slightly swollen from our kisses and a faint blush covered her cheeks. She looked beautiful.

"Edward," she moaned as she brought her face forward to mine once more, her lips pressing gently against mine.

"Edward," she moaned again as I began tugging the straps of her singlet down her arms, revealing the tops of her breasts to my hungry eyes.

"Edward," her voice sounded deeper now, more masculine.

"EDWARD!" Her hand was shaking my shoulder furiously, almost making me feel dizzy.

"Edward!" A voice called out as fingers were snapped in front of my face.

I sat up quickly and looked around the room. Bella was gone from my lap and in her place was Tony, who was kneeling on the floor in front of me, calling my name and waving his fingers in front of my face to get my attention.

"Edward, are you alright?" He asked nervously, giving me a worried look.

"Yeah I'm fine, where is Bella?" I asked, rubbing my hands over my face as I tried to figure out what was going on.

Where did Bella go? She had just been sitting in my lap and now she was gone, where could she have gone to so fast?

"What do you mean, Edward? Bella is still in Forks, remember?" Tony said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"No… She was just here. She was just--" _Shit!_ It had all been a dream.

My entire body sagged as my heart dropped into my stomach. I wanted to find a quiet room where I could bury my face in my hands and weep like a baby. I missed Bella, very much so, but I left to save her. To protect her from me and what loving me would do to her. My body missed her and so did my heart, but that didn't solve anything. I could never go back to Forks, even if I wanted to more than anything else in the world.

"Listen Edward, we really need to talk." Tony said, sitting down beside me on his couch and switching off the TV, leaving the room in total silence, other than the sound of Tony's somewhat heavy breathing.

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?" I asked as I swung my body towards his.

"Well, for starters, how about the _real_ reason you left Forks." Oh, so we were going to skip the easy questions and get straight to the hard ones. Fantastic.

'It's… complicated." Even though I knew skipping around the answer wasn't the right thing to do, I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about it.

"Edward. We are going to have this conversation whether you like it or not. Don't bullshit to me. Tell me the truth." His eyes stared fiercely into mine as his voice got sharper. I had never seen this side of Tony before, but it was starting to annoy me.

"Fine. I left Forks because of Bella. Are you happy now?" I was brutal, hoping that he would back off, I was wrong.

"I wouldn't exactly say I am happy about that. But I would like you to explain what you mean about that." He was trying to be fatherly, and I wanted to punch him in his annoying face.

"Fine. But if I am going to tell you this story you have to promise to listen and not to but in until I finish. Understand?"

"If it means that you will honestly talk to me? Absolutely." Was his quick response and he sat back against the cushions of his couch, clearly trying unsuccessfully to get comfortable. I guess this couch was Gianna's way of making sure that Tony never sat for hours in front of the TV, the couch was too damn hard.

"Ok. Well as you know Bella and I have been going out for a little while, and since she came here with me to meet you we have been getting closer and closer. I didn't tell her about the rings though, that's something that I wanted to stay private.

Anyway, when we got back to Forks things have been going better with us. We have gotten pretty closer, which is something entirely new for me. She is the first girl I have ever been with, they sort of frown upon fraternizing between girls and boys at half way homes, and I never really felt anything for the people there anyway. Bella was the first person I have even met who I actually wanted to know, and that was something completely different and new for me. I always knew that at some point I would screw up, we had our fights, sure, but I knew that I would never be good enough for her." His body moved forward as if to interrupt me, but I silenced him with a look.

"I always believed that I could never love anyone, especially after what mum went through. I never wanted to inflict that kind of torture on another human being, especially Bella." His body flinched back at my words.

"So I always knew that Bella and I could not last, I could never love her the way that she would want me to. So instead I just focused on happy memories, and for us to create happy memories for as long as our relationship lasted. I really liked Bella, as much as I possibly could, and I never wanted to hurt her." My head dropped into my hands as I squeezed back the tears that were beginning to form.

"What happened Edward?" He whispered, his eyes completely focused on me.

"We got… closer. We spent the night together. You know?" He nodded. "It was perfect, but when it was all over and we were just about to fall asleep she… she… she told me she loved me." I whispered, silent tears now flowing freely down my cheeks.

"I never wanted to hurt her and I knew that if I stayed that it would just hurt her further that I couldn't say it back. I wish with all my heart that she had never uttered those words; I wish that she didn't love me. Loving me will hurt her, a lot, and I just thought that it was a better idea for me to leave now, rather than cause her even more pain in the future, if I had stayed."

"Do you love her, Edward?" His voice was soft and soothing.

"I don't know!" I cried, wishing that the ground could just open up and swallow me whole.

"Love can be hard sometimes, Edward. It can be unbearable, but there is nothing we can do about it. Real love is worth fighting for and if you find it, it can be the most amazing thing in the world. Edward, true love can withstand almost anything and even though I fought with your mother, I never stopped loving her. Never." His gaze floated away to his wife and children playing outside, apparently they had come home some time during my speech.

"We don't choose the one's we love, Edward. It doesn't work that way. But let me tell you, love isn't worth having if you don't have to fight for it. You have to fight Edward. If you _really_ love Bella, then you have to fight to keep her, no matter what the cost. Because love is worth the fight and you deserve every ounce of Bella's love son, trust me."

His words echoed inside my head as he patted me on the back and walked away from me to join his family. Looking at them I could see the love Gianna had in her eyes for Tony. Her adoring smiles and gentle kisses were just a small example of how much she loved him. Kelly rushed into her father's arms, giggling and kissing his cheeks joyfully.

I wanted that. I wanted the wife and children who would love me more than anything. I wanted the happily ever after, the shiny white wedding, and even the boring house in the suburbs. I wanted a life filled with love. And I wanted Bella.

Everything was coming together in my mind, making me realize what I really want. I rushed up stairs and picked up the house phone beside my bed, calling the airplane company in search of the first available flight from San Francisco to Seattle, not worried about the price.

It took me only 20 minutes to pack away all my clothes and call a cab. I said my goodbyes to Tony and his children, even pressing a gentle kiss to Gianna cheek and thanking her for my time at her house.

I was going back to Forks… to get my Bella back!!

~*~

_Suppose that I was wrong,  
Suppose you were here.  
And suppose that I reached out and caught your tears  
And suppose this fight just disappeared._

My eyes are screaming for the sight of you  
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through  
And I can't hold on to you.  
So I guess I feel lonely, too.

_But I'd rather be here with you._

**Authors Note:** Sorry guys, I know that you wanted them to get back together in this chapter. But that was just not possible. Sorry. There will be the confrontation in the next chapter and you will discover the fate of their love. I promise that Bella will now let him off easily **giggles evilly**

Anyways, you know the drill. Tell me what you think and I will give you a sneak peek at what coming next. Trust me; you really want to stick around.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	32. I Wish It Would All Just Stop

**Heyy Readers,**

You are probably wondering why you are receiving yet ANOTHER author's note that makes you want to claw out your own eyes, as well as mine. So here is the deal. I have barely even touched my stories -both of them. The need and lust I have for writing my stories has dimmed this past week with the news of my mother's surgery to have possible cancerous cists from her body. A surgery that I was not informed of until AFTER the fact.

After already losing one family member to cancer last year, and the possibility that I may lose another to this horrendous disease, I have to ask you to forgive me. I hope it is ok that I take a week off from writing; I need to clear my head. I am so sorry to do this to you yet again, and I would understand if you hate me and want to stop writing.

If you chose to decide that this is the last straw please think about how you would act in my situation. When it comes to my life _Sick Puppies_ lyrics mostly apply: _"Welcome to my world, where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone..."_

I will be back I promise. Please stay with me. For your viewing pleasure there are current banners for both _Never Say Never_ and _The Dark Inside Me_, on my profile. Please take a look and tell me what you think. I spent much time distracting myself by making those for you.

Note to _Never Say Never_ readers: Recently I decided to make "special banners". These banners each have a quote from the story attached to them, as well as an awesome photo that I have collected over the last few years, like the freak that I am. But trust me they are pretty good, if I do say so myself. These banners will be offered to readers over the next few chapters... more info will be given out in the next few chapters :P

Like I said, this break is temporary and I will be back soon, give me a week, 2 tops. I'm so sorry. I hope you will all forgive me for putting you through this again. Shit keeps happening to me this year and its pissing me off. Right now I wish that I could run away from everything, though I know that's not an option. Life just sucks right now!!!

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	33. Chapter 27: Your Arms Feel Like Home

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** I am so sorry that it has taken me this long for me to write again, like I said in my last authors note I have a lot on my mind but I am back now. We still haven't heard back from the doctors but right now I just need the distraction.

As penance for the delay I made this chapter extra long for you guys. This is the longest chapter I have ever written for a story, 14 pages in Word so I hope you guys are happy.

A big thanks to all those who supported me with your comforting reviews and PM's I love you guys so much you have no idea.

I special shout out goes to Baandfam69 who made me want to start writing the story again. Thanks so much for your kind words; it means a lot to me. You should get an account so that we can chat =P

The song for this chapter is very appropriate, and I advise that you listen to it to get the full effect it had on this chapter =P

****Lemon Warning****

_I think I've walked too close to love  
And now I'm falling in  
There's so many things this weary soul can't take  
Maybe you just caught me by surprise  
The first time that I looked into your eyes  
_

**Your Arms Feel Like Home – 3 Doors Down**

~*~

The flight home was long and tiring, I was only able to tell the stewardess 'no' so many times before I feigned sleep. My eyelids fluttered as images of Bella playing behind my eyes, making me worried that the stewardess would know that the sleep I was have was only make believe, just like her boob job.

I had parked my car at the airport when I had hopped the flight to San Francisco and knew that when I got back I would probably have to pay over $100 to get the car out of parking, if it hadn't been towed already.

I wondered what Carlisle and Esme would say when I walked through their front door for the first time in almost 2 weeks, but I wouldn't find that out until _after_ I visited Bella; she was more important than my reconciliation with my adopted parents.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman the time is now 4:35pm and it will be approximately 20minutes before we land in Seattle airport. The weather is cloudy with a chance of rain later tonight. I hope you enjoyed your flight and we hope you decide to fly again with San Francisco Airlines and have a nice day." The pilot's monotone voice rang through the plane into the ears of the even more unenthusiastic passengers.

The flight landed safely despite the flush of rain the burst from the heavens on our descent. It was easier than I thought possible to get my car out of long term parking, able to escape from the lot only $75 poorer than when I entered. My car was currently lacking its usual hygienic gloss coat and full tank of gas causing me to pull into the nearest petrol station mixed car wash. The girl at the front counter giggled bubbly at me as she handed back my car, I was barely able to disguise my cringe as I made my way out of the overly air conditioned room.

The drive home was long and tedious, giving me even more time with my thoughts as I made my way through the flooded streets, my wiper blades going full force to keep the heavy rain off my windshield long enough to get a general idea of where I was going. Fantastic driving weather.

2 CD changes and 3 cups of watery coffee later I drove past the 'Welcome to Forks' sign causing my heart to beat frantically in my chest. The sky was still grey despite the fact that the rain had stopped somewhere between Port Angeles and my current location. The streets were still covered in water and according to the radio the drains along the main street were flooded due to the weather, I crossed my fingers and hoped that the Police Chiefs presence was required at the scene, giving me more time alone with Bella. If she'll have me.

"_Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,  
I listen to your breathing,  
Amazed how I somehow managed to,  
Sweep you off of your feet girl,  
Your perfect little feet girl,  
I took for granted what you do,  
But I'll do better.  
I know, baby I can do better."_

Secondhand Serenade was the CD of choice for the drive to Bella's house, knowing that it was now music that I could relate to. Lyrics about heartbreak and wanting to get the love of your life back, I hope that my current situation would resolve itself like most of John Vesely's songs.

Bella's house looked empty and dark from the outside. No lights were switched on in the small building, only the flickering of candlelight coming from Bella's room alerted me to a presence in the house. My stomach lurched as I second-guessed my future actions, what if she didn't want to see me? What if my love for her is not enough? What would I do if the one person I cared most about in the world didn't want me? What would I do?

I knew that these answers were going to remain unanswered until I manned up and got out of my vehicle to put my heart on the line in much the same way Bella had done almost 2 weeks prior. I didn't bother locking my car as I climbed out of its warm interior into the cold breeze blowing against my now cold body. I cursed myself for not taking any of my coats and jumpers with me to San Francisco and clutched the thin material of my button up shirt closer to my chest.

I knocked lightly on Bella's front door, my stomach now permanently taking up residence in my ass. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. My heart fluttered and I felt an overwhelming urge to display my partly digested breakfast on the Swan's front lawn.

After 5 minutes of butterflies fluttering around my stomach and gasping my mother's ring in my pocket so tight that it was probably be forever indented in the soft skin of my palm I couldn't take the lack of response knocking again, louder this time, hoping that she would hear me.

My response was a soft cry of "I'm coming" from inside the house, slightly muffled through the front door. My hands were now sweating and I was on the edge of my toes, one decent gust of wind and I would be knocked on my ass. Again.

My back was facing the door as I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. They were dragging their feet along the carpeted steps; I rubbed my hands together to try to keep warm, not turning around until the heard the lock of Bella's front door open.

"Listen, I'm sorry that you braved the weather but unfortunately we're not interested in--" I turned my body around now coming face to face with someone I could barely recognize.

"What the hell?!" They screeched, their voice getting to a decibel I had never heard before.

The girl in front of me was skinny, too skinny. Her brown hair was in tatters above her head and was in desperate need of brushing. Her clothes were old and about 4 sizes too big for her, probably pilfered from her father's wardrobe. Bunny slippers donned her feet, fluffy pink socks barely showing in the space between her slippers and the bottom of her rolled up track pants. Her skin was very pale, as if she hadn't seen sunlight in a while, her eyes sank into her skull, dark circles beneath her red eyes and the tip of her nose was red and her lips were chapped.

"Bella," I gasped, barely recognizing the girl standing in front of me.

"What the _fuck_ do you want?" She sneered at me, shooting me daggers with her eyes. If I didn't know her better I would be scared of the look that she was giving me, but I knew her kitten fury only appeared to be harsh and tough.

"I came… I came back. For you." My cheeks heated, I was blushing at my own words.

"Why?" Her words were cruel, as if she could barely stand to look at me let alone try and have a conversation.

"Can I come in, it's cold out here?" My nerves were evident as I looked over her shoulder to survey the parts of the inside of her house I could see. It was uncharacteristically a mess.

"No!" She yelled pushing her hands against my chest causing me to fall backwards and onto my ass on her wet concrete footpath.

"Bella I need to talk to you. Please can we just go inside?" I begged, not above crawling to my knees and pleading with her.

"You will never again step one foot into my house Edward Cullen. I am done with you." She yelled, angry tears now flowing down her cheeks.

"But I came back, Bella. I came back for you." My eyes seared into hers as she continued to give me a look that would make the Terminator cringe.

"Well you know what? I didn't wait for you, Edward. I'm tired of it. Just go." The last part was whispered softly, she was giving up.

"Bella. Please, let's just talk about this!" I implored, my chest felt like it was ripping open.

"I can't." She whispered as she turned around and made her way back into her house.

I got up to follow her, grazing my palms against the floor as I hurried to get to her, only to have her front door slammed in my face. My fists knocked repeatedly against the wood as I watched her climb the stairs inside, her body shaking with her tears.

I nearly fell to my knees as she disappeared from sight, hearing the soft sound of her bedroom door closing through the wooden door keeping me from Bella. Tears sprang to the corner of my eyes, wanting to be set free, but I wouldn't let them.

I needed to have a proper conversation with Bella and she wouldn't let me do it. My feet dragged as I made my way back to my car, my hands throbbing in pain. I saw the curtain of Bella's window flutter, bringing my attention back to her house and my goal.

My feet carried me to the Bella stalking tree. Its branches sagged slightly and it was covered in water. I knew that I would probably slip if I tried to climb it but I had no choice. My heart told me that Bella would never lock me out completely. Her window was my way into her room, into her heart, and she wouldn't be as cruel and uncaring as to lock me out of her life completely.

My feet slipped several times on the branches and I almost fell out of the tree completely twice but barely managed to hold steady. The rain had picked up again and I was now completely covered in water and tree slime, it was a good day for me (!)

My feet slid over her tiled roof, the rusted drainpipe was the only thing that stopped me from falling to my death. Finally after much struggle I made it to Bella's window. I tapped the glass lightly as I struggled to pry open the window; it wouldn't budge.

"Bella," I called softly tapping on the glass again, hoping that she would open it from the inside.

I heard rattling and the sounds of footsteps coming from inside the room, my body was practically buzzing with excitement. I knew she wouldn't shut me out completely. The curtain was still covering the window, the black material making it impossible for me to see inside.

Suddenly a white hand popped out from behind the curtain making me jump with excitement, she was letting me in, but instead of the rest of her body appearing to let me all her fingers just stuck a piece of paper with tape to the inside of the window. My eyes squinted to see the Bella's neat handwriting across the page:

_Go away, Edward._

_I want __nothing__ to do with you anymore._

_I've locked you out of my life, _

_Just as you locked me out of your heart._

_- B_

My heart sank as I felt my feet slip out from underneath me. My body slid along the remaining roof panels but just as my body was about to harshly meet the hard ground I caught myself on the gutter, my hands struggling to keep me from falling. I righted myself and let my fingers release the gutter, landing on my hands and knees on the ground.

"Oomph," I said as my body made contact with the dirt, completing my current look of dirt mud and tattered shreds of my dignity.

"Get off my property, Edward Cullen." A gruff voice called from behind me, the sound of a gun clicking into place, bringing me face to face with Bella's father.

"What, you didn't break my daughters heart enough the first time, you decided to come back for seconds?" He growled, not lowering his loaded weapon.

"I just need to speak to her. Please." I begged, hoping that my current position on my hands and knees would make him show me some pity and let me leave with all my extremities and organs intact.

"Leave now or I will shoot you. And I really don't want to have to break it to the kind people who are unfortunate enough to call you their son." His voice was cold as I scrambled to my feet and dashed towards my car.

I turned the key in the ignition and quickly sped down the street, feeling Charlie's eyes follow my tracks until I disappeared around the corner. My breathing was still accelerated, my heart beating loudly in my chest. My heart ached, and I wished that I could take it all back. I wish that I had never left Bella and that I had finally grown a pair and tell her of my true feelings instead of fleeing at the first sign of something I didn't think I could handle.

I was stupid and foolish to think that I could just come back and think that things wouldn't have changed. I tore her heart to shreds and I had the audacity to expect her to forgive me just because I had finally thought my actions through.

I felt like shit as I pulled into Carlisle and Esme's driveway. All I wanted to do was have a shower, get clean and bury myself under the covers of my bed and wallow in my own misery. The house hadn't changed in the time I had been away, nothing much did. The only notable difference were the flowers that Esme and I had planted seemed to be in bloom, covering parts of the front garden in white and yellow flowers that apparently thrived in the gloomy weather. Thank you home gardening channel, Esme was a big Martha Stewart fan.

I jumped out of my car, not in a big hurry to make my way inside, leaving my bags in the trunk of the car, I would get to those later. My key slid gently into the lock as I twisted the door handle. Both Carlisle and Esme's cars were in the driveway but their location was unclear. Footsteps rushed to me as I entered the foyer, a flash of color appeared and I stood face to face with a sad but angry looking Esme.

"Umm… Hi?" I said softly, trying to break the awkward silence between us.

She raised her arms as if to pull me into a hug but instead of her warm arms wrapping around my waist, all I felt was a sting and a resounding smack as her palm came in contact with my cheek. Fuck that shit hurt.

"What the _fuck_?" I cried, my hand covering my cheek.

"Do _not_ talk to me that way, Edward Masen Cullen." She scowled, raising her voice to me for the first time in our relationship.

"Sorry." I mumbled shifting my feet, avoiding contact with her eyes.

"What the _hell_ were you thinking Edward? Breaking that poor girl's heart and leaving us, not even sending us a text message to let us know that you were ok." She was very angry and I could see that her hands were balled at her sides, clearly trying to stop herself from slapping me again. Not that I didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, upset that I had managed to hurt so many people by leaving their lives for a relatively short period of time.

"God, Edward!" She cried, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around me as I first expected her to. My body was tense for a few minutes before I relaxed into her embrace, inhaling her motherly scent deeply. I missed her.

"Esme, what is going--" Carlisle's voice cut off as he entered the room; apparently he was also stunned by my presence.

His tired blue eyes met mine and I could see the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement and joy. It took him 3 long steps to reach Esme and I, coming to stand beside his wife whose arms were still wrapped around me tightly.

"You're back?" His tone questioned me and gave no room to deflect.

"Yes."

"For how long this time?" I could hear small amounts of hostility in his voice.

"I was hoping… forever?" It was a question, I wasn't going to stay if they didn't want me anymore, it wouldn't be right.

"Have you dealt with your… issues?" His pointed look told me he wasn't just asking about my inability to move on from my mother's death.

"I went to see her before I came here. I needed to get it done before I changed my mind." I told him as Esme's arms released me from their grip.

"It's good to have you back son." He said, smiling for the first time as he stretched out his hand for a manly handshake/pat on the back.

"It's good to be back, Carl- Dad?" I was just trying that word out. It didn't work.

"Can I make you something to eat?" Esme asked excitedly, her eyes shining with pride and joy.

"Is it ok if I just take a shower and take a nap? I promise I will join you for dinner." Esme's face dropped slightly, but her smile remained intact.

"Sure honey. I'll come up and get you when it's ready. Do you have any bags in your car?" She said brightly, giving her husband a look that would make small babies cry, imploring him to fetch the bags from the trunk of my car.

"Yeah, but I'll probably just get them later." I shrugged.

"Nonsense, Carlisle will bring them in and I will wash them for you, though it looks like your current clothing is a lost cause." She said cheerfully, taking my car keys from my outstretched hand and nudging me gently towards the stairs.

My room was completely untouched, still exactly the same as how I had left it. I pulled a towel from the cupboard and laid out a fresh pair of boxers and pajama pants before making my way into the bathroom. I hung my new towel on the rack and reached down to the sink cupboard, pulling out a fresh toothbrush and a new tube of body soap that Bella had always been fond of.

After scrubbing my body furiously for over 10 minutes I finally just stood under the water and let the hot beads of water make their way down my back. I thought about how I could make it up to Bella. How I could get her to talk to me without risking the use of one of Charlie's many firearms.

I just needed to talk to her so that I could explain. There was so much that I wanted to say to her, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. I had already used up all of my 'last chances' and all I could do was hope that she still cared enough about me to listen to my epiphany.

I hoped out of the shower and tried myself thoroughly with my towel, reveling in the fluffy material. I pulled on my fresh clothes and sighed; they were fresh and smelt warm and comforting. Like Bella.

I lay above the sheets on my bed staring at my ceiling wondering what I was going to do next in my mission to get Bella to talk to me again. A thought came to my mind and I rushed over to my desk, finding a piece of paper and a pen I scrawled a note:

_Dearest Bella,_

_I am so sorry about the way I left things between us. _

_I know that nothing I can say to you will ever excuse the things that I did. _

_I know this is stupid and that you probably don't care about what I have to say and that's fair enough, but I just want one more chance to talk to you face to face. _

_There are so many things that I need to say to you and I am prepared to tell you anything and everything._

_Please give me this one last chance -even though I don't deserve it- and let me talk to you._

_Meet me at 'our meadow' tomorrow at 2pm. If you don't like what I have to say that I promise that I will leave and you will never have to see me again._

_I hope to see you tomorrow._

_Yours always,_

_Edward xx_

I placed the letter in an envelope and sealed it, writing Bella's name on the front before taking off my pajama pants and replacing them with a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt I exited my room and made my way back downstairs.

"Edward! I thought you were going to have a nap." Esme exclaimed as she saw me coming down the stairs.

"I will eventually. I just have to deliver this off first, it's really important." I told her, hoping for her approval.

"She will get over it eventually you know. I swear that girl loves you more than she loves anyone else." My heart tightened and thumped in my chest as she flashed me a motherly smile and pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek and handing me back the keys to my car.

"Be safe." She whispered and closed the front door behind me, trying to keep the warm air inside the house.

The drive to Bella's house was familiar and nerve wrecking. I parked my car a few doors down from Bella's house, not in the mood for bullet holes to dent my car. Chicken shit that I was I dropped the letter in the Swan's letter box, glad that Charlie hadn't collected the mail when he got home this afternoon.

With the letter delivered it was now fates turn to sort it out. All I could do was sit back and hope to God that I'm not going to be the only one at 'our meadow' tomorrow after.

Dinner with Carlisle and Esme went fairly well. They laughed at the jokes I told them about Tony's life in San Francisco and his picture perfect life in that great city. Once dinner was finished I offered to wash the dishes before trudging to my room and passing out on the bed.

My sleep was not peaceful, but it wasn't filled with images and clips of Bella jumping off a cliff which was a welcomed change. This time the dreams were filled with happy memories of Bella and me, our first date at the meadow, our first kiss, our second kiss, the time I made Bella orgasm on top of her mother's piano and finally the first time we had sex.

It wasn't as if these dreams were nightmarish, but they made me feel guilty for ruining all that. I woke up in a cold sweat remembering the way my cock pushed into Bella's sweet heat and how she moaned my name as she came making me the happiest man on earth. And if waking up sweating and frustrated wasn't enough my rock hard dick was pressed uncomfortably into my mattress.

Groaning I rolled over, growling at the traitor in my pants that was barely keeping my boxers in place. I wonder if my dick was a camp scout because he sure can pitch a tent out of any material. Reaching down I pushed the covers to the foot of my bed, hissing as my knuckles brushed up against my tender cock.

Looking at the clock I saw that it was barely 11:47am and that Esme and Carlisle had said that they would be out all day until 7pm tonight, something about a business meeting. Giving in I pushed my boxers from my hips, my cock springing free.

My hand wrapped around the base as my thumb rolled over the tip, spreading the liquid gathered there and rubbing it around my hand. Memories of mine and Bella's time together flooded my mind and I griped my dick harder in my hand.

Slowly I began to pull up and down on my cock, closing my eyes so that all I could see was Bella's smiling face as she came under me. Her kneeling down I front of me as she sucked my cock in and own of her tiny mouth. My other hand reached down and I clutched my balls in my hand, needing some extra assistance to get me to orgasm quicker.

With only last twirl of my hand around my cock I came violently. Groaning to myself at how quick I was able to come, knowing that I hadn't touched or gratified myself in any way since leaving Forks.

After cleaning myself up under the hot running water of the shower I pulled on another pair of dark wash pants and a Rise Against band t-shit, hoping that Bella would approve of my choice in clothing, especially since RA were her favorite band.

I ran downstairs and threw together a salad and a couple of sandwiches for Bella and me, hoping that she would be hungry so that we could talk for longer. My plans were sneaky and even though I wasn't sure that this would work I still had to try, I couldn't just let her forget about me. Cos I _can't_ forget about her.

Jumping in the car I sped off in the direction of the meadow, arriving there a little before 2pm because of my excellent driving I arrived at the meadow faster than I had last time. The meadow looked the same -if not a little wet and squishy- and I was thankful that I had brought 4 blankets instead of my usual 2, knowing that Bella wouldn't appreciate getting her but wet as I begged for her forgiveness, and personally I didn't really want to have a heart to heart with the girl of my dreams looking like I shit my pants. Which at this time wasn't so much of an impossibility.

I checked my phone for the time and was disappointed when the screen read 2:35pm. She was either late or not coming at all. Disappointment flooded through me and a felt a small part of me die inside, what happens if she doesn't show up. I would rather die than stay away from her, because being away from me _would_ kill me, worse than any of Charlie's shotguns. I just wish that I had figured that out a little sooner.

At 2:52pm I checked my clock again nearly weeping as I realized that she probably wouldn't be coming at all. It was hopeless; I would never get her back no matter how much I try. Just as I was about to give up hope I heard rustling sounds coming through the trees on the border of the meadow, sounds of feet snapping on wood made me hopeful that the feet belonged to Bella and not a random hiker who did this shit for fun.

I was elated when I saw Bella's face appear from behind the trees. She looked even more tired today than she did last night, which was almost impossible. As she got closer I could see that her eyes were red from crying, but the scowl on her face told me that sadness wasn't the only emotion she was feeling.

"Bella," I breathed. "I'm so-- so glad that you came. I was getting worried that you wouldn't come at all."

"I don't give a shit about what you think." She growled angrily, her eyes blazing with fury. "And for your information I didn't receive your letter till 1pm and I just wanted to you suffer the way I had to." Her smile was menacing and if I didn't know her I would be scared of her.

"I like your shirt." I said trying to break the tension filled silence between us.

"It's Charlie's." She said simply. "I threw all your clothes in the nearest mulcher. I think Mrs. Flannigan saved some of the material, you could probably get them back and sow them together, but I see no point in that." Her voice was cold and unfeeling. It hurt.

"Right, that's enough. I get that your angry, but could you stop being so bitchy, this isn't you Bella." I begged, trying to find a hint of the old Bella beneath the new hard exterior.

"You are such a dick head. I don't give a shit about what you think of me, this was a waste of time." Her eyes rolled and she turned to leave.

"Please don't go Bella. Please tell me what I can do to make this better!" I was begging now, I probably looked pathetic doing so, but I was too focused to care.

"You can't make this right, Edward. Not this time." She whispered into the wind.

"Please don't go. I need to talk to you about this. Tell me what your problem is and I will try my hardest to fix it, I promise."

"I fucking loved you, Edward." She yelled. "I told you that I loved you after we _made love_, and you just walked out on me. You threw away my confession of love like it was a scrap of paper. Did my love for you even make it into your memories box? Do you even care enough about me to put it there?? I just don't understand Edward. Just tell me why you left me, why you ran away." She cried, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. I wanted to reach out and brush away her tears but as I raised my hand to comfort her she flinched away from me, almost like I was burning her.

I wanted to say something, anything that would make me seem like less of an asshole but nothing came to mind. So there we stood for a few moments, frozen in the wind looking into each other's eyes, trying to find the mystery that lay within them.

Her eyes fell to the floor, breaking our gaze. Her hands were clenched into fists at her sides and I could literally feel the anger and tension rolling off her in waves. She let out a huff and once more turned to leave and run away.

"You can't leave; I don't want you to go." I told her softly as I quickly reached out my hand to grasp her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"Then tell me the truth, Edward. Why did you leave?" Her wrist was still in my hand, she hadn't pulled away. The spark between us was still there and I knew from the look on her face that she could feel it too.

"To save you from the heartache my mother suffered when my father left us." I whispered.

"If you hate the way your dad acted so much why would you do the same thing to me? That's a bit hypocritical don't you think?" She sneered, still not removing her wrist from my grasp.

"I did it to save you Bella." I pleaded, trying to make her understand.

"Bullshit! You did it to save yourself. Don't fucking lie to me Edward." She yelled looking like she wanted to punch me very hard in the face, or at least have her father shoot me and make it look like an accident.

"I fucking love you ok!" It was my turn to yell, and damn it I was going to do it well. That's creepy I just rhymed.

"I love you, Bella. I was confused and I didn't know what to do. Here we are one minute hating each other and then we go and have sex and you tell me you love me. I couldn't believe that someone could ever fell like that about me again, and I was scared. The first person who loved me jumped off a fucking cliff. I don't want to see you hurt like that too; I couldn't bare it if something happened to you. I have spent the last 10 years of my life almost completely void of emotions, completely numb to everything and everyone around me. But it's you, Bella. You awakened feelings in me that I never thought I would feel again, and I don't think that I could go on without you, knowing that I can feel this way when I am with you. You complete me, Bella, as cheesy as that sounds its true. You are always there for me when I need you and I love you Bella. You make me a better person, and I don't want to be without you. I need you like I need oxygen. Please, believe that I love you and that there is no one else for me but you. I am willing to spend the rest of my life proving to you just how much I love you."

For a few minutes we just stood there staring at each other. Our breathing was labored and I could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest through the thick material of her father's sweatshirt jacket.

Her silence was scaring me more that her glares of death and feelings of hatred and regret. My heart was beating frantically and I was worried that I would suffer a heart attack at the ripe old age of 18. That would not be fun.

All of a sudden she moved, flying towards me so fast that she nearly knocked me over. Her fists collided to with my chest and she began slamming her fists continuously against my chest. I was probably going to have bruises tomorrow, but it was worth it.

"How could you just leave me? I said I loved you and you fucking left me. You're an asshole, and I hate you. I hate you." She screamed, her punches slowing down.

I grabbed her wrists to stop her from further injuring herself and me. Her face pressed into my chest, her hands resting on my chest as I kept a hold of her wrists. Her body began to slump against mine and we slid to the ground, mud and grass covering our once clean pants as we missed the blankets I had lay down earlier.

"I love you." I whispered into her ear, breathing in her warm scent.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her to my chest tightly, our hands trapped between us she struggled against me for a few moments, trying to escape my grasp on her, but I didn't relent. Her struggles slowed and her hands clenched around my shirt, bringing the material closer to her as she cried into my shoulder.

Slowly I brought her wrists up to my face, pressing a gentle kiss on each of her knuckles and her palms.

"I love you." I whispered as I pressed soft kisses to each of her fingers.

"I love you." My kisses trailed up her arm, my attention focused on the soft skin on the inside of her elbow.

"I love you." My lips brushed against her forehead, the tip of her nose, the apple of her cheek.

"I love you." I whispered kissing away the tears that were still streaming silently down her cheeks.

"I… I missed you." She whispered, her hand clutching tighter to my shirt.

"And I love you." I whispered in response, pressing my lips to hers softly.

The kiss was cautious and fleeting, I pulled away wanting to make sure that she was ok with me kissing her. I opened my mouth to say something but she silenced me by pressing her lips tightly to mine roughly.

The kiss was wet and passionate. I could feel all of her emotions in her kiss, and smiled joyfully as moaned into me, her arms pulling me closer to her. The thunder cracked around us but we didn't take much notice until the heavens opened up and once again pelted our bodied with heavy water droplets.

Our clothes were saturated and were sticking to our skins like spandex but we didn't stop our kisses, instead the rain just encouraged us further. Slowly we pulled away from each other, our eyes locked together and I couldn't look away.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. Always." I whispered to her, cupping her cheek and pressing my lips to hers once more as the rain worked hard to wash away our problems. Our problems were not over. Not even close. But right now all there was was us, and that's all that matters. I am the happiest man in the world.

~*~

_There's a life inside of me  
That I can feel again  
It's the only thing that takes me  
Where I've never been  
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known  
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight  
Your arms feel like home  
Feel like home  
_

**Authors Note:** I really hope that you guys liked this chapter, yes I know the end was sappy, sue me. I told you Bella wouldn't let him get away with it easily and I hope that I achieved that goal. Don't worry there is more to come. Three more chapters after this one and then my beloved story is finished. This story is my baby, and even though I love it to bits my current favorite is still Never Say Never.

Banners for both of these stories are on my page so give them a look and tell me what you think please. NSN fans will get exclusive special banners during the course of the story and trust me you don't want to miss out =P

So tell me what you think and I will shoot you a look at the next chapter, I promise that it won't take this long to come out either.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	34. Chapter 28: Disappear

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** 1 more chapter and the epilogue to go, are you guys sad??

There is only a small amount of plot in this chapter, basically just the reunion smut that all you asked for =P

_****Lemon Warning****_

_There's a pain that sleeps inside  
It sleeps with just one eye  
And awakens the moment that you leave  
Though I try to look away  
The pain it still remains  
Only leaving when you're next to me  
_

**Disappear – Hoobastank**

~*~

"God Bella, I fucking love you. Please don't stop." I groaned as she continued to rock her hips against my fully clothed erection, sucking hard on my neck as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

For the first time in over three weeks Bella and I were alone in my room and had yet to be disrupted. It took a week for Charlie to let me back into his house after I had wrapped a soaking Bella in my arms and dropped her off home, but that didn't mean that I wasn't still afraid of the stink eye he gave every time I came within a meter of his only daughter.

Esme and Carlisle had welcomed her back with open arms; apparently to Esme time makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to Bella. She was regarded as their daughter and when I made the comment that if that was the case then we were committing incest I got a swift and hard smack to the head. Twice.

Unfortunately mine and Bella's relationship didn't go back to the way it was once I carried her home. She said that she forgave me, but her eyes said something completely different. Her actions were loving, like the way she wrapped her arms around my body tightly as we slept, but she had yet to tell me of her love. Every day I made sure to say the words to her, to remind her of my true feeling of love and devotion for her, but she never said them back, she would just smile, nod and press a gentle kiss to my lips before turning away from me.

I can't say that it didn't hurt to not hear those words from her when I wanted to hear them more than anything else in the world, but I understood why she couldn't do it and I swore to give her time, she deserved it.

Our sex life had also been minimal, not for lack of trying. Every time we would get close to taking our clothes off, something would interrupt us. A ringing phone, an alarm clock going off, Bella's washing machine chirping its end on the top of its lungs, Esme knocking on the door to ask if we wanted cookies. _No I don't want any fucking cookies; I want my supremely hot girlfriend to ride my cock until we both forget our own names._ But that was yet to happen and apparently chocolate chip cookies taste nicer fresh from the oven, with a boner pressing tightly against your jeans.

After we had been interrupted by our phones going off for the third time Bella jokingly told me that should it happen again one or both of our phones would be becoming _very_ familiar with whichever stone wall was closest. I chuckled at her words but the dark look in her eye told me that she wasn't joking. I somewhat feared for the life of my phone.

Both of us were frustrated, I wasn't the only one wanting to throw every noise making object at the wall every time something new distracted us from what we both needed. School was long and filled with even more interruptions. Interruptions that put the fear into the heart of every high school teenager in the United States; College Applications.

Bella's heart had always been set on going to Yale and becoming a Lit major. She was a bright girl who had a bright future ahead of her; she deserved to go to a school that could help her extend her knowledge. However I was still undecided as to my own fate. My time in San Francisco had made me realize that I didn't have an urge to follow the college dream, preferring to find a job and buy my own apartment, even though Esme was begging me to at least attend UW, claiming that most employers preferred people who at least tried going to college. _What a load of horse shit!_

But only Bella and Esme insistence I applied to UW, University of Alaska and secretly Yale. Not informing anyone of this decision.

Our friends had found new and different places to attend. Alice had already been offered a scholarship to a high class design school, her squeal upon receiving her letter made my ears bleed. Jasper had been apply to arts schools near Alice's future school, wanting to stay close to his girlfriend while still living his dream of becoming a famous artist.

Rosalie had decided to take a year off and travel the world on daddy's credit card. Her boyfriend had applied as a trainee mechanic all over Washington, but we all knew that he would probably end up postponing his training to follow Rosalie; Emmett was a suck up like that.

Everything in my life was finally looking bright and I was finally truly happy for the first time in almost 10 years and right now I was insanely happy that Bella was still rocking above me and we had yet to be interrupted.

"Hello." I voice called from behind the door.

I groaned in response as Bella shoved down hard on me before going over to the door and revealing a disgusted looking Alice. I was going to kill her!

"Were you guys just having sex?" She squealed, scowling and poking out her tongue in disgust.

"I was trying to, Alice, but you interrupted. Again!" I groaned, pulling my sheets and blanket over my head, hoping to cover up my current problem.

"Eww TMI dude." She teased, sitting down carefully on the floor in front of my bed.

"So, what's up Alice?" Bella asked, sounding remarkably like Bugs Bunny, I could feel her body heat close to mine as she said on the bed beside me.

"I'm having a party to celebrate my getting into California School of Design." If I could see her I'm sure that she was bouncing in place; someone's had _way_ too much coffee and Red Bull.

"But wait, I thought you got into a design school in New York?" Bella was really attentive to details about where her friends were applying.

"Yes. But I also got another invite to a school in California. Apparently Jazzy sent out applications to different schools across the country without my knowing, which is weird cos usually I know everything that Jazzy does. Like the other day he was looking for apartments for us around the different schools that he applied to, but are still close to mine. He is sneaky that boy." Her voice was so full of love and adoration she made me look like Ice-T.

"He really loves you Alice, you two are so lucky." It sounded like Bella was about to break into song. I would have to kick her out of my bed if she starts singing "Someday my prince will come." I hate Disney.

"Yes we are. Anyway, like I was saying. Tonight Jazz and I are throwing a party at his house, and everyone from school is coming. You have to come too." It wasn't an invitation, more of a summons, I half expected her to pull out a parchment and read from it.

"Sure are giving us a lot of time to prepare Alice." I grumbled from beneath the covers.

"Like you have any place better to be." She remarked quickly.

"You should have told us earlier Alice. We had already been invited to a party tonight." She said seriously. _When did this happen?_

"What?!" Alice squealed, probably frightening off any of the animals that were residing in the forest 200 meters from the house.

I pulled the blankets from my head just in time to see Bella burst into giggles, clutching her stomach as she hit the floor. She was playing a joke on Alice. I took one look at the angry look on Alice's face and joined Bella's laughter. Alice did not look so impressed.

"You are so mean to me, Bella Swan." Alice scowled, crossing her arms over her chest as Bella continued her laughter.

"That's okay pixie stick, you still love me." She said calming down enough to jump into the small girls lap and mussing up her hair.

"Ha ha, very funny. You have 4 hours to get ready B or I will have to kill you." She growled, slapping Bella's hands away from her messy hair.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing now?" Bella asked curiously, looking down at her clothes.

Alice took one look at Bella's sweatpants and stolen shirt (from me of course) and gave her a look that clearly gave full meaning to the phrase: if looks could kill.

"Okay, okay I will change. Happy?" Bella relented, not wanting to incur the pixies wrath.

"Maybe. See you at 7." Another statement as she blew us both a kiss and flew out the door, closing it shut behind her.

"I hate parties." I mumbled, giving Bella an evil eye.

"Hey, if I'm going, you have to go too." She giggled.

"I hate Alice."

"Really and why is that?" She asked, slowing moving across the carpet to stand in front of me.

"She interrupted us. Again!" I growled, quickly shooting out my arms and wrapping them around her waist, pulling her under the covers with me.

"Well I'm about to go home and change. Are you going to hate me?" She smiled, running her fingers playfully over my lips.

"No. I love you." I whispered before bringing my lips to hers and engaging in a passionate kiss.

~*~

The music was so loud that we could hear it from inside the car as we pulled into the Whitlock's driveway. Bella's dark blue miniskirt was riding up as she squirmed against the leather of the seats, trying to pull it back down.

Alice had gone back to Bella's house before she went home, leaving out a very short blue skirt and a figure hugging lighter sequined top on Bella's bed beside a pair of black flats and a note that read _'You owe me'_ in neat handwriting. What charming friends we both have.

Since I have as much fashion sense as a heterosexual teenage male my clothing was a bit more laid back. Dark wash jeans, white button up shirt and a black vest was all that clothed my body, a pair of converse adorned my feet to complete my _'I don't give a shit, but please don't let Alice twist my nipples off cos I suck at fashion'_ look. I thought I did well and Bella said that I looked "fuck worthy" so I took that as a good sign.

Alice's party was already out of control as we got there. Drunken teenagers littered the front lawn and I feared for the life of my car -I preferred it without vomit- but Alice had informed us that her friends got to park in Jaspers parents garage around the back, making sure that they would be safe but also locked away should any of us be stupid enough to think that we could drive home in our inebriated state.

Jasper's house was much bigger than Carlisle's and Esme's. Alice had told us that there were over 10 guest bedrooms and 8 bathrooms. Jasper's family owned a profitable gold mine in Texas but chose to live in Forks so they could give their son a semi-normal life, but that didn't stop them from indulging themselves in fancy cars and houses.

Jasper had bought his car secondhand with his own money that he had earned from a summer job at the local 7-11 in his home town before coming to Forks. And though his car was rusted and more than 10 years older than any of the other cars in his parent's extensive car collection, it was the most prized of all.

"Welcome to hell." I mumbled to Bella as she took my hand and dragged me through the front door.

The room felt sticky as we entered. Almost the entire student body was packed all together in the downstairs area of the house, mashing together to the music. Their bodies were pressed so tightly together it looked as though they were having sex, but with small amounts of clothes on.

Bella and I made our way over to the kitchen where many teens were guzzling their way through drinks so they could get themselves another. Bella looked around the room in search of Alice but couldn't see her tiny head through the crowd of people. I covered Bella's eyes with my hand as I spotted Alice's figure over in the corner. She was sitting atop the kitchen bench, Jaspers body pressed tightly between her thighs, their kisses were passionate and furious and I could see their bodies rocking against each other. The look on Alice's face clearly stated that she was close if not already about to orgasm due to Jasper's crotch rubbing against hers. Kinky fuckers.

Happily I walked over to them and interrupted what should be a private moment, if it wasn't out in the open. I cleared my throat several times, taking delight in Alice and Jaspers expression of hostility and resentment. Payback for Alice interrupting Bella and I earlier.

"Hey there short stuff. Isn't that a belt?" I asked Alice, pointing out her practically nonexistent skirt that had been pushed up so far that I could see all of her underwear. I would need a bottle of high strength acid to burn out _that_ mental image.

"It was. I made some modifications." She said smugly, toying with the small edge of frills she has sewn on to the bottom. Smart ass.

"Alice, I really don't need to see your ass." Bella giggled opening a can of one of Alice's sugary drinks.

"I work out to keep this ass in shape, the least you could do is tell me how magnificent it is." She pouted, crossing her arms over her barely there shirt. Does this girl wear _anything_ to parties? It would be more effective if she just wore her bra and panties.

"Eww Alice." Bella squealed, nearly spitting out some of her drink.

"It's ok baby, I love your ass." Jasper told her, giving her almost bare ass an extra squeeze for emphasis. They were both piss ass drunk and I couldn't wait to see them in the morning.

Two drinks later Bella's hands had become clingy; I had to pull her off my junk 5 times to stop her from making a public spectacle. Her skirt had ridden up -that thing didn't want to stay down- and I could see the eyes of many teenage males sneak over in her direction every once in a while. Apparently seeing the police chief's daughter drinking made them all feel more confident about their own drinking habits.

Apparently a song that Bella was fond of came over the speakers and she physically dragged me onto the dance floor only to have me stand still as she rubbed and thrust herself all over my now hardening length. I tried to listen to the lyrics of the song, not wanting to get too worked up and taking her on the dance floor.

"_Black dress with the tights underneath,  
I got the breath of the last cigarette on my teeth,  
And she's an actress (actress),  
But she ain't got no need.  
She's got money from her parents in a trust fund back east.  
T-t-t-tongues always pressed to your cheeks,  
While my tongue is on the inside of some other girls teeth,  
T-tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef,  
That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him."  
_

I realized quickly that listening to the song lyrics wasn't helping my current problem and that there was only one way to help. Grabbing Bella's hand I moved us as quickly as I could through the crowd of people and up the stairs, into one of the unused guest bedrooms.

I pulled Bella through the door and slammed it shut behind her before pushing her roughly against it, pressing my clothed erection into her soft stomach. Our lips met and came together instantly, our mouths opening to deepen the kiss. My hands were still holding hers and I dragged them above her locking them above her head.

Capturing both wrists in my hand I brought down my right hand to run down her rib cage, toying with the hem of her shirt before pulling it up and over her head, letting it fall to the ground somewhere in the empty room.

Letting go of her wrists I bring my other hand down and lightly cup her breasts in my hands, pushing further against her so there is not space between us, our bodies crushed together against the wood of the door. Something buzzed against my leg causing Bella to cry out. Her hand reached down my chest and into my pocket. Her hand moved around, brushing up against my hardness teasingly before finding purchase and pulling her hand from my pocket. A small silver object gleamed and buzzed in her hand.

She glared at the phone before flashing me a wicked grin. Her wrist twisted and flicked as she sent the phone flying at the wall. Though I could not see where it landed I did hear the resounding crack as it shattered against the wall and fell in pieces to the ground.

"You didn't even check to see who was calling." I teased brushing my lips over hers.

"Does it matter?" Her tongue flicked out to lick my lips.

"I guess not." My lips made their way back to hers, crushing her to me once more.

"I told you that would happen." She smirked, her fingers burying themselves in my hair, tugging roughly.

I growled as she pulled again and literally crushed my body against hers so there was nothing left; nothing between us. Her leg lifted and wrapped around mine, my fingers digging into her thigh to hold her in place. Her skirt had ridden up and was now around her hips, only her thin lace panties were covering her arousal.

I could smell her sweet scent as I rubbed my hardness against her, her hum of approval spurring me on. My hand wrapped around her other leg and I pulled it up, both her legs now wrapped around my waist.

My hands found purchase on her ass and I brought her arousal closer to mine, enjoying the sounds of her moans as I rubbed myself against her. Her fingers found the clasp of her bra and swiftly undid it, throwing it away to join her shirt and the pieces of my phone on the ground.

Her fingers travelled down my chest, pulling my shirt over my head, now only leaving my jeans and her panties between us as I had neglected to put on boxers when I had gotten out of my shower earlier that afternoon. Her fingers started playing with the buttons on my jeans as she painstakingly undid each one slowly, taking her time.

I growled and bit against her neck to make her go faster, but she didn't pay attention. Finally I lost my patience and pulled away from the wall, carrying her over to the bed with my pants now around my ankles. Afraid of falling and dropping her I tossed her to the bed and pulled the remainder of my pants down, now leaving me completely naked.

"You are wearing entirely too much clothing, my love." I growled, crawling over to her on the bed.

"Wanna help?" She whispered, playing with the elastic of her panties.

"Do you?" I said, glancing down at my erection smiling at the look of wonder on her face.

"Is it going to hurt this time?" She whispered softly her eyes never leaving mine.

My heart sank, I knew that I had hurt her last time -the first time always hurt for girls- and I hated the thought of hurting her again but I wasn't sure if it would feel good for her this time or not.

"We don't have to, Bell." I told her, my brain screaming at me to shut up.

"I want to, Edward." She said looking up at me as her hand travelled to my cock as she grasped it in her hand.

"Are you sure?" I asked as I slowly pulled down her panties, giving her plenty of time to say no.

"I'm sure."

"Are you still on the pill?" I needed to be sure.

"Yes. Hurry up and fuck me Edward." She cried, squeezing her hand around me tightly before letting go.

"Okay." Were my last words to her as I deeply into her heat.

She cried out and I halted my movements within her. Her eyes opened and I saw now pain in her eyes, she nodded to me, telling me to move. My hips slowly pulled almost all the way out before thrusting forward into once more. Her hands dug into the muscles of my back as I pressed hard, sucking kisses to her lips.

Our bodies moved together in sync as we found our own rhythm. She sucked my lips in between her teeth and nibbled lightly on my bottom lip. My thrusts increased and I brought my hands up to clutch her breasts, flicking and rolling her hard nipples between my thumbs and forefingers.

I could feel my body tightening but I refused to come without her. My right hand dragged down her chest to rest over her clit where I rubbed gently. She cried out again and I hoped that I was doing it right, flicking her nub back as forth as her neck strained upwards.

"God… so close." She cried, her fingers coming down to grip my ass cheeks in her small hands. I was probably going to have nail marks on my skin tomorrow, but right now it was worth it.

"Come for me baby." I whispered into her ear, changing the angle of my thrusts to hit a new spot within her.

"Edward." She called loudly as her inner walls clenched around me tightly, squeezing me till I came within her.

I kept rocking until we had both ridden out our orgasms completely, rolling up to the side as our bodies sagged, not wanting to leave her just yet.

We moved together as I rolled onto my back, her body now covering half of mine, her right leg wrapped around my hips as I slipped from her. Her nails traced light patterns on my chest, her ear pressed over my heart.

"I love you, Bella Swan." I whispered into the darkness, pressing a gentle kiss into her hair.

"I… I… I love you too, Edward Cullen." She whispered, so softly that I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn't listening so closely.

~*~

_Do you know, that every time you're near  
Everybody else seems far away  
So can you come and make them disappear  
Make them disappear and we can stay  
_

**Authors Note:** Well that was chapter 28 kiddies. Hope you like it. I wasn't sure if I wanted Bella to tell him that she loved him again just yet, but as there is only chapter 29 and an epilogue to go, I didn't want to waste too much time.

So like always, please let me know what you thought and I will give you another sneak peek. I am dying with the schedule I set myself people so I would love to hear if it is worth it =P

The song during that dance is called _Don't Trust Me_ by _3OH!3_, I hope it was a good enough dance party song.

Ok, I also have a very important question about the next chapter. The chapter itself is finished and it ends happily, however. I wrote a lemon for it but am unsure if it would be appropriate to put into the chapter or if I should just leave it out and post it as an outtake. There is already another outtake that has been written from this story which is in Carlisle's POV and it's a different look on what Edward was like between chapter 1 and 19. I wrote it shortly after I finished chapter 19 but didn't know if you guys would actually want to read it. I wrote it by accident, the idea came to me and I just went with it. So I really need to you guys to tell me what to do. Do I stick the lemon to the end of Chapter 29, or do I post the lemon and Carlisle's POV in its own Outtake's story and hope to God that you follow me there to read it? Remember that this is entirely up to you and that if the lemon doesn't make it to Chapter 29 it means that the chapter will be lemon free but really sappy and sweet =P

**Much Love**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	35. Chapter 29: Your Call

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note:** Just this chapter and then the epilogue… Sadness =(

The lemon that I had originally written is left out of this chapter and will be posted on Saturday. Thanks for your time.

_Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh  
I am feeling so ambitious  
You and me, flesh to flesh  
'Cause every breath that you will take  
When you are sitting next to me  
Will bring life into my deepest hopes, what's your fantasy?  
What's your, what's your  
_

**Your Call – Secondhand Serenade**

~*~

"Esme, we're home!" I yelled, throwing open the front door, the wood cracked against inside of the door.

"Bella," Esme squealed as she flew out of the kitchen to greet us. She threw her arms around Bella and pulled her tightly to her, almost too enthusiastically.

"Nice to see you to Esme," I muttered, looking between her and Bella suspiciously.

"Aww does the widdle baby need a hug too," she was using her baby voice on me. _Oh shit, what did I do now?_

"No. I just don't understand why Bella deserves a hug and not me. I live here!" The smell of freshly baked cookies was making my mouth water and I went in search of the choclately delights.

"Boo hoo, Esme likes me more than you. Get over it." Bella snickered stealing my cookie straight from my hand. Was this pick on Edward day and I wasn't informed?

"Hey, that was my cookie." I glared, trying fruitlessly to steal my cookie back.

"Yeah, it tastes good. Thanks." Bella smiled and poked her tongue at me.

"Aren't you here to study, not steal my cookies?" I like cookies, this was an outrage.

"Fine, let's go study. I'll just grab another cookie and we can go upstairs."

After two more cookies we finally made our way upstairs and into my room. I was so tempted to push Bella against the wall and make out with her but she had been in a bad mood all day and I really didn't want to get kicked in the nuts.

"So… What do you want to do first?" I asked as she made herself comfortable on the carpet.

"Since we only have bio together we should probably start with that." Yep, she was definitely still in a bad mood.

"S-Sure." Was my response, I was full of smart words today. Already I had put my foot in my mouth a few times and my shoulder was numb from her responses. Apparently the less I say the better.

We spent 2 hours going over the week's biology homework in almost total silence. I could practically feel Bella pulling away from me, physically and emotionally, and I didn't know why. For some reason things had changed between us these last few days. I had thought that after our blissful reunion sex and her reconfirmation of love we would be happy and ourselves again, apparently I was wrong.

Bella had been finding reasons to not come over most afternoons, some were hilarious like Charlie's aversion to cotton (funny since she was wearing a cotton shirt at the time), and some were as simple at "I'm too busy, can we rain check?" Each time she found a reason to cancel I became more and more sad and confused. Sad because it also meant I was not invited over to stay the night, the Bella stalking tree was off limits.

I knew that the only way for us to sort out this problem would be for us to talk about it, but she would barely talk to me unless it involved homework or Esme. She had grown close to the motherly woman, probably because her own mother was so absent. Esme and I had gotten even closer -I tried calling her mum once but it didn't work out- but I knew that whatever Bella had told her about us remained a secret between the two of them. Esme refuse to break a secret with Bella just because I was growing confused.

At exactly 5.30 Bella's head sprang up, her gaze fixing itself to the clock on my bedside table before she started to pack away her things into her book back, preparing to leave. I groaned softly, not wanting to anger her further. I knew that she was unhappy with me but I still didn't want her to leave, no matter how bad her PMS was.

She said a quick goodbye to Esme and Carlisle before rushing out the front door and driving swiftly out of the driveway without even giving me a wave goodbye. I watched her truck disappear out the driveway and my heart sank. She was breaking up with me, I could feel it.

This was almost exactly like the way I had treated her before I left, just without the longer span of time. My body felt tired and lethargic, my head was pounding and my heart hurt. Is this what she felt like when I pulled away and left her? I wish that I wasn't able to ask that question. I wish that I had never done it in the first place. But the question really was, if she knew how much I had hurt her by leaving and pulling away, why was she doing the same thing with me?

That night I tossed and turned for hours in my bed, not able to get comfortable because my mind was running over a million thought, not settling down. Also I had discovered that my own bed was nowhere near as comfortable as Bella's. I knew my mind wouldn't settle down until I talked to her, and I didn't really care about what time it was. We needed to get this shit sorted out, now!

I got out of bed and pulled my jeans on, not worried about shoes or even a thicker jumper I ran down the stairs and into my car. I made my way out of the driveway as fast and as silently as possible, not wanting to wake up Carlisle or Esme because I would be killed.

The streets were so quiet at night and nowhere near as well lit as the suburb streets of San Francisco. I knew Bella's address from heart but I didn't want to put my high beams on and announce to the world that I was coming to speak to the Police Chief's daughter at 2 o'clock in the morning.

The Bella stalking tree was the first thing I saw as I drove up Bella's street, I pulled over in the house of a neighbor and made my way over to it. The branches were still partly slippery, but not enough for me to give up climbing it. I vowed that one day I was going to get a key to the front door, even if I have to pry it from Charlie's fingers, I was too old for this shit.

I got to Bella's window and let out a large sigh. There she was in the center of her bed, wrapped tightly around the blankets, fast asleep. Unlike me apparently she was able to sleep freely without worrying about squashing my heart into pieces.

Just the sight of her made me feel better and I couldn't wait to be wrapped around her once more. Softly I pulled up her window -she had unlocked it- and slid through into her room. The room was warm and smelt entirely of Bella, making me feel right at home. Walking over to her bed I could hear her soft breathing, up close her body was twisted in different directions as if she was having trouble getting comfortable.

Slowly I peeled back her bed covers and climbed in beside her. Automatically her hand reached out and pressed against my chest, her head soon following. I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead as her leg wrapped around one of mine. I felt bad for leaving my jeans on, they must be cold and rough against her softer warmer leg, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Bella." I whispered trying to see if she was awake, her incoherent mumble told me she wasn't.

I could feel my eyes getting heavier, my breathing starting to settle down. Pressing another kiss to her forehead I whispered "I love you" and fell into a deep sleep with my love in my arms.

~*~

The next morning it was the bright light of the sun that woke me. I couldn't hear any sounds of Charlie's whereabouts leading me to believe that he had already gone to work. During the night our bodies had moved and now I was the one wrapped around her, my chest pressing into her back as the blankets tangled around us.

Glancing over at Bella's clock I saw that it was 9am, way too early for Bella to be awake -probably why she was still asleep. Our current position made me wonder if she knew that I was here, but I wasn't going to wake her up and ask, it was too early to get into another fight.

Reluctantly I pulled away from Bella's warm body, quickly slipping out the window before any of her neighbors could see me, driving back home slowly. Today was going to be a fun day.

I got home just in time to guzzle down some of Esme's fantastic waffles. I told her of my love for the sticky breakfast food and she just laughed before destroying my dreams and telling me of the pre-made waffles she purchased from the local corner store. I had always thought that I was the only one special enough to enjoy these waffles, another dream dies.

Esme and I started randomly chatting about flowers and her future plans for the garden, but were interrupted when my phone rudely interrupted her description of how to properly grow and fertilize orchids. My heart jumped when I saw that the message was from Bella, but dropped again when I remembered what was going on between us.

_Meet me at the meadow at 12._

_- B_

Short and to the point, just like Bella.

I had a shower and quickly shaved before making my way to our meadow, wanting to get the before Bella to give me time to think. Her car wasn't there as I pulled into the hidden parking space and I wasn't sure if I should be disappointed or glad that I had the time to myself.

The meadow was still green and luscious, probably greener from the recent downpour of rain Forks had had. I made my way over to Bella's rock, the place where we had had our first _real_ conversation. The rocks surface was smooth and the small dents scattered over the top were filled with small droplets of water from the rain. If the sun ever came out the water would probably evaporate, but the clouds were dark and grey, letting people know that it was unlikely there would be any sun in the next few hours.

"Edward." Bella called softly from the other side of the meadow.

She was standing close to the path, making it easy for her to escape should she need to. Her face was solemn and it looked like she had been crying again. _Man it must suck to be a girl._

I gulped audibly and some small amount of relief that she was so far away and could hear my nervousness. I slowly made my way across the muddy ground before stopping in front of her. Now I could see the tear stains across her cheeks, she _had_ been crying.

My hand moved of its own accord to wipe the tears from her cheek but she pushed it away.

"Don't Edward; it just makes everything harder than it already is. Please sit down, we need to talk." She growled. Had this been any other occasion I would have made a "that's what she said" joke, but now definitely wasn't the time.

We sat on the wet grass, neither of us caring that our pants were probably getting covered in mud. My eyes were fixed on her, but she refused to make contact.

"What do you mean 'harder than it already is'? What's harder?" I was confused; I needed to know what she was thinking. It was occasions like this that I wished I was telepathic.

"I think… I think it would probably best if we… broke up." She stated sadly, her gaze fixed firmly on the floor, avoiding my gaze. My heartbeat sped up.

"You don't believe that." I said firmly, my chin jutting out -not that she could see it.

"Ye-Yes I do." Her voice was going softer and my heart flew to my throat.

"No. You don't." I was trying to convince both of us, not just her.

"Yes I do, Edward. Graduation is so near and I don't think that we should stay together when we are going to end up breaking up anyway. Save us the heartbreak and whatever." Her voice was dead, like she was reading from a fresh script with no emotion. I jumped to my feet, not believing what I was hearing.

"You don't mean that Bella. Where is this even coming from?" Whoever that fucker was, they were going to die!

"It just makes sense." She said softly, picking at the grass between her fingers.

"No it fucking doesn't." I said grabbing hold of her arms and pulling her up to me, ignoring her halfhearted struggle.

"Where is this coming from?" I yelled, my voice echoing through the trees. Her body sank against my arms and she began explaining.

"My mum called up the other day wanting to talk to me about college. It was always her dream for me to go to Yale, just like she had wanted before she got pregnant with me. We talked for ages about what I was going to do about school fees and where I was going to stay and eventually I brought up you." Her voice was sad and tears began filling her eyes again.

"Renee wasn't happy when I told her that I had a high school boyfriend. She began going off about how I was ruining my life and how I was going to get pregnant just like she did. And then the subject came back to college and she realized that _you_ were the reason I had applied to UW and the University of Alaska, and not Charlie.

"She told me that I was way too young to have a serious boyfriend and that eventually we would break up and that I would have sacrificed my future all because of some silly crush and I realized that she was probably right. You and I fight all the time and I was so hurt after you left that I never want to feel that weak again. You left me and made it seem so easy to do so that it made me worry that you could do it again, but that it would hurt more this time because you could choose not to come back." Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sobbed into her hands.

"Don't you understand Bella? I love you. I took me leaving to realize that I could never do that to you again. It hurt so much to be so far away from you and I never want to be that far away again. Don't you understand?" My hold on her shoulders tightened as I seriously considered shaking her to make sure she understood.

"You can't just tell me you love me and expect all the hurt you caused to disappear, it doesn't work that way." She told me firmly and I felt like I should be the one crying.

"I know it doesn't. I know that it will take time for you to trust me again, but you can't just give up on me because your parent's marriage failed so quickly." I told her admittedly.

"But Edward, Renee was right. It would be better for us to have a clean break now while we still care for each other than to wait around until we hate each other so much that we can't even stand to be in the same room together." She said shaking her head and looking back at the floor.

"Bella, I'm sorry to say this but your mother is full of shit and so are you if you believe her. I don't want to go off saying that our love is the stuff of myths because that shit doesn't exist, that's why they are _myths_. But our love is special. I had never thought I could feel… _anything_… for someone else, but you made that all change. You made me feel like a person again and I don't know what will happen 10, 20 or even 50 years from now but I know that there is no one else out there who makes me feel the way you do, Bella. No one!" I lifted her chin and forced her to look at me.

"But what about college Edward? We haven't even talked about it. Not really. I only applied to those places cos I knew you would and knew that they would definitely accept me. But the reality is that we could be going to opposite ends of the country for all we know." Her voice was louder now, asking the questions that I had been longing to talk about for days. I pulled her chin closer to me, out faces only inches apart so that there was no chance she would miss what I was about to say.

"I am going wherever you are Bella. I don't want to be without you. I don't care where I go, as long as I am with you." My sappy words made her eyes filled with more tears and her eyes shine with love.

"Are you sure?" She whispered.

I nodded my head emphatically. "I'm not going _anywhere_ without you, ever again."

Tears streamed from her eyes and I wondered how much liquid she could possibly have left in her. We would need to get her a big bottle of water as soon as possible.

"But what if it doesn't work, Edward? What if _we_ don't work? You'll have ruined your life, all because of me." Her body was shaking like a leaf in the wind and I brought her close to me, wrapping my arms around her.

"Never happen." I whispered against her lips before pressing softly against them.

Her body melted into my arms and I clutched her tightly. Tears still fell from her cheeks but now they were tears of joy not sadness. I knew that it would take a long time for her to heal after what I put her through when I left, but we would get over it together.

_****Lemon begins here****_

~*~

_And I'm tired of being all alone  
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home  
And I'm tired of being all alone  
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home_

I was born to tell you I love you  
And I am torn to do what I have to  
I was born to tell you I love you  
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine  
Stay with me tonight

**Authors Note:** So how did I do? I pulled them apart and pushed them back together like the sadistic bitch that I am.

I really hope that you enjoyed the chapter. I would love to hear what you all think. There is a sneak peek up for grabs for the epilogue, which goes for almost 15 pages (which is a record for me). My hands need a break from all this writing, but now that this story is done I am free to work on Never Say Never and get back to all my Tafe work that has been piling up during the course of this story. I will miss it when I'm gone and will re-read my own work from time to time to remind myself that I do have some small ability to write a story. Not enough for a book, but enough to keep people entertained.

Tell me what you think and I will love you for it. See you next week.

**Much Love**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


	36. Life Isn't Always a Fairytale

No my dear readers, this is not an update of your beloved story Dark Inside Me nor is it an update for Never Say never. This is a story of another kind. This is the story about a father and his battle against something that he could not win.

It was early January in a land far far away, a young man walked into his local medical practicians office enquiring to his doctor as to why he bruised easily and what was causing severe headaches that sometimes lasted for days. The doctor took some blood of the man and sent the correct forms away for analysis, not really giving a second thought to the young man's ailments.

The young man went home with a new box of aspirin and a brand new band-aid over the inside of his elbow. His mind drifted from the small flow of blood from his wound, his blood not clotting the way it should, and instead he focused his attention on his oldest child's new school assignment that needed to be handed in tomorrow. He knew that his wife would be home in a few hours and that he had plenty of time to help his daughter before dinner would be set on the table.

Over the next few weeks the headaches, nausea, bruises and blood clotting issues continued but the man pushed his own issues to the side focusing on getting a promotion at his work. His wife had been nagging him over their money issues and though his father had offered to help them out, the man had refused, thoroughly believing that he wanted to succeed on his own. Having already lost one of his siblings to a hit and run the boy didn't want to become a burden on his father, so he kept on with his medial job hoping that one day his effort would be good enough for a promotion.

Almost 3 weeks after his appointment with his local physician the man received a call from his doctor's nurse asking in a pleading tone for him to come into the doctor's office for more tests and the initial results from the blood exam.

The man thought nothing of it and made an appointment for later that day. Initially he was a little surprised that the doctor had cleared most of the afternoon for the man to come in, but once again that train of thought was pressed to the back of his mind when more important things were brought to his attention.

The man took barely any notice of the morose looks that were given to him by the doctors medical assistant when he entered the small office and instead focused on reading through a list of 'to do' items his boss had given him before he left for the day. His mind washed over the items on the list, already planning on how he would perform these tasks before work the next day.

The doctor's voice was heavy and laced with a few other emotions that struck the man as he was called into the doctor's office, but he just assumed that the doctor was having personal problems and sat down in the ugly leather seats inside the doctor's small room.

The man noticed that the doctor's face was grim as he asked about the man's day and how his kids were going at school. The man answered the doctor's questions, taking notes of the way the doctor still looked upset as he looked into the man's eyes. Finally the doctor shifted his position and pulled out the man's medical records as well as the results of the man's earlier blood test.

"I'm sorry sir, but our tests detected something unusual and we need to do further tests." The doctor told the man, his voice now empty of his earlier emotions.

"Should I be worried?" The man asked his doctor with a light chuckle, curious as to the doctor's change in attitude.

The doctor exhaled deeply and pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, his expression one of deep sadness and agony.

"We have found a... complication in your blood work." The doctor told the man, his eyes searching the man's face as if trying to make him understand something he could not even understand himself.

"We need to run some more tests, but we might have to refer you to another clinic to do that." The doctor explained, understanding that the man would now worry as to when he would find the time to make a trip to the city, especially if he was trying to get a promotion at work.

The man went home that night with another band-aid full of blood on the inside of his elbow and an upset expression on his face. His wife and children were worried about him but he assured them that nothing was wrong and that he was going to be fine.

The next day he was flustered at work and wasn't able to complete the list of things to do that his boss had given him. The vein in his bosses forehead stuck out as he was about to yell at the man but something in the man's expression stopped him and he left the man alone with his thoughts.

That weekend he asked his mother to look after his wife and kids, he was going to travel to the city hospital under the guise of a business trip, not wanting to upset or frighten his family.

The trip into the city was one that the man had never experienced before; all the stores and shops that littered the streets were new to man as he had not visited the city since he was a child. His hotel room was small and the TV only picked up a few channels but the man's mind wouldn't stop long enough for him to even attempt to absorb his mind in frivolous TV shows and garbage.

The hospital was white and very clean. The walls were lined with small amounts of artwork that were meant to make the patient feel more comfortable but only seemed to make the man more detached and cold, the works of finger paint only reminding him of another weekend he was missing with his children.

The Indian doctor who treated him was cold and detached, much like the building he worked in. He explained to the man that he had a disease, one that he would try to treat but whose success would be unlikely.

On the train ride home the man saw his life flash before his eyes. The promotion at work that he wanted to get. His children's weddings that he wanted to attend. His 35th birthday that he would never make it to.

All his life he had just wanted what was best for everyone around him, he never really had time to live and now his choice was being taken from him.

Later that night his wife collapsed on their kitchen floor as he explained that he had an incurable form of leukaemia. That his doctors would try to help him but there was nothing much he could do.

The man spent the next 6 months going in and out of the city hospital. His family was strained and sad for him. His beautiful girls knew that their father was sick but were told that daddy was fighting to stay with them. That he wanted to stay with them forever, even if forever wasn't possible.

The man's full head of hair thinned, thinned to a point where he had to wear a beanie over his head so as not to repulse people that walked past his hospital room.

The man's wife was taking the news harder than anyone else. She could only spend an hour a day at her husband's side and even then the air between them was strained. In some ways she blamed the man for what was happening to him and their family, even though it wasn't his fault.

Mid way through the month of August the man was given devastating news, he only had 6 months to live. His wife refused to leave her room for over a week. Meals were pushed through her door, ensuring that she was at least keeping something in her body.

The treatments hadn't worked and the man was devastated. His father, who had been paying his medical bills over the last 6 months, offered to send the man on holiday with his family; one final holiday to say goodbye. After much deliberation the man and his wife pulled their 3 little girls out of their school and into a campervan that they would use to travel around the country or at least until the man started to get sick again. The planned out a 3 month holiday around the country, knowing that the man may not be well enough to be outside of a hospital after the third month.

After two wonderful months of travelling the man started to get sick, much sicker than he was before the holiday. After consulting with the nearest hospital it was arranged for the man and his family to be sent back to their home town as the man was too sick to do anymore travelling.

The man got sicker as time went on and in his last few weeks his father and some friends arranged for the man to be placed in the care of his wife so that he could at least spend his last few days with his family.

His medication was high and the man was in a lot of pain. He was getting worse and his family knew it.

His wife was very supportive and made sure that each week she would visit the local pharmacy so that she could pick up his pain pills for the next week. One day, closer to Christmas, the man's wife came home upset that the local chemist did not have his pills ready that day, and that they would be ready the following day.

The man understood and tried to calm his wife, eventually getting her to settle down as she fell asleep on the couch. The next morning his eldest daughter came running into his room, screaming that her mommy would not wake up. The man was in a panic and didn't have the strength to pull him out of bed, calling his mother to come over and see what was going on.

The mother was distraught when she arrived at the man's house, also unable to wake the man's wife. An ambulance was called when his mother could not find her pulse, taking the man's wife to the nearest medical centre so that she could be airlifted to the hospital in the city.

The man's wife was pronounced dead of an overdose upon arrival at the hospital.

2 weeks later the man joined his wife in the ground, leaving their 3 daughters under the care of his mother. The hardest thing he ever had to do was explain to his children that both mommy and daddy weren't coming home from the hospital.

This story has no happy ending. It isn't a fairytale. Life doesn't always end the way we want it to and sometimes people can be really stupid, but there's nothing else we can do.

***

My cousin David died 3 days before Christmas last year. His leukaemia was untreatable. His wife took her own life with his pain medication, leaving my aunt to look after their three girls under the age to 12 even though she is pushing 60.

His funeral was beautiful. He was buried with an urn of his sisters ashes under his arm, forever looking after his baby sister.

Cancer is horrible. It rips families apart and takes parents from their children, and children from their parents.

"No parent should ever have to bury their child."

Is one of the saddest quotes I have ever heard of and it is so true. My aunt and uncle have buried two of their 3 children and it is the most horrible thing in the world.

His D.O.D. is coming up soon and our whole family are once again saddened by our loss. So I am sorry that I haven't updated. Recently my mum has had tests run to see if she might have cancer and it has brought all this back up for me. I know this is no excuse but please believe me that I am sorry for doing this to you guys. I love you all so much.

I want to update soon and hopefully I will. Just be patient and I promise I will not give up on you guys if you won't give up on me.

Go and bid on an author for "Fandom Gives Back" it's a worthy cause and every little bit helps.

Sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

**Much Love,**

**AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf**

**xx**


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